* very important question in the authors note :) please let me know, enjoy the chapter!
remi
"Last day of antibiotics, woohoo!" I celebrate as Harry takes his final pill. Harry has basically made a full recovery just in time for the final show on Long Island.
"I've never seen someone so excited to watch someone else finish their antibiotics." Harry laughs at me.
"I've been nursing you back to health so this is basically an accomplishment on my part." I explain as I take a sip of an ice cold glass of Dr.Pepper. Harry was kind enough to have his fridge stocked with Dr.Peppers because he knew it is my favorite drink. It really is the little things that make me fall more and more in love with him.
"Having a sexy nurse helped to speed up my recovery." He jokes and squeezes my thigh.
"So funny." I mockingly laugh at his joke.
"I know I am." Harry leans over me and instantly presses his lips to mine. Harry and I haven't had a solid kiss since he's gotten sick so he's quick to dip his tongue into my mouth and I hum in satisfaction. There is nothing better in the world than a kiss from Harry.
"We have to go to the airport." I mumble into the kiss which is slowly getting deeper and deeper.
"I wanna stay here like this." Harry says as he pulls back then connects our lips again.
"But I also know that you want to be back on the stage, so let's go!"
I urge him up and he groans in protest but I know he is secretly very excited to head to Long Island. We are taking a private jet, which immediately made me donate money to a climate change organization, because the show is tonight and we have to get there as fast as possible. We stayed home as long as possible to allow Harry as much rest as he needed. It's 8am and our flight leaves at 10am so we really have to get a move on.
We do our daily getting ready routine of showering together, brushing our teeth, fixing our hair to look reasonable enough to go out, and then getting dressed.
"Oh, I forgot to tell you," Harry begins and of course that sentence causes my anxiety to raise.
"It's good news, baby," Harry says as he realizes that the sentence he just said scared me. "Jeff was able to get me out of the PR relationship, so no more worries about it."
I feel the weight of the dark truth that I have been forced to sit with since the Pittsburgh show being lifted off of me as the seconds pass.
"W-what? How?" I say still stunned as I turn towards Harry who is zipping up his luggage. He pauses his motion and comes towards me and wraps his arms around my waist.
"I bought myself out of the contract. No amount of traction on the movie or money I'd make is worth losing you or putting tension on our relationship. You are way too important."
His words practically bring tears to my eyes. I'm so lucky to have found someone who loves me so much and chooses me over something that seems like it couldn't be passed up.
"I really love you." I whisper before launching myself into his arms and giving him the tightest hug.
"I love you forever, my sweet girl." He kisses the top of my head and allows me the moment to just hold him close.
I find my composure somehow and we finish packing our things and head out to the car that is waiting outside for us. The car ride to the airport is quick and it's even quicker getting on the plane since we aren't flying with anyone else. And before I know it, we are laying down in the bed that was made for us and laughing about things we've done in the past.
"So you are telling me that you threw up on the side of the road and paparazzi took photos of you," I say through my fits of laughter. "Then one of your fans set up a memorial site for your vomit?"
"I didn't ask them to!" Harry defends as he laughs just as hard as me.
"I wish it will still up so I could see it." Tears are falling out of my eyes as Harry turns his phone towards me and shows me a photo of the memorial site. The photo immediately causes me to laugh even harder than before. I can't tell if Harry is laughing at the photo or laughing at me laughing at the photo. Either way, I really don't care.
"I'm glad it has disappeared."
We spend the rest of the flight indulging in more funny stories he has from the One Direction days. It's so interesting that I was living a very mundane life and admiring his career, not knowing how our paths would cross and become so intertwined.
16 year old Remi was watching 19 year old Harry and was practically fawning over him and not knowing what her future would look like. If you would have told me that I'd be madly in love with him and he was madly in love with me, I wouldn't have ever believed you.
Now I see him as the most important person in my life. I don't understand how I spent 22 years without him, but I am sure that he is my entire future. He will be the person at the end of the isle, he will be the person I buy a house with, he will be the person who helps me get through the labor of our children. He's everything.
"Come on, my love." Harry leads me into the venue after our quick drive from the airport to the arena.
We are running a bit behind schedule so we both immediately begin to get ready for tonight's show once we get into our dressing room.
