There is a written anxiety-induced episode/panic attack within this chapter. Please do not read any further if this topic is sensitive to you.
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Two weeks pass. Wooyoung had attended business meetings and played the role of dutiful son to appease his parents in an effort to make up for what they had called a 'weak performance' during the press release. On the other hand, in their spare time, Wooyoung and San tried to spend time together in an attempt to better learn about one another's interests and dislikes, hobbies and habits, doing everything they can to strengthen their lie to appear in a happier fake-relationship.
Their typical time spent together was on the couch, watching horrible horror movies to laugh at and make fun of, or other times, they would sit through a random korean drama. But almost every single time, without fail, Wooyoung and San spent more time talking to one another and then proceeded to miss half of the storyline to whatever they were watching.
Wooyoung was comfortable in the apartment now, tossing smiles at San and laughing at him nearly everyday, settling into a bond that seemed incredibly unlikely. But now, being stuck in this mess together, Wooyoung felt reassured and calm, knowing that he could confide in the one person who may understand every single problem he could face.
San and Sun-hee were still together, to Wooyoung's dismay, but she had elected to come around less often, only showing up whenever Wooyoung wasn't present. So, in the last two weeks, Wooyoung has seen her once. He was coming back home and she happened to be in the kitchen, but once the two had made eye contact, she didn't miss her opportunity to scowl at the male. Wooyoung simply smiled at her and walked off.
Now, it was Friday. Wooyoung had just gotten home from the company, settled on the couch with his mind in a haze. He had spent an awfully long time monitoring his mother's schedule and planning her meetings, trying his best to get through a mountain of paperwork before he had to be home for dinner. Yeosang tried to assure Wooyoung that he'd handle most of the paperwork, since he was his mother's assistant after all, but Wooyoung waved him off and remained insistent that he could do it himself.
It took him nearly six hours to get through everything that she had asked, setting the folders and stack of papers back on her desk without a note, but with a signature on the final form saying that it was complete. Wooyoung was tired of looking at numbers, tired of meetings, tired of talking to people he doesn't care to know, but most of all, he was tired of being his mother's punching bag.
He knew why she was giving him most of the work, given that she believes working her son like this was a 'lesson' that he apparently had to learn, but even still, he finds the hounding behavior unnecessary. Yeosang was a very capable employee, and more than once has Wooyoung's mother expressed her gratitude for him, yet she always piled her work on Wooyoung's shoulders, claiming that the male needed more practice. He knew he needed more experience to smoothly run a very successful technology company, but planning meetings and running stock numbers felt far from the experience he really needed.
He wanted to be present for important meetings, wanted to be more hands-on with phone calls and important investments, but his mother was insistent that Wooyoung had more important things to learn, rather than sitting in on an hour-long meeting with business partners.
Wooyoung would disagree otherwise. But, he can't argue, knowing fully well how his father would react.
"You alright?" San asks as he comes out of his bedroom, eyeing Wooyoung slumped against the cushions.
"My brain is mush." Wooyoung tilts his head slightly, eyes glancing up at San. "I did way too much work that I really did not want to do."
"Like what?"
"I had the lovely privilege of staring at numbers all day." Wooyoung sighs, glancing away to look at the television again. "What'd you do today?"
"Met up with my father, discussed the plans and goals for next week. Went out for lunch, came home, showered," San shrugs. "Usual day-to-day routine."
"At least you weren't on your ass looking at the stock market."
San scoffs. "No, thankfully I wasn't."
"Well, it's late now. Are you hungry?"
"I could eat."
"Wanna order-in again?" Wooyoung eyes San again, who smiles at him when their eyes meet.
"Yeah. Pick what you want. I'm buying this time."
"Suit yourself!" Wooyoung smiles, leaning over a few inches of the couch, making grabbing motions with his hand. "Gimme your phone and I'll start ordering."
"Yeah, yeah. Here." San hands his phone over, unlocking it before he does so, standing behind the couch as he inspects Wooyoung's browse through the food delivery application.
