CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
SUNRISE
SOMETIMES IT FEELS like time is dragging, and other times it feels like sunrise and sundown happen quicker than usual.
I get fewer visits, but even when those occur, I'm barely awake. Dani has left me weak and tired, and I no longer see a point in fighting to stay up. There's some comfort in this state of surrender. The floor is not the best place to lie on, yet I've grown used to its hardness by now and my body gives in to this familiarity.
Santanico is supposed to come, I remind myself every now and then. Since I can't heal myself, I hope that I have no broken bones and that my body will heal on its own with time. And hopefully, whatever Santanico is planning doesn't depend on my health or on my awakeness. I might get better on my own before she'll come for me. If she will, that is. I do start to get better gradually, but there's no denying that I'm still weak.
I'm half asleep when José and Dani walk in. They're fighting, or at least close to it judging by the tone of their voices. I open my eyes. They're both looking right at me, watching me sit up. Whatever they want, at least it might make some time pass by quicker.
Dani reaches for me and I flinch away so quickly that I accidentally put pressure on the parts of my hands that are still aching after that time. She doesn't give up even though I can hear José objecting in the background. It's a mess of limbs, made of awkward movements, and even though it's very much a losing game, I'm fueled by my urgency to avoid more abuse. All the parts of my body that haven't recovered yet quickly remind me of how much they can hurt.
Eventually, she gives up and releases a loud, annoyed sigh. We stare at each other as I try to catch my breath, and wait, wondering what's next. At this point, I don't think that they even have a purpose for holding me here. Their questions stopped and considering the information I concluded from Santanico, it doesn't seem like they were able to get to Seth.
When Dani speaks, it's directed at José and they argue. He's annoyed, she's angry; the usual. I let their words come in from one ear and slip out of the other, used to hear them talk about me as if I was not there. I would rather stay somewhat alert, yet my body hurts and I just want to close my eyes for one moment–
My hair is yanked back. The pain makes me gasp and my eyes snap open. "You know," she says, followed by a juicy curse word, "what's funny about you, is that you the biggest loser here. You and Seth take everything from us, all of our work. Where is he? Huh? He's enjoying that money. And mira (look)," Dani pauses to make me look at them. "We are fine, we make it work. But you? I can clean this floor with you. Patetica."
I can't listen to her, that's all I know, can't let these words sink in. This is not about Seth, it's much deeper than that. Dani wants to break me mentally, and if I let her do it, it will hurt every possible chance to get out of here. She's staring right at me and still holding my hair, and this forcement to keep my attention on her makes it more difficult to push away the venom that she wants to poison me with.
"Dani," José urges.
"Lo sé (I know)," she says sharply, before looking at me again. "Things will change, Jane. You see, we need money. And we take money from someone. Bad people. And then we don't need you anymore, and they... they will like the idea of going after Gecko when they have you."
That gets my attention. It takes me longer than usual to get what she's implying, mostly because of how foggy I feel, but then the realization dawns on me. It could be a lie, a psychological trick to make me talk, or who knows what. Nonetheless, the thought of me being passed around not only to god knows who, but also to use against Seth makes my heart drop.
"Jane," José says and comes to crouch in front of me. For the first time in a while, I see sympathy in his eyes. He doesn't look very good; he's sweaty, bothered, uncomfortable. "This can be easy and it can be difficult. But more than anything, we want this to end. And you're not helping."
Again with the accusations.
"Does it seem to you like I know something? I can't get you anywhere if you haven't noticed. I'm worthless," I reply, tired of holding back and taking shit. My voice comes out weaker than I'd like and to be honest, so is my soul. It's too much.
"Mentirosa! (Liar!)" Dani snaps as her hold on my hair tightens. I flinch, while she says something too quickly for me to catch.
In front of me, José puts out his hand as a sign for her to calm down. "This trick is not helping you. If we can'... manage you, someone else will."
"Trick?" I echo, confused.
It seems to be the wrong thing to say since it sends Dani into a long muttering of swear words. She does, however, let go of me and walks away to stand closer to the door, but I wouldn't doubt that she still wants to punch me in the face. Unlike her, José is more collected. He glances at her for a moment, before studying me. I'm so used to Dani being in my face that having so much of his attention feels strange.
Eventually, he decides to keep being patient. "The temperatura–stop it."
I stare back at him. Temperature?
He waits for a response, yet it doesn't come because I have no idea what he's talking about. I'm considering my options; pretend I know what he means and try to negotiate around it, or tell him I don;t know what the hell they're on about.
"Then let me go," I say eventually with a weak shrug.
It's obviously a weak attempt, but I have to try. Something flickers in José's eyes and it takes me a moment to realize it's tiredness. Dani snorts, while I keep my eyes on him. She's obviously calling the shots here, though maybe if I'll push José hard enough it will have an effect.
