Joining Barcelona at the start of last season had always been a dream but also a bit of an adjustment, moving from cold and rainy Scotland to warm and sunny Spain was a very welcomed bonus. Your teammates had been phenomenal and welcomed you with open arms, showing you around Barcelona and even teaching you Spanish well trying to.
What you hadn't expected was to catch the eye of a certain couple, from day one Maria and Ingrid were infatuated with you but when you made quick friends with most of your teammates, you barely spoke with the couple, you had tried on a few occasions to speak to them but their replies were always short and it felt like the were trying to end the conversation as soon as possible, which hurt because you too had been drawn to the Spaniard and Norwegian.
While you thought they hated you, that was far from the truth, you made them nervous - so nervous that every time they spoke to you they were unable to form any words.
It all came to a head 4 months of you being at Barca, when you were in a hotel for an away game, you, Maria and Ingrid were in the elevator when it suddenly stopped, while Maria used the emergency button to try and get the lift unstuck, Ingrid noticed you looking sitting in the corner with your knees tucked up to your chest and trying to control your breathing, you hated small spaces and being stuck in an elevator was a living nightmare. She comforted you, eventually Maria joined you all spoke about anything and everything.
From then on you three were inseparable, always spending time together outside training, whether that be getting coffee, having movie nights or even going for dinner, you all also carpooled to and from training together. This went on for months and you found yourself falling more and more in love with the duo, the constant touching, cuddling and friendly kisses on the cheek were driving you insane. You were on the couch of their apartment, in the middle of them, head tucked into Ingrid's chest with Maria pressed to your back and all your legs in a tangle of limbs, watching your favourite movie.
You were only half paying attention, trying to steady your beating heart at being so close to them, you felt Ingrid guide your head out of her chest using your chin as she brought your lips to meet her own, you sighed kissing back, allowing yourself to enjoy the kiss before reality hit and the only thing you could think of was Maria, you abruptly pulled away, eyes wide and darting between Maria and Ingrid panicked, an amused and worried smile on both of their faces and Maria cupped your cheeks and bringing you into a much less sweet kiss than the one you shared with Ingrid. That night was filled with sweet kisses and confessions of love, your second favourite night, only beaten by the night the finally asked you to be their girlfriend.
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That brings you to now, a few weeks away from celebrating your 1 year anniversary, the past year had been the best year of your life, spending it with your two favourite girls. The only downside is the secrecy, of course it hurt but with Maria and Ingrid so set on not exposing your relationship, not to teammate, not to friends and family, not to anyone, there isn't much you can do.
It was difficult at times but not being much of a fan of PDA it was easy, still spending loads of time with your girls outside of training but that all flipped when the locker room chat switch to talk about your friendship, many teasing comments about how much time you all spend together and a empty comment from Patri.
"You spend so much time together, its like you're part of their relationship Y/N/N." she and the rest of the locker room giggle, you could see Ingrid and Maria tense but giggle along as to not draw attention to them, you also played along, playfully rolling your eyes but you also tensed, hoping no one noticed.
The drive home with Maria and Ingrid was filled with an awkward silence, you sat in the back, Maria drove and Ingrid was next to her in the passenger seat. You had tried to initiate conversation on a few occasions but only getting vague answers and sometimes no answer at all, just a hum of acknowledgment, not pushing it any further when you noticed the growing frustration on both of your girlfriends faces.
Your thoughts spiralling as to what you could have done to upset your girlfriends, having completely forgot about the conversation in the locker room as In your eyes it was significant. Pulling up outside your apartment complex you were confused, usually spending all of your time over at their apartment.
Before you could even question anything, like she could read your mind, Ingrid spoke. "Maria and I thought we could have a date night, just like the two of us. We haven't had one in a while and thought it'd be nice"
Hurt flashed across your face, only for a second as you plastered a fake smile as to not seem clingy.
"Yeah, no problem. Are we still on for breakfast before training tomorrow?" you questioned.
"We were just going to do it at home and then head to training early, Maria has an appointment with the physio" she said, not even looking you in the eye.
Maria had parked the car outside your apartment building and was now mindlessly scrolling on her phone, you noticed her jaw clenched but didn't bring it up.
"Ok, well see you tomorrow, Bye." you nodded, trying to mask the hurt in your voice, no reply from either of your girlfriends was a sign so you grabbed your training bag and exited the vehicle, not looking back.
You hadn't made it to the door of your apartment complex when you heard the sound of Maria's car driving off, your eyes stinging as you tried to hold back tears, shaky hands barely able to scan your key card on the door. You headed towards the elevator, mind racing as you clicked your floor. Being in an elevator just again brings your thoughts to Maria and Ingrid, wondering what you could have possibly done to have upset them.
Finally hearing the door ding, signalling the arrival to your floor, you dragged your feet to your apartment, shoulders slumped as your mood has worsened. Kicking your door open, dumping your jacket, bag and shoes to the side, closing your door with more force than necessary and barely making it to the couch before you began sobbing, head in your hands and the only sounds in the apartment were sobs and gasps for air.
You woke up on the couch, you must have passed out from exhaustion from how long you were crying for, you picked your phone up from the floor to realise it had died, the clock on the wall reading 8:34pm, a whole 6 hours since you arrived back to your apartment. Thoughts cut off by the loud grumble of your stomach, deciding that you should actually eat something you, very grumpily, first went down the hall to your bedroom to put your phone on charge, before making your way to the kitchen to make dinner. As you spend most of your time at Maria and Ingrid's apartment you don't have much food in so you settled on tuna pasta.
Now finished eating you dispose of you dishes in the sick, deciding its tomorrows problem, and trudging to your room, deciding that you should shower you go into your ensuite, strip off your training gear and step into the steaming shower, hoping the very hot borderline boiling water will at least let you feel something, anything.