Wooyoung hums and mumbles to himself as he scrolls through possible options, biting his lower lip as his brows slightly furrow as he ponders, stuck between two places that he decidedly cannot choose from.
"Ugh," Wooyoung tilts his head backwards, looking up at San. "Pick one."
"Indecisive?" San asks, glancing at the younger before shooting his gaze towards his phone.
"Very."
"Hm. Okay." San sighs, tapping his screen gently as he chooses the more expensive place of the two, watching as Wooyoung gasps. "What's the dramatics for?"
"Because–" Wooyoung rolls his eyes. "You're treating me to an expensive meal. What's Sun-hee going to think of this?"
"Who cares," San laughs. "What she doesn't know won't hurt her. Besides, she would argue about anything we did together to begin with."
"Then why stay with her?"
"She's trying her best, and that's all I can ask for. As much of a pain in the ass she is, I do love her. I just wish she'd realize that you're just my friend and. . . well, forced boyfriend. It's all a mask, right?"
Wooyoung nods. "Yeah. She's just jealous."
"She's got no reason to be." San smiles at him. "Order your food. I'm hungry."
"Yeah, yeah." Wooyoung waves him off. "Pick something to watch while I order."
"I will. I want a bottle of soju first." San begins to say as he walks off. Wooyoung turns around on the couch, eyes trailing San's back as his words leave his tongue without thought.
"Get me one too?"
"Since when do you drink soju?" San looks back at him with a smile, and Wooyoung shrugs.
"Since right now."
"I thought that you only drank wine. What's with the change of heart?"
"I dunno–" Wooyoung sighs, lips settling into a smile. "I've been feeling different lately."
San doesn't respond, and instead just smiles at him, turning to the refrigerator to pull two bottles of soju out. Wooyoung turns his attention back towards San's phone, and as if on cue, a text message from Sun-hee appears at the top of the phone, and Wooyoung's nosey eyes can't help but read every word.
Sun-hee <3
Can't you just get rid of him? Why do you bother keeping him around?
Wooyoung's heart sinks just as his blood begins to boil. What a fucking bitch. He knew that Sun-hee was incredibly fond of the idea of keeping San all to herself, but being stuck in this awkward predicament only strained the relationship further. She seemingly couldn't enjoy a life like this anymore, and had now spent her time trying to convince San to break off the agreement, or so, that was what it seemed. Wooyoung knew that San held no ill-will in his heart, worrying that he was prioritizing Sun-hee's feelings rather than his own. It almost felt like San would rather blow himself up than let Sun-hee feel a second of pain, ruining himself rather than letting her crumble into bits. It was a type of love Wooyoung knew he could never have and never experience, struggling to comprehend how someone so vile could be so deserving of someone like San.
The San Wooyoung knew was incredibly passionate and doting, kind and empathetic, though slightly irritating at times, but Wooyoung couldn't help but wish he had never hated the male to begin with.
Even though the two had been on easier grounds since their heart-to-heart, Wooyoung was still having troubles understanding San. He was perplexed, to say the least, wondering how he can be somewhat ignorant to Sun-hee's obvious red flags. He wasn't sure if the male was colorblind or somehow fatigued in fighting all of these mental battles, but Wooyoung knew that he would cave eventually. He just hoped that when he did, their arrangement wouldn't go down with him.
Wooyoung quickly swipes the message away before San could see, trying to keep himself composed as he orders his food through the application. San settles down on the couch nearby, waiting patiently, watching Wooyoung curiously, hand held open as Wooyoung hands his phone back over and takes a bottle of soju from San in return.
"Alright," San says after a moment spent ordering. "Should be here in less than an hour."
"Perfect timing, honestly. Should give us time to watch an episode of that drama we were watching, yeah?"
"Absolutely." San opens his bottle, flicking the lid off and listening as it lands somewhere on the floor ahead of him, hand reaching absently for the remote as he continues to stare at the television, unaware of Wooyoung's amused expression as he watches him.