"Or do you want to see what happens instead?" I add quietly.
I can see the wheels spinning in José's head and it makes a wave of satisfaction wash over me. The pleasure of having some power back is something I haven't felt in a long time. Too long.
"Ignora lo que ella está diciendo. Si hubiera podido hacer algo, ya lo habría hecho," Dani calls. (Ignore what she's saying. If she could have done something, she would have already done it.)
I hate her. Always one step ahead of me, always sharper and smarter. "Is that why you're standing so far away from me?"
She throws me a dirty look and shakes the front of her shirt. Temperature... It should be impossible. Right?
My hand starts rising because I have to try, yet Dani is quicker than me. Before I realize what's happening, her magic pushes me back until I hit the wall. Pain spreads over my back and my arm falls back to its place at the side of my body. I'm quickly reminded that I can't handle a fight anymore.
"Maybe next time you'll be smarter," Jose says and gets up.
The loneliness and helplessness are here again, my closest friends. It's one of those moments when I can't stand the sight of this back room anymore, its dirty walls, the emptiness of it, and the fact that I'm still stuck here.
Where the fuck is Seth? I'm usually not angry with him, but now is one of the rare times that I'm flooded with fury towards him. We've spent months together and he has no idea something went wrong with me? What the fuck has he been doing all this time? Aren't I supposed to mean something to him? Then where is he? And where the hell is Santanico who promised to get me out, who told me tales about needing me?
As the door closes, I murmur to myself, "Yeah, maybe."
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My mind is a mess of negative emotions for the next several hours if my grasp of time is even correct. At this point, I've lost any track. I try to sleep to avoid bad thoughts, but every time I open my eyes I'm attacked by each fear I have. I feel like I'm drowning.
José and Dani open the door twice during this time, yet they never enter, and it happens too quickly for me to understand what's holding them back. Who knows, maybe they're just trying to torment me this way. I used to think that I can't get worse than I am, that this is the bottom of the barrel. Unfortunately, I was wrong. Time has an effect on me, each passing hour digging me deeper into despair.
It's around dawn that something starts feeling strange. Throughout all my days here, I've been inconsistent with how much I sleep. Some days I'm tired enough to sleep through sunrise, the sight of the soft morning light starting to get in through the windows, yet not today. I'm restless. It always feels silly to look at the way the sun hits the wall and find beauty and hope in it, but still, I do. This spark of positive feelings will be over soon, and it'll be another sorrowful morning.
As I sit there, my thoughts keep coming back to Santanico for some reason. Her promise plays in repeat in my mind and I wonder if this means something. I refuse to have any real hope, yet there's a feeling sitting in my stomach, fighting against me.
My eyes start to feel heavy after some time when I hear noise from outside. Maybe this time they'll actually enter, I could use some entertainment, I think bitterly. Then, the door opens. I don't care enough to look.
"June," a familiar voice says.
"What the fuck–" another voice says. "I can't get in there, it's boiling hot."
That's a voice I haven't heard in a long time. Even though my body feels heavy from tiredness, I finally turn to look. When I realize who's at the door, I feel like maybe I fell asleep and this is all a dream, like last time. Richie is standing at the entrance, frowning, while Santanico walks inside, gaze set on me. I don't rush towards them, I physically can't, so I just wait. Suddenly, I start feeling different. Not perfectly normal, but like my body is getting back some energy.
"June, can you turn off your magic?" Santanico asks.
Immediately, I frown. "I'm not doing any–"
"You are, trust me," she replies and crouches in front of me. "I'm going to help you, but you need to do as I say."
Even though I have questions, I nod. She starts instructing me to do breathing exercises, and I follow every step silently. I don't know how long it takes, but she's patient and I'm not sure I'm even taking in what's happening.
"Can you stand?" Santanico asks when we're done.
Opening my eyes, I take a moment to think before nodding. I feel better. She steps back and I push myself up. Though I am a little unbalanced, I manage to stand and notice how carefully both she and Richie are watching me. Either they really need me, or I look really bad.
"Okay, let's go."
It's a good thing I wasn't too happy with my ability to stand because when I begin walking, it feels like everything around me is swaying. Santanico is quick to notice it. She comes to stand next to me and drapes my arm around her shoulders for support. And then, we get out of there.
We're in a hurry so I mainly catch a general sight of our surroundings, containing mostly naked white walls and a few old photos. Walking through the hallway and seeing Richie open a door to the outside is surreal. When I see a car standing in front of us and a wave of fresh air hits me, I tear up. It feels silly and too emotional, so I bite my lower lip and try to hold myself together.
I don't have time to even think or ask about Dani and José, all I want is to get out of here. Richie and Santanico let me into the back seat of the car, and take a seat at the front. While they do, I glance back to see the one-story building that looks like it's in the middle of nowhere where I was held. I'm out, I'm out, I'm out.
