Inside the restaurant—
Shao Xinyan hadn't seen Zhuo Shixue for a long time. As she looked at the girl across from her, it struck her how beautiful she was now. Zhuo Shixue's beauty wasn't the striking, jaw-dropping kind, but rather the charming "girl-next-door" type. She was a kind-hearted girl— the type to quietly shed tears and never fight back if she was being bullied.
"I don't want to get married! My mom keeps calling me, trying to push me into it. I feel like my parents only see me as a machine to push out babies, like I'm worth nothing!"
Zhuo Shixue had mentioned before how her family was pressuring her to get married. Shao Xinyan was the only friend she had who knew she was a lesbian.
"All parents are like that. Just keep putting it off if you don't want to get married," Shao Xinyan sighed. She meant it; every family was like this. Her parents (thankfully) had never pressured her to get married. When she'd been accepted to the police academy, she had already told her parents that she wanted to dedicate her entire life to her career and serving her community. While her parents understood her decision, she couldn't help but think that their acceptance was due to the fact that her brother was already married and had a child. Maybe that was why her parents never had such high expectations for her.
Zhuo Shixue was different. She was an only child, and had to carry all these burdens on her own. No matter how hard she tried, Shao Xinyan couldn't truly empathise with her pain.
"I'd feel more confident if Xia Tong could just give me a bit of support..." Zhuo Shixue fiddled with her dress, a desolate expression on her face. "She changes the subject whenever I talk about anything serious. What's there to run away from? We'll have to face this eventually, unless she's never actually wanted to be with me..."
Zhuo Shixue looked even more upset after saying this.
"Xia Tong is young. She doesn't understand the pressure you're under. That's why her solution to everything is avoidance. Just give her a few more years."
"She might still be young, but I'll be turning thirty in a few years. I don't have enough time to wait for her!" Zhuo Shixue wiped her tears away. "I'm getting to the age where I no longer have the confidence to put myself out there again."
"Hey, don't cry. Why don't we eat first? The food's getting cold." Shao Xinyan gently comforted her.
The two ate in silence, each burdened with troubles of their own. Zhuo Shixue's brows were furrowed, while Shao Xinyan was visibly distressed by her ongoing case. Both women had too much going on in their lives. They sat in silence after finishing their meal, and Shao Xinyan offered to accompany Zhuo Shixue home, saying that they could walk off the calories on their way there. Zhuo Shixue hesitated for a minute before nodding, her eyes still teary.
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Zhuo Shixue was the type of person who needed a companion by her side at all times— she hated feeling lonely. As they ate, Zhuo Shixue could sense that Shao Xinyan's mind wasn't fully there. She had initially intended to go straight home, not wanting to trouble the other woman, but then Shao Xinyan had offered to walk her home. Zhuo Shixue couldn't help but burst into tears.
Zhuo Shixue's life was too painful right now to even think about. She felt like she was walking on knives, drawing blood with each step she took. She wished Xia Tong could support her as her girlfriend, but her lover had all but turned a blind eye to all the pressure she was under.
"Xia Tong is young. She doesn't understand the pressure you're under. That's why her solution to everything is avoidance. Just give her a few more years."
The two walked along the riverbank. Shao Xinyan's words still lingered in Zhuo Shixue's head.
She found she disagreed with what Shao Xinyan had said. Zhuo Shixue already knew the reason behind Xia Tong's avoidance— after all, they'd been dating for two years. Xia Tong was just in this relationship to have fun. She'd get bored after another year or so and find a new partner. That was how society worked nowadays— bored of your partner? Find a new one! Don't like your partner? Find a new one! Who cares about the long-term?
Sometimes, she wanted to chase after Xia Tong and ask, Do you really love me?
Why do I never feel loved when we talk?
Why do you keep avoiding reality?
Why do you never comfort me?
Zhuo Shixue couldn't help but laugh as these thoughts ran through her head. Honestly, this was absolutely ridiculous. She'd always thought of Xia Tong as a safe haven, a piece of driftwood that could save her from the seas, her benevolent saviour. She'd fantasised about their future and how they'd marry overseas and maybe even raise kids together.
What was she to Xia Tong? Was she simply a tool that paid for everything, or a situationship in a transition period of hers?
"What's on your mind, Xiao Xue?"
"Nothing, nothing. I was just thinking about some random stuff. What have you been up to lately?" Zhuo Shixue asked. She put her hands behind her back, looking at Shao Xinyan.
