The whole apartment was eerily quiet, save for the distant hum of passing cars and the gentle patter of raindrops against the windowpane. As I glanced around the living room, I couldn't help but feel a sense of relief that things were finally a little calmer. The space looked better than before, but it still needed a deep clean. Nevertheless, I could sense a subtle shift around me, a sense of comfort settling in as I glanced around the corners me and Alex did clean earlier.
Kyan was likely holed up in his room, the closed door almost like a barrier between us. I imagined him sitting on his bed, perhaps scrolling through his phone in an attempt to distract himself from the turmoil within. The thought made me worry even more about his well-being.
Collecting all my courage, I approached his closed door, my footsteps echoing softly in the hallway. Next to his door stood a black shelf adorned with a picture and some fake flowers. I couldn't help but remember the time I had insisted he buy those flowers when he first moved in about two years ago.
"You seriously can't think about calling a place without flowers your home? Everyone has flowers, fake or not," I had teased him, a playful grin tugging at my lips as I placed the white fake tulips into the shopping cart.
Despite Kyan's tendency to keep his personal space private, I knew I had to push past my own reservations. He needed me now, not as a stranger, but as a friend.
So, I raised my hand and knocked three times on his door, the sound echoing in the hallway. Then, I stepped back, my heart pounding in my chest, and waited for a response. The seconds stretched into an agonizing silence, broken only by the sound of my own breathing.
Once again, there was no answer. I knocked again, this time a little louder, but still, there was nothing but silence. A pang of uncertainty gnawed at me. Was he painfully obviously ignoring me, or was he simply lost in his own thoughts?
Taking a deep breath, I steeled myself, eager to make him listen. "Kyan, please, let us talk," I called out, my voice soft yet filled with urgency as I knocked once more, my hand resting on the door.
I sensed his hesitation, the tension so deep one could feel it even through the closed door. I knew he was awake, that he had heard me. And then, just as I was about to give up hope, already turning my heel, the door swung open, revealing him standing there, his expression weary yet resigned.
There was so much left unsaid between us, so many wounds that needed to heal. But in that moment, as our eyes met, I knew that we had taken the first step towards peace.
Kyan stood in the doorway, his figure bathed in the warm light streaming from the little light on his nightstand. Despite his disheveled appearance and the weariness etched into his features, there was a flicker of vulnerability in his eyes that mirrored my own confusing emotions.
"Still here, huh," he muttered, his hand absently running through his tousled hair as he shifted uncomfortably under my gaze.
"What do you think?" I replied, a soft chuckle escaping my lips as I offered him a tentative smile. "I wasn't about to leave you here, not like this." The air between us crackled with tension, the weight of unspoken words hanging heavy in the room.
For a moment, neither of us spoke, the silence stretching on as we searched for the right words to break through the barrier that had formed between us.
Finally, I cleared my throat, gathering my thoughts before speaking. "I know things have been rough lately," I began, my voice gentle yet firm. "But you can't keep avoiding everyone like this. We need to talk."
Kyan's gaze flickered, a myriad of emotions passing across his features before settling into a guarded expression. "I know," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
His eyes met mine briefly before darting away, a conflicted look clouding his features. "I know," he repeated, stepping aside to allow me entry into his room.
As I stepped into the dimly lit space, the warm glow of the lamp cast long shadows across the gray walls, lending an air of strange intimacy to the room. I couldn't help but notice the subtle changes since my last visit - the rumpled sheets on his bed, the scattered clothes strewn across the floor. It was evident that Kyan had been neglecting his surroundings as much as he had been neglecting himself.
Facing him, I felt bad for him all of a sudden. Whatever he was going through, it was clear that he was struggling to find his footing.
"And what now?" he asked, his voice tinged with uncertainty as he finally met my gaze. There was a plea for understanding in his eyes, a silent acknowledgment of the mess stirring up inside of him.
Taking a deep breath, I walked towards him slowly, my footsteps echoing softly in the quiet room. "Now, we talk," I replied gently, my voice barely above a whisper. "No more running away, no more pretending that everything's okay when it's clearly not. We face whatever it is, right now."
Kyan's shoulders sagged slightly, his expression a mix of resignation and defiance. "Ava, don't," he murmured, his gaze dropping to the floor.
"Don't what?" I asked, my voice soft yet insistent.
"Don't act like you're not hurt," he said, his tone direct, cutting through the tension between us like a sharp knife. I raised my eyebrows, not saying anything, but his gaze bore into mine, and I knew exactly what he was nagging at.
I was hurt, there was no denying it. Hurt by the way he had pushed me away the moment some girl he met at a coffee shop entered his life. Angry that he had seemingly thrown away our friendship, one that had lasted since childhood, for someone new. But at the same time, I couldn't blame him. If she felt uncomfortable with our friendship, I understood, even if it hurt.
"Kyan, let's not make this about us, but about you," I cut him off, brushing off the topic and not wanting to dwell on it any longer. "I came here for you, not for us to argue about what happened months ago."
But he cut me off, sinking down onto the edge of his bed and burying his head in his hands. "Stop, please fucking stop, and be mad at me for fuck's sake," he pleaded, his voice strained with emotion. "Be mad, scream at me, punch me, just don't fucking act."
I couldn't help but let out a bitter laugh at his words. He sounded ridiculous, desperate for my anger as if it would somehow absolve him of his guilt.
"I'm not here to scream at you or punch you," I replied, my voice softer now, laced with a hint of resignation. "I'm here because I care about you, despite everything."
