Fairy Night Awards || CLOSED

SHORT STORIES WINNERS + REVIEWS

Please read:

Congratulations to all the winners!

Please don't be discouraged if your name isn't under the winners. As you'll see with the reviews, everyone scored highly. Honestly, all of these stories were solid and you did really well. I'm not one to sugarcoat things, so please believe me when I say you all did good. It's rare I get a batch of stories where all the scores are so high. Most people scored above an 80 or close to it, which is extremely impressive.

I copy and pasted usernames right from your forms, so if I tagged anyone wrong, please let me know so I can fix it asap! Copy and paste errors happen, so if you don't see yourself in the reviews, please let me know.

Please do not argue with me. Remember this is for fun and all personal opinion. I don't give harsh feedback, just honest feedback. You're of course entitled to your own opinion and you can disagree with everything I say if you want. Ask questions and discuss, but please no hate or arguments!

I don't mean to sound entitled, but these reviews took a lot out of me. They're over 25k words long. This contest came out two weeks ago, and I already announced three winners and wrote well over 30k words for them. That's why I ask you please be respectful because I'm putting a crap ton of effort into these reviews. But please don't be shy to tell me if I got something wrong with your username, I copy pasted something wrong, I got a grammatical suggestion wrong, you have a question about your review, etc. Just please be respectful about it.

If there are any typos in my reviews, please ignore them unless you genuinely have no idea what I'm saying (I'm a Cancer, sometimes I don't even know what I'm saying). I spell and grammar check my reviews, but I practically wrote a novella in the form of reviews, so mistakes will slip through. 

Prizes will be distributed soon. I'm trying to announce winners for a couple more categories so I can do the prizes all at once. I started judging best concept and best writing style, so those are the two you can expect next.

3rd Place

A Little Help by jahools

Thoughts:

Characters: 8/10. I would've liked to know more about Yoongi outside of Jungkook. Most of his conversations revolve around Jungkook and what he's going to do with him. Yoongi briefly mentions his job, but I don't recall seeing specifically what his job is. Jin is given a lot of depth with his past with littles and I really liked him. Jungkook is also given a lot to work with, which is why I would've liked to see a little more for Yoongi. It makes sense that most of his time on screen would revolve around Jungkook, though more heart-to-heart convos and getting a look at who Yoongi is outside of Jungkook could have been beneficial.

I still like Yoongi and all of the characters, it just felt at times that Yoongi wouldn't develop or talk much about anything outside of Jungkook. Even when he does talk about things outside of Jungkook (like work), it's spoken about because it impacts Jungkook. However, all the characters are solid and even though I would've liked to see more of Yoongi outside of Jungkook, he still has identifiable traits that make him stand out.

Plot: 9.5/10. The plot is straightforward and fits the story being told. The pacing is pretty solid and I noticed only one minor thing I'll mention below, but I don't think a minor thing is worth taking a lot of points off for.

This is a minor thing, but I was under the impression Yoongi didn't know Taehyung's name (when they met for the first time) since Jungkook never told him (I don't think? I reread the previous section to see if he said it, but I didn't see anything). It's reasonable that Jungkook would tell Yoongi his ex's name, but when Yoongi was meeting him, his name was concealed for several lines, which led me to believe Yoongi didn't know the name.

Like I said, it's a small thing so I'll only take off 0.5 for it, but it did cause me confusion and I had to go back and reread to see if I missed something. My recommendation would be to maybe start with Taehyung's name being revealed, that way it isn't misleading. Like I said, because the man's (Taehyung's) names was concealed for the first part of the confrontation, I was led to believe Yoongi didn't know Taehyung's name. And/or you can have Jungkook explicitly say Taehyung's name to Yoongi so it sets up Yoongi knowing the name.

Otherwise, I noticed no inconsistencies or plot holes.

Pacing: 10/10. The story unfolds at a good pace that isn't too fast or too slow. I have no criticisms for the pacing.

Creativity: 7/10. The story idea is simple but interesting and I have no criticisms for it. The sentence structure is unique and doesn't feel repetitive. I have some criticisms for the word choice, though.

There was some repetitive word choice. For example, words like "look," "still," "around," and "just" were used frequently. In the paragraph starting with, "Yoongi stepped around the corner again," there are three uses of "around" in only four sentences. I would recommend diversifying the word choice, especially considering this is a short story with only a one hour read time, so the overuse of certain words is very noticeable.

For example, "just" is used in almost every section. When overusing emphasis words like "just," they lose their meaning after a while and can feel like filler in a sentence. That's why I recommend cutting down the usage of that word in particular because then the emphasis you're looking for is no longer in effect since readers are so used to seeing it.

Dialogue: 10/10. I like the way the dialogue is formatted and executed. I didn't notice any consistent or major errors with how the dialogue is formatted. The dialogue has a lot of fun and flair that makes the characters easy to tell apart when they're talking. I have no criticisms.

Worldbuilding: 10/10. Like the descriptions that I will speak about later, the worldbuilding is very solid and does a good job setting the scene. I have no criticisms for the worldbuilding and I think you did a good job with it.

Grammar/Spelling: 9/10. The grammar is pretty good throughout. There were small errors like medium-sized missing the hyphen (so "medium sized") while Yoongi was gathering Jungkook's stuff from Taehyung. However, since the small errors weren't consistent and happened few and far between, I'm not going to take points off for those tiny things.

I would recommend refraining from using all caps. I was okay with it when Jungkook was in his little space, but outside of it, it became hard to read. All caps can be very distracting and can slow reading speed, and they can also come across as you (the author) screaming at us (the audience) instead of the characters screaming at each. That's why I recommend refraining from using them (unless they're the name of something, like HYBE or BTS). I won't take off for the small errors I mentioned, but since all caps is very distracting, I am taking off a point for that.

Description: 8.5/10. The descriptions in the story are solid and do a good job showing the characters, environments, and objects. My one critique ties back to the creativity where the repetitive word choice is noticeable and slips into the descriptions as well. By changing up some of the word choice to be more unique, the descriptions could be even stronger. Still, even without that, I think the descriptions are well done, especially the opening description of the chilly gust of wind. That whole first paragraph was very well done and a good way to hook the audience into the story.

Themes and Emotions: 8.5/10. The themes and emotions in this story are great and I feel a lot for Jungkook and Jin in particular. I think they're great characters with thought-provoking stories and a diverse amount of emotions, making them dynamic rather than flat. The themes about kindness are interesting and I'm glad to see a wholesome theme executed in a wholesome way.

My main criticism ties back to characters and giving Yoongi more to work with outside of Jungkook. It seems like his character and all the emotions he has are all related to Jungkook, so giving Yoongi more to work with could diversify the emotions. Since he is the core protagonist we follow, seeing more of his internal conflict and emotions could have benefitted the audience greatly.

Title/Blurb/Cover: 9/10. The title fits the story and sums up exactly what it's about in a way that isn't complicated. It's simple but gets the job done and matches the theme, so no criticisms there. I also like the play on words with the "Little" considering how it relates to the themes in the story.

The entire story is summed up in two sentences, which isn't a bad thing. I didn't notice any grammar errors. I don't have any issues with the blurb. I think it works for the story.

Very small thing about the cover, but I would recommend making the author's name just a little bigger. I'm judging it on a large screen, and even on my large screen I didn't see it until I looked for a third time specifically to see if there was an author's name on there. It's good not to have a distracting font on there or anything, but just a little larger to help readers see it could be beneficial. But again, that's a small so I'm not going to take off much for something so small. I otherwise like the cover. It's simple but it doesn't need to be extravagant. The cover hints at what's to come with that well-chosen Yoonkook picture.

Total: 89.5/100.

2nd Place

Dark Hearts by Dark_Ghostie 

Thoughts:

Characters: 8.5/10. Kira is more of an idea than a character, but in a good way. She is the vessel for the theme of the story following grief and how it can impact us. I thought you did a good job writing her and her emotions, and I genuinely wanted the best for her even though I knew deep down that it wouldn't end well.

I will explain the deductions in the pacing section because it felt like I wanted to know more about Kira before the story ended, but since I already wrote my explanation in pacing, I will leave it there.

Plot: 10/10. The plot is straightforward and there are no plot holes or inconsistencies. It's about a young woman grieving the death of her beloved and blaming herself for what happened. It's a short story about grief and what emotions come with it. I have no criticisms or suggestions for the plot.

Pacing: 8.5/10. The pacing is good, though I would have liked to spend a little more time with Kira and her grief before the story ended. Most of the story takes place in the flashbacks. I would've liked to see another scene or two of Kira struggling with the different emotions that come with grief since they are very complex and interesting. It could have made the ending a bit more impactful (it already is, but just a tad bit more, is what I mean) if we got to know a little more about Kira's emotions.

For example, maybe consider lingering on that opening scene to describe the environment a little more and show us the more subtle signs of grief. We see the loneliness, anger, remorse, and tears, so maybe showing that calm before the storm in a liiiittle more detail could have made the explosion of grief at the end just a tad more impactful. It'd also give us a chance to learn more about Kira. It's a theme-driven story so I don't think you need to go too crazy with characters, but that's just a suggestion to give Kira more depth.

Otherwise, the pacing was pretty good.

Creativity: 8.5/10. The story idea itself is good and the sentence structure is unique. I have one criticism regarding the word choice which I will leave below.

The word "just" is used frequently. I call words like "just" filler words since they aren't needed in most cases and are typically only there for emphasis. However, if you use those types of words too frequently, the emphasis is less impactful. I believe "just" is used in every flashback scene except the first one, and it's also used in most of the present timeline scenes as well. I believe there are 7-10 uses of just, which may not sound like a lot, but in a story that's less than 5 minutes long, it is noticeable. For example, the "just" used when Jacob says he's going to buy an umbrella is an example of one that can be replaced or deleted and it wouldn't have any impact on the meaning of the sentence.

The story idea itself is creative and I have no other criticisms.

Dialogue: 10/10. I have no criticisms for the dialogue. There wasn't much of it, but what was there was effective, and this wasn't a story that required a lot of dialogue, so that's a good thing. Dialogue was formatted correctly, which is great since incorrect formatting is one of the most common errors I see.

Worldbuilding: 9/10. The worldbuilding is overall good and the scene in the graveyard is pretty clear, though I would recommend for future stories incorporating more of the five senses into the world. We don't know much about what the graveyard looks like aside from the headstone of Jacob. I think it's fine to focus on that since his grave is the core of the story, though seeing some of the world around Kira could have been beneficial too. I don't think you need too much more as to not lose the focus on Kira's grief, but maybe just some sounds she hears around her. Since we tend to be more sensitive to things like sound when we're emotional, that's why I bring it up as a potential thing to consider adding if you ever find yourself writing another story like this.

Still, I like the world. I also think it was a good decision to focus on the graveyard and not do too much with the extended world. That allowed me to focus more on Kira and the themes.

Grammar/Spelling: 9.5/10. Minor tense issues where the tense slips into present tense incorrectly. Since they're minor, I'll only take off 0.5. It was fine when she was thinking about what her therapist said and the text said, "This is the only way...". Kira is thinking about something her therapist said, so the tense is fine there as she is quoting someone. However, moments like "Does he want her to talk?" were tense slips since those sentences are presented to us as standard text and not any of the exceptions to present tense in past tense. I hope that makes sense.

Grammar is otherwise good.

Description: 9/10. Like the worldbuilding, I think you did a good job keeping the focus on Kira and making sure to describe what was necessary and not go over-the-top. The only thing I would recommend is maybe have the descriptions be a little more specific. Not necessarily longer since I don't think you need long descriptions, but maybe things like the bottle at the end. A bottle with contents in it can refer to anything, so maybe just a little more specificness about the bottle and what exactly it contained could be beneficial. You don't need to hold the audience's hand and tell them exactly what's happening (we can guess), but what I mean is consider specifying something like the contents of the bottle. Is it liquid or pills? Does it hurt as she takes it? How does she feel when she holds it? Obviously I'm not saying answer all those questions, but that's something to consider when writing climatic scenes like that. I still overall think the descriptions are good and you did a good job keeping it narrow instead of over-the-top or anything like that.

Themes and Emotions: 10/10. This is a theme-driven story where emotions are at the forefront. Like I mentioned earlier, Kira is more of an idea, and she is the idea of grief. I really like themes of grief and found this story to be particularly insightful on what grief can do to a person. It doesn't exactly have a happy ending, but realistically, grief doesn't leave much room for happiness. It's a painful topic that was covered with maturity and strong intrigue. No criticisms.

Title/Blurb/Cover: 7.5/10. Dark Hearts is a relatively simple title, but it relates to the core characters in the story and hints at the themes we are about to see.

The blurb is not really a blurb, it's an excerpt from the story; however, it is a good excerpt so it does hook me in. Still, since it is only an excerpt, I have to judge accordingly. I would suggest giving a short summary about what the story is and what we're about to see. Before reading, I had no idea what it was about, hence why I suggest giving a short summary instead of relying on an excerpt.

I have no criticisms for the cover. The darkness matches the title and story idea. I also like the blood red vein-like designs that almost look like a beating heart. The title is clear and easy to read.

Total: 90.5/100

1st Place

Forever Friends by Caitlyn-Blayne

Thoughts:

Characters: 10/10. The characters are very interesting in this. Although we don't know much about them, I think that elevates the story, particularly in the case of the main character having her ticks (like playing with the ribbon). You do a great job setting up the tension within this protagonist. The way she battles herself and has to decide if her "friend" is worth it after she realizes she has kids is so accurate to what real people like this do.

There were also some clever moments that made me smile, like putting her username in ( ) when you introduce her as "she." It was a subtle detail I didn't really fully comprehend until I read it a second time.

The amount of subtle details put into the characters were amazing. I read the story three times and found new things each time, which goes to show the character work was top notch. Without knowing much about the characters, I was hooked on their story, felt for the kids, and wanted to know more about the protagonist. Great work!

Plot: 10/10. I noticed no plot holes or inconsistencies. The plot is easy to follow but mysterious at the same time. There's eeriness in the setting and in the main character that sets up tension as the story progresses. Overall, solid plot.

Pacing: 9/10. The only point taken off comes from the ending being a bit abrupt. I like the spot you chose to end it and I'm glad you didn't go any further; however, the last line being "I sip my tea" kind of makes the ending feel abrupt. There are many ways you can tweak this, so I'll just give one suggestion but encourage you to play around with it.

