3 years later
"This never gets old." Hongjoong says looking through the drapes out at the venue, a smile on his face as he turns to me. Eyes shining brightly as he giggles giddily , patting my shoulder as he walks back to get ready. Peering through the drapes of the stage looking out at the sold out stadium my anxiety rises a bit as I reach for my ring. Everyone cheering and singing along with the music as they get ready for us to preform. Inhaling deeply I quickly make my way to the dressing room where the rest of the boys are. "Woo, stop! You are gonna mess up my makeup before we even make it on stage." San whines swatting Wooyoungs hands that are around his neck as he tries to kiss Sans cheek. Wooyoung giggling and running over to Yeosang as San chases him, Wooyoung throwing himself at Yeosang screaming for help. A filling of happiness enveloping me watching them as a pang of loneliness hits me slightly.
Plastering a smile on my face as a stylist calls me over to get ready for the performance, sitting down quickly holding casual conversation and messaging friends before going out to preform. It's not long before I'm lost in thought, thinking about how quickly things took off for us after graduation. Our visuals, vocals and stage presence sending us straight to the top, our long hours of practice and training paying off. It's not long before I'm pulled out of my thoughts by Seonghwa, who shakes my shoulder slightly pulling me from the fog. "Yunho come on, we gotta get into position under the stage." He says turning to leave and head for the stage, Woo looking at me weirdly as I get up and start heading out.
"You okay Yun?" He asks questioningly looking me up and down, confusion taking over as I look at him arching my eyebrow. "Yeah I'm fine, I was just day dreaming is all." I say stepping by him. "Well in the last three years I haven't seen you without your ring you got from your mom, so I'm surprised you let them switch it out." He says shrugging walking by me, as I freeze in place looking to my hand. "Wait Woo, where is it? Where'd they put it?" I ask frantically, turning back to the stylist table. My anxiety peaking as I move all the jewelry around the tables in search of my ring, a giggle behind me pulling my attention. Turning I see Wooyoung with the ring around his finger as he wiggles them at me, motioning for us to go to the stage.
"Hurry up, we are gonna be late." Wooyoung says as we jog down the hall, him dropping the ring in my palm as we make our way under the stage. In an instant I've rearranged my rings as I sit on the platform. "Took you long enough, we almost had to go up without you." Jongho jokes as he dumps his shoulder with mine, laughing lightly I look away. "It's fine Woo and I would have had our own grand entrance after the confusion." I joke, taking a deep breath to shake off the anticipation and anxiety as the platform begins to rise.
_____
"Things are going good besides the in ear hiccups and Sans mic not working so he took Seonghwas." Hongjoong says as he moves the wires to his ears around as he gets ready for the next stage. "Could be worse though, the crowd is amazing, the energy is great." San says as his hair is fixed, the stylist repeatedly asking him to sit still as he hops around. "Plus everything's been fixed now, Yunhos in ears finally work and no one noticed because the man's a dance genius. Who else could have gone half the concert with no queues." Wooyoung says as he sips from his drink, heat rising to my face at the sudden compliment. "No, I'm sure you all could do it, it was extremely hard either way." I laugh nervously, Yeosang poking his head into the room tapping Woos shoulder. "Time to go back up." Everyone quickly grabs their mics and situates their in ears as they make their way to the stage.
Greeting the fans as we run around stage, tears spring to my eyes as we sing, watching as they sing along to every word. The look of happiness and joy on their face as they sway with us to the music. San coming and hugging me as tears fall down my face, quickly wiping them away as I turn to him. "You ready? We are about to finish up with the last performance." San says lightly squishing my cheek as I nod. Eternal sunshine's track starts playing as we get into position, the music naturally taking over as my body flows. My eyes wondering to the empty spot next to me, my gaze falling to floor as a feeling of anxiety washes over me once again. The spot that will never be filled again, the reality is tough but it's one I'll have to accept one day. After 3 years you'd figure I would have accepted it but it's still a harsh reality that feels ever so present. The song that started it all, the song that set my career and dreams in motion. A smile making its way to my face as I think back on the time preforming it in school, all of us together, Mingi along side us. The empty spot feeling less lonely now as I spin the ring around my finger ever so slightly. The crowd freaking out as I comeback to reality, fans freaking out as they take my gaze as something more. Smiling I wave as I jump to my next position, finishing the last bit. A smile plastered on my face as we come together on the platform bowing to the crowd.
"Thank you all for an amazing experience, we couldn't have made it this far without you all or our captain." Seonghwa says motioning to Hongjoong who smiles bowing to the crowd a bit as they erupt into cheers when he shows on the monitors. Wooyoung coming over and poking me as I swat his hand poking him back, San bouncing his hip against mine on the other side. "Thank you Seonghwa, we hope you all had a great time and get home safely. The boys all worked hard tonight, I hope they get some much needed rest as well." He says side eyeing us on stage making us straighten out quickly as Wooyoung pokes me one last time, giggling as he holds onto my lanyard hanging from my belt loop.