Wooyoung could feel his face burning. God, fuck Yeosang and his persistence, Wooyoung thinks. He's placed these damn thoughts in my head about actually liking him and now I just feel fuzzy all of the time. Wooyoung tears his gaze away, opening his bottle too, staring at the cap in his hand when it's removed from the bottle.
He couldn't help but think too far into what his heart wanted then. He was confused, beyond so, wondering how his hatred for his fake-partner dissolved away into something else; something warmer. He realized that it could be stemming from his peculiar loneliness that he'd been plagued with, however, he never willed the feelings to ever go away. He was insistent on feeling them, wanting to keep a hold of something to feel other than misery at the hands of his mother. He would continue to remain insistent on letting the feelings remain, even if it meant destroying his own heart.
The night comes and falls, dissipating into early morning. Navy skies melt into hues of pink and orange, barely hidden away by the threat of wispy clouds. Wooyoung is awake, standing in his bathroom as he thinks about his plans for the day. Ones that he made with San.
After dinner last night, San had asked if Wooyoung wanted to do anything the following day, claiming that Sun-hee would be too busy with work, which left him with an open schedule to do anything. Wooyoung claimed he had nothing to do, even if he planned to sit in bed the entire day and read his book, ignoring all thoughts and feelings associated with the male that he was sitting next to. But, San asked if he wanted to go to the gym with him to meet Mingi, and Wooyoung agreed without hesitating.
He decided to wear a hoodie over his tight-fit Nike tee, set with matching joggers. He knew the media would be all over this outing, considering their claim of 'having never seen the couple out anywhere but the company itself.' So, Wooyoung wanted to keep up appearances and hoped that San would think the same way.
"Wooyoung?" San asks as he knocks on Wooyoung's bedroom door, stepping inside.
"Yeah?" Wooyoung turns around, pacing out of his en-suite to spot San standing in his doorway, and Jesus Christ– his outfit? How could one simply look the way Choi San did and threaten to give everyone nearby a heart attack?
He was also in a tight-fit shirt, but it was sleeveless, leaving his muscular arms exposed to all who dared to look his way. He wore his usual black cap that Wooyoung once found incredibly dumb, only because why would someone wear a hat to the gym? But now, Wooyoung finds it so annoyingly attractive that he's struggling to form words.
"Ready to go?" San asks, hand still on Wooyoung's door knob. Wooyoung dumbly nods, eyes somehow stuck on San's arms until he manages to blink away from them, smiling once he makes eye contact with the male. He has zero authority to look like this right now.
Wooyoung takes a quiet breath as he reaches for his discarded phone, resting idly on his bed before being trapped into his palm, steps moving towards San as the male exits the room, leading them both towards the front door. Wooyoung checks his pockets, making sure he has his wallet too before San opens the front door, waiting for Wooyoung to exit before locking it shut behind them.
"Ready for the press?" San asks, walking next to the younger as they stride the short distance to the elevator.
"Yeah, I'm not stressed about it today."
"It might be a bit. . . intense." San says with a sigh. "This is the first time we're going out to somewhere that isn't the company, so I'm expecting a high turnout."
"I wish we could just avoid them altogether."
"I know," San agrees as he pushes the down arrow button, waiting for the elevator to arrive. "Me too."
Within a minute, the elevator opens before them, empty as usual. Wooyoung enters inside first, watching San absently as the male presses the button to lead them to the lobby, listening as the doors close with a soft huff of air from the locks.
"What's Mingi like?" Wooyoung turns to ask, watching San smile.
"He's a goof, I'll say that much. He can be a bit timid at first, but once he gets to know you, he's incredibly outgoing. He loves life and he loves everyone, but he's gotten hurt in the past so he tends to be a bit reserved."
"I'm not gonna bite his head off," Wooyoung laughs. "But good to know. I'll be easy on him."