"I've been busy with a case. There's not much to say about it. I'm worried you'll get scared if I tell you anything about it— it's nothing good."
"Hmph. I'm no coward. Even murders don't scare me."
"Hahaha—"
They were still talking and laughing about this when Shao Xinyan suddenly saw a silhouette flash in front of her eyes. She stared after it again, startled. They had just walked over the bridge. A woman adorned in a beret, fur coat, and high-heeled boots walked past, out of the corner of her eye.
"Hahaha, really? It can't be that interesting.
Zhuo Shixue hadn't noticed anything until she heard that familiar voice. One second she was laughing together with Shao Xinyan, and the next, she was spinning around towards the source of the voice.
That woman's height, voice, and silhouette looked exactly like Xia Tong's. Who was the person whose arm she was holding onto? She looked closer— it was a burly-looking man.
Wait, why was Xia Tong holding that man's...?
"Xiao Xue...? Are you okay?"
Shao Xinyan noticed how Zhuo Shixue's face had suddenly gone pale, like she had been paralysed.
Zhuo Shixue didn't know if she should call Xia Tong's name or not. If she chose the latter, the two could continue their relationship, right? She could pretend to not have seen anything, go home, take a nice bath, and fall asleep. Tomorrow at work, when she saw Xia Tong, she could slap a smile on her face and greet her, and they'd proceed like usual. They'd continue dating until, one day, Xia Tong ended the relationship, and then she'd cry and throw a fit. Xia Tong would stare at her like she was filth, but she'd still desperately get on her knees and beg Xia Tong to take her back.
If she chose the former, then it'd go like this instead: Xia Tong would say they should break up, she'd cry and throw a fit, and then she'd get on her knees and beg Xia Tong to take her back.
A 29-year-old woman begging her ex to take her back...
Zhuo Shixue glanced at the woman, who still looked suspiciously like Xia Tong. She'd already run through all the possible scenarios that could be her reality, depending on which option she picked. She didn't have the courage to say Xia Tong's name.
She shakily took out her phone and snapped a picture of Xia Tong's silhouette, but then thought twice about it. She didn't want to believe that Xia Tong would cheat on her— she just wanted to be a coward in peace. She ended up deleting the picture.
"Xiao Xue, maybe that's not her... don't pay too much attention to them."
"It's fine, really. Xinyan, you should head home. I don't feel well." Zhuo Shixue forced a smile onto her face, but her heart felt like it'd broken in two.
Don't worry about it, Shixue. Maybe that wasn't Xia Tong. Maybe that was just a woman who looked exactly like her!
Zhuo Shixue lowered her head and kept walking, feeling like she was merging into the shadows of the night. Even with Shao Xinyan walking by her side, Zhuo Shixue couldn't shake the feeling that she belonged absolutely nowhere.
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Zhuo Shixue acted like everything was fine the next day at work; it was like she'd forgotten everything that had happened last night. But the second she saw Xia Tong walk into her office, all dressed up, her head began filling with doubts all over again.
"Xiao Xue, maybe that's not her... don't pay too much attention to them."
Shao Xinyan's words echoed in her subconscious. Zhuo Shixue shoved her emotions down.
"Good morning, Shixue." Xia Tong greeted her with a smile.
Her facade came crashing down the second Xia Tong called out to her. Pretend like nothing had happened? Fake a smile and talk to her as usual? She watched as Xia Tong approached her, getting closer and closer. She was so close to losing control and letting out the rage that had built up inside.
"What's wrong? You look so pale."
"Leave me alone!"
Zhuo Shixue suddenly stood up and ran out of the office. There was no way she'd be staying in the same room as Xia Tong— she was terrified she'd lose control of herself.
She walked out of the office into the hallway. It was all so upsetting— the pressure was closing in on her in all directions, chasing after her, never stopping.
"Xiao Xue, there's a package for you."
A security guard just so happened to be walking down the same hallway that she was in.
"A package? For me? I didn't buy anything."
"Well, the package was addressed to Zhuo Shixue. Did you think I'd forgotten your name? Hahaha!" The guard laughed. "Go pick it up. It just arrived."
How strange. She hadn't ordered anything from Taobao in a long time. She'd even skipped the double 11 and double 12 sales because she was broke.
She walked to the security office, where she was greeted by another security officer. He pointed to a small, eye-catching package behind her.
Zhuo Shixue grabbed the package and gave it a little shake. There was something inside. She tore open the package as she walked back and looked in. It was a black flash drive.