Kyan looked up at me, his eyes clouded with a mixture of emotions. "You shouldn't," he muttered, his voice barely above a whisper. "I've been a shitty friend, Ava. I've been anything but good to you, I-."
"Maybe I really shouldn't," I admitted, my tone casual yet filled with empathy. "But that's not going to make me abandon you when you're clearly struggling."
He looked away, unable to meet my gaze. "Fuck," he confessed, letting out a bitter chuckle, "Fuck," he repeated, his voice trailing off. "I don't know how to fix this, how to fix it all."
Sitting down next to him, I sighed softly, my heart heavy with concern. "You don't have to fix anything but yourself right now," I reassured him. "We can talk about everything else later - just tell me what is going on."
He exhaled sharply, the weight of his words hanging heavily in the air. "I..." he began, but then shook his head, his words caught in his throat.
"I, what? Speak to me, goddammit!" I couldn't help but interject, my patience wearing thin. I wasn't here to play games or dance around the issue.
"We got scammed," he finally confessed, his explanation too brief for me to fully comprehend.
"What?" I asked, unable to make sense of it.
"Me, my parents - we got scammed, and now I'm not only jobless but also with no money or support," he admitted, the weight of his confession evident in his voice.
"I am broke, Ava, I am so broke," he continued, his voice cracking as he struggled to hold back tears. "God," he whispered, burying his face in his hands. "I'm so fucking tired, so done."
As Kyan's words hung in the air, I found myself speechless, my mind struggling to process the enormity of what he had just revealed. Scammed? Jobless? Broke? It was all too much to comprehend in one go. I had known he was going through a rough patch, but I never imagined it was this dire.
For a moment, the room fell silent, the weight of his confession pressing down on us like a heavy weight. I could feel his pain, his desperation, and it broke my heart into pieces. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, I found my voice, though it came out as little more than a whisper.
"Kyan," I began, my tone filled with a mixture of sympathy and disbelief. "I... I had no idea. Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, feeling a pang of guilt wash over me. How could I not have noticed? How could I have been so self-absorbed in my own problems that I failed to see his struggles?
He looked up at me, his eyes filled with emotions - shame, regret, and a hint of longing for our friendship. "I didn't want to burden you," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "You had enough shit to deal with, Leon- the move out," he continued, his words choked with emotion. "I just didn't want to drag you into my shit too."
I shook my head, unable to accept his reasoning. "You're not a burden, Kyan," I replied firmly, my voice tinged with frustration. "Fuck, you're never a burden. We're friends, remember? Friends are supposed to be there for each other, especially in times of need." I reached out, gently nudging his shoulder. "Hey, you should have told me," I said, my voice softening. "You should have let me help."
He didn't respond, but I could see the tears welling up in his eyes, threatening to spill over at any moment. I wanted to wrap him in a tight hug, to offer him some solace of comfort in his time of distress. But I knew that words were all I had to offer right now.
"I'm here for you, Kyan," I said, my voice steady despite feeling the pain he was giving off. "Whatever you need, whatever I can do to help, just say the word." I paused, swallowing back the lump in my throat. "Please," I added softly, my heart breaking for him.
He shook his head, standing up as he distanced himself once more from me. "Ava, no," he said, his voice trembling with emotion. "Fuck, no." Tears slowly rolled down his cheeks, his shoulders shaking with the weight of his burden. Without thinking, I stood up and walked towards him, pulling him into a tight embrace.
"Shh," I whispered, wrapping my arms around him and holding him close. "Let me help you." And in that moment, despite the pain and the uncertainty, I knew that I would do whatever it took to support him through this. Because that's what friends do.
As Kyan's sobs gradually subsided, we stood there in silence, still locked in a tight embrace. His pain even hurt me, raw, and overwhelming, and yet I held onto him, giving whatever support I could muster. With each passing moment, I felt him slowly relax in my arms, the tension in his body melting away. Finally, he wasn't alone in this. Not anymore.
Eventually, he pulled away slightly, his eyes red and puffy but filled with shame. "I'm so sorry," he murmured, his voice hoarse with emotion. "I'm so sorry, for everything."
But I shook my head, brushing away a stray tear from his cheek. "There's no need to apologize," I replied softly, my heart swelling with compassion for him. "None at all."
Kyan wiped away the remaining tears from his eyes, a slight hint of embarrassment flickering in his gaze and even awkwardness, probably overwhelmed with what to say.
"I guess, I owe you one, don't I?" he asked hesitatingly, his voice laced with a hint of levity, attempting to lighten the heavy atmosphere. I couldn't help but giggle at his attempt, shaking my head in amusement.
"You get a pass for this one, don't worry about that," I said, a small smile tugging at my lips, even though it didn't quite reach my eyes. "Listen, how about you go wash your face and freshen up a bit? I'll wait here."
He sniffed, wiping his eyes once more before nodding. "Okay," he said, searching in my gaze for any lingering doubts, and not long after, he made his way to the bathroom, his figure fading as he disappeared behind the door. Left alone in his room, I took a moment to collect my thoughts, sitting down on the edge of the bed as
I reflected on everything that had happened just now. It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, knowing that Kyan had finally opened up to me, even if it had taken a breakdown to get there.
I glanced around his room, taking in the familiar surroundings. Despite the mess and the chaos, there was a sense of feeling home in being here, knowing that I was making a difference in his life, even if it was just by being there for him in his time of need.
★★★