Harry has to go finalize a few things before the show so he leaves me to get ready by myself for awhile.
I decided on a black satin maxi dress that I have been saving for a special occasion, and I think the final show calls for just that. I pair it with black heels to continue the theme of black.
I decide to let my hair remain in its naturally curly state and let it dangle down the length of my back. I do heavier makeup involving a black smokey eye and a bold red lip.
There is a light knock on the door while I finish spraying on my perfume that I know is Harry's favorite. After the Michael incident, I am much more cautious and paranoid about who is on the other side of the door.
"Who is it?" I yell back as my hand hits the door handle.
"It's me, honey."
I haven't heard that voice in a while and definitely was not expecting to hear it today.
"Dad?" I ask when I whip open the door and am met with the soft smile that reminds me so much of my childhood.
"Hi darling." He says kindly and embraces me in a warm hug. This interaction is already much more comforting and safe than any of our recent interactions.
"What are you doing here?" I ask still in disbelief because I invited him but he gave me another excuse as to why he couldn't come.
"I would never miss your final show. I also have been wanting to talk to you, can we sit?" He asks and I nod before allowing him to enter and closing the door behind him. We sit down on the red velvet couch and he immediately takes his hands into mine.
"I need to start out with saying I'm sorry." He lets out a big sigh and I almost jump back in shock as this is not a conversation I was expecting to have today.
"I haven't been a good dad to you since your mom passed, and that isn't fair to you. I've taken some time to reflect on my actions and I am completely ashamed of how I've treated you and how I've let our relationship crumble to pieces. We used to be so close when you were younger, and then your mom left us, and I completely fell apart. I lost my soulmate." He begins to pour out his heart and it immediately makes my eyes mist up.
"I lost my mom, dad. You weren't the only one who lost someone so special to them." I say the words that have been sitting on my chest ever since my mom died.
"I know, I know that. The loss just completely consumed my soul that I couldn't be there for you in the way that I should've been. I'm so sorry for that, Rem."
"I could have handled the absence of you. The complete resentment that you have for me is what breaks my heart into tiny pieces that feel like it can never be repaired. Why do you hate everything I do? I'm opening up for fucking Harry Styles to a crowd of 20,000 people and touring the world. I'm living out my dream and you couldn't even pretend to be happy for me when you came to the shows." I might be being harsh but these are questions I've been wanting to ask him for so long.
"I never resented you, Remi. It was hard to watch you living out this dream that your mother should've been here to witness. Supporting this dream and having the privilege to watch you felt like betrayal to your mother who will never experience that." He begins to become a bit more frantic but I remain calm.
"Although, I am living out my dream with Harry, I struggle before each show because mom isn't here. I almost passed up on the opportunity because doing this without mom horrified me. I understand that you lost your soulmate, and god, I couldn't imagine losing Harry, but if I had a daughter then I'd make sure to be there for her as much as possible. We could have been there for each other, but you decided that we should deal with it alone." Tears are now pouring from my eyes and I don't even care to wipe them away.
"I know that I haven't been audibly supportive of you, but I'm so proud of everything you've accomplished. I've been following up on what you've been doing on social media."
This comment only makes me more upset because why couldn't he have voiced his pride? Why couldn't he have texted or called me to see what I've been doing?
"Why couldn't you have contacted me to talk to me about what's been going on in my life? I would've given you much more information than any tabloid could've given you." I ask so confused as to why he's been so adamant on shutting me out.
"You remind me so much of your mother." He says so lowly I almost miss it.
He pushed me out of his life because I remind him of my mom? There is no excuse to push your daughter out of your life especially when you are going through such a traumatic loss.
"So, let me get this straight, you pushed me out of your life because I remind you of mom?" I ask still completely confused.
"Looking at you physically hurts me sometimes because you are the epitome of your mother. Your looks, your soul, your mannerisms, everything you do reminds me of her. It became so hard to look at you and realize that I'll never see her do those things again. It was so wrong to do but it was the only way that I could begin to heal."
I feel the sadness in his voice and it tugs on my heartstrings when I realize what our relationship has become. Mom would be so upset to see this and I can't let our relationship go down the drain due to how we choose to deal with grief. Neither of us have experienced this before and we handled the tough situation in the best way that we could, even if it necessarily wasn't the correct way.