Maybe put the "I sip my tea" first, then do a paragraph break and put the final dialogue line there. I think ending with that final line can work, but having the "I sip my tea" right after it didn't resonate with me as much as the last line of dialogue did. That's why I would recommend switching the order, that way you still have both of the lines, only now the "I sip my tea" comes first to show the reader who is about to speak and transitioning to the final line.

That's just one example of a way you can take it, but I encourage you to play around with it!

Otherwise, the pacing is good.

Creativity: 10/10. The creativity in this story is very good and I have no criticisms. The word choice is solid and the sentence structure makes sense and matches the protagonist. Normally I'm team "more contractions!" since they help with flow, but I like how there were many times you didn't use contractions. It made our protagonist feel more robotic, and I think that fit in nicely with the theme. Overall, I really like the story idea, word choice, and sentence structure.

Dialogue: 8.5/10. Dialogue tags are done incorrectly. When using a tag, it must be lowercase unless it is a proper noun, and the dialogue cannot end in a period. For example: "Come on you two, it's late." She shouts. It should be: "Come on you two, it's late," she shouts.

Otherwise, I noticed no dialogue formatting errors and I have no criticisms for the dialogue itself. There wasn't much dialogue but enough to be effective.

Worldbuilding: 10/10. The world is fleshed out and I can imagine what's going on very clearly. You use terms specific to their area to describe what's going on, and the world impacts the characters in a meaningful way. I have no criticisms and I think the world is very well done in this short story.

Grammar/Spelling: 9/10. There are some punctuation errors. For example: "I push my hand into my pocket and fiddle with the ribbon twisting it around my index finger, pulling it tight with frustration." Here's an alternative: "I push my hand into my pocket and fiddle with the ribbon, twisting it around my index finger and pulling it tight with frustration." There were a few times there were missing commas.

Otherwise, I didn't notice any consistent grammar errors.

Description: 9/10. The only point off is a minor thing that doesn't take away from my enjoyment of the story, but it's still something worth mentioning. You do a good job setting the scene with description without going over-the-top or having the description overstay its welcome. The only thing I would suggest is maybe giving a bit more description to the inside of the house since that's a very tense part of the story where the stakes are rising as our suspicions grow. It would've been nice to see a little more of the inside. Not much, just a little. I hope that makes sense.

Otherwise, great descriptions, especially in the opening paragraph.

Themes and Emotions: 10/10. My heart dropped by the end. I think you established the stakes very well and made my heart hurt for the poor mom and kids. The themes of obsession and narcissism was done wonderfully and I could really feel the tension as the story unfolded. I have no criticisms for the themes and emotions.

Title/Blurb/Cover: 6.5/10. The title hints at the ominous storyline ahead. While it may seem simple to some, any who think about it, especially after reading the story, will see the subtext in it. No criticisms.

The blurb is not really a blurb and only says the story is a haunting thriller. I would recommend using the blurb as a way to describe to the audience what the story is about. Maybe introduce the main character(s), the location, the emotional stakes (maybe tease emotional moments like betrayals, lies, secrets, heartbreaks, etc.), etc. Using emotion and describing the plot without giving too much away can hook a potential reader into reading your work.

I have no criticisms for the cover. I really like the color scheme, the text placement/style, and the picture used. Everything is very clear, which is impressive considering Wattpad makes every cover blurry for some reason. I know in this chapter it looks blurry but that's because it's in a chapter. In the actual story homepage, it doesn't look that blurry (at least not on my iPad).

Total: 92/100.

Honorable Mentions

The Sweetest: The Crown of Always Loved by JankyFluffy

Thoughts:

Characters: 8/10. I feel for Gerald and I want him to have a mother figure. I really like him and, honestly, I could read an entire story about him. That yearning for a parental figure makes for such an interesting character idea.

As for Bertha, I liked her too, though I would've liked to seen her conflict shown to us in a similar way Gerald's was. The nurse, who wasn't mentioned in the scene until she spoke so her presence was a bit jarring (especially after we were just told Bertha lacked a visitor and was forgotten, which implies she was alone), tells us Bertha's conflict.

Bertha's name was mentioned before the nurse said who she was, which shows that Gerald already knew her. That's understandable considering he's the king. So maybe instead of having the random nurse figure there, maybe you can have Bertha looking at a painting/picture of her son and Gerald notices it, and that can lead into the final moment between them.

I'm not saying that's a perfect suggestion or even one that's right for the story, but that's just one idea to make it so you aren't relying on the nurse who wasn't mentioned and kind of just appears. Or you can set up the nurse being there by mentioning how Bertha is alone minus the nurse who takes care of her.

Those are a couple of ideas, but I encourage you to play around with it!

Plot: 8/10. This is character-driven so there isn't really a specific "plot," but that's not a bad thing by any means. The story moves along well and it's understandable what's happening. My main critique is sometimes it feels like certain things come out of nowhere. I mentioned in the character section that the nurse just kind of appears without any transition or indicator that she was in the scene in the first place. I also talk about one of the transitions that felt a bit too quick/jarring in the pacing section. I still think the plot is good, just some small things with clarity that could help the reader follow the story a tad better.

Pacing: 9/10. My one and only criticism of the pacing is I felt the story could have slowed down a bit at the end and taken just a little more time with Bertha and Gerald. Even just one or two more lines to show what they were looking at or something similar since it is the climax and most emotional part of the story. This is a nitpick but also the transition between the exposition at the beginning then to the scene where he visits the elderly home. Maybe you can connect it by saying something like, "He had always visited the masses, including the home of the elderly. That day was no different, and as he entered, aromas of...". I know that's a small thing which is why I'm just suggesting it but not saying you have to change it or anything.

I still felt the pacing was good and you did an excellent job revealing so much information in such a short story and, at the same time, didn't make it feel overwhelming.

Creativity: 8/10. The story idea is creative and the word choice is pretty solid. I have two criticisms, though one will be explained in more detail in the grammar section.

There were some awkward sentences that I will, like I just mentioned, explain in the grammar section. Since it's a flash fiction, awkward sentences are a little more noticeable than usual.

This is a small thing so I'll only take off 0.5 for it. The lines, "Only one was forgotten, slumped in her warn chair" and "She lacked a visitor, and Gerald walked to her." I feel you could have trimmed that and deleted the "She lacked a visitor" since the previous line already implies that. I know word count is important for this and you're trying to keep it around 200, which is why I would recommend taking away those four words and applying them elsewhere. I'll mention in the descriptions section that I felt you could have given just a hair more description to Bertha, and I think that could be an example of where to take those four words and re-apply them. I hope that makes sense.

Dialogue: 10/10. There isn't much dialogue, but what's there is effective and it's formatted correctly.

I'm not taking off points for this because it's so small, but something I thought I'd bring to your attention. But again, not taking off points for it. The line: "And I love you too Mother." There should be a comma before Mother, so like this: "And I love you too, Mother."

I thought I'd bring that to your attention, but I still think the dialogue deserves a 10/10 due to the emotional impact it has and the fact that it's formatted correctly.

Worldbuilding: 8/10. The worldbuilding is solid and does a good job setting up a new realm in such a short amount of time.

Just some small things, like the kitchen. It's mentioned that every room smells like pine and lemon oil but the kitchen, but it isn't said what the kitchen smells like or why it contrasts the rest of the home. I know that seems like a small thing, and it is, but when you draw attention to the contrast, it makes the reader curious as to why the kitchen smells different and also what it smells like. You don't have to answer the question why it smells different (since I think it's unnecessary), but maybe if you're going to draw attention to that contrast, consider giving the kitchen a scent for the readers to imagine.

Grammar/Spelling: 7.5/10. There were two grammatical moments I was a bit confused by. At the beginning, there are the lines, "The words, 'I love you.' Echoing in his imagination" and "A crown of rubies upon his head. Gerald was the King of Starlight but never loved." I thought this was a style choice to make it more poetic, but those were the only two cases of it happening, which is why I am torn on whether it was purposeful or not. Either way, it didn't land for me. I feel the sentences could have flowed a bit better as "With a crown of rubies upon his head, Gerald was the King of Starlight but never loved" and "The words 'I love you' echoed in his imagination."

There was a sentence that read, "Only one was forgotten, slumped in her warn chair." I believe instead of "warn" you meant "worn." Normally I wouldn't care much about a typo, but since this is a flash fiction piece, misspells stand out more. However, that's still a minor thing and something I'll only take off 0.5 for.

Otherwise, the grammar was good.

Description: 8.5/10. I liked the description in the story. It's a flash fiction so I wasn't expecting much, but you still managed to incorporate some of the five senses, like scent.

My one criticism is that I feel you could have given us a bit more about Bertha's appearance. Even just one sentence. We're told she's blind by age, but maybe just one more short sentence or certain words put in (like when Bertha reaches out to grab the king, maybe consider adding a few words to describe what her hand looks like) to make Bertha feel more alive. Seeing as the story is built around this last moment between Bertha and the king, I would recommend having just a little more to give Bertha more individuality and impact on the story. It doesn't need to be much so you can stay within your desired word count, but a little more could have been very beneficial so I could visualize the moment a bit more.

Themes and Emotions: 10/10. The theme is powerful, simple, and clear. You make the theme easy to understand and you don't waste the audience's time by trying to do too much. The emotions are elevated by Gerald's solid character work, and I overall think the themes and emotions are the best part of this story.

Title/Blurb/Cover: 10/10. I have no criticisms for any of the three in this category. The title is simple but gets the point across without overstaying its welcome, the blurb is direct and explains what each story is about without dragging on or being too vague or spoilery, and the cover has a nice color scheme with a well-chosen picture and good font/text color.

Total: 87/100.

Mystical Words: The Secrets of Emmattagon by TheWordArtistBooks

Thoughts:

Characters: 8.5/10. Emmatt is a very cute protagonist who has a quirky, innocent charm to him. I felt bad for him and you did an effective job setting up his emotions and character. He has many thoughts and feelings that make him feel real, and I found myself wanting to cuddle him up in a burrito blanket. He's a great protagonist who I cheered for!

I would've liked to see Avonlea again. It seemed like you were setting something up with her since she told Emmatt that he could come to her whenever he needed friends. Maybe, for example, she ends up being part of the group of friends in the book club at the end of the story. I also would've liked to have known more about Emmatt's new friends, but I'll explain more about that later when I talk about the ending.

Plot: 9/10. Other than some pacing issues I will explain below, I thought the plot was solid, had no plot holes, and made sense. I have no criticisms other than parts of the pacing that made the ending a bit rushed, but again, I will explain that below.

Pacing: 8/10. The pacing is overall solid throughout, though I wish there was more time spent with the ending. Seeing as the ending is what gives us the emotional resolution, having more time to see how Emmatt bonds with a new group would've been interesting. The entire story was spent showing how much of an outcast he was, so maybe just a few more lines to show him bonding with people could have been very satisfying.

I mentioned Avonlea in the character section and how she doesn't make another appearance. We don't get to learn any of the names of Emmatt's new friends because it goes by fast, so maybe by having Avonlea there, it would have given us (the readers) a familiar character to help ground ourselves in the situation. I'm not saying she has to be there, but that's one idea that could help. Another suggestion is slowing down and giving the new characters names since I did find it a bit strange we never learned the names of the friends Emmatt finally made.

Creativity: 9/10. The story idea is very creative and fits the fantasy genre well. I really like the world you gave us and how you made the characters interact with it. Everything feels realistic despite being a fantasy, and I thought the overall idea of struggling to fit in through the eyes of dragons was very interesting.

There is some repetitive word choice, like the word "turned" is used quite often throughout the text. I would recommend using find & replace through Word or Google Docs to help narrow down how many times you use certain words. Otherwise, no criticisms for sentence structure/word choice creativity.

Dialogue: 9/10. There were some dialogue formatting errors I will explain in the grammar section. Otherwise, I liked the dialogue and I think it fit the story you were trying to tell. You used dragon-related terms to flesh out the world and characters more, which was a good decision. Overall, good dialogue.

Worldbuilding: 10/10. The worldbuilding is pretty solid. In a short story it can be very difficult to write significant and comprehensive worldbuilding. You don't have much time to flesh out a world, but I think you did an effective job. You explain what certain elements of the world are, like Flyball, in an understandable way, and there are even times you take the world and relate it to the characters' personalities (like Emmatt explaining the Snarby Library in a way that fits his personality and love of books). Overall, really solid worldbuilding.

Grammar/Spelling: 7.5/10. There were some awkward sentences. For example, "As they were out of earshot, and I didn't catch a word of their conversation." The "and" is the issue here. I would recommend one of the two alternatives: "As they were out of earshot, I didn't catch a word of their conversation" OR "They were out of earshot, and I didn't catch a word of their conversation." I would recommend reading sentences out loud or plugging them into TTS to hear how they sound. I personally use TTS and it helps me a lot with eliminating awkward sentences.

There were minor tense issues where the tense flip flopped between past and present tense incorrectly, but I'll only take off 0.5 for that since they were minor.

Sometimes dialogue tags are done wrong. For example: "If you need a friend, you could come to me, you know." Avonlea said. It should be: "If you need a friend, you could come to me, you know," Avonlea said. Also: "Dude, look at him! Studying what's-his-name's history during lunch! What a nerd!" The white dragon replied. It should be: "Dude, look at him! Studying what's-his-name's history during lunch! What a nerd!" the white dragon replied.

Since dialogue tags are continuations of the dialogue, the dialogue cannot end with a period (first example) or be capitalized unless it is a proper noun (second example). Even when dialogue ends with punctuation other than a comma, like a question mark, the first letter of the tag needs to be lowercase unless it is a proper noun.

Other than those couple things, the grammar was good.

Description: 9/10. The descriptions are good, though I would recommend being more specific in some areas. For example, near the end, the dragons are described and shown to us via their colors. Not a bad idea, it's just that there are so many by the end that it can be a little hard to follow. The one that stood out to me the most was the one with the monocle because that's a specific description that stands out. I would recommend maybe giving each dragon one or two small things that stand out so the audience has an easier time telling them apart, if that makes sense.

The descriptions, like I said, are overall good, I would just recommend incorporating smaller details to help the dragons really stand out, if that makes sense.

