∼❧The Diagnosis
POV: Layla
"Do you understand what that means?"
No, I don't, I don't understand what that means. The doctor looked at me with a bit of pity, even though he tried to hide it. And I have to give it to him, he really is good, but I am even better at reading people's faces. After I passed out, my manager called me an ambulance. Then they did a bunch of tests and sent me home. Said they would call me when the result came back. And now I'm sitting here in front of the doctor, basically frozen.
"Do we need to call somebody? A parent or a friend? Boyfriend?" I swallowed. My mom... She's a neurosurgeon, how ironic.
"No! No. I'm sorry. It's all just a little bit of a shock, you know? But I'll be fine. How do we proceed?" I tried to sound put together even though I wasn't.
"Glioblastoma is a fatal form of brain cancer. With treatment, I'd say you have the chance to live 16 months. But without...around 6 to 8 months, so I'd say we schedule an appointment for some more test. That gives you some time to tell your loved ones and to digest the news. We do have a councilor in the building if you want to talk to a professional about your diagnosis." He put a sympathetic look on his face, and I did consider it for a moment. But I couldn't before I told my mother.
"No, thank you. I think I'd like to go and talk to my mom. Yeah, I need to tell her," I said a bit absently. I got up and walked towards the door. "I can schedule the appointments another time, right? Like I can call...?" I was playing with my hands nervously. I hated talking to doctors. One would think that growing up around a doctor would make me comfortable in their presence, but somehow it had the opposite effect.
"Yes Miss Madi. I'll be expecting your call within the week." I thanked him and nodded him goodbye, hastily leaving the room.
I can't believe this is happening to me. Brain cancer. As I walked through the hospital corridors, I started to feel sick. Putting a hand on my stomach, I looked around for a bathroom. The last thing I needed was to puke in the middle of the corridor. I finally found the bathroom, quickly slipping into the bathroom. I emptied my gut into the toilet, tears pricking in my eyes, and stayed there for a moment. I didn't start to cry because of the diagnosis, but because I hated throwing. I always cry when I throw up.
"Ehm, hey. Girl next to me? Are you okay?" A voice in the stall next to me sounded. Shit, I didn't even check if anybody was in the bathroom.
Getting up, I cleared my throat and tore off some toilet paper to clean my mouth. "Yes! Yes, thanks, I'm alright. I guess." I flushed the toilet.
I stepped out of the stall to wash my hands when the girl who was in the stall next to me appeared next to me to wash her hands. Girl wasn't the right word, more like a young woman. A very pregnant young woman. "Congratulations."
She put her hands on her stomach with a joyful smile. "Oh, thank you! My husband is thrilled. It's gonna be a little boy. So, are you...?" She didn't finish the question, but I know what she was insinuating.
"No! Ah, I'm not pregnant. I don't even have a boyfriend. Or a social life..." I said the last part a little quieter to myself, hoping she wouldn't hear it.
She put a hand on my arm, rubbing up and down, trying to comfort me. "Whatever happened, I'm sure it'll be okay." With one last smile, she left the bathroom. She was sweet. She'll be a great mom. Oh, that reminds me. My mom. I'll have to tell her, soon. How could she handle this? She was working so hard to give us the best life possible. And it'll be what? For nothing? She's a neurosurgeon, for god's sake! And her own daughter will die because of brain cancer.
"I got this!" With one last look in the mirror, I left the bathroom, walking through the sterile looking hospital corridors. I remember why I hated hospitals so much. Everything looks so empty. Spending my youth in waiting rooms must have made me places like this.
Digging through my purse, I pulled out my phone to call an Uber. While I waited, I considered going to my dorm room first. I desperately wanted to change, I smelled like hospital. Yeah, I'll do that. I looked back up and noticed that my Uber pulled up. Getting in, the Uber drove me to my college dorm room. I hope my roommate isn't there. Mackenzie. She isn't loud, rude or mean, just a little too joyful. All the time. Which I usually didn't mind, but today was different for obvious reasons.
"Mackenzie?" I opened the door slightly to see if anyone was there, but apparently she wasn't. Also, not unusual. She's out often.
Huffing, I put my purse on my bed and pulled out a new outfit out of my dresser. A simple hoodie and jeans will do. My mom doesn't expect me to dress fancy when I visit her, she knows me better than that. But I should call ahead. She'll be most likely at work. Where she is most of the time. So I call her work like I always do when I want to visit her.
