Joshua's pov
"I-I know" Jeonghan paused as he handed me the paper, "b-but this one... this one's different" Jeonghan clenched his jaw, staring at the paper.
"... It has a name on it" he briefly added as he looked surprised at the person who I wrote the letter to.
"It also seems like it was written recently" Jeonghan pointed out as his eyes fell on the date.
It was from a week ago.
I couldn't help but stand there in silence. I didn't know what to say.
"That's why you and Dokyeom hugged like that earlier... he's the guy you've loved ever since high school..." Jeonghan sighed as he spoke with a flat voice once again.
I couldn't even gather the words to properly explain the situation to him.
"I'm- I'm sorry" I spoke with a brittle voice, my gaze was on the floor.
"Really Joshua? Is that all you have to say?" Jeonghan clenched his fists. His eyes were wide opened looking straight at me.
"You still love him don't you?"
I kept quiet, holding back tears.
"I should've seen that from you. How foolish" he paused and took a deep sigh, "how foolish of me even considering there was something between us" he whispered.
I could barely distinguish properly the words of that sentence.
"I believe that.." Jeonghan started speaking again, inhaling deeply, "I believe that we should've kept on hating each other you know" Jeonghan finally added.
A moment of silence as he awaited a reply from me.
But I couldn't gather the words. My legs felt weak.
I felt weak.
He soon turned around.
He walked out of the room.
I heard him take his stuff, then slamming the door.
I could feel water began to collect in the corner of my eyes.
I fell down on my knees, cupping my burning hot face.
I bursted into tears.
I started sobbing uncontrollably.
I blubbered, thinking about the lack of words.
Thinking about the fact I didn't explain everything to Jeonghan.
I began to realize that I had just ruined everything.
Again.
No wonder no one ever stayed.
No wonder Dokyeom and I never worked out in the end.
No wonder Jeonghan left too.
I felt naive to even consider being finally happy.
I will never be good enough for him. For Jeonghan.
And he was right.
We were better off hating each other.
I could feel my eyes swelling up since blood had rushed to my face.
Hard sobs echoed in my enclosed room. A few moments passed.
I slowly stopped blubbering. All were left now were deep breaths in a forced attempt to recollect myself.
———————————
Third person pov
A few days passed and everyone seemed to be completely absorbed in work. So much that the boys didn't manage to gather together in so long now.
Joshua and Mingyu were at the cafe. Seungcheol, Dokyeom and Dino were busy at an agency meeting to sort some things out, with Wonwoo visiting some newcomers at his vet clinic. Jun was at school busy with children and Minghao had many clients today who required his meditation skills. Woozi and Hoshi were at the gym together. And as per usual Seungkwan and Vernon were at university, busy with the exams approaching soon.
Meanwhile Jeonghan didn't leave his place since the confrontation with Joshua. Dokyeom and Hoshi noticed something was off right away, and they wondered what could've happened. Nevertheless they didn't dare inquire the older, knowing he would close himself off in these situations.
Jeonghan was laying on his silky bed, reading some articles about black hole news, when his phone suddenly rang.
It was Seungcheol.
"Another day off huh?" The older asked as Jeonghan picked up the phone.
He rubbed his eyes.
"Yeah uh- yeah I have some stuff to do, I was busy reading my stuff" Jeonghan explained, using the same excuse for the fourth day in a row.
Seungcheol stayed silent and sighed.
"Well we haven't seen each other in a while so I'll pass by after lunch" The older straight out said. Seungcheol missed his friend and wanted to check on him. He was also worried about the situation and he could sense something was going on.
"Whatever" Jeonghan paused, "see you later then... bye" he hung up the call.
As the morning went by, it was early afternoon now and Seungcheol was sitting on the black leathered sofa.
Jeonghan got out of the kitchen, with two cups of warm tea in his hands.
"Did you have lunch today?" Seungcheol inquired as he took the warm mug from Jeonghan's hand.
The latter avoided the question going back to the kitchen to grab some cookies.
He, in fact, didn't have lunch.
As Jeonghan came back holding a box of cookies, he noticed Seungcheol was on a call.
"Yes please, I'll pay in check once you deliver it... thank you" he hung up the call.
"Did you just order food" Jeonghan asked and the older nodded in response.
"Ugh whatever I don't feel like eating though" Jeonghan added as he rolled his eyes.
"How did the meeting go?" The younger asked.
"Good, we finalized some decisions regarding the setup of new equipment in the building" Seungcheol explained with a serious tone.
"I see, were Dino and uhm... Dokyeom, there too?" Jeonghan asked curiously as he didn't check the group chat where they would usually update on everything.
"Yup the three of us were all there, Wonwoo stayed at his clinic since some newborn puppies needed him" Seungcheol added.
"So" Seungcheol sipped on his warm tea interrupting the brief silence that followed, "tell me everything" the older continued.
"I assume your car hasn't been fixed yet... is that the reason you're like this Jeonghan?" Seungcheol worriedly inquired.