Themes and Emotions: 9/10. The themes in this story are admirable and deal with a young person's struggle to fit in. I like how you took a concept so incredibly human and made it fit in a dragon's world.

The only criticism I have relates back to the characters/pacing since I would've liked to see more pay off for Avonlea saying she can be Emmatt's friend, and I would've liked to see the end of the story fleshed out more so we can see more of a resolution to the theme. Not that there isn't a resolution because there is, but seeing it fleshed out a tad more could have been very beneficial.

Title/Blurb/Cover: 8.5/10. No criticisms for the title. Seeing as there are many fantastical short stories in this piece, the use of the word mystical makes sense.

For compilations, blurbs are harder to judge since I have different standards for them. The blurb is short but tells the reader what to expect. The only thing I would say is you could add more emotional buzz words or be a little more specific. You say "various genres." Maybe give an example of a couple genres, or give an example of the type of stories you're writing (young adult, angsty, humorous, etc.). With that being said, you are specific about the word count of the stories, so that's a nice touch. I don't think I've seen many, if any, short story compilations give specific word counts for the chapters.

No criticisms for the cover. It has a nice color scheme that matches the title perfectly and I like all the text placement.

Total: 87.5/100.

REVIEWS:

Better Is Terrifying by sweetandhotcreator

Thoughts:

Characters: 8/10. I overall like the characters and think you did a good job making Nessa in particular feel real. Seeing as she's our protagonist, I really liked the level of detail you gave her.

The only critiques I have are two. One is I wish the characters weren't as hard on Nessa as they were. She really deserved a giant hug and a huge apology from everyone seeing as her past is really bad. She lied and that wasn't good, but her past was far from her fault and she was abandoned by everyone. She sacrificed everything, including her body, to save her father, who ended up leaving her too. I fully understand why she lied and even support some parts of it (some parts, not all). I reread a couple parts to make sure I didn't miss anything, but I really think she deserved an apology for everything she had to go through, both from her husband and her sister. Her husband does apologize for some things, but I think Nessa deserved to have a real heart-to-heart with someone about everything that happened and how much guilt she felt. I really felt bad for her.

Two, I wish there was a bit more time spent with Luna and Nessa and seeing their relationship develop. I feel like their relationship had the most potential since both of them had every right to be angry at the other. It wasn't really Nessa's fault for leaving (she was practically disowned), but it's understandable why Luna would be angry, and it's also understandable why Nessa would be angry because Luna reminds her of a past she wishes to escape. If you write another relationship like them, I would recommend showing them more and giving them more dialogue together. I was invested in their relationship and I would've loved to see more.

But hey, that's also a good thing if one of my two criticisms is that I wanted to see more. I was interested in them and, in general, interested in all the characters. I hated Rick, but I was still intrigued by him, so you did a good job even making the antagonist interesting to read about.

Honestly, out of every story I've read for this category, this one got me the most passionate about the characters. I had to write and rewrite this section many times since I had so many thoughts and I didn't know what to do with them. That goes to show you have a lot of talent when I get really passionate over the characters. Characters are my favorite part of any story, and since you were able to hook me with these ones, I'm going to read your other ones in my free time. I'm really excited to see more of your character work, so I hope you keep writing!

Plot: 9/10. The plot is overall solid and fits the story you want to tell. It makes sense for the characters and the world they are living in. The only point comes off from some pacing/transition issues that made the plot a little hard to follow at times, but I will explain that in the next section.

Pacing: 7/10. The pacing is good but has some areas for improvement I will explain below.

The transitions could use some more clarity. For example, in chapter 4 there's this: "You know, I appreciate you trying to make this place better for us." I smiled. "Your favorite neighbors are approaching us," Bryce said, pointing to Rick and Brooke.

Do you see how there's no transition between the first line and the second? I would recommend transitioning to it by, for example, having Nessa notice them and trail off in her dialogue (or having her dialogue get cut off entirely by the shock of seeing them). Bryce not replying to her comment makes it feel like the comment was a bit unnecessary and it made the rapid change from a nice day on the beach to Rick and Brooke approaching feel a bit jarring.

I don't think there's anything wrong with Nessa's line, but if you're going to include it, I would recommend setting up a more natural transition so it doesn't feel like a random change to go from a nice swim to sudden danger with no setup. I hope that makes sense.

Similarly, there were times I felt you could have slowed down and given the audience (and the characters) time to react to what was happening. I understand that, in life, some things happen fast, but there were times I still felt the story could have slowed down. The biggest example I have is in chapter 5 when Luna shows up. This is a huge moment because it gives some answers for the audience and Bryce is discovering many many many new things about his wife that she lied about.

That's why I would recommend slowing that moment down a bit. As is, it's mostly dialogue and we don't get to see much of everyone's reactions outside of small things like widened eyes. I would recommend incorporating more body language, facial expressions, and voice abnormalities (cracks, tone changes, etc.). It's in Bryce's POV, and I feel that was a great chance to show us more about Bryce's thought process and character by showing us how he reacted to such a life-changing discovery. The woman he married lied to him about something huge. That's why I would recommend slowing down because not only is Bryce getting his world changed, but the audience is receiving massive new information and could benefit from having time to process it. In a way, we could connect with Bryce more by processing it with him in that moment. Does that make sense?

The pacing of the plot events unfolding is overall good, but some tweaks to the transitions and slowing down to give characters time to react could greatly benefit both the audience and the character development.

Creativity: 9/10. The story idea is very creative and I like how you executed it. Having all these events happen because of a city was a great choice and I really like how the story unfolded on the creative side of things.

I'll explain a little more in the description section, but I feel you could have had a little stronger word choice in some areas to give the audience a better peek at what was going on in the story. But again, I'll explain more in the description section what I mean by word choice and being more specific about what's going on.

Dialogue: 8/10. Some of the dialogue is a bit too expository, mostly in the beginning. Most notably with the line, "Babe I know that your dad left you when you were a child for his mistress in Chicago. Unfortunately, your mom died due to that and you were raised in an orphanage." This is very expository since there's no reason for Bryce to repeat information both of them already know, and we (the audience) know it's just for our benefit. There are many ways to put this information in the story more naturally, but I'll offer an alternative.

Maybe you can remove that piece of dialogue and instead have Nessa narrate it in her mind by saying she created a cover story about the orphanage. That way instead of the dialogue sounding unnatural and expository, you have Nessa's narration where you can do a few things to make the exposition more exciting. By that I mean, you can write it in a way that shows Nessa's personality. She's already anxious, so you can show more of that by the way she describes the orphanage cover story. That's one way to give exposition while also developing the character and showing the audience who she is.

Like I said, there are many many many ways to give the audience this information without needing to be that expository with the dialogue, so I recommend playing around with it! My alternative was just an idea and not one I'm saying you should follow, but I hope seeing it helped explain my point and popped some ideas in your head!

Otherwise, I think the dialogue is good.

Worldbuilding: 9/10. I think the world of Chicago was an interesting choice. City life in America is something that needs to be studied since it is wild over here. I think Chicago fits with the chaotic past that Nessa has, and I'm glad you chose it.

The only thing is I would've liked to see more locations outside of their house, and in those locations I would've liked to see a little more Chicago life given to them. For example, maybe consider incorporating the five senses (sight, sound, touch, etc.) into your descriptions of the different parts of Chicago, that way the city feels more alive. Many of the chapters take place in the house or in Bryce's workplace. There are some cool settings like the beach and the restaurant in chapter 3, so you do have some diversity, though I would've liked to see more. Maybe consider taking one of those chapters where they're only in the house and changing the location.

It's not a big deal and I'm not saying you have to do that, but it is something to consider. I still think the world is good and I like what you did with it, earning this category a well-deserved high score.

Grammar/Spelling: 7.5/10. There are some grammar and spelling errors, such as "vowed" as "bowed" and "dine" as "dime" in chapter 3.

Some dialogue tags are done incorrectly, but since it's a minor error, I won't take off much for it. For example, sometimes you capitalize a tag even if it's not a proper noun.

Like: "How about Spain?" He asked. (chapter 4)

It should be: "How about Spain?" he asked.

Even when dialogue ends with something other than a comma, like a question mark, the tag still needs to be lowercase. I'm not taking off much for that since I know auto correct does that, so if you're writing on a platform that uses it (like phone), then I understand. Since it's a consistent grammar error I still have to take off points, but I won't take off much, especially when you do other dialogue tags correctly.

There are tense issues where the text will slip into present tense incorrectly. Since you're writing in past tense, present tense is used very rarely, like in direct character thoughts (usually shown through italics or ').

Description: 8/10. The descriptions in the story are pretty good and I liked reading them. I have one suggestion.

The main suggestion I have is to consider using less general descriptions and instead using more specific ones. A lot of the descriptions are very focused on things like the color of someone's hair or their eyes, or the wall color, or color in general. Color is very important and I'm not saying don't include that, but the more general the descriptions, the harder it is for the audience to immerse themselves in the scene. For example, when you're describing Bryce in the first chapter, consider adding more about what his face looks like. Does he have freckles? Moles? Birth marks? Dark spots? Eye bags? What nose shape does he have? Is his jawline sharp or soft? Any fake or chipped teeth? You give us a more general description and tell us he has plump lips along with things like silky black hair, but in that first chapter, consider adding a little more to give us a mental image right off the bat since this is our first look at him.

The same applies to other characters, environments, and objects throughout the story. You have good descriptions and I'm not trying to say otherwise, but I would recommend considering using more specific descriptions, especially for when we're first introduced to important people, places, and things. You don't need to go overboard and do like several paragraphs worth of descriptions. In fact, you can do specific descriptions with just one short sentence. So I would recommend playing around with it and seeing what works for you!

Themes and Emotions: 8/10. The themes and emotions in this story are very impactful and I'm glad you covered this topic about the past and how it can catch up to you.

My main criticism ties back in with the characters and how I wish there was a little more time spent with characters like Luna and Rick and how they impact Nessa. And by that I mean more conversations between them in the later parts of the story. More Luna than Rick, but Rick too. I also would have liked to see more of Brooke and how she's handling that whole situation. I really liked the moment between her and Nessa where Brooke comforts her. I would've liked to see more moments like that since I think Brooke plays an important role in this story by being married to Rick.

However, I still think the themes and emotions are overall good.

Title/Blurb/Cover: 6.5/10. Better Is Terrifying is a title that gets the job done and implies what the story is going to be about. It uses the emotional buzzword "terrifying" to evoke feeling in the audience before they even click on the book. No criticisms.

The blurb tells me what the story is going to be about, raises mystery, and introduces the main characters and their emotional conflicts. The last paragraph especially is very good and I have no criticisms for that paragraph. My criticisms are that there are grammar errors and it feels a little off to suddenly interrupt the blurb to include an excerpt then go back to the blurb. In my opinion, it could have been a little more organized if the second paragraph of the excerpt was at the beginning of the blurb, then you transitioned to the core of the blurb with the "Nessa and Bryce..." So it would look like:

"He's asking me to give our better a chance...

***

Nessa and Bryce are happily married..."

For me, it felt a little strange to read the blurb, then read an excerpt, then go back to blurb. That's why I'm recommending downsizing a little by only including the second paragraph of the excerpt and keeping the focus on the blurb. I hope that makes sense.

As for the grammar errors, there are missing commas. For example: Nessa and Bryce are happily married to each other but their two years long marriage gets threatened when they move into a new place.

Here are the grammar corrections: "Nessa and Bryce are happily married, but their recent marriage gets threatened when they move into a new place."

Do you see how much I cut out of the sentence to make it flow a bit smoother? When you say "Nessa and Bryce are happily married to each other," the "each other" isn't needed since it's already implied by the "are happily married." There needs to be a comma before "but." Lastly, I removed the "years long" and shortened it to "recent" since saying "two years long" felt a little clunky.

Sometimes I ask my father for help just to make sure I'm judging fairly (my father is also a writer). I asked him about that sentence. He said a potential alternative could be, "A new home threatens the marital bliss of a young couple."

It has emotional buzz words and is short and to the point. It's completely different from what you wrote which is why I offered my alternative as well since it sticks very close to what you wrote, but those are two examples of ways you can take the first sentence. Please play around with it and experiment! You don't have to go with either of those alternatives if you don't want to, those are just examples to help steer you in the right direction!

The cover is okay. The picture is nice and I like the placement of the author's name; however, I feel the title could be a liiittle lower to even out the placement and make it appear more natural, and I'm not sure how I feel about the "Better" being yellow. I feel like it could benefit from being red like the author's name to give it a bit more visual cohesion so there aren't three different text colors. I didn't see how the yellow fit in with the rest of the cover, is what I'm trying to say. The sunset is the only thing that is a bit yellow, but the rest of the cover is dark, which is why I would recommend playing around with the colors and maybe considering using red to match it with the author's name.

Total: 80/100.

Still Bangtan by midnight_breezee

Thoughts:

Characters: 10/10. The characters in this aren't really characters since they're modeled directly after irl BTS, so they're more vessels for the theme than characters; however, I don't think that's a bad thing, it just makes this section a bit tricky to judge. I didn't have any issues with the characters and I thought you captured BTS' charm very well. For that reason, I have no criticisms and I will give this section the perfect score.

Plot: 10/10. The story follows BTS and Army as they are aged up and doing a concert while they're in their grandparent era. There are no plot holes or inconsistencies, and I found the plot easy to follow and fun to read about. No criticisms.

Pacing: 8/10. The pacing is pretty good and every member has their chance to shine and do their own thing, and eventually, the group as a whole does, so the story feels balanced in terms of screen time for every BTS member.

The only thing I would say is there were some areas I felt you could have added a little more emotion, like fleshing out a performance or two, maybe the Eternal performance or, if you really want some tears, Young Forever, and you can have it resemble the concert where Armys sang it for BTS. Seeing as Eternal and Young Forever are two of the most emotional songs for Army, that's why I recommend fleshing out the Eternal performance and maybe considering adding a little bit of Young Forever as a callback to one of the most iconic moments in BTS concert history.

You don't have to do that or anything, but fleshing out the performance of Eternal to have a climatic moment could be interesting and also really hit the audience in the feels. But either way, the pacing is still good.

Creativity: 8/10. The story has a solid creative idea that will draw in any Army. The presentation of the story is pretty good and I liked how it was done.