"You two are gonna be great friends. I just know it."
"How so?" Wooyoung smiles at him now, watching as San holds out his hand.
"Because I see how similar the both of you are. You're both quiet and sometimes cold to people, afraid to let someone in to see you for how you really are. But once your guard is down, the best parts of you come to show, and it really is the most beautiful thing to watch."
If San's outfit wasn't enough to riddle him into a flustered mess, that statement would surely do him in.
Wooyoung wants to reply, but as the elevator pings, he tears his gaze away, lacing their hands together as usual, unable to hide the heat rising to his cheeks.
To their surprise, no visible reporters lay waiting for their exit towards their usual SUV, leaving Wooyoung with a flood of relief as they settled into the backseat. Their hands separate, San answering a call from his father as the driver begins to head off towards Mingi's gym, leaving Wooyoung to sit in silence.
The drive was rather short, and as the SUV stops, San exits the vehicle and holds onto Wooyoung's hand again. The press is still nowhere to be seen, and Wooyoung smiles, finding some peace in knowing that he could enjoy his time out with San, rather than spent worrying about his image.
"Ready?" San asks, reaching for the front door of the gym.
"Yeah." Wooyoung smiles, walking inside after San opens the door.
"Sannie!" Mingi coos from behind the front desk, a beaming smile on his face.
"Hi, Mingi'ah. How're you?" San holds out his arms as Mingi melts into a hug from the male, and Wooyoung finds their friendliness awfully endearing.
"I'm alright," Mingi parts away from the hug, his eyes turning to glance at Wooyoung. "So you're the boyfriend, huh?"
Wooyoung looks at San, and San laughs. "He knows, Woo. It's alright."
"Oh, okay." Wooyoung lets a relieved breath pass through as he nods. "Yes. The boyfriend."
"It's good to finally meet you." Mingi smiles, and Wooyoung smiles back.
"Yeah, you too. I hear San talk a lot about you."
"That's cute," Mingi looks at San, avoiding the subtle shove San tries to push onto him.
"You guys have been friends long, then?" Wooyoung eyes the both of them, watching as they exchange another glance.
"Since we were teens." San affirms. "He's basically my brother."
Wooyoung smiles at San's words, knowing how much San wished to have a sibling in his life. "That's nice. So he's been aware of everything since the beginning?"
"Oh yeah–" Mingi nods with a laugh. "I've heard him complain and gush about you. He sounds quite obsessive at times."
"Oh?" Wooyoung smirks as he looks at San, who immediately rolls his eyes.
"You're annoying. Stop it."
"Anyway, what are we working on today?" Mingi asks, looking at both males.
"I need my chest focused on," San sighs. "Even though I hate doing it."
"I don't work out regularly, so I'll just do whatever." Wooyoung tacks on, voice a cent softer as he sinks back into his timid tendencies.
"I'll guide you, don't worry." Mingi assures lightly, hand raising to point to his right. "All of the equipment is this way. San has a routine already, so you can just ignore everything he does."
"Well, that'll be easy." Wooyoung teases. "I spent a lot of time ignoring him to begin with."
"Rude," San pouts, but Wooyoung laughs at him anyway.
It felt incredibly healing to be able to tease the elder now, knowing that his joke wouldn't strike a nerve nor would it spawn an argument between the two, finally feeling a sense of friendship sparking between them.
It wasn't much, but it was something for Wooyoung to hold onto, a grasp of hope, he supposes. In an ideal situation, they would have both been single and amicable without any prior knowledge of one another, leaving a clean slate without any resentful feelings. But, Wooyoung isn't sure if he would've wanted that either.
Having known about San since a young age helped not form expectations of the male, given that most of his assumptions about the elder were wrong anyway, but somehow Wooyoung doesn't regret the animosity and the bickering. If anything, he felt that it made their bond deeper, more real. He never expected to have anything other than pure dislike for his forced partner, but now something new is settling within his heart. Something warm and fluttering, warming his cheeks and sending a curling smile to plague his lips. All he can think to do is blame Yeosang for corrupting him so easily.