"I can never begin to understand what it feels like to lose your soulmate, but it's not my fault that I am so similar to mom. Those used to be the things you loved most about me."
"I still love those things about you, Rem. I love them even more than I ever had. I handled grief so wrongly and you never deserved what I did to you. I love you more than anything in the world, and I want to be here with you for the special moments." He squeezes my hands and lets out a deep breath.
"I get it but please don't punish me for it. Losing mom is the hardest thing I've gone through and not having you has only made it harder. I miss you, dad." More tears continue to fall and eventually it turns into sobs that take over my whole body.
"Come here, honey." He pulls me closer and wraps me up in the tightest hug ever. I didn't realize how much I needed one of my dad's hugs until right this second.
I sit in his embrace for many minutes until my tears have calmed down and I can breathe. I feel much lighter and much more open to forgiveness. He lost his person and that in no way could've been easy. We need to be together through this. Mom would want that for us.
"I really appreciate you being here, dad. I love you."
"I love you, honey. I'm so excited to watch you perform."
2 Hours Later
"Ready, my love?" Harry asks as he wraps his hand around my waist as I get ready to go out on the stage for the final time.
The conversation with my dad was something that I didn't realize I needed until it happened. I feel so much lighter and I am so excited to have him here for the final show. Harry and him finally met again and they clicked much better than they did beforehand. They both ended up teasing me about my habits, and then my dad shared embarrassing stories about me to him.
"Super ready! I'm excited." I say with a wide smile. I feel very little nerves and I am excited to perform for this crowd but also for my dad.
"You're gonna crush it, baby." He kisses my lips lightly without ruining my red lip.
"Rem, you're on!" A crew member yells to me and I give him a thumbs up.
"I love you, I love you, I love you." I give Harry a big hug.
"I love you more. Sing your cute little heart out." He says kindly which makes me giggle and then before I know it I'm on stage and performing my opening song.
I make my way over towards the VIP tent and instantly see my dad smiling and singing along. My heart absolutely explodes with joy and I shift my attention to next to him and see my two favorite people.
Marco and Cleo surprised me.
They are here when they said they couldn't make it. I'm gonna fight them for lying to me but I'm also going to give them the biggest hug for being here. My people.
"Hi everyone!" I yell into the mic as the crowd erupts back to me. "Welcome to the final Love on Tour show! It's been an absolute pleasure to be on this tour, and it's an even bigger honor to be able to perform for such wonderful people every night! I'm so excited to spend the night with you all. Let's have some fun tonight and sing and dance as much as you want to!"
I fall into the natural cycle of performing my set and interacting with the crowd as much as possible.
My confidence has grown exponentially throughout this tour and I have become so comfortable on stage. Performing has quickly become one of my favorite things to do and I'm already looking forward to doing it again.
The final note of my final song comes to an end and my eyes well up with tears.
"Thank you for welcoming me with open arms. This tour has been nothing short but a wonderful experience and you all are responsible for making it so amazing. You all have been so kind and so sweet, and I thank you for that so much. Another big thank you to Harry, of course, he has made this tour unforgettable and amazing. I love you all so much! Thank you!" I say through the tears and make my way off stage as slow as possible as I take in the last seconds of this tour.
I finally get off stage and am met with Harry who has the softest smile on his face and he engulfs me in the biggest hug.
"So proud of you. You're perfect." He whispers into my ear then pulls backs and connect our lips.
"I love you." I whisper in between the kiss.
Harry has special songs on the setlist since it's the last show so he is going on a bit earlier. I wish him good luck and tell him that I love him before making it to the VIP tent.
"Remi!" Cleo exclaims as both her and Marco run towards me and wrap me in the tightest hug ever.
"You were amazing!" Marco says as he basically lifts me off the ground.
"Perfect! Perfect! Perfect!" Cleo says as he plants kisses all over my face while I am audibly laughing.
"What the fuck are you guys doing here? I thought you couldn't come." I ask as I step back still in shock that they are here.
"You didn't actually think we would miss your final show?" Marco asks as if it's a dumb question. "The answer to that is no, we would never miss it!"
