Alex's POV:
Bitch I woke up and the world chose violence. So me and my doners were eating dinner, when Cinderella's fairy said 'Bibity Bobity Boo, you get bad luck because I hate you' , and magically marine hoes (everyone's mortal enemy) came in and pretty much said 'Listen up hoes our lives aren't pretty enough to fuck up so we choose to fuck up yours, because why not'.
Those rats.
Anygays..
Them hoes shot the doners, and they died with a pretty flash. Then they tried to bomb the fucking house,and turn me into a sack of potatoes.
Keyword:tried.
Those dumbasses had the Reaper against them, shot the bazooka, and instead of me dying, the Reaper decided that I wasn't a good enough soul to harvest and turned the bazooka towards the marines. Anyways the bazooka shot them,and they became tomato soup.Funny as hell. I sat there laughing my ass off till reinforcements came.
While running I swear I became the new fucking Kizaru with how fast I was running, like goddamn, I really could replace him, easily.
But of course,me being an insomniac (and dumbass), didn't sleep for the last three days.So my brain eventually said 'Fuck you', I short circuited, and went to fucking sleep.
When I woke up I was on this old man's shoulder. Took me a little but I realized he was,'Garp the Fist,Hero of the Navy',hero my ass.Roger was better.
"Hey can you let me down shitty old hero." I asked politely (I think).
"No." This bitch.
"That's gay." ULTIMATE COMEBACK. hehehe.
"I'm gay." Oh-
Unless you say that..I don't judge.I mean you do you boo.
"And you're just now telling me this."
"Yes?"
"You're an idiot."
"Wait if one of your family members were gay what would you do?" I have to see if he's a good sibling or whatever (I need blackmail).
"I'd give 'em a huge ass speech on how if anybody tells them if they're disgusting for being gay, kick them in the dick, or if they're a woman punch them in the tits."
Damn. I don't even have tits and that hurts. The phantom pain is too much.
"As you should."
"Right?".....
Silence.
Don't worry, I can bring this back to life.
"Hey old man, who would you ship your child with?"
"Definitely his right hand man, Ivankov." Bitch I know an Ivankov...Is he done did talkin about my Revolutionary Sugar Mommy.
If that's true then..
"OH MY LORD IS YOUR SON DRAGON?!?!" What, I'm a fan.
"Yes." LET'S GOOOO.
"Tell him I'd give him head." I gotta stop saying my thoughts out loud...
"...What?..." Understandable reaction.
"Tell him I'd give him lead." It rhymes at least, right?
"What the hell are you talking about?" That's what I'm trying to figure out, sir.
"Just ignore me." Please,please,please don't think about what I said.
"By the way, I got way too off topic, WHERE IN THE EVER LOVING SHIT OF CHICKEN NUGGETS ARE YOU TAKING ME?!"
"To the East Blue." that ocean is literally too calm for my ass. "You're my new grandson." wait-
Hol up "Bitch what?"
"You heard me." Lies.
"You're gonna be living with bandits and with my other three grandsons." ewww kids.
"How old are they?" please be dumbasses, I can't be the only one.
"One is 7 and the other two are 10." they have to be on crack.
"And after you're all grown up you'll become a great marine! Bwahahaha." bitch,I'm boutta be a stripper. The fuck you mean marine.
"Yah, hell no."
That day I found out what a fist of love was.
........(Time skip)........
Location: East Blue, Dawn Island
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We arrived at a small ass island.And then this bitch forced me to walk up a steep ass hill. Like bitch I'm a fatass, because that was too much for me.I died three times every minute. WOAH AM I EXAUSTED.
When we got to the top there was this raggedy ass house/shack.Garp just went up to it knocked on the dead ass wood ( I swear it was boutta fall apart.). This woman..man? came out.
What's funny is she deflated when she saw Garp, and cried when she saw me. Lol.
"Yo shitty gramps are they a boy?" Garp just died on the ground laughing.
"Dogra where's my 30 beli." Oh, a bet.
"Damn it. I thought the next one was gonna be smarter!" 'Dogman' I think his name was, said and handed a bag to Garp.
The now confirmed girl was dying on the inside from how all the kids that met her thought she was a boy, you could even hear sniffles. Poor girl.
Wait-
"ARE YOU SAYING I'M DUMB?!?!"
"..."
Ignored..
Rude.
They're definitely hoes.
Confirmed.
Well they're on my list of people to prank now.They're fault not mine.
Now I got kids to meet.
Sadly..
I don't wanna go.
This is actual hell.
........(Time skip).......
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Luffy's POV:
Me and Ace were fighting in the treehouse when Sabo came running in, panting.
"GUYS! Dadan is outside with this weird guy." Oh... I thought he brought some meat. I sad now.
Weird guy..
NEW PERSON!! Maybe he wants to be my friend.Yah that's totally what he came here for.
YAY! New friend!
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Ace's POV:
Bastard, he's probably here for our treasure. I won't let him take it. We worked hard to get it!
But Luffy's probably thinking he's a new friend..
So now I have to protect Luffy and fight this bastard, Sabo can take care of himself. So that's good.
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Sabo's POV:
I was coming back from hunting alone to see Dadan and a random dude, standing outside our treehouse.
And from what I've learned, always be cautious, so I went in the back door of the treehouse.
"GUYS! Dadan is outside with this wierd guy!" I said panicked.
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Alex's POV:
So I was out here waiting for like five minutes, and you know what I got tired of standing.So I went inside the treehouse.
...Bad idea.
As soon as I came in, two boys were pointing long ass pipes at me. And while I know I can take them out easily, I couldn't hurt the little boy behind them. Damn it! I hate my soft spot for in innocent, cute children.
Angays,they were mean. All I did was walk into a treehouse. Damn does the world hate me.
Like I know I haven't introduced myself as their new older brother, but still respect your guests, am I wrong?
This is completely off subject, but the one with freckles definitely has trust issues.
My bad.
But have you ever thought about how sad that is? Wee lil kids having trust issues? Yah no, this world is fucked up.
I blame you celestial dragons, marines, some bad pirates here and there, and the World Government.
Again I went way far from the subject at hand. I gotta stop doing that.
"Hey, chill yo asses out. Let's think. Two dumbass children against a grown dumbass. Who would win?"
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Ace's POV:
IS THIS BASTARD MOCKING US!?
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Sabo's POV:
What the hell does he even mean? I do not understand.
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Luffy's POV:
He's a funny guy. I've decided! He's gonna be on my crew!
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Alex's POV:
Why do they all have different faces right now? They look like they just found out dino's were real. To be frank, they look confused, irritated, and happy. Honestly I felt all three when I found out dinosaurs were real. So they're not alone.
"The answer is, the grown dumbass, because the grown dumbass has more dumbassery to pull out of their asses than the children dumbasses so they can counter attack all the dumbassery tricks the dumbass children come up with."
My logic is logic, get over it.
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Ace's + Sabo's POV:
What the fuck? He has to be high. AND HE CUSSED A SHIT TON AROUND LUFFY! TIME TO KILL A BITCH!
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Luffy's POV:
"What's a dumbass?"
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Alex's POV:
"Oh shit. I fucked up, didn't I?"
Nods..that's all I got. Well I'm dead!
To Be Continued...
(1,319 words)