You lied to that mother.
The goddess said as opened the door to the Grandmother's Library and stepped inside. She had been quiet the entire walk back to the convent, and even as I rummaged around for the key, but it was now she chose to speak up. There was something in her voice that didn't quite sound angry.
"She's done far worse to me." I said as I glanced around the room.
It was about the size of the cellar where we stored the cured foods for winter, but instead of shelves lined with glass jars and wooden barrels, there were shelves lined with dust covered books.
What is it you are hoping to find?
"Do you think I'll find something you're not telling me about?" I challenged.
She went quiet for just a moment as I browsed the shelves, pulling out only the most promising books to place in my bag. I couldn't risk making it too heavy and slowing down our travel.
I'm trying to understand your goals.
"I could say the same thing to you."
I pulled another book off of the shelf and glanced down at the faded leather of the cover.
Stories of Love and Devotion.
I ran my thumb across the embossed words and placed it in my bag.
My goal is always to protect my children.
My hands clenched tighter around the strap of my bag.
"Then am I not your child?"
Judith.
"You've let me be hurt many times before, often by my own people." I said, "Where were you when I was being beaten? Did you even care? Did you even feel anything when I laid naked in a pool of my own blood, begging you to just let it end?"
Judith.
"Did you watch it all happen? Did it even matter to you that I suffered, so long as I did not die?" the words spilled out as if I could not control them. My eyes watered and I clenched my hands so tight that my nails dug into the skin of my palms.
Judith!
Before I could spew more vitriol at her, I was suddenly pulled backwards. I flailed in a panic, until I was suddenly smashed into the stone floor, a boot pressed hard against my chest, the breath forced from my lungs.
I blinked up, and saw a man and a woman standing over me. They were vampires, I knew it. Their whole bodies were clothed, and even their hands were gloved.
They knew they couldn't touch my skin.
They had to be vampires.
"It's probably best we take care of it while she's away." The woman said, pushing her boot down harder on my stomach. I wheezed as more air was forced from my lungs.
As I glared up at them, I took note of their clothes. Something about the jackets they wore was familiar.
"What about when she gets back?" The man said, "You know we'll have to kill her after this."
"Well leave before then. We don't need her anymore. We found the nun on our own."
"Will you stop that?" I asked, reaching up and trying to move the woman's foot. "It hurts and I'm not fighting back. Honesty, it's extremely rude on your part. I've never seen such unsightly behavior. What would your mother think of such brutish cruelty?"
The woman picked her boot up, but only kicked me in the side with it. I moved to pull myself up, but she was quick to push me down one again with her foot.
"Hush you little tart. I've heard about why your convent kicked you out, Saint. What would your mother think of you having an affair with a vampire?" She seethed.
"Probably not much. She's long been dead."
The woman turned her attention to the man beside her.
"Should I kill her now?"
The man shook his head.
"No, I wanted to try something first."
He walked over to my side, and his hand fell to the collar of my dress, snapping off the first button. Panic set in, and I flailed my legs wildly at him, doing anything I could to keep him away.
"Do not attempt to disrobe me or you will not live to regret it!" I yelled.
"Quiet." He snapped, kneeling down to hold my arms in place with his knees.
Judith, do not panic.
I cursed at her in my head for finally deciding to give me unwanted advice again. The man pulled a knife from his belt, and used it to cut away the top corner of my dress. The light from my mark shimmered in the dim room, casting a nauseating glow across his face.
"What are you doing with that?" I said, eyeing the blade.
"Getting some use out of you before we take your head back to the general—"
He slid the blade across my skin, igniting it with a golden flow. He held up the weapon to the woman, turning it to the side so the light glinted around the room.
"In case we have to deal with any dissenters." He said.
"Good thinking." The woman said.
A sudden cry from the door caught their attention, their heads snapping to the side. I glanced desperately over as well. A man was bent backwards, his head and neck dipping out behind the door as a woman violently bit into his neck.
As she tore back, blood flew across the room, a couple of drops spattering across my face as the woman dropped him to the floor.
I knew her instantly.
It was Greta.
She stood up, the man's blood dripping down her face and onto her exposed collarbone. She took one hand and roughly rubbed it away, sending specks splattering onto the ground.
"Just what the fuck do you think you're doing?" She said, more violence lacing her tongue than I think I'd ever heard.
The female vampire clicked her tongue.
"See, I told you she would come back before we got it done."