You were not wrapped up in bed, wearing a pair of Maria's sweatpants and one of Ingrid's hoodie, hoping that whatever that was bothering them earlier has faded and they reached out to you, but nothing other than radio silence, you sighed and started scrolling on Instagram when you noticed both Maria and Ingrid had posted stories, cautiously clicking, it was a selfie of the out to dinner and at further examination it was at your favourite restaurant, fresh tears pricked your eyes as clicked off, giving it one last chance texting them good night and asking if they wanted to get lunch tomorrow after training tomorrow, as expected, no reply.
Placing your phone on your bedside table and laying down, wiping the tears from your face, which was pointless as new ones just replaced them, you, for the second time today, cried yourself to sleep.
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Waking up to your alarm, angrily turning it off as your head pounded. Checking your phone, hoping that they replied to your text but nothing. Huffing as you got up, walking towards your bathroom, you started brushing your teeth when you finally looked into the mirror for the first time, you looked awful as your eyes were red and swollen, cheeks stained with dried tears and your hair was a mess.
Splashing cold water on your face you got ready for training, deciding to skip breakfast you head off to training, the drive there is quiet, opting to have the radio off.
Arriving at the training ground, you try be as invisible as possible, straight into the changing room, small smile of acknowledgement to anyone who greeted you, you were changed in record time and went straight to the training pitch.
Training was awful, missing easy passes, missing shots and being the reason your team lost scrimmage. Jonathan kept you after training and tore into you, telling you to get your act together and that you're benched for the next game. You just nodded and apologised, focusing more on not crying and embarrassing yourself more.
Shoulders sagging and head down, you entered the changing room hoping to leave as quickly as possible, missing the worried glances sent by your teammates as you stripped your training gear off and changed into fresh clothes, deciding to shower at home, you shoved your stuff into your bag and sped walked to your car.
You had just put your training bag into your boot and were getting into your car when you heard your name being called, you looked up and saw Irene and Alexia making their way to you.
"Hola Hermosa, are you ok? you don't look too good." Alexia spoke, tone as soft as her eyes, making you want to breakdown and confess how you're feeling but you couldn't because that would mean telling them about you, Maria and Ingrid and that would upset them, Even more that what they seem to be.
Realising you're taking too long to answer you muster up your best fake smile, "yeah I'm fine, just tired." you spoke, Alexia and Irene don't seem to convinced but decided not to push.
Irene was next, pulling you into a hug, which you melted into as she spoke, just as softly as Alexia had, "Ok Chiqui, we wont push you, but you will let us know if there is anything bothering you, si?"
You nodded, not trusting you voice, they both kissed your forehead and you got into your vehicle and drove home.
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They had eventually approached you the following training session, asking to meet at their place, now sitting on their couch, across from your girlfriends? not daring to make eye contact, your hands more interesting.
The silence was defining, you had assumed they were going to end it so you were preparing for the inevitable heartbreak but when Maria spoke us, you looked at her confused, not expecting her to apologise.
"We are so sorry for ignoring you amor, we just panicked when Patri made that joke but we love you so much and we don't want to lose you"
Ingrid took your viable confusing as a hint to keep going, "Yes elskling, we never meant for you to be hurt and we cannot express how sorry we are, please forgive us" she said with an adorable and unrefusable pout.
A small smile tugged at your lips as your threw yourself at then, wrapping then in a hug and for the first time in days, feeling at peace.
The moment was interrupted by your stomach grumbling loudly, causing both of them to giggle. "Hungry bebita?" Maria teased as you smiled sheepishly.
You all spent the evening eating takeaway and cuddled on the couch, making up for lost time.
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The past few weeks have been better, not quite returned to before but you are back to spending time outside of training together, in training though to not raise any further suspicion you barely interact at training.
Your 1 year anniversary was today and you woke up to sweet messages from your girls, smiling and replying with your own. You had an off day today so you have invited them over for dinner to celebrate, you were going all out and making their favourites.
Its currently 11am so you head to the store to pick up the necessary ingredients, you return home and begin prep.
You are going all out so you decorate the Livingroom with blankets, pillows, fairy light and photo memories of your relationship.
Your finished decorating and almost done preparing the food, you make sure to turn everything down low and run upstairs to get showered and ready.
Once you're showered you put on your make up and curl your hair, you put on a skin tight black dress and heels, you put on the necklace Ingrid got you for your birthday and the rings Maria got you.
You rush downstairs, you set up the gifts you got them on the Livingroom table. You got them some cat related things, you got Ingrid a necklace with matching earing and you got Maria a few rings and a new tattoo gun with some accessories, you finished it off with a bouquet of their favourite flowers and a handwritten note expressing your feelings, you have never been good communication these verbally so you though to write it down so they can read it.
You look at the clock, 5:55pm, they will be here in five minutes so you go to the kitchen and dish up the plates just it time and light the candles on the table.
6:05pm
You decide to shoot them a text, no answer.
6:20pm
You're a bit frustrated now considering they haven't answered, you decide not to try and call them but they went to answer phone.
7:00pm
You cover the food, deciding to reheat when they arrive, another few calls unanswered so again you send a few texts.
8:00pm
Radio silence, you're heartbroken and already you can feel your eyes sting and your lip trembling as tears fall down.
Even through no one else is here, embarrassed for being stood up you blow out the candles that haven't already given up, put the food away in the fridge and turn off all the lights you had set up.
You go to your bathroom, wipe off your smeared make up, change out of the uncomfortable dress and just like a few weeks ago, you cry yourself to sleep heartbroken by the two people in your life you hope wouldn't treat you like this.
Now laying in bed, there's only one questions on your mine; Why dont they love me?