Another week passed with nothing terrible happening, quite the opposite actually. Frank's condition didn't seem to deteriorate any further, and the weekly visits to the hospital to drain the fluid from his brain kept away his headaches, so in a way, Frank almost seemed healthier than he had in the past year - at least, that was how Gerard chose to view it.
Despite Frank's rapidly diminishing vision, Frank showed no other signs that he was dying, and maybe it was just because he was finally free from his oppressive father, or maybe he was just excited about living with Gerard, but whatever it was, Gerard hadn't seen Frank this happy since high school.
Everything seemed about as perfect as it could be, considering the situation, and Gerard didn't understand why this couldn't have happened a year ago, back when Frank was still healthy, so they would be able to truly enjoy life without the dark cloud of Frank's condition hanging over everything, but maybe that was just how things worked.
Maybe happiness wasn't free, and something terrible had to happen in order for something amazing to follow, like karma, or something, but whatever the case, Gerard couldn't remember the last time he had seen Frank so alive, which was truly irony in its greatest form.
Frank's mother kept to her word, calling Frank often to check up on him, and even stopping by a few days ago to spend the afternoon with him. Frank was ecstatic about his mother's newfound involvement in his life, and even though Gerard thought it was too little, too late, he had to give her credit for trying.
Somehow, Frank's mother had managed to convince Frank's father to leave him alone, and that in itself was enough to make Gerard forgive her for past grievances. It was such a blessing not to peer over their shoulders when they left the house, and not once had Frank's father attempted to knock on Gerard's door and drag Frank away.
This is what Gerard had always wanted for them; to live together without judgement, to save Frank from the horrors of home and give him a safe place to stay, and now they had that, but not for long, no matter that Frank didn't seem that ill at all.
Gerard knew that Frank wasn't actually getting any better, and even though he was aware that this was just the calm before the storm that would be Frank's death, Gerard chose to enjoy it. These were his last few moments with Frank, and he was more than happy to pretend that everything was okay for as long as he possibly could.
Gerard needed this time with Frank, these final few memories before they weren't able to make any more, and even if Gerard was kept awake at night crying softly when Frank couldn't hear him, that didn't matter, because it would be so much worse when Frank was actually gone, and Frank didn't need to be burdened with Gerard's sorrows when he had so many of his own.
During the day, when Gerard was with Frank, he was genuinely happy, pretty fucking ecstatic actually, because he and Frank had never had so much time to themselves before, and even just watching Frank nap peacefully on the couch filled Gerard with a fuzzy feeling that warmed his insides, and as long as Gerard avoided all thoughts about how little time Frank had left, he was okay.
And yes - Gerard knew he was lying to himself, and he was sinking too deep into the perfect world his mind had created, one where Frank wasn't sick, and everything was wonderful, and only the hours of darkness brought the bitter truth back, but what else was Gerard supposed to do?
It wasn't like he could mope around the entire day sobbing, not when he had Frank to take care of, and appointments to make, and a life to lead, and even though Gerard's existence would cease to mean anything when Frank was gone, he was still here right now, so Gerard had to hold it together as well.
And if he was being honest with himself, Gerard was aware that he truly hadn't accepted Frank's fate, even though he knew that death was following Frank around like a shadow, but still - miracles could happen, and Gerard couldn't quench the small hope that maybe the next time they went to the doctor, the tumor would have shrunk, or something would change, and Frank would find a way to survive this after all.
Gerard wasn't sure if this farfetched idea was hurting or helping him, and he wouldn't know until the day Frank was ripped away from him forever, but right now, Gerard was happier than he had been in a long time when he was pretending that Frank had a chance, and Gerard wanted to keep feeling this way, even if he was just fooling himself.
Frank just seemed so real, so alive, and even though Gerard was terrified that his condition would change at any moment, it was almost hard to imagine someone as vibrant as Frank fading away.
Gerard tried to picture what life would be like when Frank was no longer there, but he just couldn't, not now with Frank slumbering peacefully in his arms, Gerard timing each of his breaths carefully just to make sure he was still there with him.
Frank began to stir in his sleep, and Gerard instantly began to stroke his hair, trying to soothe him back into slumber with the touch. Frank had been sleeping quite a bit lately, and even though it had worried Gerard at first, the doctor had reassured him that it was completely natural. His body was doing its best to keep fighting against the intrusion in his brain, and he needed more rest because of that, so Gerard wanted him to get as much as possible if it meant he would hold on for that much longer.
"Gee..." Frank murmured, opening his eyes blearily as he peered upward, trying to catch sight of his boyfriend's face. Frank's eyesight was continuing to grow worse; he had even taken to wearing glasses lately when he had to read something, and his vision was especially poor when he first woke up.
"I'm here baby, you okay?" Gerard whispered, still petting his hair absentmindedly.
"I'm really cold, can you turn the heat up?" Frank asked.
Gerard shot Frank a puzzled look, because it was actually quite warm in the house since Gerard never seemed to be able to produce enough body heat to keep himself comfortable, and Frank was wrapped securely in a blanket, so he shouldn't be chilly.
Gerard let his hand trail lower, pressing his palm against Frank's forehead, and he hissed in shock when he came in contact with burning skin.
"I think you have a fever sugar..." Gerard flinched slightly as a massive tremor wracked Frank's body, and it took Gerard a moment to realize that Frank was shivering violently.
