Once I followed Alois' instructions, it didn't take long for the winding paths to start making sense once again. I had run off into the poor side of town, but I was back on a familiar route before I knew it. I had found my way back to the church, but I couldn't stop this time to investigate.
My carriage had come down this way as well, I'm sure I could figure it out. How much did I manage to see when Sebastian brought me to the manor? It wasn't a long ride, I think...
Right, I knew where I was!
I was scared, tired, drained in every way imaginable, but I had to do this.
If I didn't, then I...
Well, for all the women that died before me, I had to do it for them. I clenched my hand as I allowed myself to remember caring for the corpses. Fixing their clothes, applying makeup for the last time, learning how to stitch and repair, and the entire time, never knowing how connected I was to the truth. They never deserved what they got.
But when I see Nicholas again, he'll deserve every bit of it.
It wasn't much farther now. My feet were hurting and my legs were tired, but I pushed on.
I could feel the unease of a presence watching me and felt the shiver run up my spine.
As I looked around through the dark alleys and into the roads, I didn't see anything until my attention was pulled to the nearby roof.
A figure stood in the shadows, the outline clear and the moonlight glistening off the glasses they were. It didn't look like Grelle this time, but it was... Probably a reaper, wasn't it?
"I'm probably going to die, aren't I?"
There was no answer when I called out, but I continued to talk,
"If you're here for me, I understand. I don't fear you, but I do fear death. Especially when there's so much left to do. If you're here, I don't imagine I'll get that life I'm hoping for. The one with genuine love where I can do what I please. I know that, but if you'd be so kind as to let me live long enough to see such a horrible person face punishment, I won't fight my fate."
As expected, the watchful reaper didn't answer. It was an odd feeling, but I almost felt safe knowing I was being seen by a reaper. They weren't killers, were they? They were just overseers. The figure vanished suddenly, becoming invisible to my eye. Reapers could hide themselves from mortals, huh? I do wonder how often I've passed a reaper and never known then. Did The Undertaker ever use his ability with me? Would I ever be able to ask after this?
I sighed and continued to walk, holding myself close as I let all the warm memories flood back to comfort my fear.
I wanted to keep trusting The Undertaker and everything that happened between us. Even if he pissed me off sometimes, the warm moments were nice. I didn't know romance and relationships very well, but I knew when I felt safe around someone. It might've been a bit rocky there for a minute, but I believed in him and everything he told me now. Gosh, why did all the men in my life have to be connected to death somehow?
I soon caught a view of the manor and allowed myself to pause and take a break from walking to feel proud and prepared. What was I going to say when I saw them?
I wasn't sure, but I'd figure it out when I began talking I'm sure.
It frankly wasn't just The Undertaker, was it? There were so many nice people I found until now, I didn't feel so angry anymore. I still recall the first time I felt that rage start to vanish in the church, it had scared me then.
I was able to duel with Soma, have tea with Ciel, dance with Alois, even Grelle gave me that...
The bookmark-!
I reached around and pulled it from my sweater pocket. I almost forgot I had it. What was it supposed to do again? How do I use it? I thought the reaper was rambling off nonsense but after tonight, I was willing to believe anything.
This was supposed to help me or something?
I turned it over to get a better look at it, but sadly, it didn't have instructions. That was unsurprising, although Grelle really spoke like I would need it. It had to be for this, right?
It was an unfortunate mistake to stop and be distracted in the middle of the road. With the sun barely rising and my eyes squinting to examine the bookmark, I didn't notice the presence behind me until it was a moment too late.
I heard the footsteps approaching, but before I could turn around, everything went dark with something being shoved over my head and a strong hold around my body.
With all my might, I tried to struggle. When I attempted to scream, the cover over my head only caused a feeling of suffocation. This couldn't be happening, I was so close!
When my arms were tied down, I lost my grip on the bookmark, but that was suddenly the least of my worries.
I had to get out of here-!
I struggled and fought with all my might, but the strength of the kidnapper was too much. Without warning, my body was being tossed like I was merely a ragdoll and the sound of a door slammed behind me.
Crap, was this a carriage?!
I finally managed to shake the bag off, but when I got a sense of my bearings again, I was suddenly looking up at a familiar face on the bench, a guard sitting on either side as he looked me down with a grin.
Him...
Nicholas looked ragged and tired. With thick bags under his eyes and messy hair, he looked more tired than I was. Still, he smiled, as though I couldn't smell that stench of earth radiating from him. He... How dare he?
How dare?!
"I'm going to kill you!" I moved so quick to try wrapping my hands around his neck, I nearly forgot I was bound and fell back against the floor. The nobleman sighed as he crossed a leg over the other,
"Not even a hello, I do hate how angry you've become. You used to be such a polite and quiet lady too."
Whose fault was that? I was angry as long as this damned pig was in my life, I was finally happy when I thought I got rid of him!