I'll explain more in the description section, but I believe the story could benefit from lingering on moments more and incorporating more description (like the five senses) to flesh out the scenes. I understand this is more of a concept than a story so I'm not expecting giant paragraphs of description or anything, but small moments to help flesh out certain areas. I mentioned in the pacing that a potential idea is fleshing out the Eternal performance to make it have an even bigger impact on Army. Small things like that can go a long way and strengthen the execution of the idea.

I think the idea is very good and the writing is creative as well. All I suggest is lingering on moments using vivid descriptions to A) show more of your writing style since I think it's interesting and B) give Armys more emotion. I hope that makes sense!

Dialogue: 8/10. There are some formatting errors I already wrote in grammar before writing this section, so I won't repeat them here and I'll just let the grammar section explain the formatting errors. Therefore the deductions will be explained in the grammar section.

There isn't much dialogue in this, but there doesn't need to be. The dialogue isn't intrusive and it does what it has to without feeling forced or over-the-top. It fits in with the story, and other than the formatting/grammatical errors, I have no criticisms.

Worldbuilding: 10/10. The world of BTS and Army is great in this story and I was very happy while reading it. I don't have any criticisms regarding the worldbuilding since all the important parts of the BTS and Army world are present.

Grammar/Spelling: 6.5/10. There are consistent misspells throughout, both in Korean and English, but mostly in English. I'll start with an example of the Korean misspells. I'll use two examples from the beginning: "Dul Seth! Anneong Hasseo." It should be: "Dul, set! Annyeonghaseyo (둘 셋! 안녕하세요)." The "h" isn't needed in set because of the way it's spelled in Hangeul. There is no need for the space between annyeong and haseyo because it's all one word. There's also no need to capitalize Korean words unless they are proper nouns (it's fine you capitalized Bangtan, for example; however, other words like "set" are just numbers so there's no need for capitalization).

As for English misspells, there are a few throughout such as "arr" instead of "are" at the end and "highnotes" instead of "high notes."

Dialogue tags are done incorrectly, and there are spacing errors in dialogue. Let's start with the simpler thing: spacing errors. Dialogue is written like this: " Thats our World Wide Handsome, Jin." You reply patting his/her head.

Do you see the extra space between the " and Thats? It's an unnecessary space.

It should be: "That's our Worldwide Handsome, Jin," you reply, patting their head.

I made a few changes. I corrected the spelling of "That's," I fixed the dialogue tag, I added a comma, I corrected the spelling of "worldwide," and I changed the "his/her" to "their" simply for flow (his/her isn't wrong, but it could flow better as "their" instead, so that's an optional change).

Since I changed the dialogue tag, let's talk about that next. Tags are always lowercase unless they are a proper noun, and when using a tag, dialogue cannot end in a period. Dialogue can end in anything else, though. Similarly, if using different end punctuation (such as ?), the tag is still lowercase unless it is a proper noun. So: "How are you?" he asked. NOT: "How are you?" He asked. Dialogue tags are considered part of the same sentence as the dialogue, hence why they are always lowercase unless they are a proper noun.

Description: 7.5/10. The descriptions fit the story, though I would recommend incorporating more senses to make the concert really come to life. When I went to the Yoongi concert in April of last year, it was truly the most unforgettable experience of my life, and I remember all the lights and smells, all the noises, the taste of the air (maybe that's dramatic, but it's true), and even the feel of other people bumping into me as they danced and shouted. So that would be my recommendation. Since this is such an emotional concert you're writing about, I feel it could benefit from using more of the five senses to really put Armys reading it in the scene. Consider describing the venue, the smells, the feel of other Armys bumping into each other, etc. I still think the descriptions work for what you're trying to do, but I feel the themes and emotions can be elevated more by really making Armys feel like they're there in the scene, if that makes sense.

Themes and Emotions: 9/10. The themes and emotions in this are the core part of the story, and I think they were done well. Any Army is going to at least smile at this unless they're made of stone lmao. BTS and Army alike have always talked about BTS performing well into their old age, so seeing a short story about it was a very nice payoff to those conversations. I only took one point off because again I feel fleshing out one of the emotional performances like Eternal could have been very beneficial to the emotions present in the work, but even then, I think the emotions are strong and worth getting a high score.

Title/Blurb/Cover: 7.5/10. The title being "Still Bangtan" ties in perfectly with the core theme of the story. I have no criticisms for it. It pretty much tells you what the theme of the story is without you even needing to read it.

The blurb is: "Imagine a BTS concert after 40 years from now where BTS in their 70s and Armys roughly in their 60s." It sums up the story, though there are some errors. Here's what I would recommend: "Imagine a BTS concert 40 years from now where BTS is in their 70s and Armys roughly in their 60s." I removed the "after" since it made the sentence a little clunky, and there needed to be "is" before the "in."

I have no criticisms for the cover. I like the use of the black and white photo and the choice to make the "Bangtan" red. It contrasts with the background and has a nice pop as a result. It's a smooth cover that feels cohesive, and everything is easy to read.

Total: 84.5/100.

Mystery Girl by emilypoole977

Thoughts:

Characters: 7/10. There are some cute moments in this, like how Jungkook names the various friends he comes across. I like the concept of the characters and I like how they interact with the plot. However, I would recommend more development for them. It's a short story so I'm not talking a big character arc or anything like that, but small things like more thoughts for Jungkook and maybe an extra conversation or two to help us (readers) see Jungkook's dynamic with his new friends. Those small things can go a long way and help us feel more attached to the characters. As is, I don't know much about Jungkook, the protagonist. I don't know much about the other characters either. I don't need to know everything about them, but knowing some things like their likes and dislikes and more about their personality can help us relate to them and want to continue reading their journey.

I think the characters have potential, they just need a little more time to develop and show what their personalities are like, if that makes sense. I'll give a specific idea to demonstrate what I mean in the pacing section.

Plot: 9/10. The plot idea is very interesting and I like the ideas here. The prompt this is based off of is very creative and I liked how you executed it. I overall like the plot and the journey the characters have. My one criticism is that the pacing is very fast, though I will explain more in the next section.

Pacing: 7.5/10. The pacing is very fast and could benefit from slowing down and fleshing out the characters more. I already mentioned in the characters section that it feels like we don't know much about them. For example, during Namjoon's part while Jungkook is trying to find an oil can. Maybe the oil can is in a hard to reach place and Jungkook has to come up with a solution to get it. Not only does this slow down the story and give Jungkook a chance to talk to Cookyjin (thus fleshing both of them out more), but it can also show Jungkook's problem-solving skills. You can learn a lot about someone based on their problem-solving skills. Seeing how Jungkook solves the problem could add a lot to his character, add an obstacle to make it so the journey doesn't seem easy and it challenges our heroes, and create a conversation between Cookyjin and Jungkook that fleshes both of them out. Just by adding that one small scene, you do three things for your narrative.

I'm not saying that's a perfect suggestion or one you have to add in, but it is something to consider. In creative writing, the goal is to do as much in a scene as possible, which is why I try my best to suggest scenes that can do at least three things for the story in the shortest amount of words possible. I encourage you to look for ways to do as much as you can with one scene since there are plenty of ways to do it, not just with my idea, but I hope my idea sparks your imagination and helps you.

Creativity: 8/10. While I know this is based on a prompt from my bestie, I still think the story idea is very creative and executed in a fun way.

I would just recommend having stronger word choice to evoke more emotions from the audience, but I will explain more about that in the description section.

Dialogue: 6.5/10. The formatting of the dialogue is incorrect. Sometimes the quotation marks are missing, which is not grammatically correct. Dialogue always needs quotation marks to show who is speaking. So, for example, you do this: Greetings Jungkook, she said. It should be: "Greetings, Jungkook," she said.

It's a very dialogue-heavy story, and I would recommend breaking it up a little more to give the audience a break from the constant talking. If you want to keep it dialogue-heavy, then I would still recommend adding more to the way lines are spoken. Consider including voice cracks or descriptions of their facial expressions/body language. Maybe instead of relying on dialogue tags all the time, introduce who's speaking using actions so the dialogue doesn't feel repetitive. So instead of "*insert dialogue here*," he said, maybe something like this: Jungkook grinned. "How are you?" That way you're introducing who is speaking and no longer using a repetitive tag.

Worldbuilding: 7/10. The world is interesting and I really liked the concept behind it. I like the world of the Wizard of Oz, and I'm glad you incorporated it in an intriguing way in your story.

My main criticisms have to do with fleshing out the world more and giving it more specific details that would make it stand out, though I will explain this in far more detail in the description category.

I think the world is engaging, it could just benefit from some more detail. But again, I'll explain more later. I wrote an explanation in the description section before I wrote this section, hence why I'm not explaining here.

Grammar/Spelling: 6/10. I already spoke to you in dms about the grammar errors, but I didn't go too in detail, so I will mention some specific cases here.

I mentioned before that dialogue tags must be lowercase unless they are a proper noun. Dialogue tags are continuations of the dialogue. AKA: They're part of the same sentence. That's why they're lowercase. If you're writing a sentence and the pronoun "he" makes an appearance halfway through it, you wouldn't capitalize it because it isn't a proper noun or starting a new sentence, right? So, like this: When he went to work, he got a cup of coffee from the intern. Notice how the second "he" isn't capitalized because it's part of the same sentence. The same applies to dialogue. So if the dialogue is: "Are you okay?" he asked, the "he" is still lowercase because it is part of the same sentence even though there's a question mark at the end of the dialogue.

Long story short, dialogue tags are always lowercase unless they are proper nouns, even if the dialogue ends with something other than a comma.

There are consistent misspells and punctuation errors, like "thoughtful" being spelled as "throughfull" in chapter 2. As for the punctuation errors, there were many times you didn't use closing quotation marks for dialogue. Also from chapter 2, "What are you smiling at? Asked the Scarecrow Cookyjin. It should be: "What are you smiling at?" asked the...

End punctuation is consistently missing. There are many times you don't have a period/full stop at the end of sentences. Like this: "If you don't mind me asking how did you get this way?" Asked Jungkook

It should be: "If you don't mind me asking, how did you get this way?" asked Jungkook.

There are also punctuation errors with missing commas, like in the example above (I added a comma between asking and how). For example: "Cookyjin tilts to the side questioning Jungkook." It should be: "Cookyjin tilted to the side, questioning Jungkook." I added a comma and corrected the tense since you are writing in past tense, not present.

While on the topic, there are tense issues where you flip flop between past and present tense incorrectly. The tense issues aren't consistent though, so I'll only take off 0.5 for it.

I would suggest using free grammar editing software such as Grammarly, ProWritingAid, or QuillBot to help tweak these errors. Though be warned that no grammar editing software that I know of picks up on incorrect dialogue tags or tense issues. Still, they can help with punctuation. I know you write in Google Docs, and Google Docs gives suggestions for spelling and grammar. It's right most of the time, so I would suggest taking a look at those suggestions.

Description: 5.5/10. I already spoke to you about description; however, I will still explain myself.

Descriptions are a vital part of storytelling. They help the readers visualize the environment, characters, actions, etc. Descriptions are imperative if you want your reader to be fully engaged with the text. When there are few descriptions or none whatsoever, it hurts the reader's immersion. When a reader only sees dialogue, it's hard for them to attach themselves to the characters and world because they don't know what the characters and world looks or feels like.

The descriptions don't need to be long. In fact, in some cases it's better not to have long descriptions; however, if you are going to write a fantasy world, especially one inspired from the Wizard of Oz, I still very very strongly recommend incorporating more descriptions into your writing. You don't need to use several paragraphs of description or anything, but you can add small things here and there. The little things can go a long way.

For example, I told you about Geemelda and how simply saying she looks like a fairy doesn't give the audience much visual of her since every reader will see a fairy differently. Even if you just give her one defining feature, it could benefit the audience greatly. Does she have piercing emerald eyes that match her name being Geemelda (which kinda sounds like emerald)? Or if you don't want to go physical, you can describe her voice. Is her voice smooth? When you introduce her using the line "You think purple is your colour," said a voice, you can describe the voice at the same time by doing something like this: "You think purple is your colour," said a soothing female voice. With just two new words (soothing and female, though the "female" is optional), you immediately give the audience more to work with than just "said a voice."

By adding these small descriptive terms, you're elevating your story and giving the readers more to work with. Readers read to visualize a world and immerse themselves with new characters. Without descriptions, it becomes much harder for the readers to feel the emotions you want them to. Dialogue by itself cannot show emotions. I believe anywhere from 70 to 90 percent of our communication is nonverbal. So if you're not giving readers that 70 to 90 percent, do you see why it could impact the emotional takeaway they get from the story?

There are some descriptions in the story, but not many, and very few are specific or display a defining characteristic of a person or place, hence why I am recommending incorporating more descriptions. I know you don't want to write long stories and that's fine, but descriptions don't equal long stories. You can still have a short story with strong descriptions. It's not about the length of the descriptions, it's about the quality. Even just one or two short sentences can elevate a story. That's why I would very strongly suggest looking into working more with descriptions, even if it's just by doing what I mentioned earlier (giving a voice an adjective by only adding two words). Just using more adjectives can go a long way, and typically you only need one adjective to describe something. That's only one extra word. When I break it down like that, I hope it makes more sense why descriptions are so important for storytelling and how you can still do it without writing more than you want to.

Themes and Emotions: 8/10. I like the ending about there being no place like home and also all the references to Wizard of Oz impacting the theme you're trying to display.

The emotions could be stronger by giving them more time to shine. The dialogue itself isn't very emotional and there isn't much description or thoughts to show how the characters are feeling. It's mostly dialogue, which makes the emotions feel less present than they could be.

I still like the idea behind this story and I think it's one of the best parts of the work, all I'm suggesting is having stronger emotions present by giving the characters more emotional dialogue, describing facial expressions/body language, and/or showing more character thoughts to help us identify with the characters more.

Title/Blurb/Cover: 6/10. The title fits the story and I have no criticisms for it. It sums up what the plot is going to be about.

The blurb is "He found himself waking up in a strange world, he couldn't remember much just that he remembered following the Mystery Girl to the game parlour." There are some grammar errors in this sentence. Here is an alternative: "He woke up in a strange world; he couldn't remember much, just that he remembered following the Mystery Girl to the game parlour." I removed "found himself waking up" to make the word choice less clunky, I added a semicolon, and I added a comma before "just."

