Only You On My Mind
February 10th
Saturday
2:40pm
Her art room was now filled with smoke, after she smoked for the past 30 minutes.
She had papers sprawled out everywhere, and her sketchbook was on the other side of the room.
She had been trying to start something new for the past week. You'd think after entering your first showcase and with prize money, one would be a little more up in sprirt.
She had resorted to smoking a few blunts, which is something she didn't do often at all. Maybe once a month. But she was really stressed.
She knew why. It bothered her so much that Ma'Kai hadn't talked to her all week.
Normally, she wouldn't be this worried. She knew the girl was a busy person and the fact that she had a girlfriend; not that she particularly liked it but acknowledged it. But she knew that wasn't the case this time.
She didn't really know why Ma'Kai had snapped on her. She looked guilty about something. Nasiah wanted to know what she had done wrong.
Nasiah had felt like they were actually getting somewhere in the bounds of being close, but she managed to mess something up again.
It was really frustrating. She just wanted her friend back. Well, at the very least she wanted her friend back.
Ma'Kai had always had her heart in a way that was more than just friendly.
Nasiah knew that almost immediately. But she didn't say anything about because she thought that she felt that way just because Ma'Kai was her first friend when moving here.
She shortly realized that wasn't the case. She had been in love with her. The heartbreak in the acknowledgement of it all didn't stop her. She just fell for her more.
The night when Ma'Kai kissed her made her realize all the signs that Ma'Kai loved her back. But the next day she turned around and confused her.
She didn't question her about it. She didn't want to make her uncomfortable. She regretted that though. That's when things stared changing.
At first it was for the better, they had been closer than ever. But then they stopped talking for long periods of time, and then they lost contact.
The heartbreak of loving her bestfriend almost broke Nasiah. But she couldn't bring herself to hate Ma'Kai. That just wasn't going to happen.
She had forgiven Ma'Kai and herself for the past but it was kind of hard to make sure they were in each other's future with the lack of communication.
Nasiah had tried to take her mind off of her but she was kind of all she thought about. Nasiah knew Ma'Kai was probably feeling the same. She could read her pretty well, they knew each other for almost 3 years after all.
Nasiah had a feeling all of this stemmed from the night they kissed. She had felt different then too. Ma'Kai acted differently around her; like she was trying to avoid doing something she really wanted to do.
Nasiah remembers the night, so much so that she could paint a picture.
She remembers the taste of her lips, the softness of her hair, the warmth of her skin, her hoarse voice; her memory made her mind race. Like she wanted to relive it.
She hated it. She doesn't know how many times she thought about, when she was away, or when she was around Ma'Kai. The way she watched her, just so she could remember more about that night. She wanted to remember everything.
High and horny is not a good combination, Nasiah thought to herself as she huffed at her thoughts.
Nasiah decided it might be a good idea to take a nap, so she laid down.
She maybe slept for 20 minutes before she heard knocking on her door.
"Alright, alright." Nasiah said as she rubbed her eyes as walked towards the door
Luckily she could think straight enough, since her sleep had help most of her high wore off, but know she was cranky. Her nap was interrupted.
She had figured it was her brother or Yavon, so she just opened the door.
Nasiah frowned and furrowed her eyes once she realized it wasn't who she thought.
"What are you doing here?" Nasiah said grumpily as she leaned on her door
"You not happy to see me?" The girl said as she smiled
The girl who had shown up to her house was someone she sort of messed with.
Jayde, the girl she talked to, had been interested in Nasiah. They had started talking around the end of October through towards the beginning of December. Not very long in Nasiah's opinion.
It was just around two weeks after Nasiah had moved back to Atlanta. She had been a little interested in her, but she realized that this wasn't going to go anywhere with her feelings reserved for someone else.
She cordially and clearly said she wasn't interested anymore about almost two months ago.
She guesses Jayde didn't get that through her thick head.
"No, I'm not really." Nasiah said bluntly
She was a kindhearted person, otherwise she would've slammed the door in the girl's face.
"Why you acting like that?" Jayde asked
"I told you I didn't want to talk to you anymore and then two months later you show up at my house. How'd you think I'd be?" Nasiah said
"You act like you never liked me. You moving weird." Jayde said
"I been moving like this, so it's not weird. I said I didn't wanna talk to you anymore, so goodbye." Nasiah said before she closed the door in her face
"Alright, play hard to get then." Jayde shouted from ourseide her locked door
"Crazy bitch. Too old to be acting like this. Almost 22 and showing up to my house." Nasiah mumbled to herself as she made her way back to her room
Nasiah laid in her bed and as soon as she shut her eyes, her phone rang.
She slightly huffed before picking up her phone.
She realized it was Shamir so she wasn't even mad anymore.
She accepted his facetime, because she knew when she didn't, he didn't like it.
"Yo, Nasiah." Shamir said
"Hey Mir. What's up?" Nasiah asked
"Nun' much. Just chilling after work. You wanna work wimme on my stuff?" Shamir asked
"Sure. I could use some creativity right now. My mind's everywhere." Nasiah said
"You good? What's up?" Shamir asked
"Oh nothing. I'm fine. Just thinking about my next project." Nasiah said
She didn't exactly want to talk to him about his sister, especially when she had never talked about it before.
