The night when even the stars are dull
This familiar and unfamiliar silence.
Go beyond the bright city
Where the only remains are left
Of what was to be a happy family..
You remained by my side.
Your hands in mine
Exchanging a warm smile
You whispered.
“ you have me ”
__
21st February
The pale moon is out yet again, decorating the winter sky with somber and melancholy as Sunoo lay down on his warm bed, an old picture frame in his hand.
A picture of him when he was just a teenager with lots of self doubt, is he still the same? He wondered.
He stared at the beautiful woman beside him in the picture, a bright smile like his own decorating the much younger face.
His mother.
She has always been warm and gentle, sweet and caring. They always have been closest to each other but now...there is a rift between them, a big crack created by him and he wonders if he can bridge them.
He has decided to tell his mother about his relationship with Ni-ki, it's only fair to come out more than any later and apologize for all the lies he told her.
It's easier said than done tho but he has to take this step, more importantly he isn't alone. He has Ni-ki, his Ni-ki, who promised to be with him through thick and thin.
He knows things may not end up the way he wished for but the promise of the younger helps him keep his ground.
He knows, even if the world will go against him, give up on him, his Ni-ki would never and he too will make sure to stay by his side, despite their parents'decision.
He decided not to dwell on the same thought any longer as it will only fuel his doubts and nervousness so he decided to just go and check on Ni-ki. It's the exam week for the younger and he must have been stressed.
He climbed down his bed and padded to the next door. Without bothering to knock he cracked open the door as silently as possible.
What he saw was the younger, instead of studying as he thought, is actually sleeping while his head resting on his folded arms on the study desk. He looked tired and so his heart clenched.
He softly approached the younger and took a glance at his books and notes laying open on the desk, he then diverted his gaze to the younger's sleeping form and the urge to touch and caresses his soft hair was unavoidable so he gave in to his urges and begane to card his fingers through the younger's fluffy, tousled hair.
A ghost of smile decorated on his own lips and then he leaned down to place a soft kiss on the younger's head.
“ Sunoo hyung.. ”
Suddenly Ni-ki called him in his sleepy voice and he wondered if the younger one was asleep.
“ are you sleep talking? ”
Sunoo asked, an obviously stupid question.
“ umm... ”
Sunoo smiled at the younger and he wished to cherish moments like this where he actually felt more like a hyung than ever. Times when he gets to take care of the younger. It feels nice to take care of someone dearly to you, someone so precious to you.
"Riki-ya, if you're tired, go and sleep in your own bed,"
Sunoo gently suggested, giving the younger a reassuring shake. Despite being visibly exhausted, Riki complied with the advice.
And so, they found themselves curled up together in one bed, seeking comfort and warmth in each other's embrace. Sunoo silently wished for these moments to last forever;
where they could be happy and content.
Where they could be in each other's embrace, enveloped with comfort and warmth.
But..
as they say, all good things must come to an end, they were no exception..
____________
1st March
The ice covered world is melting slowly as it gives way to the long awaits spring. With the end of exams and stress the small happy family decided to hold a small barbeque party at their backyard.
It brought back some memories as Sunoo watched the younger grill meat and arrange barbecue with the elders just like he did in their first trip and a small smile engraved on his lips.
Things have changed so much since then, they have changed so much... He have changed so much.
But one thing remains the same;
Ni-ki and his constant teasing.
“ Don't stare at me like that, my heart almost jumped out of my chest and fell on the grill pan ”
Ni-ki commented as he made his way to the older with a plate full of barbecue chicken and one bottle of soju in another.
“ for me? ”
Sunoo asked as Ni-ki extended his hand that was carrying the plate towards the older and the latter chuckled.
“ no hyung, for the frog behind you ofcourse ”
This time Sunoo's smile grew wider, they are not much different than before.
“ what about you? ”
He asked as he blew on the chicken before shoving it in his mouth and he almost moaned at how delicious is tastes.