The workout session runs a long fifty minutes, just nearing an hour by the time Wooyoung waves a hand in defeat, sitting down on the floor nearby as he watches San cool down from his chest workout. Mingi is smiling at him, coaching him through whatever set San was doing, and Wooyoung laughs quietly.
"Mingi'ah–" San whines. "I feel like I'm dying."
"One more rep," Mingi encourages. "One more, c'mon. I know you can do one more."
San does one more begrudgingly, setting the weights down with a huff afterwards. "Happy now?"
"Very. You'll thank me later. So will your chest." Mingi smiles at him, bending down to take the weights off of the floor.
"Showers open right now?" San glances at Mingi, as does Wooyoung. Mingi nods as he turns away, moving to place the weights back onto their rack.
"Yeah. You're lucky I let the both of you in before opening." Mingi scoffs. "Can't risk anyone spotting Seoul's favorite couple in public, huh?"
"It's not like that, Mingi'ah," San laughs. "You know why."
"I do know. I'm just giving you shit." Mingi turns back to face the two males, lazily swinging his arm to raise his hand slightly, pointing at a doorway at the back of the gym.
"There's a few showers back there if you want to use one, Wooyoung. San usually does after he finishes, but up to you."
"Oh, yeah. I will, thank you." Wooyoung says softly, and Mingi smiles.
"No worries. I'm gonna get some work done before I open the doors in a half-hour, so just help yourselves back there."
"I appreciate you," San smiles, rising from his seat on the weight bench as Mingi smiles back at him.
"You're welcome. See you in a bit."
"Here, c'mon. I'll show you the way." San waves at Wooyoung encouragingly, extending his hand out for the younger to grab onto as he hoists him up. Wooyoung thanks him quietly, almost under his breath, following the male to the back of the building as they enter into a smaller hall, turning to the left towards the private showers.
"Did Mingi really let us in before he actually opened?" Wooyoung asks out of pure curiosity, wondering if they did the same thing when San was here nearly every day.
"Yeah," San hums. "I didn't want you to be stressed out on your first time out of the apartment with me, so I asked if we could come in an hour early."
Wooyoung has to will himself to keep walking and to not trip, his heart nearly giving out from the comment alone. If he thought too much about it, he knew he'd think too far into the meaning of San's actions, placing feelings where they didn't belong and bringing himself to believe in something that was not tangible. San was just being nice, which Wooyoung was grateful for, but the gesture of all of this makes his heart flutter.
"That's. . . really sweet of you." Wooyoung settles for, trying to keep his composure.
"I'm glad you think so," San laughs. "I was worried you'd hit me for it."
"I would never."
"Oh? Just like how you said you wouldn't hit me for buying your food when your credit card was compromised?" San turns over his shoulder to glance at the male, and Wooyoung rolls his eyes.
"Okay, that was justified. I literally told you not to do it, and you did it anyway."
"Because I knew you were hungry!" San whines, trying to justify his behavior. "Little did I know that you'd be a gremlin about it."
"A gremlin?" Wooyoung asks with a gasp, watching as San opens the door to the showers.
"Yes, a gremlin. You chased me around the apartment with a pillow while threatening me."
"Like I said–" Wooyoung smiles as San glances at him again. "Completely justified."
"You're annoying," San huffs, pointing to one of the private showers. "Go shower."
"Uh-huh." Wooyoung rolls his eyes, taking the first shower on the left.
It was a smaller space, but offered enough room for someone to set down their belongings, fold their clothes safely away from the water, all while showering in privacy without fear of being walked-in on. Wooyoung noticed that the doors could be locked from the inside, but considering it was just the three of them within the building, he didn't find it necessary to worry about locking it. Afterall, he was taking a quick shower anyway, just enough to clean the grime from his skin.