She did know what she wanted to do for her next project; it's what she couldn't get off her mind currently. But she couldn't exactly tell Shamir that.
"Well, you smoke? I know it's not exactly the healthiest but it help me for now. I'm looking to slowly stop forreal." Shamir said
"That's good to hear. But yeah I just did like 30 minutes but then I took a nap, so it wore off." Nasiah said
"Well it do sound like you could use a break. How bout you come ova?" Shamir suggested
"Uh, how bout you come to my house? I'll send the address." Nasiah suggested
"Aight. I'll be over there." Shamir said before he hung up
Nasiah sighed lightly when he agreed to come over. She didn't really wanna invade Ma'Kai's space right now, even when she didn't tell her what she needed it for.
But then again, she did really want to talk to her and see her again. She wasn't going to force it though.
She wouldn't do that to her, no matter how much she wanted to.
4:55pm
"Uno out." Nasiah said as she slammed the card on her table
"Nah nigga, you cheating." Shamir said, as he looked as if she had extra cards
"Shamir, just admit your bad at card games." Nasiah said as she chuckled
"Mmtch, man whatever." Shamir said as he set his remaining cards down
Shamir had been her for about an hour and 20 minutes.
They worked on his designs for an hour and once they were satisfied, they decided to play some Uno.
Nasiah was glad that Shamir had been here. He was like another brother to her.
"Aye, I'm bout to head out, but we ca' do a rematch next time. I gotta do a couple of deliveries tonight." Shamir said
"Alright, but are you sure you wanna get beat again?" Nasiah teased
"Imma beat you next time, don't worry." Shamir said as he stood up and pulled up his pants
"Ok, whatever you say." Nasiah said as she put her hands up
"Oh yeah, you'a come ova my mama house some time? She been wanting to see you since we went for yo showcase." Shamir asked
"Yeah, Kai told me about that. And yeah I'll come. You just ask her when I can. She still lives in the same place?" Nasiah asked
"Yeah, and you just let me know when. Mama gon say anytime. She love you." Shamir said
"I'll see when I'm free." Nasiah said
"Speaking of Kai, what's up?" Shamir said
"Uh, what do you mean? Nothing." Nasiah said, sort of rushing her words
"Yall deadass not good at lying. I asked her the same thing and she froze up too." Shamir said
"Look, I'on know what yall got going on, but Kai bailed the night of yo showcase, then I know yall ain't talked all week, and you ain't wanna come over today. So I know it's bout Kai." Shamir said
"Ok, maybe." Nasiah shrugged
"Yeah definitely. Look, you could talk to me or try to talk to her. She'll listen to you. She might not say nothing back but she'll listen." Shamir said
"You got time to spare?" Nasiah asked hopefully
"Of course. Niggas just gon have to wait. Family before money." Shamir said
Nasiah smiled at his statement. She's glad he cared so much about her.
"Well, you know I love her to death. Even after so long." Nasiah said
Shamir nodded his head and slightly grinned, taking comfort in the fact that such a good person cared about his sister.
"You guys were my family so when we stopped talking, it really broke my heart." Nasiah said
"Why yall stopped talking anyway?" Shamir asked
Nasiah chewed her lip as she recounted the events that happened.
"My fault, you'on gotta say nothing." Shamir said, giving her the go ahead to continue
"Have you ever felt so in love that's it's almost suffocating you?" Nasiah asked
"Nah, maybe like a fraction of that one time but no, not really. Is it good or bad?" Shamir asked
"Both." Nasiah said as she sighed
"That's what it feels like with Shayla. It's not her fault. It's just something we haven't figured out between us." Nasiah said as she fiddled with her hair
"Talking it out, I think, would do yall a lot of good. There's probably some boundaries yall wanna set up or take down. Yall gotta figure out what yall want and if you gon go after it." Shamir said
He was assuming Nasiah was talking about being in love with Ma'Kai, even though if she hadn't explicitly told him. She didn't really need her to. He could see it. He understood why.
Maybe she wasn't ready say it out loud clearly. Or maybe she wanted Ma'Kai to be the first to say it.
"Ok, wise man. Your advice is good." Nasiah said
"Is you gon take it though?" Shamir said
"I don't know the answer to that yet." Nasiah said
"That's aight. But figure out so yall can move on, aight?" Shamir said
"I will. Thanks Mir." Nasiah said as she hugged him
"No problem, no problem. I'a see you later. Lemme know when you pulling up to mama crib ok?" Shamir said as he opened the door
"I will. See you later." Nasiah said as she waved at him before closing the door
Shamir has repeated what her mind had told her. She just wasn't sure when she should talk to Ma'Kai.
She just wanted Ma'Kai to say something, so she knew she heard and understood how she felt about her.
Nasiah knows Ma'Kai loves her.
She just wants her to know she loves her the same.
To be continued...
Hope yall enjoyed!!!