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TW: mentions of suicide
It was quiet in the flat as Jisung eased the door open. He was expecting to walk into a hurricane of screaming and shouting. Instead, the hallway entrance was empty.
[14:05] thehanjisung: didn't mean to worry you, guys. on my way home now. speak then?
He had messaged in their groupchat when he left Minho's but it had gone unread and unanswered. This made Jisung feel uneasy. Even as he tried to make as much noise as he could, throwing his bag onto the floor and clattering his keys onto the table, there was no response from anyone in the flat.
Jisung realised why when he walked into the living room. They were both there, the picture of two disappointed parents, sat up straight beside each other on one of the two couches. Jisung rolled his eyes, threw himself back onto the other couch and regarded them with a hooded gaze.
"Go on then," Jisung grumbled. "Let me have it."
"It's not funny this time, Ji," Changbin started before Chan interrupted him.
"You're really going to act childish about this?" Even from a short sentence, it was clear Chan was seething.
The older had his hands clenched on his own knees. When he noticed the bruises budding on and staining Jisung's face, his hands became fists, balled up so that veins and bones protruded sharply.
"Did he do that to you?" Chan's voice was dark.
Jisung scowled at him. "Minho? You're joking? Minho literally saved me from the people who did this to me."
"People?" Changbin interjected. "What, were you jumped?"
Jisung just nodded, and Chan's eyes narrowed.
"And why were you jumped? Because you were with him?"
"Ha!" Jisung scoffed. "No, more likely because of the rumour that I was sleeping with Hyunjin, who I recall is Changbin's friend? Hmm? Don't see anyone sending a witch hunt after him."
Chan had glanced at Changbin, who was looking away from both of them, an almost ashamed tinge of pink rising in his cheeks. They seemed to communicate silently with each other - move on. We'll talk about Hyunjin later.
Jisung rolled his eyes, reached out to pick sub-consciously at the skin around his fingers, trying to act bored by the conversation but really trying to battle a surge of anxiety.
"Look, hyungs, I get it. This is an intervention. But, seriously? I don't get why you have such a problem with Minho. Especially you, Bin, you seemed fine with him at Hyunjin's party. Remember that? When he literally helped to look after me, after Hyunjin- again, your friend- got me drunk?"
Changbin paused, glanced at Chan, before answering. "Chan told me about Song Eunha."
"Well, does Chan wanna tell me about Song Eunha, too? Because I am absolutely clueless." Jisung gestured wildly as he spoke, feeling anxiety dissolve into irritation.
There was a horrible, looming silence as Changbin and Chan exchanged another look. Jisung groaned and flung his head back to stare in frustration at the ceiling. The two older boys did this to him sometimes, treated him like he could break any moment. It was even more irritating, Jisung thought, because they knew that Jisung already been broken before. Already put himself back together.
"I overheard a guy in my year talking about him," Chan started. Changbin had tensed beside him.
"Someone's just moved into his apartment building from the same place Minho is from. Said he knows of him. Said a lot of people back there do. It sounded like he used to be... like you. Admired, renowned, everyone knew him. But he had, like, three friends. These two guys and a girl."
Jisung was still staring at the ceiling even as he replied. "Song Eunha?"
His eyes were glued upwards, so he didn't see Chan nod.
"Her and Minho were best friends. She was just as attractive, just as good at dancing, and they were in the same crew. Spent all their time together. Most people thought they were a couple, but they were both adamant that they were just friends, and would even get annoyed if people thought they were dating."
"And then one day... Well, one day, a notice went round the school. She'd... she'd died. There one day, gone the next."
Jisung's body had gone still. He couldn't blink, or breathe.
"No one knew why. But the weird thing was, that day that the news was given, Minho didn't turn up to class. Nor the next day. He never went back, just disappeared. Even the two other guys he was friends with said they had no idea where he went."
"So, what, you think he's a killer?" Jisung asked through gritted teeth.
"...No. Because not long after he left, one of Eunha's friends said she knew that Eunha had done it to herself. That it was because of Minho."
Changbin glanced over at Jisung, bit anxiously at his lip when he saw the blank stare in Jisung's eyes. No emotions, no feelings.
"Apparently, Eunha had decided to confess to Minho. Most the girls at their school already had, some of the boys, too. Eunha thought that maybe after years of friendship, he would feel the same way. But he rejected her. Eunha's friend said that Minho had been horrible to her, shouted in her face, pushed her and told her he would never like someone like her. Threatened to embarrass her in front of everyone, asked why she thought she could be 'worthy' of him."
"So she...?" Jisung turned his head as he asked, able this time to catch Chan's nod.