In all of ten minutes, Wooyoung manages to wash off his skin, dry his body and hair to the best of his ability, then redresses himself. He avoids putting on his shirt again, just pulling the hoodie over his body, tucking his shirt away within the pocket of his hoodie so he wouldn't forget to grab it.
As he exits the small space, Wooyoung eyes San standing by a mirror just outside of the private rooms, fixing his hair meticulously. Wooyoung didn't realize how much San cared about his looks, given that anytime he had seen the male he had figured that he just left his hair as is. To say he always looked a bit effortless was an understatement. Wooyoung was sure that he could wake up, barely touch his hair and throw on some clothes without thinking too much into it, and it would still make Wooyoung feel flustered.
"Question," Wooyoung asks as he approaches San, watching as the male's gaze flicks towards him in the mirror.
"What's up?"
"Do you want to go to the store?"
San's eyes widened. "Why the store?"
"I feel like we never get to go and enjoy a normal life." Wooyoung shrugs. "It's early, and it'd be the best time to go. I know we usually have our groceries delivered, but I think it'd be a nice change."
"Alright," San smiles. "We can do that."
"I'll text the driver," Wooyoung mumbles, pulling his phone free from his pants pocket.
"What d'you think of Mingi?" San asks as he continues to mess with his hair.
"He's really nice. His smile is kind of contagious." Wooyoung hears San quietly scoff, and as his eyes trail upwards to glance at San, he now realizes that San was looking right back at him.
His breath catches in his throat, heart stuttering and nearly stopping the moment San smiles warmly at him. "I told you that you two were similar."
Wait–
"You both have really contagious smiles and laughter." San says before looking away, leaving Wooyoung struggling for air silently. Wooyoung knew that he wasn't trying to flirt, nor could he ever imagine the elder doing such, especially with a certain female in the picture, but it had him feeling a flash of warmth over his skin nonetheless.
"I–" Wooyoung bites his lower lip, trying to hide his smile away. "Thank you."
"Is the driver here still?"
"Uhm," Wooyoung looks at his phone. "Yeah. He's here. We can go when you're ready."
"Let's go." San looks away from the mirror as he strides out of the door, Wooyoung not far behind.
They say goodbye to Mingi, Wooyoung unafraid to express his gratitude for the elder and his hospitality for allowing them to come by before he even had to bother opening. Mingi smiles at him, saying not to worry about it, and that he'd do it again in a heartbeat, while also letting Wooyoung know not to be a stranger.
San laces their hands together, piling into the backseat of the SUV again as usual, noticing not a single media persons present still. It was a little peculiar, but Wooyoung didn't mind. He was over the moon about it, finally happy to have quiet time away from the stress of feeling like he had millions of eyes on him all the time.
The grocery store arrives into view not too much later, Wooyoung having texted Seonghwa and Yeosang both about his time spent with San, but claiming that he'd discuss the details later, wanting to enjoy the quiet of a simple life away from prying eyes.
"The parking lot is nearly empty, so it should be a quiet trip." San mentions as the SUV parks near the front, and Wooyoung sighs in relief.
"Even better than I'd hoped."
"C'mon. Let's get whatever your heart desires, Wooyoung."
"Really? Whatever I want?"
"I mean, yeah. Go crazy."
"What's the catch?" Wooyoung eyes the male suspiciously and San laughs.
"There is none! I'm just trying to help you relax. This is new for us both, especially with the limelight always on our backs, so I really think that we should just act as normal as possible in there. Arrangement or not. Just be ourselves."
"Okay." Wooyoung smiles. "Let's do it, then."
Wooyoung and San head out of the SUV, not bothering to hold their hands between them as they stride inside, carefully inspecting the immediate surroundings, but finding that no one seemed to care about their appearance inside. San grabs a basket, leading Wooyoung down a nearby aisle, waiting for him to point out anything that he had wanted.