"We will rest easy tonight though sleep might be hard to come by after such an amazing time." I say looking out at the crowd as the boys all nod in agreement. "I couldn't be more thankful for all your support tonight and from the beginning and all the new fans as well." My eyes falling on a sign, my heart skipping a beat as I read it, 'Fan since OT8 a fan forever.' Tears prick my eyes once again as I look up to the higher floors, "You are my happiness and I hope I can always be a shoulder for you as you are for me." Bowing, I purse my lips looking away as I blink away tears. Wooyoung and San grabbing my hand as I continue looking away, pulling woos hand to my face as I wipe a tear.
"Awww, it's okay Yunho-ah no one's gonna judge you here." He coos into the mic as everyone in the crowd coos along with him, embarrassment over taking me as I cover my face. The heat in my face and ear ever evident to my embarrassment as they all now coo and hug me. Hongjoong soon pulling away getting us back into the position on the platform, telling everyone goodbye as the platform begins to lower. Tears falling freely as soon as we get below, as I turn and walk to the dressing room. Hongjoong jogging to catch up to me, "Yun are you okay? You got pretty emotional tonight." He asks concern thick in his voice, I nodding a smile making its way to my lips.
"Yeah I'm fine Joong, just the reality of how far we've come was really hitting me. I mean we just sold out the biggest venue in country, we came from a no name company, these are huge things that I'm thankful for." Hongjoong nodding as he looks away smiling, "I know that's why we are going to celebrate tonight." He says patting my shoulder as we walk to get changed.
Walking into the changing room San and Wooyoung are cuddled up on the couch as they are already changed waiting on everyone else. I honestly happy they are still together and have such a strong relationship, it's one I hope to one day have with someone. Hongjoong and Seonghwa I'm sure will end up together at anytime soon too, they constantly flirt though Hongjoongs flirting is a bit rough around the edges, Seonghwa doesn't seem to mind. Yeosang and Jongho are always in their own little world, constantly giggling and making jabs at the other members. Though I alone, I'm content with where I am. Spinning my ring as I watch them all mingle as I finished changing, a habit I've had since high school my senior year.
Wooyoung pushing off the couch leaving a kiss on Sans cheek as he pats his head, walking over and hugging me. "Why don't you date Yunho, I see how you watch everyone. I know you are longing for your person." He says as he rest his head on my shoulder, patting him as I look down. "I'm not interested in dating Woo, I'm too busy it's easy for you guys because you work together." I laugh, in all honesty I just cant. I can't move on, I can't get him out of my head, works always been my excuse. Before it was training, then it was promotions, the tour anything I could think of really. I'm just not ready to leave what we had behind and make memories with someone else, not ready for a new heartbreak when I'm still pining after my first love. "Fine, whatever you say, it's always something with you. Just come to dinner with us, and get drinks." Wooyoung whines causing me to smile once again.
"I think I'll actually pass on drinks tonight, I'm not feeling too well." I say an echo of protest fly around besides Seonghwa who fans to me checking my temperature. "Are you sick? Is that why you were so emotional? Do you need anything?" He asks frantically, checking me everywhere as I grab his hands to stop him. Laughing as I take them all in, " I'm fine guys I swear, I'm just exhausted and think I need some rest. You guys have fun and tell me about it later." I say waving as I head out telling the manager I wanted to be dropped at my apartment.
____(10/10 recommend playing the song with this)
Punching in my code I quickly slip inside, closing the door behind me, slipping my shoes off and dropping my bag on the hook. Looking around my apartment I take the city in through the glass paned wall, making my way out to the balcony as the wind blows lightly across my face. Taking a deep breath as I look out at the twinkling lights of the city, loneliness hitting me the hardest when I'm in my empty apartment. The memories of Mingi hit me, a boy I used to have, one I pushed away, one I wish I still had flood me. The warm greetings when he'd lay eyes on me, I'd come home and find him napping on my bed or laughing in the kitchen with my parents. The boy who would giddily hop around as he ate or drank his favorite food or drinks, or would roar/yell every time he'd walk into a room.
A tear falling as I look up at the sky, wishing it was clearer and easier to see the stars. I don't think I've ever cried more besides that night, a tear slipping from my eye as I stare up. Wishing the light pollution wasn't so bad, the city never sleeps though I wish for a second it would. A smile making it way to my face as I laugh sadly, "I hope you found someone who will treat you how you deserve, gives you a love you never have to wonder about." Wiping my tears as the cold wind sends a shiver down my spine, wrapping my coat a bit tighter around my body. Turning I go inside closing the door and pushing the button to pull the blinds as I strip down, dropping down onto the bed.
My mind wondering as I stare at the ceiling, playing with my ring absentmindedly. The ring Mingi left for me on his nightstand that night, taking it off I hold it up above me. I wonder if he ever thinks about me, I wonder if he's ever looked into us, or even me. "I hope you know nothing but happiness, I'm sorry I couldn't be that for you. I will always remember you for you will always have my heart." Setting the ring down on the nightstand next to my bed, I slip under the silk sheets. Turning to my side I look over at the other side of the bed, my hand sliding into the empty space.
"I wish you could've lived our dream with us, my happiness."
~~~A/N
Sooo I haven't decided but I for sure have a few more chapters coming up, I'm not sure of an ending yet but I hope you enjoy. Sorry for the short chapter but our boys are in the states, I'm so excited though I can't see them. They are so excited about their rings they show them off like girls who just got engaged I love it.