I would also recommend adding another sentence or two just to round out the blurb more. As is, there isn't much emotional stakes put on display. Why is the mystery girl important? Why does it matter that he couldn't remember? What does he have to do? Maybe try adding some hints that will point toward what his journey will contain. Will it have betrayal? Heartbreak? New friendships? Will lies be told? Will secrets be revealed? Does he need to find this mystery girl? If so, why? You don't have to answer all of those questions or even more than one or two of them, but including the answers to some of those questions could help make the blurb stand out more and allow the audience to understand the story on a more detailed level.

The cover doesn't fit Wattpad's dimensions, so there's a lot of white space all around it while the cover is a block in the middle. I would recommend resizing it to fit the 512x800 dimensions. Since it doesn't fit the dimensions, it's a little hard to see and blurrier than it would be otherwise. If the cover were resized and full screen, it'd be stronger. I'd also recommend playing around with the font of the "Mystery Girl" title card. It looks like the standard font, and considering this is a fantastical story with a picture that hints at adventure, I would suggest having the font match that. Maybe try playing around with the different fonts and seeing which one you feel fits the vibe of your story.

Total: 70.5/100.

Jungkook, Don't Drink That!! by SSears90

Thoughts:

Characters: 9/10. The characters are my favorite part of the story and I like how they interact with one another. Jungkook was a great protagonist with a journey that really makes you feel for him. It reminded me of back when I was 15, which feels like forever ago now. Jungkook's character did a great job bringing up questions about youth and he makes the audience ask themselves what they would do if they were suddenly transported back into their younger body.

The only thing is I would've liked to see more depth given to one or two other members of the band. You don't need to make all of them super fleshed out or anything, but Jin and Jungkook easily have the most material to work with, making them the best characters (Taehyung too, but I pointed out Jinkook because they have the strongest relationship with the most screen time). Jungkook and Jin are the faces of the story, so that's a good thing, but even though the others are side characters, I would recommend considering giving them a little more to do and think.

For example, maybe give Jimin a little more material to work with. I'm not saying that because I'm a Jimin bias lol, I'm saying that because Jungkook straight up ditches Jimin at the amusement park, so it could be interesting to see more of how that impacted Jimin. This story is written relatively close to the irl BTS, and Jimin irl is prone to self-blame and guilt. It could have been interesting to see him get more involved and protective after that since it's in Jimin's character to do something like that. The fact that he brushed off that whole event was a bit strange to me. I know it's fiction so I'm not expecting it to be like real life and I'm not saying it has to be, but with or without the irl context, it still strikes me as a bit off that Jimin didn't really have much reaction to being ditched by Jungkook, which led to Jungkook almost getting kidnapped. So that's what I mean when I say there were areas you could have had the side characters (in this case, Jimin) have a little more depth. I'm not saying they have to do a lot or anything, but just a little more to make the cast stand out more could be beneficial.

However, that's a minor thing so I won't take off much for it. I still really liked the characters and their banter. I especially liked Yoongi's dialogue with the others since it made me laugh. It's rare for books to make me laugh.

Plot: 8.5/10. Other than one small thing I'll explain below, the plot made sense and had no holes or inconsistencies. It was a cute plot that allowed the characters to express different sides of their personality that we don't usually see, and it poses an interesting "What If?" question about what would happen if Jungkook was suddenly young again. Considering he's the youngest in the band, it's an intriguing question that I'm glad you took the time to answer.

The only thing I found a little hard to believe was the amusement park bit when Jungkook got grabbed by an older man. They're in an amusement described as busy with many crowds, so I found it a little hard to believe that the only person noticing Jungkook crying for help was Jin, who was in the distance. I understand Jin recognizes Jungkook's voice and cares more than a stranger would, but this is where description is important because if they're in an amusement park, couldn't Jungkook grab someone else as the man was dragging him? Even if no one was paying attention to Jungkook's cries, if he's in a crowd, why didn't he grab onto anyone? We're not told if he's in an isolated or busy part of the park, but before this scene happened we're told Jungkook slips in and out of crowds to avoid the BTS members. So when the last thing we're told is he's going in crowds, do you see why it can be a little hard to believe this kidnapping is happening in the middle of a busy amusement park where Jungkook is yelling loud enough for Jin, a figure that's said to be in the distance, to hear? It just raises questions about why no one else stopped him, where the staff is, why Jungkook didn't grab onto someone else, etc.

Pacing: 8/10. The pacing is overall good and I think the story unfolds at a natural pace that isn't too slow or too fast. I have one critique I'll explain below.

I have some criticisms of the transitions. Sometimes a paragraph will have a main idea then the last sentence or two will feel like they belong in a different paragraph. For example, from chapter one, the paragraph that starts with, "There was also a science competition..." and ends with "They all finished getting ready and loaded into a 7 seater SUV they had. Hobi offered to drive everyone." That paragraph was about Jungkook's love of food trucks, then the last two sentences are suddenly showing them on their way to the fair. Do you see how that can be a little jarring? The easiest solution I can recommend is to simply make the "They all finished getting ready..." separate from the rest of the paragraph. That's it! That's a minor fix, but it can help the flow of the story tremendously.

Creativity: 8/10. The story idea is very creative and does a great job sparking interest in the reader. I really like this concept and I like the way it was executed too.

The only thing I would recommend is considering diversifying the word choice. What I mean by that is there's a lot of "walking" and "looking," "smiling" and "laughing." I would recommend finding synonyms for those words or looking for different ways to describe those things. You don't need to change every single use of those words, but consider changing a few of them to make the word choice pop a little more, if that makes sense.

I still think the story idea and sentence structure is very creative, though.

Dialogue: 7/10. There were some moments where the dialogue formatting was incorrect, but since the formatting was overall good, I won't take off much for that.

What I mean is there were times you'd use tags when they weren't needed. For example: Jungkook cut them off, "Hyungs! Look at that one! We should go check out that one!" he said. If you're doing "Jungkook cut them off," you don't need the "he said" tag for two reasons. One, you already established Jungkook is talking, so it's unnecessary. Two, the comma after "off" shows us Jungkook is speaking, making it like a dialogue tag. That means you're technically using two there. That's why the "he said" isn't needed.

This is something that happens a few times throughout the story, which is why I brought it up. It happens again with Jungkook in the same chapter as the example from before (chap 1). It happens with the paragraph that starts with, "Jungkook placed his food and drink down on the table...". It's only three paragraphs after the first example.

Sometimes you'll put lines spoken by different characters in the same paragraph. I would strongly recommend not doing that. So it would be something like this: "Hey," Raven said. "Hey," Jimin said.

It should be:

"Hey," Raven said.

"Hey," Jimin said.

By separating the dialogue, it helps the reader understand who is speaking without you needing to tell us, and it also prevents paragraphs from feeling unnecessarily long.

The dialogue is overall okay, it could just use some fixes to the presentation/formatting to make it easier to read.

Worldbuilding: 8.5/10. The world is pretty good in this. You do a good job giving us distinct locations for us to attach ourselves to and learn about.

The only thing I would say is there were some areas I felt were less developed than others. Like in the first chapter with the science fair. When they actually get there, we get very brief explanations about what the members are looking at through this paragraph, "Hobi saw a volcano display, Namjoon saw a group doing an experiment..." It's a short paragraph that gives general details, and I would recommend giving more specific details and/or incorporating the five senses to make the science fair feel more alive. For example, what does it smell like? What does it sound like? How many people are there? You don't need to answer all of those questions, but those are questions to consider the next time you find yourself writing a scene like this.

I think the worldbuilding is overall good and does a great job giving us information about the world BTS are living in.

Grammar/Spelling: 7/10. There were times semicolons were needed but weren't present. For example, "Hobi was also interested, he had always been into science ever since he was young." It needs a semicolon because of the second clause. So it should be, "Hobi was also interested; he had been into science ever since he was young." I only removed the "always" because it was a bit redundant, in my opinion. Another example is, "They were all excited, the flyer for the fair said there would be a ton of different showcases." The comma should be a semicolon.

Sometimes ellipses are done wrong where you'll use more or less than three dots. Ellipses are three dots, and sometimes you'll do ".." or more than three. Like in chap 2: "Woah..you are Jungkook...but how.....no way!" Do you see how one is two dots and the other is five? They're supposed to be three like the middle one.

There are some spacing errors where there will be excess spaces. By that I mean this: " You mean to tell me we can get discounts with him?!" (chapter 2, near the end). Do you see the extra space between the " and the You? It happens quite a few times throughout the story, but since it's a minor error, I'll only take off 0.5 for it.

I would recommend not using all caps. They're very hard to read because they're distracting and can slow read time. Along with that, all caps are telling over showing and come off as you (the author) screaming at us (the reader).

Description: 8/10. The descriptions are pretty good in the story, though there were some strange times description was omitted, which led to confusion. I believe I already explained this in the plot section with the amusement park. When Jungkook goes off on his own, we aren't shown much of what the area he's in looks like, which led me to being confused about why Jungkook didn't grab on to anyone and only Jin noticed the young boy was in such a panicked state. So I would recommend making sure you're describing big plot events like that to avoid confusion in the narrative.

However, where there are descriptions, they're good.

Themes and Emotions: 10/10. I like the theme and the emotions present are very well done. There are many emotions in the story and the themes revolving around youthfulness and what it means to be young are fascinating and fun to read about. Overall, the themes and emotions are very strong and I liked them a lot.

Title/Blurb/Cover: 6.5/10. The title is Jungkook, Don't Drink That!! I wasn't quite sure what the purpose of the second ! was. Otherwise, the title has a charm to it that certainly stands out from other Wattpad titles. Since it is a short story, I think the title being that is fine and works for what you're trying to do. So other than the second ! being a bit strange for me, I have no criticisms.

The blurb sums up what happens in the story in a way that doesn't overstay its welcome. It tells you what to expect, which is good. There are minor grammar errors. In this sentence: "It turns him back into his 15 year old self, at least his body anyways, causing his hyungs to become a little too over-protective." Here it is with the corrections: "It turns him back into his 15-year-old self, at least his body anyway, causing his hyungs to become a little too over-protective." You'll notice I added hyphens to the age and changed "anyways" to "anyway."

As for the cover, the picture of Jungkook makes sense for the story and fits perfectly. However, there is no title or author's name, it's just the picture. While it is a cute picture, I would recommend giving the cover a title and author's name, and maybe even a tagline to attract readers to the story. It's not a bad picture by any means, but it could be enhanced by incorporating those core elements. Without those elements, it doesn't have a "cover" feel, if that makes sense.

Total: 80.5/100

Always an Expiration Date by pietsdottir

Thoughts:

Characters: 8.5/10. The cast of characters have diverse personalities that make them fun and unique. They appeal to a wide variety of readers, and my personal favorite was Jake since his personality appealed to me the most. I think Jake had the best dynamics with the other characters and he had the most interesting dialogue. The other characters were interesting too, I just found myself attached the most to Jake.

I would've liked to know a bit more about Mike simply because she's painted a lot like a villain when she does a lot of the same things Aidan does. Sure, she's interested in Jake, but Aidan is too to the point where he jerked off to another man while in a relationship and got very close with him in that elevator and in daily life. I think both Aidan and Mike are flawed people who weren't right for each other, I just wish we got to know more about her side of things and what was going through her mind. Seeing as she's one of the most important characters, it could've been nice to learn more about her and her thoughts.

Still, the characters are fun to read about and I enjoyed them.

Plot: 8.5/10. The only thing I would say is the first chapter felt a little inconsistent with the way it characterized Mike and Aidan's relationship. Obviously not every relationship is black and white and feelings change, but the very first thing you establish about their relationship is, "It was more than he could ask that he had a strong, independent woman by his side with whom he shared a peaceful existence and a halfway decent sex life." It also said that his relationship with her was comfortable and familiar. There were no red flags I saw between them during their interaction. If anything, Mike seemed rather sweet and caring, as did Aidan.

However, by the end of the chapter we're told Aidan feels his expiration date arriving with Mike because of her lack of tidiness and the sex life dying. Then why was it said at the beginning that the sex life was halfway decent? And about the tidiness, the text says this in the beginning, "...he assumed most of the domestic chores. Not that he minded. He'd always enjoyed cooking and tidying...". I can definitely understand him still being upset that she leaves things around, but we need to be shown that, not told it, especially when we're being told information that contradicts the first thing that was established in the story.

Something I would recommend is showing Mike's carelessness about picking up after herself. Yes, she keeps her clothes in the bedroom after getting changed, but we don't see her doing that, we see Aidan picking it up long after the fact. Maybe show her putting her dish in the sink while Aidan watches, and she turns on the water to wash her hands instead of taking the extra few seconds to wash the mug. You can have Aidan get the false sense of hope that she's about to wash it so he has less to do, but then she just washes her hands instead. That's one idea and I'm not saying it's perfect or even good, but when I break it down like that, does it make more sense why we need to be shown this information and not just told it, especially when we're told different information at the start of the story?

I would also recommend not having the first thing that's established contradict what you're trying to set up about their relationship being on the verge of expiration. So instead, maybe have more hints toward their expiration date or be vague about the state of the relationship. I was still hooked on the story with or without the explanation about their relationship status, so I don't think you absolutely need to describe in detail how Mike and Aidan's relationship is.

However, there are countless, and I mean countless, ways to write, so please don't blindly go with my suggestions. I strongly encourage you to play around with your work and see what you think works best for your style!

Pacing: 8.5/10. The pacing is pretty good other than some small things. The second chapter ends a little abruptly. I was expecting a little more or a concluding thought or phrase or line, but it feels like the chapter ends in the middle of a conversation. Then, in the next chapter, the second part of the conversation is skipped over and summed up in a paragraph. I'm okay with you skipping past that since you gave us a lot of substance before, but I would recommend ending the chapter that way instead of ending it in a place where it feels like there was still more to say. Maybe end with a cliffhanger of someone coming for them, or end when the two of them end the conversation they were currently having. There are many ways to end a chapter, so I encourage you to play around with it.

Creativity: 10/10. I have no critiques for the creativity in this story and I think it was handled well. The story idea was great and the word choice and diversity of the sentence structure were good too.