"Clarkson Hospital. What can I do for you?"
"Jenny?" I asked even though I knew the answer. She's an older lady in her late 50s who's been working even longer in the hospital than my mom. Which is why she has known me for most of my life.
"Aw little Layla. I guess you want to talk to your momma, huh? You're lucky she's on her break. And she is just walking by! NICKI!" She called her over. I chuckled a bit at her exited voice.
"Honey?"
"Mom? Do you have time today? I wanted to talk, and maybe I could come over, and we could have dinner?"
"What's the sudden occasion? You know what, we'll talk about it later. I'm looking forward to it. Come by at 8. I'll order some take out."
A feeling of guilt started to creep up in my stomach when I heard the happiness in her voice, knowing full well that I'll be delivering devastating news. But I have to tell her in person, not over the phone. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath.
"Layla?" My silence worried her, I could hear it in her voice.
"Yeah! Mom, I look forward to it. See you later." I hung up before she could answer.
Tears are stinging in my eyes, but I quickly blink them away. It's fine. It's fine. "You got this." I whispered to myself over and over again.
"Did you finally snap?" I lifted my eyes to the door, watching as Mackenzie came into the room. "I told ya to take breaks. Breaks and sleep are just as important as studying." She moves quickly through the room, her red hair swinging as she moves.
"Yeah, just have dinner with my mom. No studying today."
"Ah! Alright, don't let her get you in a foul mood." Knitting my eyebrows, I looked up at her.
"What do you mean?" I wasn't offended, just curious.
"Just that the last time you had dinner with your mom, you came back in an awful mood. You didn't even study, you just...lay there. Facing the wall. Not making a sound."
Okay, that's sounds bad. It's true, but it sounds bad. My mom is very career driven, and she wasn't happy with the major I chose, and she does bring it up every time I see her, but other than that, she's the best mother ever. So I endure the comments and sometimes nasty looks. After everything she's been through and everything she sacrificed for me, that's the least I can do.
"Talking to her wears me out a little. Sometimes. On bad days. But not today."
"Mhm. Sure." That didn't sound too convincing, but whatever. We aren't really friends, so it doesn't matter what she thinks, I guess. Now that I think I about it, I don't have any friends, really. The last time I really had friends was when I was 14? I think? I didn't have much time after I started working my first part-time job at the restaurant. Plus, I had to keep up my straight A's.
"And what are you doing today?" Mackenzie was making herself ready for something, that was for sure. She looked fancy. Dressed in a long green velvet dress, trying to pick a pair of heels.
"Oh! I and the others are going to this art gallery thing. Tina, you know her," no I didn't. "She's an art major and her work will be shown in an exhibition. For Valentine's Day." She explained happily. I completely forgot that it's Valentine's Day. "You could join us! If you wanted. Spencer mentioned ones that he thinks you're cute. Don't tell him I said that!"
"Hah, yeah, I won't. I don't know, maybe. Later... When does it start?" She seemed to be surprised that I showed interest, and to be honest I'm a little surprised myself. Usually I wouldn't even dream of it, but...perhaps I needed a friend or two. Or just a distraction.
"9:30. I'll write you the address down. You know I don't know what going on with you, but I like it," she grabbed my hand and wrote down the address. "Are you going to take someone?" Her eyes bore into mine, making me nervous.
"No! Why?"
"Spence will be happy hearing that."
"I'm sorry? Which one is he again? The one with the glasses or the one with the lion tattoo?" Mackenzie has a lot of friends, and sometimes it's hard not to get them mixed up.
"Neither! Spence is the blond one. Who plays soccer." Ah, that guy. Yeah, I saw him 3 or 4 times. He's not bad looking, but I never talked to him before. He mostly hangs out with his guy friends and when he hangs out with Mackenzie, they are studying together.
"Never mind. I'll see if I have time today. Hey! Maybe I'll bring my mom." Very unlikely, but still I'll ask her. She likes art, it'd be cool if she had time.
"Aw! That's actually cute. Okay now back to me. Which shoes?" She is holding up a pair of black high heels and a pair of golden ones. I glanced behind her, where a clock hangs.
"Sorry, I gotta go. I have dinner," slinging my purse over my shoulder, I walked towards the door. "Oh and also. The black ones." I said before leaving the dorm room. I'm pretty sure that was the longest conversation I ever had with her. It was nice. We always made casual small talk, but she never invited me to anything. I'm glad she did.