Wooyoung gasps as he finds a few snacks from his childhood, nearly drooling at the memory of how much he had loved these specific snacks, placing them in the basket without even asking. San finds one he also had liked a long time ago, and Wooyoung grabs it for him, placing it right next to his own indulgent snacks.
"You're seriously a fan of animal crackers like this?" San asks almost a minute later, pointing at the pink-frosted zoo animal-shaped crackers.
"And you're trying to tell me that you aren't?"
"Well, no." San watches Wooyoung's mouth gape open, and rolls his eyes after.
"Oh my god. You're uneducated. You have no culture. You know nothing!" Wooyoung dramatizes, grabbing another box. "We're buying two. You're eating one and then I want to hear about how wrong you were and how right I was."
"You're such a child."
"You did say I could get whatever I wanted." Wooyoung teases, smiling all the same.
"I did." San admits, sighing. "I kind of regret it."
"No you don't!" Wooyoung laughs slightly, finding another item within the aisle that piques his interest. "You did say my smile was contagious, and I'm doing a lot of smiling, so I'd like to think that you're rather enjoying yourself."
"Stop it." San shoves him softly. "Don't use my words against me!"
"I'll do what I want." Wooyoung glances at him, sticking his tongue out, grabbing another bag of something random. "These too."
"Why?" San grimaces as he inspects the bag.
"Because we can experience how awful it is together."
"Gross." San sighs, and Wooyoung laughs again.
"But you like it."
Another twenty minutes spent in the store passes. Wooyoung laughs while dragging San down aisle after aisle, pulling familiar snacks off of shelves while grabbing ones he had never heard of, a sense of happiness surging through his veins. He truly was having fun in his time spent with San, a calming tide of comfort settling over his skin as he now stands in line next to the elder, waiting patiently to check out. San greets the cashier politely, and Wooyoung tries to pay for the groceries, but San pushes his hands away and pays, regardless of how much Wooyoung had whined and begged quietly. San would just smile at him and shake his head.
"Thank you," San says softly to the cashier, taking one of the two bags, handing Wooyoung the other. Wooyoung bows his head as well, thanking the woman wordlessly with a smile, walking behind San as the pair travels to the front door.
"I'm ready to head home." Wooyoung whines. "My body is exhausted."
"It was a big day for you," San hums. "You worked out, went to the store, spent the entire morning stuck with me–"
"Don't push your luck." Wooyoung threatens teasingly, and San scoffs.
"Aww, does Wooyoung need a cat nap?" San muses, and Wooyoung has to will himself to hold in his bitter words. Before he can even respond, a beaming flash from several cameras interrupt their conversation, shutters and presses of buttons disturbing the peaceful tranquility the males had long settled into. Wooyoung's face floods pale, stomach dropping into the floor as reality sinks in.
Voices begin to shout and yell, asking a million questions that Wooyoung can barely hear as he feels San's hand press into his lower back, trying his best to lead the younger through the onslaught of reporters. Wooyoung's mind grows numb, eyes shooting to the tiled floor that soon switches to concrete as they break into the outdoors, striding into the parking lot. San is ignoring the questions, like he usually did, but Wooyoung doesn't even hear the words anyone is muttering. He's gripping onto the handles of the bag in his hand, biting down onto his lip, shoulders tense and heart thumping away against his chest.
Before he can coherently realize where he's at, San opens the SUV's door for him, gently pushing him inside as carefully as he could manage before slamming the door shut and heading to the other side and climbing into the safety of the backseat.
"Wooyoung–" San says in a rush, setting his bag down on the floor ahead of him. Wooyoung vaguely hears him, eyes boring down into his lap as they brim with tears. His fingers curl around the handles even tighter, knuckles whitening, somehow unable to let go. "Hey, Wooyoung? Can you look at me?"
Wooyoung doesn't move and doesn't bother to look away from his lap as the SUV begins to drive away from the store and away from the tens of media personnel.
"Wooyoung," San says much softer, hand reaching over to gently wrap over Wooyoung's gripped fist, and it's only then that Wooyoung breathes back into reality, his grip loosening suddenly. "Hey. It's just me."