Dialogue: 8/10. Sometimes dialogue is put in strange places. Like from chapter one, the paragraph that starts with, "Mike's face lit up at the mention..." There's a paragraph of exposition then dialogue attached to that paragraph. I would recommend separating that to make the paragraph easier to read and also give the audience the space they need to process the information. Similarly, you sometimes have a line of dialogue then a paragraph not related to the dialogue right after it. For example: "Love you too!" After he closed the door behind Mike... You could separate the dialogue and the paragraph to increase readability.

Along with that, sometimes dialogue is capitalized wrong. Like sometimes when dialogue starts in the middle of the sentence, you don't capitalize it. Like this: She shot back from deep within a cupboard "you better! Two hours! Get!" It should be: She shot back from deep within a cupboard, "You better! Two hours Get!" Since dialogue is treated like its own sentence, it is capitalized no matter where it is in the sentence. Whether it's the beginning, middle, or end, the first letter, regardless of if it is a proper noun or not, needs to be capitalized. There also needs to be punctuation (in this case, a comma) to introduce the dialogue when you're using it in that way.

Other than the formatting errors I just mentioned, the dialogue is good.

Worldbuilding: 10/10. The world was interesting and made sense for the characters. I like how trips and traveling were essential parts of the story, like Mike going to visit her family in Nebraska. The specific locations and the use of distance made the story feel very real, and as an American myself, I appreciated the attention to detail when it came to journeying to different states. Overall, the worldbuilding was good.

Grammar/Spelling: 8/10. There are consistent comma errors that made some sentences feel overly long and hard to read. For example: "When he was done scrubbing everything down he filled her enormous travel mug with half that morning's pot of coffee and moved to the living room to tidy a little while he waited to see her off for the day." The lack of punctuation makes this sentence really long. Here's a potential alternative: "When he finished scrubbing everything down, he filled her enormous travel mug with half that morning's pot of coffee and moved to the living room to tidy a little while he waited to see her off for the day."

I changed "was done" to "finished" just to tighten the word choice a bit. I also added a comma after "down" to make the sentence grammatically correct. I would still recommend playing around with those types of long sentences since you have quite a few, therefore I would suggest considering cutting them down and changing word choice to make them a bit more focused, if that makes sense.

Otherwise, the grammar/spelling was good.

Description: 9/10. The description is overall very good and I liked how you described environments, people, and objects.

The only deduction comes from some areas being not as described as others even if they're equally as important, like the cottage near the end of the story. You still describe it and use some nice words, but there isn't as much given to it as other important places in the story. We get a little bit about the exterior and a little bit about the seating area, but not much else. I don't think there's much, if any, description for the bedroom where the giant moment between Aidan and Jake happens. I don't think the cottage needs that much description, but a little more could go a long way, especially considering this is the place the climax of the story happens.

Overall, the descriptions were very good.

Themes and Emotions: 8/10. The emotions and themes in this were good and I think they fit the characters well.

Like I mentioned earlier with Mike being more fleshed out, I feel it could have made the emotions and themes more balanced if we got more of her side of the story simply because she's the second half of one of the core relationships. It could have balanced out the themes and it also could have addressed Aidan's bad behavior (not that his bad behavior isn't addressed at all because it is, just not as much as it could have been, if that makes sense) by showing that Mike has more sides to her. It could have challenged readers to question if there truly was a right or wrong side.

However, the emotions were diverse and the themes were still clear and strong, so I think this section deserves a high score.

Title/Blurb/Cover: 6/10. I have no criticisms for the title. It matches Aidan's character and sets up the core conflict of the story without being too obvious until you look into the story itself.

The blurb is almost all one sentence. It's two sentences total (I'm not counting the excerpt here), which makes it hard to read. The first sentence is: "Aidan Greene is a cynical writer who believes every relationship begins with an already determined expiration date and doesn't believe in the kind of romance he depicts in his books because he's never experienced anything remotely similar." The "...and doesn't believe" is where the sentence begins to drag. I would recommend splitting this sentence up to make it easier to read.

I'm not a big fan of the excerpt being significantly longer than the blurb. The blurb is two sentences while the excerpt is two full paragraphs. I've never been a huge fan of blurbs that have long excerpts, so this could very well be a personal thing, but I would still recommend shortening the excerpt and strengthening the blurb itself since that's the thing that tells the reader what the story is about, not the excerpt. The excerpt gives us a vague idea, not solid understanding, hence why I'm recommending shortening the excerpt.

The cover could benefit from a bit more organization. The "Expiration Date" is stretched very wide to the point where it almost doesn't fit on the cover, and the "Always an" isn't on the cover at all, it's just "Expiration Date." I was a little confused by the choice to omit those two words since they're vital to the title. I would recommend including them and adjusting the "Expiration Date" so it looks a bit neater on the cover. Maybe you can put the "Always an" above the "Expiration Date" in a smaller size so then the "Expiration Date" pops out more. That's just one recommendation, but I encourage you to play around with it.

Total: 84.5/100.

Tales of the Little Girl by High_Priestess_Elena

Thoughts:

Characters: 8/10. I like the little girl being the main character throughout all the tales. I think the best chapter is the Christmas one since we really get to see inside of her mind and learn more about her. I wish there was a little more of that in the most recent university chapter. Seeing as she's growing up and developing during that chapter, some commentary on that could have been interesting. As a college student myself, I understand a lot of the emotions and changes someone goes through during that period, and even back when I was a party-goer in my first year, there were many thoughts going through my mind. So it could have been interesting to see more of her thought process and how she changed over the years.

Overall, I like the girl not having a name and how you executed her. It was fun to read about her and I'd be curious to see where her journey takes her next.

Plot: 8/10. The only plot I wasn't the hugest fan of was the noise simply because I feel with university, there are many other plot ideas you can use that can tell interesting stories. A lot of the chapter is built around parties, so I was surprised there wasn't a coming-of-age plot where we saw the negative effects of doing nothing but partying while in college (something that causes many kids to drop out). The other plots were nice and I liked them, it was just the noise I wasn't the biggest fan of simply because I felt there were a bunch of other things you could have done with that chapter. Otherwise, I liked all the plots and I'm curious to know what the next one will be.

Pacing: 8/10. The pacing moved too fast in some areas. I will talk about it a bit more in detail later, but there were climatic moments in some of the chapters that felt like you went too fast through them when you could have benefitted from slowing down. 

The plot events themselves unfold at a natural and even pace, so I still think the pacing is good other than some fast moments that, again, I will explain more later in the description section.

Creativity: 8/10. The story is very creative and I like how you executed it. Other than some criticisms I have for the descriptions, I think the story is very creative and I liked it. I will explain the deductions more in the descriptions section. I wrote that section first not realizing my explanations there would explain other sections, hence why I am saving the detail for that category instead of repeating myself here.

Dialogue: 8/10. The dialogue is formatted correctly, which is great since most people get that wrong.

The dialogue is mostly good but there were some awkward lines throughout. For example, "I bet you don't dare." That sounds a little unnatural. A more natural alternative would be, "I bet you wouldn't dare."

The dialogue is overall good, though I would recommend reading some of your lines out loud to make sure they sound natural. I personally use TTS to listen to my stories, and that has helped me fix awkward and unnatural sentences. I hope that makes sense.

Worldbuilding: 7/10. The worlds in these stories are vague, though I don't feel they need to be very detailed. The only thing I would recommend is trying to incorporate some smaller details. Like in the university chapter, maybe some details to help clue us in to what school she goes to without needing to directly tell us. A lot of schools have color schemes and flags hung on every wall. Maybe when she enters the laundry room, she sees a flag on the wall. Or maybe the man is folding a shirt that's a school shirt. Those types of things are small but can help flesh out the world without you needing to be too specific. I would recommend incorporating more details like that to make the world a bit stronger. I still like how the story is formatted and the overall world being more on the vague side, though I believe some smaller details can help readers become more invested in the narrative.

Grammar/Spelling: 8/10. There were awkward sentences where you could have benefitted from cutting down the words. For example: "And they got started asking Santa..." (chap 3). I would recommend: "And they started asking Santa..." The "got" isn't needed in that sentence, and there are a few times you include words that aren't needed. Another example: "The girl was looking at the tower..." (chap 2). While I can appreciate the passive voice usage to perhaps represent her fear of the 10 meter height, I would still recommend "The girl looked at the tower..." to help the sentence flow better.

Otherwise, the grammar was good.

Description: 7/10. I would recommend including more descriptions since a lot of these tales are summaries instead of scenes. I can understand from a writing style perspective that you're writing this in a more summary-like way to represent how an adult would tell a story to a child. Still, for sake of having the themes and emotions come off a bit stronger, I would recommend adding more details so the final messages of these stories leave a stronger impact.

For example, in chapter 2, when the girl jumps. I would recommend slowing down that moment more and focusing on what she's feeling since we don't get much. Seeing as that's the climax of that chapter, I would recommend putting a little more into that moment to make it really stand out.

So while I do like the decision to make the story very short and to the point, I still feel there were areas you could have fleshed out the events to make them feel more impactful.

Themes and Emotions: 7.5/10. The themes and emotions are interesting and make sense for the story you're trying to tell. The themes are all unique depending on the chapter of the story.

My two critiques are things I've already said. I don't want to repeat myself but I will briefly explain here again. One is I think the university chapter could have benefitted from a stronger central theme to fit in with the idea of the girl growing older. So a coming-of-age or something related to all the things college students go through (homesickness, depression, isolation, struggling to find friends, struggling to go to class and take care of yourself, etc.) could have been very interesting and matched more with what the story was trying to do. Two, more description in some areas to make the climaxes feel more impactful.

The themes and emotions are still very strong, I would just recommend those two things to help strengthen them even more!

Title/Blurb/Cover: 7/10. The title strikes me as mysterious yet telling of what the story is going to be. Using "Tales" was a good choice. I have no criticisms.

The blurb is: "A collection of stories about a girl that deals with issues in ways one might not." The "that" should be "who" (you're referring to a person), and it ends a bit abruptly. I understand what you were saying with the whole "might not," but for clarity purposes, it could be beneficial to say something like, "...in ways one might not expect." The blurb is a little vague and you could benefit from adding more emotion to it, such as describing what type of stories by putting an adjective before "stories."

I don't have criticisms for the cover. It's simple but also sparks my curiosity when I see it. The text is clear and easy to read. The colors feel cohesive and it doesn't feel like any part of the cover is out of place.

Total: 76.5/100.

Let's go on a strange Date by shinhaari

Thoughts:

Characters: 8.5/10. I like the characters in this story and I think they have a nice dynamic. They're good protagonists and I liked seeing their relationship.

The only thing is some of the dialogue between them was a little stiff and made the relationship feel a bit unnatural at times. However, I will explain in far more detail in the dialogue section, where I go over some of the lines that felt a bit off.

Otherwise, I liked seeing those two at the forefront of the book, I would just recommend reading dialogue out loud to help eliminate some of the awkward moments. Overall, the characters are good.

Plot: 10/10. I didn't notice any plot holes or inconsistencies. The plot was straightforward and easy to follow and it fit the story you were trying to tell. I have no criticisms.

Pacing: 8.5/10. The pacing is pretty good except for some transition issues. For example, from chapter 3, the woman says "Let me bring you some cookies," then we immediately get Y/n apologizing for hurting Jungkook to fake his injury. Obviously this is information they don't want the customer knowing, so I had to pause and reread since it seemed like they were saying it before she left. I would recommend adding a transition sentence to show she's out of earshot before Y/n and Jungkook start talking because it seems like they're talking while she's still there. There was no physical act of her leaving, just a line of dialogue then an immediate cut to Y/n's dialogue without anything in between. So not only does the new conversation feel a bit abrupt due to the lack of a transition, but it also seems like the woman is still there. I hope that makes sense.

Similarly, she also comes back with the cookies with no physical action associated with it, she just kinda comes out of nowhere. So that's one example of areas where some description could have helped us transition from one part of the story to the next.

Otherwise, the pacing is good.

Creativity: 8.5/10. There's some repetitive word choice, most notably with the word "look(ed)." That word is used quite frequently throughout, so I would recommend limiting the use of it and using more synonyms. 

Otherwise, word choice is okay. The story idea itself is creative and fun and I have no criticisms for it.

Dialogue: 6/10. Some of the dialogue is a little stiff due to word order. AKA: Some of the dialogue feels a bit unnatural. For example: "Will I become handsome when I grow up like you?" It's not grammatically wrong, but I naturally read it as "Will I become handsome like you when I grow up?" 

I'm basing this off US English so I can only give you an American perspective, but having the word order be "handsome like you" sounds more natural to me. I asked my father (a writer) just in case, and he agreed that "Will I become handsome like you when I grow up?" sounds more natural. 

Another example of an unnatural line is: "Why are you asking these many questions?" More natural solutions: "Why are you asking so many questions?" "Why are you asking this many questions?" (though I would say the first one is more natural).

Some of the romantic dialogue was a bit over-the-top and sounded stiff like I mentioned above. For example, from chapter 5, "I am happy that you enjoyed the date and hope our Love journey travels even further which tends to be captivating." That doesn't sound like something that would be spoken, which is why I would strongly recommend reading lines out loud to see how they sound. If they feel awkward to say, then I would recommend tweaking it. That line, if you read it out loud, is a little clunky and awkward to speak. The "which tends to be captivating" is unnecessary and is the main reason I say that line is awkward.

If you choose not to change the sentence, I would still recommend adding a comma before "which" and lowercasing "love" to make it grammatically correct.

There are few to no contractions in the dialogue, and considering most of the dialogue happens between a boyfriend and girlfriend, the lack of informality and everyone (even children) speaking without them feels a bit off. Especially for kids who tend to speak in shorter bursts. Even if this is going based on the Korean language, kids are first taught banmal (반말 or "half-speech"), which is very informal. It's one thing if one or two characters speak like this (since then it would be a speech style thing and I have no issue with that), but every character speaks like this, which makes the dialogue feel less realistic. Everyone speaks differently, so when you read a story where everyone has a similar if not identical speech style, do you see why I'm saying I would recommend incorporating things like contractions?

There are more contractions later in the story, but still not many, which is why I brought it up.

There were times you put dialogue spoken by different people in the same paragraph. It didn't happen too often so I won't take off too much for it, but it was consistent enough to be noticeable. When different people are speaking, I would strongly recommend giving them their own space to speak by giving them their own paragraphs. For example, the paragraph in chap 2 that starts with, "I took a bite of her cotton candy." Both Jungkook and Y/n speak in that paragraph. That's what I mean when I say there were times different people spoke in the same paragraph. Y/n and Jungkook's lines should have been separated.