While I was sitting on the bus, I thought to myself how to tell mom about the news. Will she freak out or be angry at me? I hope not. Maybe I shouldn't tell her today at all, she had work today. I could wait until she has a day off and then tell her. But I needed to make an appointment this week and knowing her work schedule she won't have a day free this week.
She'd only take a day off work when something really serious happened, like this. Otherwise, you couldn't get her to leave the hospital.
Taking a deep breath, I got out of the bus. My hands were sweating, and my heart was beating so loud I could hear it in my ears. I walked towards my moms house, taking in the neighborhood. I grew up in this neighborhood, I know the neighbors and went to high school only 30 minutes from here. And now I go to college in the same city, I never really was somewhere else. I never left.
I couldn't ever image leaving. Standing in front of the door, Mom opened it without me having to ring the doorbell. "Layla! Come in! Are you okay, honey? Your eyes look a little teary." Blinking, I didn't even realize that I was about to cry, but I was able to stop myself.
"Yeah. Pollen allergy. What's for dinner?" She didn't question me further.
"Pasta alla gricia. You still like Italian, right?"
"You know me well." We sat down at the dinner table, where the food was already placed.
"So? Was there something important you wanted to tell me, or did you just not want to be alone on Valentine's Day?"
"I'm the only one who forgot it's Valentine's Day, huh?" I started eating the pasta, relaxing a little.
"Apparently. So? What's the news? Don't tell me you're pregnant!" She said, half jokingly, half concerned.
I choked on the pasta I was eating. "No!" I wiped my mouth with a napkin. "Why do people keep saying that to me today?" I quietly said to myself.
"Maybe it's cause you look a bit inflated."
"I don't! Okay, never mind. I have different news." Now I was growing nervous again. Which I hate because my mom can always tell when I'm nervous.
"Did you change your major? I wouldn't be mad if you did..." Clearing my throat, I avoided making eye contact with her.
"No, mom, I didn't change my major. Wait, why would you think I changed my major?"
"Just that there are other things that could be more challenging for you! And more important for your career. You could be a doctor!"
"I don't want to be a doctor! I told you I don't know what I want to be." Not that it matters anymore. "While we're on the topic... I was at the doctor-" I started, frustrated.
"So you are pregnant! I thought I raised you to be more responsible! Ugh! I knew you looked inflated..."
"MOM! Mom no... I swear I'm the farthest away from pregnant a girl can be," she looked at me utterly confused now. "I'm sick."
"Si-sick. What do you mean? You look as healthy as a horse." Chuckling, she raised an eyebrow at me.
"I have cancer."
"What? That's ridiculous!"
"I have something called Glioblastoma-"
"Brain cancer?! NO! Absolutely not. I would know if my own daughter had cancer. I want to talk to the doctor who diagnosed you! It must be a false diagnosis... That happens more than you think you know!" She stood up and walked around the room, pacing around.
"Okay yeah that's good. I needed to make an appointment this week anyway. We can-"
"How long?"
"Hm?"
"How long did you know? When did they diagnose you?" She came to a halt, looking at me intensely.
"Today. But I've been having these headaches and dizziness for a couple of weeks, and I kinda fainted at work-"
"YOU FAINTED? AND DIDN'T CALL ME?!" Not like she would've picked up.
"I didn't think it was something serious..." I said meekly. And that's the truth. Cancer was the last thing I expected. I genuinely thought I would faint out of exhaustion. If that had been the case, I would've never told her. I wanted her to think I could handle myself at college.
"You are moving back in."
"What no, mom, it's alright." I got up and placed my hands on her shoulder. I enjoyed the little freedom I had at college. It wasn't a lot, but it was something.
"Alright? You don't even have a driver's license! Who is going to drive you to your appointments? Who will be there when you faint again?" She wadded my hands away.
"Well, I can still take care of myself."
"Yes for now!"
"YOU DON'T EVEN THINK THAT THE DIAGNOSIS IS RIGHT!"
"But if it is...," she sat down at the table again. "This is NOT up for discussion. You'll move back in. You don't...have to this week or even next week, but you will eventually..."
"Mom...are you okay?"
She stood up so quickly that the chair almost fell over. "Yes! We'll talk about if tomorrow... Get some sleep." Not looking at me, she walked upstairs to her bedroom, so I decided to let her cool off.