"I don't feel too well..." Frank sighed, and Gerard's heart clenched in his chest at his words.
Gerard had no idea if Frank was just sick, or if this was some side effect of the tumor, but his mind instantly jumped to the worst conclusion possible, and he felt terror flooding throughout his veins at a rapid pace.
What if this was it, what if Frank was dying right now? Gerard wasn't ready, he couldn't handle this yet, but he wouldn't know for sure unless he took him to the hospital.
"I think I need to take you back to the doctor..." Gerard informed Frank, standing up so he could go get his keys.
"No - please...we were just there yesterday. I'm sure I'm fine," Frank whined, grabbing on to Gerard's pant leg in an attempt to entice him back to his side.
"At least let me call him?" Gerard asked, because there was no way he was going to keep Frank home without finding out if this was natural or not.
"Fine...but hurry back," Frank pouted, lying down on the couch with a sad sigh.
"I will," Gerard promised, all but sprinting toward his phone which was charging in the kitchen at the moment.
Gerard had Frank's doctor on speed dial, and it wasn't long before he was connected to the specialist who had been put in charge of Frank's care.
Once Gerard had explained the situation, the doctor told Gerard that it probably wasn't anything serious, but he should keep an eye on Frank and bring him in if his fever went over one hundred and five degrees. According to the doctor, Frank's body was just slowly weakening, and he would probably get sick more often because of that.
As soon as Gerard hung up the phone, he rushed into the bathroom, searching for the first aid kit which should contain a thermometer. When Gerard finally found it, he returned to Frank's side, only to find his boyfriend mostly asleep again sprawled out on the couch.
"Wake up baby, I gotta take your temperature," Gerard cooed, trying to coax Frank into a sitting position gently.
"No - 'm tired," Frank grumbled, but he did open his mouth and let Gerard fit the small device under his tongue.
When the thermometer beeped twice, Gerard pulled it out, breathing a sigh of relief when the digital output read one hundred and two.
"Are you gonna make me go to the doctor?" Frank asked warily, peering at Gerard with his eyes half opened.
"Not yet love, but I am going to get you into bed. You will be warmer there," Gerard smiled weakly as Frank held out his arms so Gerard could pick him up.
"Will you lay down with me?" Frank mumbled sleepily as Gerard tucked Frank underneath the sheets lovingly, making sure to cover him with every blanket they had on the large bed.
"In a second Frankie, I'm just gonna get you a wet rag for your forehead."
"No...that will make me colder," Frank shivered again, but he was already breaking out in a light sheen of sweat, and Gerard needed to try something to bring his fever down.
"I'll be right back," Gerard ignored Frank's protests, because by the way he was already snuggling down against the pillow, he was going to be asleep in a few minutes anyway.
Gerard was proven right, and by the time he returned with a damp washcloth from the bathroom, Frank was already dozing off, his soft snores filling the otherwise silent room.
Gerard slipped under the covers carefully, making sure not to disturb Frank in the process, but even asleep, Frank seemed to know Gerard was there. He instantly scooted closer to Gerard, and when Gerard wrapped his arms around Frank, he sighed softly in contentment.
Gerard had made sure to bring the thermometer into the bedroom as well, and every thirty minutes or so, he checked Frank's temperature. His fever didn't seem to be getting any worse, but it also wasn't abating yet either, and Gerard steeled himself for a long night.
There was no way Gerard could let himself fall asleep while Frank was still burning up, because Gerard would never forgive himself if Frank's temperature spiked while he was blissfully unaware, even though he wanted nothing more than to snuggle into Frank's side and doze off, and not necessarily because he was tired.
No - it was because now Gerard was alone with his thoughts once again, and this was the time of day he despised with every fiber of his being, because this was when reality came crashing back down, this was when Gerard couldn't pretend anymore, and he ached for the oblivion of sleep so he wouldn't have to deal with this.
But Gerard couldn't escape, all he could do was hold Frank tightly as he began to whimper in his sleep; whatever fever dreams he was experiencing causing him to twist and turn slightly, and fuck - Gerard felt like crying, and only his fear of waking Frank helped him to keep the tears at bay.
Gerard felt so alone in this moment, even though Frank was right beside him, but for once, his presence wasn't enough to soothe Gerard's fears. Even though Frank was just sick, and this wasn't anything serious, seeing Frank shaking and weak made it all too easy for Gerard to imagine what it would be like closer to the end, and now that he had begun to picture it, he couldn't stop.
Against his will, Gerard's eyes began to fill with tears, his limbs quivering slightly as he tried his best to suppress the overwhelming sorrow that was curdling in his gut and making his stomach twist uncomfortably. Keeping his sobs as quiet as possible, Gerard pulled Frank against his chest, rocking him back and forth slowly as his tears dropped onto the top of Frank's head.
Gerard kept repeating to himself over and over that it was going to be okay, and that this was only a fever, but it wasn't okay; maybe for today it would be, or tomorrow, but in the end, nothing would ever be okay again without Frank, and Gerard could do nothing about it besides cry helplessly as he held onto Frank for dear life.
Yay I finished this even though I am so sick I am pretty sure I'm dying.
I stg if I am still sick on Sunday for Warped Tour I will cry, and probably die because I am totally going either way.
Anyways, I hope you guys liked this chapter. I am too tired to edit it so I will do that later.
((((I hate being sick vibes))))
<3 starr