“ you eat that and I will eat you ”
Then they both laughed.
“ hah, Ni-ki you remained the same after all these time ”
Sunoo commented nostalgicaly and he looked towards the elders just to see them busy among themselves so feeling a little daring he leaned in and planted a quick kiss on the younger's lips, taking him by surprise.
“ someone feeling bold today ”
Ni-ki teased further while an obvious blush spread across his cheeks.
“ not my fault that my boyfriend is so sweet ”
Sunoo winked and then they both broke into hearty laughter until their parents noticed them and called for them to join them for the dinner.
It was enjoyable until..
“ we have decided on the exact date of our marriage ”
Crack
“ 20th March ”
“ the first day of spring ”
And that's when the dam broke.
The mountain of feelings he attempted to suppress for his mother, his family, and his ideal of being a perfect son, but fuck it—screw it all.
After all, he would ultimately fail in any case, so what difference does it make if he chooses happiness for himself? Call him self-centered; it no longer matters to him.
Words fled his lips before he could stop them, before he could register the elders' smiling faces, Ni-ki's worried expression, or the muffling of his own heartbeat.
“ no ”
He stammered, but they were clearly aware of him. Their chuckles subsided and were replaced with an uncomfortable silence, and they turned to face him with confused and worried expressions.
"This is too much—I—"
He appeared to be having difficulty expressing the harican inside of him; his breath seemed to be shorter and his eyes were tearing up, but he still clenched his fist and faced his mother.
He has dread and hurt in his eyes. His mother struggled to find words.
This time, he felt Ni-ki supporting his body, and the warmth radiating from the younger's body made him realize that this was indeed happening, even though he still trembled.
He genuinely voiced his disapproval, and there is no turning back now.
“ what's wrong.. son? ”
His mother inquired, and he forced back the tears that tried to spill—this isn't the moment to appear weak.
He tightened his jaw and inhaled deeply to locate the right word. He eventually let everything out after realizing that this was actually happening.
“ I apologize, but there's something you two should be aware of. ”
“ We have been keeping something from you two for a very long time. ”
He glanced at the younger who was holding him, and he was more confident than ever, this was actually happening.
“ what.. are you talking about? ”
Asked Ni-ki's dad and this time Ni-ki stepped in. He finally spoke for the first time after a long time.
“ we are dating ”
“ Sunoo hyung and I are dating ”
It's there.
There was a long period of unnerving silence when the trust was eventually revealed and made available for them to see, hear, and take in.
Sunoo saw his mother for the first time with the anguish and betrayal flashing through her eyes, and he regretted keeping the truth from her for so long.
The elder Nishimura, Ni-ki ligal guardian, appeared disoriented and rattled by all this new information as well.
For all of them, the harsh and awful reality set in.
When his mother did eventually reply, she did so with a long, unnerving sigh, and her first words were;
"no"
Sunoo was devastated and didn't want to hear anything more because he wasn't prepared to be rejected.
"Stop this madness, and let's act like none of these ever happened."
Ni-ki's grip tightened around his arm as her voice sounded more like poison to her own son.
Will things end this way? Is he truly going to put up with such a tragic ending for them?
No
Ofcourse not.
And for the first time in his life, he defied his mother. It appears that he is not the ideal son he has strived to be his entire life.
" I refuse to."
His own voice cold and unapologetic.
"We're not ending our relationship because you didn't accept us."
"We're not breaking down just because you told us to,"
"We—"
His mother's voice came through in a way that was sharper than before as his voice broke.
" Kim Sunoo! These have better be stopped immediately! "
She warned but despite her warnings, they went unheeded.
" I apologize for being such a selfish person, but I am prioritizing my own happiness."
A realization drew on him.
Perhaps he was never a good son in the end, or a good person either.
Funny how he doesn't care anymore.
He came a long way to regret anything anymore anyways.
“ I'm sorry ”
To be Continued