"Alright," I walked towards the front door. "See you tomorrow!"
This was awful, but not as bad as expected. She wasn't really mad at me or threw something at me, she just reacted. Wish isn't bad I guess, I'll know she'll have a clearer head tomorrow.
Sighing, I looked down at myself. Is it bad to go to an art gallery in jeans and a hoodie? I hope it isn't I could really use a distraction right now. "Ah, fuck it..." Knowing Mackenzie, she was overdressed anyway, if that even exists. She always looks flawless. Maybe I should get some tips from her...
Calling myself an Uber, I waited in front of my mother's house. I hated it, but she was right, I needed to move back in. I didn't really have anyone else.
When I was finally in the Uber, I decided not to think about that today anymore. I can think about that all I want tomorrow. Tonight I wanted to look at amateur art and drink free champagne. Or make some friends that would be nice...
The Uber came to a halt in front of the art gallery, so I paid him and got out of the car. "LAYLA!" I flinched as Mackenzie screamed my name. She walked up to me in her green dress with a cigarette in her hand.
"Hey. Is it already over or...?"
"No! No, I was just having a smoke break from the 30-year-old hipsters. They always show up. So pretentious..., the others are still inside. Wasn't able to drag them outside with me." She took a drag off her cigarette.
"A dude with a man bun try to take you home with him, huh?"
"Yes! How did you know?" She laughed genuinely, amused.
"Intuition." That's working in a café for you. You meet all sorts of people. Some more annoying than others.
"That dude was lucky was girlfriend wasn't here. She would've punched him in the dick!"
"Right, girlfriend... what was her name? Was it Aubrey?" I remember seeing her 2 or 3 times in our dorm room. She was very polite, always respectful. "I wouldn't have thought she was the type for confrontation..."
"Oh, usually she isn't. But when someone pisses her off..," she puts the cigarette stomp out on the ground. "Let's go in? Alright?" Linking our arms together, we walked inside.
"Which ones are your friends Tina's?" I looked at the painting, happy that they were actual paintings. Not that modern stuff where a canvas is just painted red or just a couple of colored shapes.
"Oh, those on the left side with all the touching and everything." My gaze followed to where she was pointing, and I saw the painting Tina made. They are beautiful... intimate. "Oh, and just cause I'm curious..," I looked at her questioningly. "Didn't you wanna bring your mom?"
I completely forgot about that. "No not today. It was a little tense today."
"Well, they are holding these art galleries every couple pf months, so you can bring her the next time." She reassured me.
"KENZIE"
"TINA!"
The two girls are hugging each other. "I thought you left!" Tina exclaimed. She was clearly a little drunk.
"What!? Never. Hey! This is Layla. My roommate and art lover."
Tina looked me up and down. "We'll hello, pretty lady. I'm Tina. Whatever Mackenzie has told you about me is NOT true..." I knitted my eyes in confusion.
"Ha! Tina, you flirt like a fret guy you know!" Mackenzie laughed at her.
"No, I do not! I'm nothing like a fret guy. Have you seen those painting? They scream emotional maturity." I glanced past her at the painting again.
"Oh yeah, those are wonderful. I like the one where the woman is washing the other women's hair. Looks very personal, maybe a little sad, but also very romantic."
"See! She gets it. It's the fine line of WANTING to take care of someone and HAVING to take care of someone. Of course, you can look at it how you want, but while painting it I thought about the latter." Tina explained drunkenly.
That's not what I was thinking, but sure, she's the artist.
"So...where can I get myself a drink?"
Tina clapped her hands together with excitement. "Yeah, I knew I liked you!" She looked around the room and quickly stopped a server. "There! And you're in luck, he's hanging around MY paintings so you're gonna watch something beautiful while getting drunk," taking a sip of her own drink she finished it. "Not that you would need my paintings for that. You'd only need a mirror."
Mackenzie started laughing loudly at that. "Wow, oh, that was the worst thing I've ever heard you say!"
"It was that bad!"
"Was!"
"Wasn't"
They started to argue like sisters, so I quickly walked towards the server. Grabbing a glass of whatever they're serving, I looked at the painting as I took a sip. I heard that Tina and Mackenzie stopped arguing, so I turned around to join them again.
All of a sudden, my drink was spilled all over me.
"I'm so sorry!"
I looked up, and my breath stopped.