Bucky felt so utterly hopeless what is he supposed to do ?
He left the room and went to Yn's room.
When he entered Tia layed there busy with something.
Bucky creeped closer to take a look and saw the very same notebook that he had given Yn when she just got here.
Yn either usually wrote in it or drew.
Tia was currently busy reading through the pages.
Bucky quickly got on about what Tia was reading when he saw the horror on her face.
He quickly took the book away and Tia looked up at him guilty.
"You are not supposed to read that young lady" he says and she looks down.
"Im sorry" she says and Bucky puts the small notebook in his pocket.
"Where is mommy dad ?" She asks and Bucky's heart contracts painfully.
He sighs as he sits down.
"Daisy some bad people took her and now we have to get her back, Im sorry" Bucky says and a tear rolls down her face.
Bucky wipes it away gently and kisses her cheek.
"Is it the people that she wrote about ?" She asks and Bucky looks down to his lap.
"Yeah"
He felt terrible that he had to tell her that but she has a right to know.
He called Peter to come over and keep Tia busy for a while.
He was currently sat on the roof top reading Yn's notebook.
He knew he shouldn't have but he couldn't help it.
............................................................................
Dear notebook :
I have had a terrible dream last night and my memories are starting to return but I feel like it's worse than when I didn't have them.
I can see every face before my eyes that I have killed.
Their screams echo through my ears and I can still feel the blood drip from my hands I feel like a stranger in my own body.
But there was a man that came to my cell last night and he comforted me.
I fell asleep feeling safe by his side.
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Dear notebook :
That man has been coming to my room every night making sure Im okay after my nightmares but everyday I wake up he is gone.
I dont know who he is but maybe I'll find out soon.
I enjoy his company alot and I love the stories he tells me about his past it keeps my mind busy.
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............................................................................
Dear notebook :
I finally found Tasha my sister.
I missed her so much I dont know how long it has been since we have seen each other but I'm glad to have her back.
I remember a saying we made up as kids to give each other hope.
'From the beginning since birth I will protect you till the ends of the earth.
Till the ends of the universe, the sun, moon and every star I will love you no matter how far apart.'
I hope Lena is still alive and okay.
............................................................................
............................................................................
Dear notebook :
I dont know what to do about these feelings I have for him.
It drives me crazy the way he looks at me.
Everytime I hear him call me doll my heart melts I just hope he feels the same.
James Buchanan Barnes has really stolen my heart and I dont know how...
............................................................................
Dear notebook :
I saved a girl from a building she was locked up and it was about to explode.
I fell 10 stories high with her.
I am okay and luckily she too.
Her mom and dad abused her so I took her in.
She didn't have a name so I named her Tia.
She calls me and Bucky her Mom and Dad I like it I think it's cute.
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............................................................................
Dear notebook :
He kissed me finally.
It was amazing and I dont think I ever felt more alive then in that moment.
He is afraid of his past and I understand it because I am too.
We came from the same place.
Hydra messed us up.
I remember when I was first sent to kill them and bring him back to Hydra.
I failed and when I got back they cut off my right arm and tortured me for days on end.
I still have the scars all over but I hide them with a scar concealer I found luckily it's water proof.
............................................................................
............................................................................
Dear notebook :
I am happy I found James.
He is just wow really there is actually no words to describe him.
He is scared to touch me with his metal arm but I reassure him always that it's okay because I have one too.
And I think that is one of the many reasons we are so comfortable around each other because we are both scared of the same things and thats okay because when I am with him I am no longer afraid.
I think i love him...
............................................................................
Bucky couldn't read any further.
Tears were streaming down his face like waterfalls now.
Most of the entries were about him.
He couldn't believe how much he had grown to love Yn since he met her.
And now she was gone because of him.
Bucky let out a strangled sob as he cried crumpled in a ball on the floor of the roof the notebook clutched in his hand.
His cries were painful.
Somewhere in a foreign place Yn sat mindlessly in a room on a bed.
She felt her heart contract painfully and she didn't know why.
She felt like crying like a part of her was missing.
Her hand automatically went to the cool strand of metal around her neck as she subconsciously fingered with the butterfly necklace.
She didn't know where she had gotten it but it brought her comfort.
It was a mystery of what the story was behind it but she gave up already trying to figure out where it came from.
Bucky opened the book again and something caught his eye.
In the back of the book was a small bracelet taped to the hard cover.
............................................................................
Dear notebook :
I want to give this to Bucky's on his birthday.
He never told me when it was but I figured out he was born on March 10 1917.
............................................................................
Bucky sobbed even more as he took the small bracelet.
There was two.
A sun and a moon one.
............................................................................
Dear Bucky every night you were the light that kept me safe.
A quiet promise that you'll be there like the moon always is.
So in the daytime when you feel lost and clouds have covered the sun just know it is still there just like I will always be I love you.
............................................................................
He cried even more as he took the small sun bracelet and brought it to his mouth.
How could he have possibly lost one of the only things that kept him going.
He took other bracelet too and put it on both connecting like puzzle pieces.
He fell asleep on the roof and his subconscious were no better than his conscience.
His nightmare was horrible...
Bucky stood in a field confused as to what is going on when suddenly Yn apears.
She is standing infront of him in her perfect white dress and barefooted.
The sun perfectly illuminating her face and making her eyes shine brighter.
Her smile made his heart melt.
"Bucky come on" she said as she grabbed his hand but he stopped as he heard his name being called.
"James ?" He turned around and saw Yn there laying on the floor bruised and bloody and suddenly the field was no longer there but a dimly lit metal room that smelled of blood.
"Yn ?" He said confused that there were two.
But the Yn infront of him tugged on his arm again.
"Come on Bucky" she said and he froze.
She got more angry and persistent.
He freed his arm and went to Yn on the ground.
"Doll ?" He asked her and she looked weakly to him.
He lifted her chin towards him and she winced from the pain.
"Im sorry doll" he said his voice cracking as he lightly kissed her on the forehead.
"Doll you gotta talk to me where are you ?" Bucky asked her.
"I dont know" she said as tears ran down her bloodied cheeks.
"They hurt me because I failed"
She said more tears escaping.
Bucky was still infront of her but something started ripping him away from her.
"No!!! BUCKY!!!"