I moved to struggle once more and managed to push myself to a sit, but I couldn't get myself up any farther than that. The guards watched me intently and tense as they waited for any moment they needed to grab me. I had to be careful, I had no idea what orders they were working with.
Focus... Breathe... Fake a smile if I had to, at least until I had a chance. I couldn't be controlled by my rage, just like when I was dueling Soma, I had to wait for the right moment when he couldn't strike.
When I didn't respond, the man clicked his tongue,
"You know, I did a little digging last night into where you've been. Your dear mother was kind enough to tell me a bit about your family's connections to the mortician you've been spending time with."
No... What did he do? Did he go back after I left?! I met his eyes, only for Nicholas to grin,
"Oh, did I strike a nerve? You should be lucky I've taken such an interest into your family affairs. After all, you're only good for your ovaries."
"Screw you."
What a god-forsaken-
My fiance chuckled but dismissed my comeback and kept talking,
"Your mother said he was a friend of your grandmother, but he looked rather young for that, didn't he? I happened to pay a visit to the shop and he wasn't there, unfortunately. It did give me a chance to go through his records though and I found something really interesting. Did you ever notice his ledgers go back to 1839? Your grandmother was one of his first corpses!"
He began laughing with a crack in his voice. This tone, he was... Totally unhinged! What the hell happened to Nicholas, why did he lose his composure like this?
"Not only that, but a Phantomhive was in his books too! I come all this way to speak with the Earl about it only to find my missing bride standing in front of the gates. Is it fate? Coincidence? I don't know, but I think I know what's going on with that commoner rat of yours."
Did he know the truth too? If he did, did it even matter at this point? I was more angry about the way he spoke. A rat, he called The Undertaker. What a boorish term, he was more a man than Nicholas could ever be.
"Don't you dare call him that. I care naught what you found, I know what you did."
The guard looked to Nicholas, who flinched. His eyes hesitated a glistening waver before they darkened once more. He pulled himself up ever so slowly, and in one swift movement, before I could even react, my weight was thrown back until it hit the opposite bench and my stomach twisted in the ache of his kick. The ropes burned into my wrists, and although I wanted to cry out, I bit my tongue. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.
"What makes you think you know anything? You're a noblewoman, all you had to do was stay silent and obey your duties. But look where we are now, he's not even a human, is he?!"
How... How did he figure it out so quickly?!
I've barely had time to digest everything I learned last night, and Nicholas already found out on his own? Before my expression declared anything, I diverted away to hide my face from his stare,
"I think it finally happened, you're officially an insane bastard. All this talk sounds like you've lost it. He's just a normal guy, what makes you so sure they weren't just passed down?"
The man clicked his tongue but huffed a moment later,
"Do you take me for a fool? I know what I saw, you can't make me second-guess myself. I'll tell you everything, just because I'm that nice. So when we get back home, we'll have a lot to talk about before our wedding, won't we?"
This again? How much did I need to make it clear I would never marry him?!
It was finalized, I was a tainted woman, unfit to marry blue blood any longer. That's what I requested, was it not?
I swallowed back my nerves before I met his eyes. It was difficult to keep steady eye contact when my fiance's expression was so...
God, all I could remember were those eyes before he stabbed that maid, they held the same darkness, even now. I didn't experience it, but it almost felt like I could still that ache in my chest after seeing her soul.
I couldn't resist an uncomfortable squirm but held my ground,
"I'm never going to marry you. Even if I'm forced into a wedding dress, I'm not pure any longer."
That's right, because of that kiss, I... Offered my first kiss to the reaper, he would never want to marry a woman who kissed a common man.
Immediately, the nobleman's fists clenched tight as his body stiffened. As much as he tried to hide it, the man trembled, be it from rage or fear. Was it odd to say I enjoyed that look on him? That expression that he made me feel as well, I hope he gagged on his own pissy prissy attitude.
Nicholas bit his lip, almost hard enough to draw blood before he restrained back once again. Forcing the widest smile I'd ever seen, he sat tall to regain his pride,
"The wedding will be set in a week, do your best to look presentable for me."
A wretched pig, still trying to save face now?
I couldn't fight back physically at the moment, but if he thought he could control me, he was more absurd than I thought. I fell for a mortician, he killed a few women, so I guess we were both a bit screwed up...
Sarcasm, of course, it was a comfort to let my thoughts berate Nicholas through the silence of the carriage ride.
My view was skewered from the floor, but from what I was able to see outside the window, we were nearly to my own manor. It pissed me off, how close I was, how I was nearly about to tell his dirty secret, only to be captured at the front gates! I was so dumb, this was all my fault. I fell into adrenaline and ran off from a place that was warm and safe, got lost, and then didn't go back to The Undertaker when I found my path once more. Why did I think I could do anything alone?
I could smell the familiar garden in the air, but it brought no comfort. I missed the smell of the warm candles in the shop. The creaking of the carriage wheels only made me long for the creaking each time awoke from sleeping within a casket.