Wooyoung's jaw tightens, hand letting go of the bag as it rests loosely in his upright-facing palm, allowing San to take it from him. San does so, moving the bag to rest at his own feet, turning back to place his hand back over Wooyoung's palm. "They're gone. We're headed home. It's just you and I, now."
Wooyoung's eyes blink to glance at San, watching as the male worriedly studies him, and a flash of panic races through the younger's veins. "I'm so sorry–"
"Hey, hey, no. No, please. It's okay. We didn't know that was going to happen."
"I'm sorry– I didn't– I really didn't–"
"Wooyoung, please." San says softly, squeezing Wooyoung's hand gently. "I promise you that it's alright. The media is only going to see us going to the store and nothing less than that. We didn't mess up. No one thinks it's fake. We're safe."
Wooyoung shakes his head, adamant that San was wrong. "No! No–"
"Wooyoung, I promise." San scoots over a few inches, trying to gauge the male's expression more clearly.
"I'm so fucking sorry," Wooyoung mumbles as he begins to cry, no longer able to hold back his panicked tears. San shakes his head, and Wooyoung is unable to see how truly worried the male had been.
"Please stop apologizing." San tries to reassure. "I'm not mad at you."
"I'm mad at myself." Wooyoung takes a shaky breath, eyes closing as tears continue to fall without hesitating. "I let us be careless and we almost– they could've figured it out– and m-my parents?"
San removes his hand from resting over Wooyoung's, instead choosing to lace their fingers together, tugging the hold over to his lap. Wooyoung glances at their hold, blinking away threatening tears.
The hold was warm and reassuring the way it was, but then San begins soothing his thumb over the back of Wooyoung's hand, and Wooyoung sinks into a further state of reassurance, willing himself to calm down slowly.
With a hesitant breath, Wooyoung leans upright, head leaning against the headrest as he takes in another breath, doing his best to calm his heart and slow his tears. San watches him patiently, not wanting to push or to pry, offering whatever silence and space Wooyoung had needed.
"I didn't mean to panic like that," Wooyoung sniffles. "If I freaked you out–"
"You didn't." San immediately assures, squeezing Wooyoung's hand. "Just. . . if you want to tell me, you don't have to, but I'd really like to know how to help you out of episodes like that."
"How to help me?" Wooyoung's head tilts down, looking at San with reddened eyes.
"This is the second time you've had an anxiety attack and fully shut down. I want to try and help you come out of it easier, if it's possible."
He wants to help me? More importantly, he wants to help me get out of my head?
He's not going to leave? He actually wants to stay?
"I–" Wooyoung's brows furrow. "No one has ever really helped me, so I–"
"What do you mean?"
"Everyone has always left," Wooyoung says as he shakes his head, still in a state of disbelief. "I've always handled them myself."
San doesn't answer for a quiet thirty seconds, likely taking Wooyoung's words in and thinking through them. Wooyoung continues to search his gaze, somehow still stuck on the idea of San wanting to help him.
"I can't imagine the pain of that." San murmurs. "Let me help you from now on. I don't want you to deal with that alone, Wooyoung. That has to be scary."
"I've gotten used to it." Wooyoung shrugs. "The only thing I know that helps is talking to me about things that are around me. Like, almost bringing reality back into focus. Kind of like how you did the first time by making me take a look around to realize that I wasn't in that situation anymore."
"Okay, I can definitely do that for you." San smiles at him small, searching Wooyoung's gaze. "But, I kind of think I found another thing that might help you."
Wooyoung raises a brow. "Like what?"
San squeezes Wooyoung's hand, almost trying to wordlessly point out his idea. Wooyoung glances down, then glances back up, just in time to see the male smile.
"You like being touched, Wooyoung."
Wooyoung's face flushes almost immediately, and in a rush of boldness without fully realizing what he was about to say, the words leave his lips haphazardly.
"Only by you."