"I love you guys." I say with a laugh as we embrace each other. I let go and turn to see my dad with the biggest smile on his face.
"How'd you like it?" I ask as he gives me a side hug.
"It was amazing, honey. Your mom would be so proud of you. I know that I am." He says and kisses the top of my head. I lean into the hug and let out a deep sigh. I've needed to hear that this whole tour, and it feels so amazing to hear it now.
I look further down in the VIP box and I see Anne and Gemma approaching us.
"Hi, Rem!" Gemma immediately rushes over and gives me the biggest hug. We've been texting nonstop and she has become the sister that I've always wanted.
I pull back and give Anne the biggest hug, "Hi, sweet girl. I've missed you."
The amount of love feels so intense and I am the happiest that I've ever been in a long time. I feel so content and happy with my life as well as with the people in it. I have my two best friends, Marco and Cleo, who have been with me through everything. I have my dad, who I feel closer to than I have in a very long time. I have Anne and Gemma, who have quickly become my second family and I cherish them so much. And finally, I have the absolute ball of sunshine who is popping out of the middle of the stage while the crowd erupts into chaos.
Harry. My best friend. My boyfriend. My person.
"Welcome to the final show of Love on Tour! It's the final night so we will have a lot of fun tonight. Before we get started, I want to give out a few thank you's to some people in my life," He says as he makes his way toward the VIP tent. "To start off, thank you to all the crew members who are here way before we get here and way after we leave, this show wouldn't be possible without them. Thank you Jeff, Tyler, Mitch, Tom, and everyone else who helps with my music process. You all are such dear friends and collaborators and I'm so thankful for you all."
He spins around towards the band, "Thank you to my wonderful band who I have the privilege to play with every night. Pauli, thank you for being the best musical director to work with." He turns back towards the VIP tent and smiles at Anne and I as we have our arms wrapped around each other. "Thank you to my wonderful mum and my sister for supporting me since the very beginning. I couldn't have done anything without you two." Anne blows Harry a kiss and he quickly catches it and presses it to his heart.
His attention shifts towards me and his eyes glaze over slightly. "Last but not least, my sweet girl."
My heart practically stops as he calls me that in front of an arena of 20,000 people.
"Remi, you have been the best opener for this tour and you set the tone so beautifully. Your talent never fails to amaze me and your heart and soul speaks to me so loudly. I am so honored to get to experience your greatness everyday and I am so happy that you were able to share your talent with the country on this tour. Thank you for being you."
Tears are absolutely pouring from my eyes. I blow a kiss to him and mouth "I love you" to him.
"I love you." He whispers but the mic accidentally picks it up and blares it through the arena. The media is about to have a field day with this but I couldn't care any less.
"A big thank you to all of you. I wouldn't be able to do this without you all showing up, and it's my favorite thing to do. I thank you for always being so warm and welcoming. I love you all, let's have some fun!"
And that's exactly what happens. Lots of fun is happening throughout the entirety of the show. Harry performs Kiwi three times before finally getting off of the stage.
Everyone gathers backstage near the exit as we all wait for Harry. He runs off with an extensive amount of energy and greets everyone and thanks everyone for coming until finally coming up to me.
"Not you publicizing our relationship on stage," I say laughing. "I love you and I'm so proud of you." I engulf him in the tightest hug.
"I couldn't keep it in. This tour gave me you and that's the most special thing in the world. I love you."
I couldn't agree more with his sentiment. This tour has changed my life in so many ways. It's helped me become more comfortable on stage. It's helped me figure out exactly what I love within my music. It's helped me connect with the people who connect with my music. This tour helped me live out my dream to the fullest extent.
The most important thing that this tour gave me was Harry. I met my best friend and my soulmate through this tour. I thank whoever is in the universe for bringing us together. He's my person and I can't wait to spend to forever with him.
-
long chapter but also very special chapter :)
so, i need input on this and it's very important!
this could potentially be the final chapter (i will make an epilogue if it is) or i could continue writing and continue their story outside of the tour.
i fell in love with remi and harry more than i thought i would and this was initially the ending, but letting go of them feels sad!
so please comment and let me know if i should end it here (with an epilogue!) or continue writing and explore different aspects of their life together.
i've appreciated all the love and support. i love you all! take care of yourself!
kylie :)