I think there are good ideas in the dialogue, all I'm recommending is tweaking the presentation and making sure everyone has their own space to speak. I hope that makes sense!

Worldbuilding: 8/10. The worldbuilding is pretty good in this story and there were many cool set pieces that I liked reading about. I liked the chosen areas you decided to write about and I think the world is overall solid.

The deductions come from some of the descriptions being too general and not giving me a clear picture of what environments the characters were interacting with. I wrote a very detailed explanation in the description section, so I will explain what I mean in more detail in that section.

Grammar/Spelling: 8/10. I wasn't a huge fan of the choice to use ( ) around the POVs. It felt a bit unnecessary when you already marked the POV with bold, so you don't really need the ( ). When I saw the end ) at the end of the POVs, I didn't realize you were doing it that way until I reread certain parts of the story, so for some readers it may be confusing why there's a ) at the end of each section. But that's a nitpick so I'm not going to go too into detail about that, and I also won't take off much for that.

There are some editing errors. I say editing because these mistakes aren't consistently wrong but probably slipped by when you were editing. For example: "We shall play some games ", Jungkook suggested. Do you see how there's an extra space between the last word and the ", and also how the comma is outside the quotation mark? 

Another example is a tense slip shortly after the last example I gave, "It still tingles whenever he comes closer." You're writing in past tense, so that tense slip is incorrect. Things like excess spacing and tense slips aren't consistent, but since small errors like that are overall consistent in the text, it makes me think there were editing errors. I won't take off much for that since those are very minor errors, but it's still something worth mentioning.

There are consistent capitalization errors where you'll capitalize words that aren't proper nouns. For example: "Jungkook, How about you sing a song?" (chap 3). The "how" shouldn't be capitalized. This is a consistent error that happens in every chapter, sometimes multiple times per chapter.

Otherwise, the grammar was good.

Description: 7.5/10. The descriptions are okay, though I feel you can do a little more. From chapter 4: "This is an individual house with a small garden. The rooms were sizable and the walls had been colored white. The ornate furnishings looked stunning. I loved this house personally as it gave the feeling of homeliness."

You may be wondering why I chose that example. It's fine, there's nothing really wrong with it, so why am I pointing it out? Because the description is very general and can apply to most houses. You say there's a garden, but what kind of garden? What plants/flowers are there? Is it in the back or front of the house? What about the ornate furnishings were stunning? How does it give a feeling of homeliness to Y/n? Those are just a few questions to consider answering.

You don't need to give paragraphs upon paragraphs of description (in fact, I would strongly recommend not doing that); however, I would recommend adding a bit more or tweaking what you have to be more specific. I'm of the opinion that one strong, detailed sentence pointing out a small detail is far more effective than several paragraphs giving general descriptions. That's why I would recommend focusing on smaller details that make locations, people, and things stand out rather than giving general descriptions like the example I put above.

I'm not saying you don't do this because you do, but there were also many times the descriptions were very general and could have benefitted from narrowing the focus.

Themes and Emotions: 8.5/10. The emotions in this are interesting and I liked how they are portrayed. The emotions surrounding the strange date are interesting and I like how you make all the characters and their feelings relate to the title of the story.

I would suggest tweaking the dialogue to make some of the more emotional moments land more with the audience. Since some of the dialogue was a bit hard to read, it made the emotions hard to process. With fixes to the dialogue and how natural it sounds, I think the emotions would be even stronger, but as is, there are many strong emotions available in this piece.

Title/Blurb/Cover: 7/10. The title sparks curiosity and has a touch of playfulness in it that makes me want to read. It also gives readers a hint at what the story is going to be about. No criticisms.

The blurb isn't really a blurb, it's an excerpt from the story. The excerpt is fine minus one grammar error. "I can turn any date into a romantic one like this." he smiled and placed a soft kiss on my forehead. The "He" should be capitalized because it is a new sentence. Since it is not a proper blurb, I have to judge accordingly.

I have no criticisms for the cover. I think it's very nice, fits the story, and looks smooth. I especially like the font chosen for the title.

Total: 80.5/100.

Echo in the Wind by Strawberry1d

Thoughts:

Characters: 9/10. I think all the characters in this story are good and I liked them. Jungkook in particular is very engaging and I related to his struggle of feeling overwhelmed to the point where you start shutting down. That's a powerful idea that resonates with a lot of people, so I'm glad you chose to write about it.

The only point I took off was for Isuel and Gustav's introduction being almost all exposition. It made their introductions feel hard to read and it made me less invested in them as a result. I got more invested in Isuel later, but with her intro being almost all heavy exposition for the paranormal elements in the story, it made her feel more like an exposition device than a character. That changed as time went on, but since the intro is important, it's something worth noting.

Otherwise, I liked all the characters and thought they fit well in this story's universe.

Plot: 8.5/10. The plot doesn't really begin until chapter 6, which is halfway through the story. I have no problem with slow pacing (one of my favorite movies is literally Interstellar... and that movie takes like 50 minutes to get to the main plot), though considering the plot starts with an entirely new character, it makes her feel less developed than she could be since she's missing for the first half of the story. I still think Isuel's good and I liked her presence, but perhaps introducing this concept earlier could have helped develop her more. 

The plot is overall good, unique, and fun to read about. I've read this story before and enjoyed it then, and I enjoyed it just as much now, too.

Pacing: 8.5/10. Like I mentioned above, I feel the main plot could have happened faster, and I only say that because there are only 12 chapters and an epilogue, so when the plot doesn't happen until halfway through the narrative, it can turn readers off of a story. 

I still liked the pacing and thought it was good, and I don't mind slower pacing; however, perhaps introducing Isuel a bit earlier, even just by one or two chapters, could have helped and got the audience more invested a bit faster. I also say this because chapter 6 is almost all exposition, and I feel that by introducing her earlier you could have spaced the exposition out more and given us more bite-sized chunks instead of unleashing it on us all at once, if that makes sense. The pacing is overall good, it just could have benefitted from introducing the core elements a little earlier.

Creativity: 8.5/10. There is some repetitiveness here and there, but since it's not too consistent I won't take off too much for it. Sometimes you'll say the same thing twice, just slightly reworded. For example, from chapter 2: "His mind was relaxed as he walked and listened to Taehyung's 'Sweet Night' melody. His mind was in a state of relaxation." Do you see how you said the same thing twice? You already said his mind was relaxed in the first sentence, then you say it again in the second. Similarly, you also use some phrases frequently. Like in Isuel's sections, you use the phrase "inhaled deeply" a few times. 

Otherwise, the creativity in the story is good. The story idea is straight up awesome and I liked the diverse sentence structure you had.

Dialogue: 6.5/10. Some of the dialogue is a little awkward and unnatural. I would recommend not using semicolons in dialogue. As a good friend of mine said (full credit to Hopeless_roMINtic for this), we don't talk in a way that warrants semicolons, which is why I would recommend trying to avoid them if possible. It's a debated topic so I'm not going to take off points for the semicolons being there, though semicolons are typically something you want to avoid using a lot of, even in prose, and you use them a lot in dialogue.

However, beyond that, there were some lines that felt a bit unnatural. Like this: "Woah! The final painting is stunning! An aura of melancholy surrounded the girl; everything appeared to be realistic." That feels more like description than spoken dialogue. I understand she's an artist so I can accept her speaking about art in a more sophisticated way, but the way that's phrased made me think it was a mistake and it was supposed to be description. The "An aura of melancholy surrounded the girl" especially feels like description and not dialogue.

Sometimes dialogue tags are done incorrectly. Dialogue tags should always be lowercase unless they are a proper noun. Sometimes you capitalize them, like in chapter 6 with "Why didn't I cross over?" You asked with furrowed brows. The "you" should be lowercase.

I would recommend making some tweaks to the formatting of the dialogue and reading sentences out loud to see how they sound. There are some great lines in this, so I still think the dialogue is solid, it could just benefit from some tweaks, if that makes sense.

Worldbuilding: 10/10. The world is fleshed out and I really liked how you presented the environments like the beach. South Korea actually matters to the story and it doesn't feel like it was chosen just because BTS live there (one of my pet peeves is when BTS fanfic authors make the story take place in SK for no reason other than BTS living there). I really liked the world in this and I think it absolutely deserves the perfect score.

Grammar/Spelling: 8/10. There are very consistent tense issues where the tense slips from past to present tense incorrectly. Since you are writing in past tense, present tense is only used in specific scenarios (such as direct and typically italicized character thoughts). The tense issues are very frequent and happen almost every sentence, so I would strongly recommend editing to keep the tense consistent and also to make the story easier to read (it can be hard to read and the timeline can get confusing if the tense is switching constantly).

There are some editing errors where there are misspells or formatting errors. For example "ll want to spend so much time with you..." (chap 4). There's a typo there. And the line right after it is: "Why not? "Please don't leave so soon, Yoona." Do you see the extra quotation mark next to "Please"? These errors aren't a huge deal, but they were consistent enough to be noticeable. The editing errors are things like excess spaces between words, typos, and extra punctuation marks.

The grammar is otherwise good.

Description: 7.5/10. I believe I mentioned it in a past review, but some of the descriptions were a bit unnatural due to the way characters reacted to situations. Most notably, this from chapter 5: "Jungkook's eyes widen, oh my gosh! Did he spend time with a ghost or her spirit? He kissed a ghost! This is so bizarre! even surreal!" The "even" being lowercase is an example of the editing errors I mentioned above.

That part feels a bit unnatural since I don't believe Jungkook would react to that information in such a passive way. I feel like he would have a far stronger reaction both mentally and physically. I would recommend giving him a bit more of a reaction and using more physical indicators instead of just mental. The only real physical indication we get is him sitting down because he feels faint. It could be very beneficial to the emotions in the story if you described more of his body in that moment.

I would recommend using less exclamation points both in dialogue and in description. The more you use them, the more they lose their meaning, and you use them quite often. Notice how in the chapter 5 example I gave there were four exclamation points and only five sentences. Do you see how if you overuse them like that, they can become less impactful?

Themes and Emotions: 8/10. The themes and emotions are powerful in this story and I really liked them. The characters meshed well with the themes and emotions you were trying to display. I think you succeeded and showed audiences a lot of great emotions they can attach themselves to.

The deductions come from what I mentioned earlier about characters reacting strangely to emotional situations, and I feel that by eliminating some of the awkwardness and making reactions feel more natural and detailed, the emotions would be even stronger. Otherwise, I have no suggestions and I think the themes and emotions are great.

Title/Blurb/Cover: 6.5/10. I have no criticisms for the title. It's pretty and relates to the story.

There are grammar errors in the excerpt and blurb. For the excerpt, there's this: She turns to face him, her eyes mysterious "...Perhaps the echoes of people we once loved still linger in the places we regularly visited with them, which is why we return... Not so much to remember them as to feel them ".

With corrections: She turns to face him, her eyes mysterious. "Perhaps the echoes of people we once loved still linger in the places we regularly visited with them, which is why we return... Not so much to remember them as to feel them." 

I added closing punctuation to the dialogue and the first sentence and removed the first ellipse since it was unnecessary. It's hard to tell based on an excerpt (so I don't have the context of the scene happening in the book), but "turns" should probably be "turned" since the rest of the excerpt is in past tense aside from that one verb. I'm not going to take off points for that since I don't have context, but assuming the story is written in past tense, the "turns" needs to be "turned."

(I judged this before reading the story, but now that I have, yes, turns needs to be "turned" since you are writing in past tense)

This is the core blurb: "When the expectation of success drove Jungkook, one of the renowned members of the global sensation, BTS, to suddenly plunge into a deep, hollow hole of darkness. A deep feeling of detachment from everyone around him, and an ice-cold heaviness made him feel dead inside. He realized it was time to reconsider the intrinsic value of inner joy and peace... which led him to a secluded island where he finds hope in a kindred spirit."

There are punctuation errors here: "When the expectation of success drove Jungkook, one of the renowned members of the global sensation BTS, to suddenly plunge into a deep, hollow hole of darkness. A deep feeling of detachment from everyone around him and an ice-cold heaviness made him feel dead inside. He realized it was time to reconsider the intrinsic value of inner joy and peace, which led him to a secluded island where he finds hope in a kindred spirit."

You'll notice I removed the ellipse since it was a bit awkward, I removed the comma before "BTS," and I removed the comma in the second sentence.

Outside of the punctuation, the first sentence feels like it's leading somewhere then suddenly stops, almost like the second sentence is supposed to be part of the first sentence. The "When" implies we're going to get some action toward the end of the sentence (which is what the second sentence is), but it suddenly stops after "hollow hole of darkness." I'm not saying to combine sentence one and two since I feel that'll make them far too long, but removing the "When" could help. So without the when it would be this: "The expectation of success drove Jungkook, one of the renowned members of the global sensation BTS, to suddenly plunge into a deep, hollow hole of darkness." Do you see how without the "When," this sentence feels more complete?

The blurb gives us an insight into the story. All I'm recommending is to tighten the grammar and consider reorganizing the first sentence so it doesn't feel incomplete, if that makes sense.

I have no criticisms for the cover. The pictures of Jungkook capture the solitude you're going for, the text is easy to read and has a nice font, and the overall aesthetic fits the vibe of the book.

Total: 81/100.

Wish by Cool_Summer29

Thoughts:

Characters: 9/10. I like both Taehyung and Nari. I think they're engaging protagonists with interesting stories, and I feel bad for both of them. Taehyung is the patient one while Nari is hot-headed and angry, which made for a dynamic duo that led the story well.

My one critique has to do with Sana. It seems like Sana was there more to give exposition than to impact Nari's character. Yes, the exposition impacts Nari's character, but Sana as a character doesn't have a lasting impact. By that I mean Sana asks to be Nari's friend, which should be a huge deal since no one has ever done that other than Taehyung, but even then, Taehyung isn't technically real in this book. That means Sana is the first ever person to approach her, and it isn't really brought up again after Sana gives the exposition.

I feel like you did this because you knew you had to reveal what happened to Taehyung but considering you set up Nari as an outcast, you didn't see a way to convey this info to her without having someone (like Sana) approach her in a friendly way. I understand that, though I would recommend keeping Sana involved. I'm not saying she needs to become like a huge character in those last couple chapters, but she isn't even mentioned in chapters 17, 18, and 19.