Huh, I remembered being afraid the first time he jumpscared me, but I missed it already. Even in this situation, my thoughts were drifting to The Undertaker.
Reaper or not, I really did love him, didn't I? I had to get back to him, I needed to get out of here. Nicholas said he wasn't at the shop, so where did he go after I left? He didn't come after me, I knew by now that if he wanted to chase me down, he had the speed to do it.
I could only hope he was alright...
The carriage came to a complete stop with a slow lurch and the guards stood up to open the door. Nicholas pulled himself up before suddenly grabbing the rope around my wrist and lifting my weight. I stumbled with the ties against my legs, but once I managed to stand, he suddenly gave a push.
I wasn't able to catch myself, not how I was tied, but when I fell out, the second guard caught me before I fell without even a word. These used to be my men, my guards, why were they doing this?!
How long did they think they could keep this up? My parents would be furious!
When the nobleman stepped out, he gave a short wave for the door to close before turning to one of the men,
"I want two guards posted at every door in the manor. Servants can sleep in shifts, don't let a single maid be without guard duty in between chores. I have a list of people I need to contact before the wedding, so make sure she stays locked in her room the entire time. And..." He hesitated, giving me a quick glance before looking back to the guard, "Board her window as well. I won't be making that mistake again."
"You can't do this to me!" I finally had to snap. Listening to him rant off orders about how to imprison me, right in front of my face, how dare he?! "My parents would never allow this!"
"Your parents-!" Nicholas swiftly snapped his attention back and inhaled to calm himself once more, "They want this as much as I. You're an undignified, belligerent, whiney brat. You cause issues for anyone within your radius because you're impulsive and can't control your own emotions. But no matter what you do, what you say, you belong to me. You always forget that fact."
Before I could respond, I was being whisked away into the manor, but I tried one more time to struggle, even knowing the guard was stronger. He was wrong, everything he said, that wasn't me! He couldn't make me feel bad, I wouldn't let him!
So then why... Why was I tearing up, damn it?!
I didn't want to shed tears for a man like that, I refused.
When I was returned to my old room, the guard nearly dropped me on the bed as though I were a rag doll. With a swift movement, I felt the binds pull off my skin. The door, this was my chance-!
The guard was already leaving by the time I was able to scramble up, but...
I didn't make it as the door slammed in my face. I tried the handle but it only took a moment to see the doorknob had been locked from the other side. They weren't serious?! They reinstalled my handle backwards while I was gone, this was insane! No way, I had to get out of here, I wouldn't stay here a moment longer.
As I was planning my escape, a thump was heard at my window, encouraging me to turn back and see a wooden board had been strung up with a servant already nailing it in. No, no way!
Every passing second, I felt that familiar rage seeping back into my soul.
Anger that I thought I'd long forgotten, but it was making quick work at a chokehold of my lungs. Firey red fury with no clear goal, just that I wanted to throw my fist into the first person I saw.
I wasn't... I wasn't an angry person, it was him and the way everyone around me was treating me! I didn't care what consequences I would get for ripping him apart, as long as I tore him down with me!
My shoes clapped on the ivory floor of my room as I rushed to my window. When I tried to push it open, I could only discover it was already shut tight and locked, with the board holding it firmly in place. The servant ignored my fumbling to get it open, even when I raised my voice and began to shout! If anything, it was only making him work faster. When did all my servants stop obeying my orders, why did they listen to Nicholas?!
Did I not have anyone on my side in this manor any longer? What did I do to deserve such treatment?!
Blast it, if I kept shouting, I was only going to exhaust myself. I needed a plan, I couldn't allow the rage to control me and cause a dreaded stumble. The Undertaker didn't even know I was here, Earl Phantomhive didn't know the truth of the murders yet, I didn't have a choice but to play along until I could get out.
Breathe...
In, and out, I must think of something calming. What calmed me down? Flowers were nice, and I liked... What did I like? My thoughts were growing foggy, I could hardly think straight.
I tried with all my might to calm the trembling anger, but each new board on my window darkened my room little by little. It wouldn't be long before I was not offered a crumb of sunlight from the outside.
A lady mustn't curse, but I just...
"Fuck!"
I threw a punch into the first thing I could see. I couldn't handle it any longer!
As my hand crashed into the standing mirror nearby, the glass shattered in every direction while the frame base slammed back against the wall. As though it were snow, the particles fluttered to the ground. Dust littered the air while shards fell all around me.
As fast as the snappy anger hit, it was gone again.
My energy was gone, my hope was dwindling, and with the scarlet sap dripping down my fingers to puddle upon the marble tiles, I could only bring myself to crumble to my knees and cry.
I wailed until it hurt, until my chest twisted and ached and my voice was broken from the sobbing. The stinging of the cut wasn't even on my mind for a mere moment. I didn't care to wrap it or clean the shattered glass, all I could think was... How do I get out of this? I didn't want to be here. Why did I fight so hard when this was the end result anyway?