"No" the younger sighed in frustration. His gaze fixed on the mug.
"You know Joshua and I sorted things out a few weeks ago" the younger rested his head on the sofa back.
"Yeah I heard you guys seemed to hit it off" Seungcheol mentioned.
"Well I found out he's still writing love poems to Dokyeom... who happens to be a dear friend of ours" Jeonghan rolled his eyes.
"I just wonder why did he flirt with me if he still loves Dokyeom..." Jeonghan spoke with lips pressed together.
"I see what's this all about" Seungcheol replied as he stared at a blank spot.
"It just doesn't make sense... it was dated back to one week later we started talking"
"Did you talk to Joshua about this?"
"Uhm... sort of" Jeonghan responded, "... he shouldn't have flirted with me in the first place if he still loved Dokyeom... so I told him we should've kept on hating each other" Jeonghan added clenching his jaw.
Silence followed. Jeonghan's response left Seungcheol baffled.
"We... we even star-gazed together... that same week" Jeonghan stuttered, as he noticed the older kept silent.
"Oh" Seungcheol widened his eyes.
He knew Jeonghan wouldn't star-gaze with anyone. He was aware of the significance that activity carried for the younger because of his grandfather.
So it certainly caught him by surprise the fact that Jeonghan would suggest something like that to a recent acquaintance.
"You... you even stared-gazed?" Seungcheol raised his eyebrows, still surprised.
Jeonghan nodded and kept his eyes locked on the warm mug he was still holding.
"Whatever" Jeonghan sighed, "I thought it would strengthen our friendship or something... I- I don't even know" he then added, resting the mug on the table.
"Wait but... did you read the letter?" Seungcheol then interrogated.
"No of course not that's none of my business" Jeonghan paused, "I just read it was directed to Dokyeom... and of course... I saw the date" he added.
"How do you know it was a love letter then?"
"It's a love letter obviously, Joshua's been writing those ever since high school... I read the anonymous ones back then" Jeonghan continued.
"You should talk it out with him" Seungcheol adviced, "I'm confident it's all a misunderstanding" he then added, "trust me" the older looked up and gazed at Jeonghan in all seriousness. He attempted to reassure the younger.
"Whatever" Jeonghan replied with a quiet voice.
"I saw them hugging... it didn't look like an ordinary and friendly hug..." Jeonghan soon added, still deep in thought, "also, during breakfast they didn't exchange a word... they appeared tense for some reason" Jeonghan kept on talking, following his flow of thoughts, "J-Joshua must've cheated on Dokyeom with me... yeah that must be the only reason why they acted like that... then they clarified and got back together... that's why they hugged" Jeonghan expressed verbally his paranoia. He overthought it all.
He stared at a blank spot.
"Listen Jeonghan" Seungcheol rested his hand on Jeonghan's arm in reassurance, "I know all of you guys, all of your secrets... I could even tell you about Joshua and Dokyeom" he paused glancing at Jeonghan who widened his eyes, "but I won't... righteously so. You'll need to talk it out with Joshua" he finally added.
"I know"
"Did you tell anything to Dokyeom?" The older inquired
"No obviously not... I've ignored both Hoshi and Dokyeom ever since that day" Jeonghan replied.
As confident Jeonghan could seem to everyone, deep down he had always lacked the courage to speak up and confront anyone.
"Ignore Dokyeom in all of this... I'll tell you that" Seungcheol recommended.
It was pretty obvious Seungcheol was aware of all the dynamics, which Jeonghan was still oblivious about.
"You need to talk to Joshua and Joshua only" Seungcheol added leaning forward while resting his elbows on his knees, "Period" he underlined.
The door bell suddenly rang.
It was food delivery.
Seungcheol went at the door. He took the food and payed the delivery man.
They calmly ate and didn't bring up the Joshua topic again. After all, Jeonghan knew he had to talk to the younger from the beginning, he just needed his friend's push.
"Soooo" Seungcheol started talking as he finished eating, "I've talked with Jun, Minghao and Dino" he added, "They're all free and we can go drink together tonight" he finally added.
"Ughhh I don't know" Jeonghan replied, "I just wanna do nothing" the younger layed down on the sofa, where they were enjoying lunch.
"I understand Jeonghan... but you need to go out, have fun, have a drink with your bestfriends" Seungcheol insisted. "This will distract you a little..."
"Pleeease" the older pouted as he begged Jeonghan.
The younger bursted into laughter.
"You should see your face now" he kept on laughing as he softly slapped Seungcheol on the arm.
Seungcheol laughed too as Jeonghan imitated the older's pout.
"Alright though, I'll be there" Jeonghan rolled his eyes as he gave in to the offer.
Jeonghan stood up to clean up the table and Seungcheol took his spot on the sofa. He layed down, sleepy as he would be after eating.
Jeonghan wore the cleaning gloves and began washing up the dishes.