Maybe Sana's with her when she visits Taehyung's grave in chapter 18, maybe she finds Nari crying in chapter 17 and comforts her and gives her hope that she isn't alone, maybe Nari mentions how Sana is her friend and gave her hope in chapter 18 if you don't want her to physically be there. When I break it down like that, does it make more sense why Sana feels like she was more there for just exposition than to actually be Nari's friend or a character that had a lasting impact on her? So that would be my suggestion: ask yourself how Sana asking to be Nari's friend would change her because, based on how Nari is characterized, that should be a huge moment for her. Maybe consider Sana getting more involved and leaving an impact, even if it's just a small one, on Nari outside of just the exposition she gave to her.

Plot: 10/10. I have no criticisms for the plot. It's easy for paranormal stories to lose track of themselves or fall into plot holes, but I didn't notice any of that here and I also didn't notice any inconsistencies within the world and characters. Overall, a good plot that fits well with the characters.

Pacing: 8/10. Some of the chapters end a little abruptly. Chapter 7 ends abruptly where she explains the scar and the chapter ends right after, but she doesn't explain it in a way that feels like a chapter-ender, if that makes sense. There also isn't any chance in that paragraph for us to see how she's speaking. There's no indicators that her voice is heavy, her body is having an emotional reaction to her words, her face is changing, etc. I'm not saying you have to do that, but when characters are admitting really emotional parts of their lives, I would recommend considering adding more body language. The vast majority of human communication is nonverbal, and in books it's the same way for readers. We learn a lot about the characters through those types of actions, so I would recommend including them a bit more. You don't have to include a lot since I know you were aiming for a very short story with chapters that are like flash fictions, but just one or two short sentences here and there can go a long way.

Otherwise, I think the pacing is good.

Creativity: 7.5/10. There were consistent clarity issues where some sentences were hard to understand or were worded a bit unnaturally. For example: "Or are you scared of not being able to mix up?" (chap 6). There's nothing grammatically wrong with that sentence, but in the context of the chapter, I'm not sure what it means. Were you trying to say something like, "Or are you scared of not being able to blend in?" I was a bit thrown off by the use of the words "mix up." In the same chapter: "I'm so hell scared of everyone!" The use of "hell" is what makes this sentence awkward. If you're going for curses, the f word would work there, but hell does not. I would suggest removing it since it makes the sentence awkward.

I would recommend reading sentences out loud or plugging them into TTS generators. I personally use TTS and it's helped me remove awkward sentences and smoothen out my word choice.

Dialogue: 7/10. I explained in creativity that there were some awkward sentences, and the same applies to the dialogue. Some lines that were spoken didn't sound natural, which is why I recommend reading at least dialogue out loud. For example, from chapter 8, "Why so?" The "so" isn't needed and makes it sound a little unnatural. There were some other awkward lines like, "Leave my way!" (chap 11).

More natural alternatives: "Leave me alone!" "Get out of my way!" "Stay away!"

The awkward sentences made the dialogue hard to read at times.

There were dialogue formatting errors I will go over in the grammar section.

There are good ideas in the dialogue and I think there are some nice lines, I would just recommend reading them out loud to eliminate the awkward lines and also making fixes to the formatting errors I will explain in the grammar section.

Worldbuilding: 10/10. There isn't much worldbuilding, but I honestly don't think this story needs it as much as others. The school has a lot of different social classes that are implied (such as the bullies) and it feels alive. I have no criticisms.

Grammar/Spelling: 6.5/10. Dialogue tags are done incorrectly. Tags always need to be lowercase unless they are a proper noun, and when using a tag, the dialogue cannot end with a period. So, in chap 2, there are these two lines: "Kang Nari right?" She asked. Also: "Yes." I replied. 

They should be: "Kang Nari, right?" she asked ; "Yes," I replied.

There are tense issues where you flip flop between past and present tense incorrectly. You are writing in past tense, so present tense is used very rarely (like when using direct and typically italicized character thoughts).

There are some punctuation errors throughout. For example, "My cheeks flushed to pink listening to him, I guess it won't be that bad a decision to be his friend right?" Here is the corrected version of the sentence: "My cheeks flushed pink listening to him; I guess it wouldn't be that bad a decision to be his friend, right?" I removed "to" in front of pink, changed the comma to a semicolon, added a comma after "friend," and changed "won't" to "wouldn't" (example of the tense issues).

There were many times there were missing commas. Another example from the same chapter (5): "'You need an eye checkup.' I said composing myself." 

What it should be: "'You need an eye checkup,' I said, composing myself."

Description: 7.5/10. There are some good descriptions in the story, though I would recommend adding more. When I say adding more, I don't mean a lot or long paragraphs or anything, but rather one or two short sentences here and there to give the dialogue more emotion.

The actual descriptions of things like the environments and stuff I think are fine, this is more about description happening during dialogue.

Like in chapter 6 when Nari screams at Taehyung. Without much time to transition, Taehyung immediately drops the topic and asks to go to the rooftop. Right after she screams at him. I can understand him having not much reaction to it, but just a line or two where we see Nari's reaction to admitting something so deeply emotional to her could have been beneficial. Her screaming at him is kinda just dropped right after it happens, and it could have been interesting to see more of Nari's expressions and body language while it was happening.

I brought up chapter 7 earlier and how it ends abruptly, and I'll make the same suggestion here as I did earlier. Consider including more to give Nari's words more weight. You don't need to do a lot. Even just one five-word sentence can go a long way. When we talk about emotional topics, there's a lot going on both physically and mentally. We're more sensitive to things like the five senses (sight, sound, scent, etc.). Maybe consider including more of the five senses in your descriptions.

The descriptions are fine and work for the story, and I think they work well considering what your intentions were for the word count. However, I would still recommend giving the dialogue more room to breathe by incorporating small actions, descriptions of their voices, their facial expressions, their body language, what's happening around them, etc. And you can do all of this without adding any more than 100 words. So I encourage you to play around with it!

Themes and Emotions: 9/10. This is a theme and character-driven story where the ending is meant to really hit us in the feels. I think the story accomplishes that, though I would strongly recommend fixing the grammar errors and awkward sentences since they made some of the emotional moments hard to read. When you have to reread things during the emotional parts, it can make the emotion lose its initial impact. I gave a few examples of lines of dialogue that were awkward a bit earlier so I won't repeat myself here. The emotions and themes are still good, but I think that by cleaning up the awkward sentences, that would give them the best impact, if that makes sense.

Title/Blurb/Cover: 6.5/10. The title is very simple, but I've always been of the opinion that simple can work if it fits the story and hints at what the plot is going to be, which this title does. No criticisms.

There is no blurb, rather one sentence that looks like an excerpt. The sentence is: "I wish to make a true friend of mine," which doesn't tell us much, if anything, about the story. Along with that, the "of mine" isn't needed because it's already implied by the rest of the sentence. Since there is no blurb, I have to judge accordingly.

The cover is very nice and I have no criticisms for it. The style is visually pleasing and makes me want to click on the story. I've always really liked this cover and thought it fit the book perfectly.

Total: 81/100.

A Halloween Ball to Remember by bluemountain27

Thoughts:

Characters: 8/10. There's a raven in this story and Aria called him "Rave." So not only am I in this, but my nickname is in this too. Rave is the best character and he needs to be my messenger too. I am in love. I am absolutely in love.

Okay, okay, joking aside, let's get into the characters.

(No but seriously that raven is awesome... not being biased at all)

I like Aria, Ira, and Isaac, I think they're great leads, particularly Aria since she directly interacts with the themes and emotions in this story, which is something I will go over more later. I really liked them, though I would have liked to know more about Aria and her attraction to Isaac. Maybe they have a conversation before the duel/before she confesses her love so we can see their dynamic and be shown why she's so attracted to him outside of looks. Their first conversation doesn't happen until very late in the story, which is why I recommend that. However, there are many ways to take their relationship, so I encourage you to play around with it. Still, I liked the characters and I think they were great choices to lead this narrative style.

Plot: 10/10. The plot has no inconsistencies or plot holes. It moves along at a pretty good pace and plot events are entertaining and feel impactful. I like the plot and think it's worthy of a high score. No criticisms.

Pacing: 9/10. The pacing is pretty good. The only recommendation I have is to slow down the duel. It takes place in a handful of sentences, but this is the climax of the story and also a chance to introduce the audience to the magic, which ties into the worldbuilding which I will talk about later. By giving the audience more time to process what's happening, feel the tension, and learn about the magic, you're making them more attached to the story and what's going on. Other than that one moment, I thought the pacing was good, I'd just recommend slowing down during the climax so readers can really feel what's happening

Creativity: 10/10. This story is very creative and has a unique idea that makes it stand out from most stories on Wattpad. I like the story idea and the way it's executed with its word choice and diverse sentence structure. I have no criticisms and I think the creative side of this story is very engaging.

Dialogue: 8/10. I understand it's a short story so exposition is a bit trickier to fit in, but there were some obvious expository lines that felt unnecessary. For example, "And what message has your mistress, Ira Hanover sent for me?" Both of them already know who the mistress is, so repeating her name like that makes it obvious that line is only for the audience's benefit. I feel a way to introduce the character in a more natural way could be to say, maybe, "And what message has Ira sent for me?" or "And what message has Miss Hanover sent for me?" That way you're introducing the character name but not in a way that feels too expository or like it's only there for the audience's benefit. It's a little more believable that she would call Ira Ira or Miss Hanover than "Your mistress, Ira Hanover." I hope that makes sense.

Otherwise, the dialogue fits the style of story you're going for and almost feels a bit Shakespeare-like to me.

Worldbuilding: 7/10. I understand it's a short story, so sometimes it's hard to do worldbuilding in such a short amount of time. With the time you had, I think you gave us some interesting worldbuilding elements, though I would have liked to have seen more about this witchcraft-like world you built. I think there are some awesome ideas in there, especially with things like having ravens as messengers. I really like the vibe of the world, I would just recommend taking more time to flesh it out and describe some of traditions and beliefs these people hold. Maybe you can do this by describing the world outside of the ball, like when Aria and Ira meet up and prepare to go, maybe you can describe the area they're in. Maybe they're walking down the street and we get to see where they are. Small things like that can really go a long way when it comes to worldbuilding, so I'd recommend taking those quiet moments to flesh out the world. You don't need to give us big chunks of description or anything, but I don't recall any description being used in that one segment, which is another reason why I'd recommend adding something in to make the world feel more alive. As is, I still think you have a very interesting world and I enjoyed reading about it.

Grammar/Spelling: 8/10. Some of the sentences felt cut off. Let me explain what I mean. "Though her witchy mind told her he wasn't worth his grain of salt, being an inept wizard and all. Her bewitched heart would hear none of it." Do you see how there's a period after "all" instead of a comma? It makes the two sentences feel split when they would sound more natural together. I would suggest reading the first two sentences out loud, then read them together only with a comma after "all" instead of a period. When you do that, do you see how it sounds more natural with a comma instead of a period? That's what I mean when I say some sentences felt unnecessarily split.

There were some punctuation errors with commas. For example: "She slipped away every time, she saw him approach." The comma isn't needed. Same with: "She single-mindedly pushed to the front and the view she was met with, took her breath away." What it should be: "She single-mindedly pushed to the front, and the view she was met with took her breath away."

Otherwise, the grammar is good.

Description: 7.5/10. Like I mentioned in the worldbuilding section, there were areas where there wasn't much description and I would've like to have seen more, like when Aria and Ira meet up. I also would've liked to know more about Isaac's appearance. I really like how you gave him freckles and introduced his character that way; however, when Aria sees him, I was expecting a bit more seeing as she's in love with him, and we tend to exaggerate someone's features when we're in love with them. So it could've been nice to know more about how he looked outside of his eyes and freckles. There are some great descriptions in the story, and I'm glad you used small details to help readers remember what certain characters look like. All I'm recommending is giving us a bit more of the world and some more of what the characters look like.

Themes and Emotions: 8.5/10. The themes in this are one of my favorite parts. I really like how Aria chooses who she wants to love and decides to stand up for her feelings instead of let society walk on her. It's an honorable theme that's executed in an entertaining way.

The only thing I'd say is I feel I would've felt even stronger for Aria and Isaac if I knew more about their relationship and how they interact with one another. They don't really interact until the last part of the story, which made the climatic battle not as impactful as it could have been, in my opinion. The emotions and themes were still strong, it was just that one part the emotions didn't hit as much as they could have. They still hit though, so they were still good. I would just recommend showing more of the relationship beforehand.

Title/Blurb/Cover: 8/10. The title revolving around the Halloween ball was a smart choice, and it also stands out. The title is creative and has a lot of pop that separates it from other titles on Wattpad. No criticisms.

The blurb is good and tells us what the story will be about without being too long or too short. I have one minor critique, and it's the last sentence being, "The Halloween ball in Forksville this year, promises to be an unforgettable night." The comma is unnecessary and makes it a comma splice. So it should be, "The Halloween ball in Forksville this year promises to be an unforgettable night." Since it's noticeable but still very minor, I'm only going to take off 0.5 for that.

I like the text placement, font, and clarity. Everything is easy to read and doesn't even seem to suffer from the curse of Wattpad blurring covers, which is impressive. This may be a strange thing to say, but I'm a little confused by the cover since it doesn't relate to Halloween. It's not a huge deal since the cover is still attractive, though I was a bit confused by why there seemed to be no correlation between the cover and Halloween. The cover feels like it can fit a lot of stories, but Halloween isn't what I think of when I see it. So my recommendation would be to dress it up in a more Halloween-like fashion (if you want). Consider using the classic black and orange color scheme or a Halloween-like picture. Or maybe make it more festive since this is about a ball.

Total: 84/100

Wow, I'm exhausted. If you somehow scrolled this far to see if I left any end note, thank you. I'm extremely tired after writing all 25k+ words. I spent all my days off this week (Friday and Saturday) doing these reviews. I worked nonstop, and it's currently 3 a.m. while I write this (I normally go to bed at 10 p.m.). I worked very hard and now I'm going to bed. I'll answer any questions in the morning. Goodnight, and I hope my reviews are helpful. I really hope you guys like them since I worked super hard on them. Thanks everyone.

~ Raven