"You're not suppose to fucking touch her." She hissed. "No one touches her unless they want their fucking throat ripped out with my teeth."
Without a word, the man removed himself from me and rushed towards her with the glowing dagger, aiming for her chest. Before his knife could make contact with her, she dissipated into a cloud of bats. He cursed and swung wildly at her as she darted around the room, much too fast for him to catch.
"Wait!" The female vampire shouted, jerking my head up and pressing a dagger to my neck. "Stand down Greta."
Greta froze, her eyes falling on me.
The male vampire wrenched her arm behind her back and I watched as her eyebrows knitted together and her teeth clenched. I hated it.
I hated it.
"Here— you take care of her." He said, after he'd gotten her on the ground. "I'll finish up with the nun."
"Fine by me. I've grown tired of her sour attitude over the last few months."
She held the blade above Greta's heart. I was almost too focused on that to feel the man slide another blade across my skin.
"Please! If you don't kill her, I'll go with you!" I begged. "I'll do whatever you want. Anything."
Watch yourself. I heard the goddess's voices bounce around in my head. Don't say things you don't mean.
"Your blood isn't useful to us, and it's not like we can touch you—so this is all your body is good for." He said, pulling out another dagger. "Besides, I think Greta has had that covered for us the past couple of months. You're more dangerous than useful to us when you're alive."
Anger coursed through my veins, like my blood was on fire and the flames licked at my skin. They can do what they want with me, I thought, but they can't fucking touch her. Whoever these people are, they can't touch her.
I'll fucking kill them for touching her.
I thrashed wildly.
"I'm going to make you wish you were dead!" I shouted. I struggled to pull my arms from underneath him. He was too strong, and that only pissed me off all the more.
Judith, calm yourself immediately.
"Then make them stop!" I begged out loud. "Are you not a god? Can you not save me now, as you have so many times before?"
Don't be scared. Right now, fear won't help you. Stay calm. Look at the situation objectively. You can help yourself.
What do I need to do?
I have to get away. To help Greta, I have to get away.
Yes. Let that have your full attention.
I glanced up at the man and bit my lip as hard as I could, until I could taste the metallic liquid pooling in my mouth. After a good bit had pulled there, I bucked one last time to get his attention, bringing my knee up so that it just barely missed his groin.
He roughly grabbed my face and pointed my chin up to meet his eyes.
"Listen you-"
I spat in his face. Immediately he lost his balance as he yelped and clawed desperately at his eyes, little bits of steam rising up in the warm air. I pulled myself up and flung myself onto his chest, pushing his head to the ground as he swung blindly.
I shoved my forearm into his mouth and kneed him in the jaw with all of the force I could manage. His teeth sank into my flesh and I bit my lip through the sharp sting.
"Phin!" I heard the woman yell, the knife she held clattering to the ground shortly after.
There was a muffled, gut wrenching scream. The steam that came off of him smelled of ash and blood. I pushed my knees down on his throat and pulled my arm back out, hissing as his teeth split the skin of my arm all the way back out.
"You can't say I didn't give you a chance." I said. "But I could have done much worse to you. Choking on your own blood will have to suffice."
He said nothing, possible because he was too busy gurgling on his own blood at the moment.
I turned my attention back to Greta, still barely holding the female vampire at bay with her forearm. Beside my foot, the glowing daggers shimmered.
"Greta!" I shouted over to her.
Her head whipped over to the he side, her gray eyes wide. Using the heel of my boot I kicked the pile of daggers, sending one spinning over to her side. The woman eyed it, but Greta's hand was faster, her pale fingers clenching the dagger tightly in her palm.
She wrapped her hand around Greta's trying to desperately to keep the point away as it inched closer to her chest.
"Wait—" the woman pleaded.
"Fuck you, you bitch." Greta spat before giving one last push that plunged the knife into her chest.
Smoke came from her chest as her cry was quickly cut off, and she fell limp. Greta tossed her body to the side, and pulled her self from the ground.
I staggered over to her, my legs feeling numb and useless. I nearly collapsed, but she caught me, and I did my best to keep my profusely bleeding arm away from her.
"Ah—Judith!"
"Just—" I hissed and leaned against her a bit more. "Just give it a minute. Don't touch me. I'm bleeding heavily and I don't want to hurt you. I'll heal."
I squeezed the fabric of her shirt with my free hand and breathed as I waited for the pain to subside. Eventually, it did, the wound closing to the point that all that was left was a pink scar. I sighed in relief.
I felt her hand on the small of my back.