"Cheolie though... what about the others? Aren't they coming?" The younger suddenly yelled from the kitchen as he finished drying the dishes.
No response from Seungcheol.
"Cheolie?" Jeonghan said once again as he peeped in the living room.
The older was fast asleep on the leathered sofa.
Jeonghan removed the gloves and went to pick up his fluffy blanket to cover Seungcheol.
He then went into his room and sat at his studying desk. He grabbed the astronomy books and finished his summary notes.
Lately he's been following some YouTube lectures about astronomy... Galactive collisions, moon phases, exoplanets. He enjoyed finding out new information about astronomy. No wonder his friends called him a nerd.
Most of the times though he would just watch documentaries or not study at all.
He was human after all.
Some time passed as Jeonghan was absorbed in studying. He wore his headphones listening to the online lectures.
"Pf look at him" Seungcheol mumbled, he knew Jeonghan couldn't hear him.
The younger didn't even notice Seungcheol was standing there, leaning his body on the wall behind.
Seungcheol couldn't believe Jeonghan was that much immersed. It's been two hours since Jeonghan started studying and he was still fully focused.
"I'm proud of you for being this constant with studying Jeonghan... but now it's time to chill" Seungcheol spoke right after he removed the younger's headphones.
Jeonghan understood it's been two hours already and that they had to get ready to leave now.
After closing his books and turning off his laptop, Jeonghan went to brush his teeth and dressed up so they could go out. It was late afternoon now and they decided to go to Jun's place, since Dino was there.
Luckily they lived in the same building so it took them one minute to arrive at the younger's place.
The two hyungs arrived at the apartment and they were greeted by Jun, Dino and Minghao.
"Oh I thought Minghao was busy with work today!" Seungcheol exclaimed as he hugged the younger.
"I had a few clients this morning and I managed to get the afternoon and evening off" Minghao explained.
They were all happy they were here.
"Seungkwan and Vernon are gonna join us after dinner by the way" Dino commented as they all headed inside after removing their shoes.
"Don't they need to study?" Seungcheol inquired, "Yall know they have exams approaching and I don't think drinking is the best idea" The older added. He was worried about the two.
"Don't worry hyung I went to visit them this morning and they were studying together... I even asked Vernon's mom and she assured me they were giving it their all" Jun reported as he attempted to assure the concerned hyung.
"Sure... studying together" Dino mumbled, he giggled thinking at the fact they would get distracted easily.
"So the others aren't gonna join us tonight?" Minghao asked for confirmation as he glanced at Jeonghan, Seungcheol, Dino and Jun.
"Nope" Seungcheol responded.
They had a groupchat where they would sometimes update their schedules.
Dokyeom and Wonwoo were still busy at the company, Joshua and Mingyu have full house today at the cafe... Woozi is hanging out with Bangchan making a new beat and Hoshi had a meeting with his manager. And as everyone knew, Woozi and Hoshi didn't drink.
Jeonghan breathed a sigh of relief as he didn't feel like drinking with Joshua that night. After all he still had to talk to the younger.
They peacefully enjoyed the dinner that Jun and Minghao prepared, which included some Chinese dishes. And after that they all headed at their usual drinking bar in town.
They sat inside and ordered some soju and bottles. Vernon and Seungkwan had joined them too now.
They talked and laughed a lot that night and everyone seemed ecstatic to be with each other.
The night went by and it was now 2AM.
They weren't passed out drunk, but they certainly weren't sober either.
Dino and Minghao kept on chuckling as they strolled heading at the parking lot, they appeared out of balance. Luckily Jun was completely sober, he was the one who drank the least after all and kept an eye on Dino and Minghao.
Vernon and Seungkwan walked together hand in hand, they had a shot of soju each, so pretty much nothing.
Jeonghan and Seungcheol were giggling as they chitchatted about life, luckily they could at least walk properly.
As they arrived at the two cars, Changbin and Lee Know were waiting for them.
Of course the boys couldn't drive in that state of mind so Jeonghan's parents secretaries came to help.
Jeonghan was flushed red as he hopped on the passenger seat.
Dino and Seungcheol sat behind. Changbin was driving that car.
Meanwhile Minghao, Jun, Vernon and Seungkwan sat on Lee Know's car.
"Yahh I hate this song" Jeonghan yelled as he changed the radio station.
He giggled as he turned at the other two. Dino was asleep and Seungcheol stared outside, he had a smile plastered on his face.
"Cheolie tell me... would I and... would Joshua and I look good together?" Jeonghan could barely make a sentence, he smirked as he held his gaze at the fog that formed outside.
Seungcheol giggled at the younger.
He paused to think.
"I guess? Yeah you'd be perfect for each other..." He replied as the sudden question caught him by surprise.
Jeonghan smirked once again.
He couldn't stop thinking about Joshua. Probably because he wasn't in his best state of mind.
His smile slowly faded away as the last encounter with the younger came to his mind.
Jeonghan felt a heavy weight on his chest as he reminisced the harsh words he directed to Joshua.