Jisung responded with a shake of his head.
"No." His voice was firm.
"Jisung, I-"
"No! Hyung, not a chance. That's not him. Not in a million years. Minho wouldn't do that."
Chan exhaled slowly, trying to push down rising frustration. "Jisung, you don't even know him. How long ago did you two meet? Two weeks, if that?"
Jisung was silent.
"What's his favourite colour? Or... Favourite food? What type of movies does he like?" Changbin spoke out of nowhere. "I'm worried, Jisung. No one knows him."
With this, Jisung drew himself up from the couch, pulled himself to his feet and stood with his face drawn in a new, restrained hostility.
"That stuff is all so unimportant. I know that he cares about the people he likes, that he will put himself in danger to protect them. I know he hates getting angry. He hates other people seeing him be angry, and he'd rather isolate himself than let it affect them."
"I know he seems like he's got a temper. But he was yelling at that boy, Chan, because he's his friend and Minho was trying to stop him from doing something stupid. He kicked the shit out of three boys because they attacked me, and yes, he was angry, but that's because he was scared for someone he cares about."
"Minho doesn't care about himself. He cares about the people around him. And I'd rather be around him right now, than two people who would listen to pathetic gossip about someone their friend loves."
The words hung in the air, the voice speaking them rising with each sentence, and echoed even as Jisung left. Chan and Changbin were only broken from their spell by the sound of the front door slamming behind Jisung.
He was running, not sure why or even which direction he was running in, but that horrible feeling that he always tried to hide was back in his stomach and he needed more than anything to run.
I don't want to choose a destination
Is there a place on earth where I can rest?
I just run with both feet aimlessly, keep running
A song he'd written alone, without the help of Chan and Changbin, repeating in his head. Written for this moment exactly.
It was raining heavily, the sky black with clouds and the fat raindrops weighted as they landed on Jisung's face when he stopped to catch his breath and tilted his face up, eyes closed. He'd been running for a while and found himself in an unfamiliar area.
Fate, once again, was waiting on Jisung's side.
"Jisung?" Felix's voice came from behind him. "Jisung, right?"
Jisung turned to face the boy behind him, heading out of a convenience store with a plastic bag and two bottles of soju under each arm. Felix paused when he noticed the red rims of Jisung's eyes. If not for the rain, he would've noticed the tracks left from tears running down his face, too.
"Hey, you smoked weed without me?" Felix laughed. He had a habit of misreading the room.
"Felix, tell me you know more about Minho before he came here."
Once again, a pause from Felix as he rectified the situation in his mind. The way that Jisung's voice tripped and stumbled over the syllables. He sounded distressed, no other word for it.
"Chan and Changbin told me this fucked up story. I don't believe it, I won't. Am I being stupid, thinking he couldn't do that?" Jisung was begging Felix to response.
Felix's mouth opened, closed again, moving to form words and then backing out before he could speak them. He glanced to either side as though looking for an escape. Looked back, met Jisung's imploring gaze.
"You need to speak to him. He... You're not being stupid. If you think you know him, you know the answer to that question. But you need to talk to Minho about it." Felix's response was anxious and staggered.
Jisung nodded, drawing his eyes away from Felix to stare without seeing in front of him.
"He's at college," Felix said gently. "He goes there to dance, especially on weekends. He has a key. He'll be there."
Another nod. The rain was still coming, and Jisung was still crying. Felix pulled him in for a hug. Jisung could've stayed like that forever, needed to, the comfort even from someone he barely knew enough to keep him stable.
But then Felix let go, and left Jisung with a sympathetic smile. And Jisung was alone again. He felt sick.
It was easy to swallow down rising vomit, easy to push himself back into a sprint, easy even as his stupid trainers slipped all over the stupid wet pavement.
Yet nothing, ever, in his whole entire life was harder than this. Standing outside the door he had seen Minho about to go into the night before, the night of the fight. Even arriving there was enough to make Jisung lift delicate fingers to brush the dark bruises on his face.
You need to talk to Minho about it.
With a staggered, painful breath, Jisung pushed open the door. Followed a dark corridor to a doorway cut out with a glimpse of light. Hesitated once more before entering the room.
A dance studio, walled with mirrors. It meant Minho caught Jisung as he entered and turned on one heel to smile at him in surprise, face slick with sweat and his clothes sticking to his body. His chest rose and fell with quick, tired breaths, but stilled when he registered the look on Jisung's face.
"Will you tell me what really happened? With her?"
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plot chapter/filler chapter/tension chapter
now im neglecting s+s smh when will i learn to balance my time?