Please comment what you think on every part bc I worked rlly hard for this book and now everything is piecing together and it makes me sad when u guys don't comment cuz like. "do I suck this bad?" Lol ok
"Bella you need to understand that I didn't just leave you like that." Dean states seriously and I cough humorously
"I knew I was an awful parent to you, you didn't deserve the person I was" I cant tell if he's telling the truth or not, it's funny how quickly his expression changes within a matter of seconds, that's how he always was.
I look at him, I look at the dad I always loved, the one I always looked forward to seeing, then that's when I see it. Thats when I remember why I had hated him for so long, why I became distant to a person called a parent, that a role model figure parents are, he could never be. I remember everything so clearly, how he made me this way.
His same life-less blue eyes resemble mine, the wrinkles by his eyes, the starting grey of his hair makes me wonder where the hell he's been for so long after he left.
"Go to hell" I mutter under my breath, the boy that had used to be the only thing that mattered in my life decides to speak up, his voice stronger than a few minutes ago.
"Bella you should ju-"
"You can rot in hell just like him! I'd rather die than be near any of you, you ruined everything for me" tears prick at my eyes, then slowly one by one they fall
Dean purses his lips together as he sits back in his chair, Michael blinking a few times before hunching his back like his normal self.
"You're just like her" he chuckles looking down at his hands, his hands fidget at his watch, something that was handed to him from my grandad before he died.
That felt like a lifetime ago, family ties make my stomach churn, I always had kept those things away, I never talked about my family to anyone -not even Michael.
I wipe my damp cheeks with the back of my hand, then running my fingers through my unbrushed hair.
"Like your mother" he looks up at me, my heart stopping. My mother was a serious topic. After she died, he never once talked about her, he didn't even let me go to her funeral.
"She stays out of it." my jaw clenched as I try to threaten him, my mom was the reason he had left, the reason why I had hurt myself, last thing I want was a reminder of her.
"Quiet but feisty." then that was it, he genuinely gave a soft smile like a normal person, I don't know whether to be angry or sad. The silence in the room began to fill with deep breaths, my hands tugging at my hair.
"Cathy had told you the truth, didn't she?"
I stay quiet, my body fidgeting in my seat, I remember, the first time I had come here she told me, about her and mom being related. Affairs and lies, then car crashes and deaths.
"Isabella" he says sternly the voice he had was professional "I'm sorry"
I shake my head scoffing at his attempt
"Fuck you" my voice is hoarse compared to his, I look to Michael who I had expected to say something back, his eyes were completely glued to the ground, my eyes flickering back to the man in the suit.
"It was all part of Plan 94"
A plan? His own fucking kid is a test subject? Was that all I am to him?
"1994, suicides and depression kicked in to the media, the year exposing the drop of happiness."
1994, ironic enough. My mind wanders over to Luke, was that all just an act? A piece he played in the plan to break me? My stomach turns, as I continue to fidget, with all my being I try to keep myself together.
"She and I got married that year, that was also the year I was unrolled into a program to help kids with depression." he paused looking at Michael "the same year Michael was born" (a/n pretend he was born that yr ok)
"My mom died the following year, it was a hit and run" Michael spoke up, my eyebrows furrowed as I never remembered him really talking about his mother "my dad worked with yours" his eyes shut as I blinked rapidly
I thought he owned the apartment building we stayed at? I keep quiet, knowing whatever I'd say they would easily change the subject, or completely ignore my words.
"But in that year of 1994 no one was getting better, we didn't know what to do, we researched, but nothing right came out." his eyes looking directly at mine as he ran his hands on his lap.
"We needed a test subject. We needed to know everything and anything about how depression develops into a person."
My eyebrows knit together as I look up at him in disgust
"It was me wasn't it?" My voice rises
"That test subject was me wasn't it?!" I attempt to stand up but my side shoots a sharp pain causing me to sit back down
His hands intertwine as he nods his head
"Michael refused to let his son -Michael be the test subject, knowing it was bad enough growing without his mother had just died." I looked to Michael who had his jaw clenched as he sat uncomfortably on his chair
"Then we had you."
My body breaks down knowing that my life was planned by my own parents, that they planned on my depression and suicidal thoughts, that they played and toyed with my feelings of Love and death, of happiness and darkness. My throat immediately strains and a large sob comes out as I finally see Michael's green eyes fading in to gray as his eyes fill up with tears
"Your mother never knew about it, and when she did, she had always threatened to leave -both of us. It was an advantage to my work place having you go through that but an absolute disadvantage to my own personal life"
I breathe unevenly knowing everything into life will never be okay.
"You had caught onto depression as a pre teen, when your mother had passed from the car crash. That's when I was told to become distant from you to see how much pain a young girl like you could endure." He rubs his eyes with his index and thumb, he inhales slowly as I try to take calm deep breaths
"I didn't want you to feel alone, so I had Michael to meet you." I held back a sob as I know now I'm hiccuping
"He was made to be your happiness" Michael hunched his back over as he ruffled his own hair aggressively, his hands now on his face
"And that's what he did"
"But it wasn't real"
"Everything was real to me." Michael's sad voice spoke up, his voice cracked making my anxiety prick on every inch of my body
"I left for long periods of time, working endlessly on Plan 94, so this whole thing would be done. Then Michael told me of a boy you met." he pauses "Luke Hemmings"
My heart stops to the sound of his name, I shut my eyes tight as I remembered the day I ranted to Michael on the bus on how obnoxious he was during detention
"The people found out, and that's when they had the idea of what the impact of "Love is to depression" we had contacted Luke months later you two had fallen, enough observation of your actions from your past. Your mood had increased in happiness from Luke, more of an impact Michael had on you"
My eyes shut hoping I wouldn't completely go insane, my hands trembled and my heart slowed in its pace.
"That's when I came back, when I threw all those things at you, pretending I was drunk, those lies, and those vases." his voice became low "that's when you first self-harmed, we believed that it was your breaking point, but later that night, you came to Luke."
I could easily remember that night, s clearly in my head, the night that was so horrid but so memorable
"The night you two confessed your love for each other, and I'm that moment, every one I had worked with knew, that wasn't depression's breaking point."
***
Ok so can I get a hEll yeah for being so smart and pre planning everything in my head b4 I started this book.
So yeah, don't trust her dad just yet, (he's telling the truth but ya kno)
Um please please please please leave a comment and vote
Oh this is part one of the reveal of everything, the next chapter is Luke + ashton back stories along on how everything w the pills started so.
Sorry for not updating yesterday so pls comment and vote.