When Richie hits the gas, I watch my jail catch fire. Fortunately, no one comments on it, and maybe they're not surprised. I wipe away the tears that are threatening to fall down my cheeks as I turn away from the view. Not now, not yet.
"There's a bag there with some food and water," Richie says.
Though I'm still fighting back any emotions, I manage to say a weak 'thank you'. Richie glances at me through the rearview mirror and nods. Despite their differences, something about it reminds me so much of Seth, that it hurts. I pull my knees to my chest and decide to leave any questions about him for later, when it won't feel like there's a lump in my throat.
Santanico turns to look at me. "It's a few hours drive. Get some sleep," she says and I dare think that her voice sounds soft. I nod.
Soon, I realize I can't sleep. I assume that the movement of the car feels too unfamiliar for my body to relax, and all I manage is to close my eyes in a state of half awakeness. Richie and Santanico whisper to each other from time to time. I don't try to listen in, feeling too overwhelmed. It's strange to think that I'm safe now and I do wonder if I should worry about José and Dani coming after us, even though they don't stand a chance against Santanico. It seems like I'm done with them.
At some point, we stop at a gas station. I use the bathroom, Richie goes into the store, and Santanico stays in the car. When I get back, I sit behind her in silence. I'm tired, but also not sure what it would take for me to feel comfortable enough to fall asleep. At the end of the day, Richie and her aren't my friends or family, even if they've been nice to me.
"Where are you taking me?" I ask.
Richie is now out of the store, his phone pressed to his ear and he's wearing a stern look on his face. We both watch him pace several feet away from us.
"To Richie's uncle, Eddie," Santanico replies. She stays quiet for a moment. "That's where Seth is staying."
My heart skips a beat. "Does he know we're coming?" I ask, not sure what's the plan.
She keeps looking at Richie and says, "Maybe now he does."
My gaze returns to Richie, who's now standing with his back half turned to us, still on the phone. I don't know Richie very well, yet I can't say he looks very happy with the call. Is it Seth on the line? If they're fighting, does it have to do with me? I don't know how long it's been since that night, and I certainly don't know what he thought happened to me.
"June," Santanico says and turns around in her seat to look at me. "We haven't told him anything, Richie barely knew about your situation before yesterday. I have to remind you–this is my favor for you, but I need something in return. I need you close to Seth."
Her words sound strangely mysterious, more mysterious than they should be. "Is there something I should know?"
Her expression gives away nothing. "You'll find out everything in due time."
"Excuse me?" I say and sit up. "What does that mean?"
Sanatnico turns back in her seat as Richie gets into the car. I stare at her, but it has no effect, of course. Richie starts the engine before noticing my alertness and glancing between us.
"Seth needs you," she says eventually. "That's all I know."
I stare at the back of her head as a bad feeling swirls inside of me. Richie glares at her as well, before looking at me. "My brother thought you left him until five minutes ago," he says and starts driving.
"Don't pull this bullshit with me. What else don't I know? Because you two are obviously hiding something from me," I demand. The wheels in my head start turning. So, if Seth thinks I left him, what else? Did he do something very stupid? What could have happened that I can have a problem with?
I'm so tired. Not physically even–emotionally. Tired of being tossed around and treated like a fucking toy, a punching bag, a chess piece. My thoughts start scattering in any possible direction as I try to figure out what they're hiding from me. They don't even know me, nor my relationship with Seth that well–
"Pull over."
"So you can pull a tantrum? No way–"
As quickly as I can, I unbuckle myself and put a hand over my mouth. "Richie, pull over!"
He looks at me through the rearview mirror. Seconds later we stop at the side of the road, and I jump out of the car. The moment I open the door, a lump rises in my throat. I bend over over the ground and vomit. I almost don't notice Santanico coming to stand next to me and holding my hair until I'm done.
When I straighten, she hands me a bottle of water and I wash my mouth and spit the water out. Then, I take a few sips. I hate this, I hate everything and I just want to disappear. I turn back to the car with tears in my eyes and take a seat. Santanico watches me closely and comes to stand near the door.
"Better?" she asks.
"Peachy," I reply, wondering how bad it would be to give her a middle finger. I settle for a glare.
Before closing the door, she says, "You should rest. Your body is recovering."
She gets to her seat and I look at Richie again. He's watching me with uncertainty and I give him the same dirty look. He clenches his jaw and then looks away.
Soon, I try to tell myself. Whatever happens, soon I'll at least have some freedom. Even if these two are going to throw me into hell, I'll make sure to find my way out of there. Hopefully, with Seth. I lean my head on the window and close my eyes.
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Author's note: y'all are not ready for next chapter and for that reunion :')