"It's okay. You're okay." She said quietly, as if soothing a child.
"Ah. Gods—" I nearly cursed.
I relaxed the fabric of her shirt and stepped away.
"Better?" She asked. "You're alright?"
"Mhm." I nodded.
"Thank the Gods."
Suddenly, I snapped back into the moment. The adrenaline from the fight wore off, and was suddenly replaced with a new sort of overwhelming rush.
Greta was here.
Greta was here.
She was real, and she was here, and she was just a step away from me.
"Greta, What in G—"
"Why did you come?" She cut me off. "Why did you come?"
I stared at her, mouth agape. I shook my head. Pain. I wanted to say that's what shot through my chest, stinging worse than any arrow ever could.
"What do you mean? I've been looking for you for months."
"I'm here with them to keep you safe, Judith." She said. "I've been tracking you for months and leading them away. I didn't want you to find me again."
Despite the way her words cut through me, I ignored them, reaching into my bag and quickly pulling on my gloves. I took a step closer, closing the distance between us.
Anger could wait. I needed to know that she was okay.
I placed my hands on either side of her face, running my thumb along her jaw.
"Have they done anything to you?" I asked. "Have they hurt you at all?"
Immediately her frigid posture faded and her blood red bottom lip trembled. An unexplainable type of pain flashed in her eyes.
"Ah—"
"Answer me Greta. I've heard the things other vampires say to you when they see you. The things they call you."
"Judith—" She said, one of her hands traveling up to meet mine.
"If you tell me they've done one single thing to you, hurt you in even the slightest manner, done even the most insignificant untoward action to you— Greta, I will go against the goddess this very second and kill them all myself. You tell me names. I'll find them."
"Judith, please. I'm trying to keep you safe."
"Let me look at you." I said, pulling her down, closer to me. "Let me see-"
She grabbed my hand and pulled it down gently.
"They haven't hurt me in any significant way— that man— he just said that to get you worked up. He wanted to make sure you weren't thinking clearly. It's nothing but the same insults I've always heard. You don't need to worry about me. I have thick skin."
I narrowed my eyes and glanced up to her.
"Then if it is only words, I suppose cutting out their tongues will suffice."
She seemed to be in pain, though not at my words. She squeezed my hand so tightly that it was painful, eventually letting it go and taking a step back from me.
"I have to go. When we don't return, others will come looking. I have to go." she said.
"What?" I frowned, the pain I had been trying to keep away welling up in my chest again."Why would you leave?"
She grabbed my hand again and squeezed it.
"Because you are the woman whose name I say every night like a prayer. Like, if I say your name enough, it gives the devotion I feel for you some sort of physical form." She said, "If I do this- If I deprive myself of you- I can keep you safe. Let me leave."
My jaw set and I glared up at her.
"No."
"No?" She said, incredulous. "Judith-"
"I don't know if you recall, Greta, but there was once a time when you deprived me of my ability to make my own decisions when you accidentally infected me. I feel that, in the least, I am owed this from you. You will return with me."
She shook her head.
"Judith you, can't-"
"I will drag you all the way to Imanthi if I have to. I have the skills." I threatened.
She reached out and grabbed the ragged collar of my dress, something so sickeningly desperate in the way her fingers clutched the fabric so tightly.
"Judith." She choked out, "Judith, please. I can't even– it's not like I can touch you—kiss you, even. What good am I to you? What's even the point of me?"
I paused to let her hand go.
"Greta— I never cared about that." I said. "I mean, I long to touch you more than anything, but your presence is the most important thing you could give to me. The sound of your voice. Your words. Your—"
As I spoke, the world suddenly became hazy, and I felt my legs go out for just a split second.
"Judith!"
Greta caught me before I could topple over.
"Fuck me." She cursed, helping me get back upright. "Are you okay?"
"I-" I blinked up at the hazy shape of her face as my vision started to clear up again.
You lost too much blood. The magic is working to stabilize your body, but you're only mortal and it's a lot for you to handle. You will have to rest while you recover.
"I'm going to have to rest. I used too much magic." I told her.
That fight did not need to be that hard. If you had stayed level headed, you would have fared better. Please try to keep your emotions in check or I will intervene.
"Can you give me advice later?" I snapped.
Greta frowned.
"What?"
"Sorry. I was speaking to the goddess."
Greta shot a glance nervously to the door.
"Here, let's find a place for you to rest for the night. I suppose I don't have to leave just yet."