My stepdad is going to want to murder me when he finds out what I've done. But I don't care. Fuck him. It's come to the point where I'm more afraid of staying than running away.
"Where're we going?" Nova asks me in her sweet little groggy voice.
I've wrapped her in her favorite Jack Skellington blanket because the current temp in Sweet Valley, Utah is 38 degrees. Now my four-year-old sister looks so tiny and scared while blinking up at me. That's probably because I yanked her out of bed in the middle of the night and told her to be super quiet while we crept downstairs and out the front door.
I just couldn't, in good conscience, run away without her. Ken may be her biological dad but he's a monster and won't extend any mercy to her just because she's blood. Not when he's already starting to control her too. The things she likes. The kids she plays with at church. The clothes she wears.
"Shh, it's okay. We're uh...taking a trip."
"A trip?" Her eyes go from terror to excitement all in one question. She's been as trapped as I've been in this house the last couple of years. My sister squeezes my hand and jumps up and down as I wrestle with the key fob to Ken's Mercedes. "Can we go to Disneyland?"
I chuckle. "Sure, bug. Now I need you to be quiet while I buckle you in, okay?"
We're in the driveway of our double-story estate, but definitely not out of earshot. Ken has cameras in places I don't even know about. If he hears us, all he has to do is roll over and lazily check his phone's security app. There's a push button to call the police on that thing.
"Can we see Oogie Boogie?" As I buckle Nova into her booster seat, she hums This is Halloween cheerily.
I hate lying to her. But sometimes it's okay to lie. I'll explain the truth to her eventually. One day when we're far away from the devil's lair. One day she'll understand that I did what I had to do to keep her safe.
I kiss her forehead. "Yes, we can see Oogie Boogie. Now watch your fingers because I'm closing the door."
Shivering from the cold, I close Nova in and freeze my ass off to the driver's seat. But before I get in, I take a moment to ceremoniously raise my two middle fingers and flip the mansion off. This is the place I've come to loathe since my mom passed away two years ago.
I really hope his cameras got that.
Ken was an asshole from day one, but at least I could still attend private school and hang out with my friends on the weekends. That was until Mom died. And then her stupid husband kept me from ever leaving the house without his permission. It became all about control.
He wanted to know where I was, who I was with, and for how long. He'd go through all my text messages, social media accounts, and sift through my clothes, including my underwear drawer—warning me that I better not have drugs in there. Then he forced me to break up with my boyfriend, forced me to do online schooling...honestly, the list goes on. I couldn't even go to my high school graduation.
Anytime I protested, he'd threaten to send me to a six-week teen correction camp. A camp unregulated by the government. It promises parents that they'll "fix" their defiant teenager but it's really just an isolated compound designed to break and terrorize young people with zero power. Ken only had to send me there once while Mom was still alive. I have no intention of ever going back.
Which is probably why today was the last straw.
I start the car, glancing back at Nova. She gives me an apple-cheeked smile, no doubt eager to get to Disneyland.
"Is Daddy coming?" she asks and I immediately wince in the dark. Thank God she can't see me because I really, really hate lying to her.
So stop lying.
"No, bug. It'll just be us from here on out." I swallow. "We won't see Daddy for a long, long time." If all goes well, never. "...Is that okay?"
Oxygen becomes stale in my chest. Nova sweeps her head down, not crying, not protesting. I wonder what she's thinking until she brings her head back up and simply replies, "Uh huh."
Relief pushes the air out my lungs. I'm not sure why she isn't making a fuss or demanding to know more. I mean, Ken may be horrible but he's still her dad. Her non-reaction is very telling.
I back out of the driveway, nerves on edge to begin our new lives.
I was supposed to leave for college today. Tonight I would've settled into my dorm, getting a small taste of freedom. That's all I had asked for. Ken made me wait a year after I graduated high school. He said he had to "think about it" because apparently educated girls don't compute in his pea-sized, sexist brain.
Eventually we came to an understanding, though. I could only attend the Christian university approximately forty minutes away. I'd have to come home every weekend (which I wanted to do so I could check in on Nova). All money transactions had to be done electronically so he could monitor my spending.
No boys.
Church twice a week.
Maintain all A's.
These additional non-negotiables weren't exactly new. If I broke any of his rules, he would never let me see Nova again. He'd stop paying for college and my car. He'd stop paying for everything.
It's not like I couldn't make it on my own. I'm nineteen. If it were just me, I would've run away long ago.
If it were just me.
To never see Nova again? She's all I have now. The thought of losing her has always terrified me. And Ken's the sort of man that follows through on his threats. Plus, he knows people. Powerful people.
Mom used to say that when someone tells you who they are, believe them. "Sometimes it's words that speak louder than actions, Natty. Sometimes actions don't mean a damn thing."
I didn't understand her then but I fully understand her now. She had been with enough losers to know that any man can act nice. Any man can buy something that sparkles and bend the knee. "It's all parlor tricks," she muttered to me one day after an ugly argument with Ken. "No man can veil his words, Nat. Words matter."
With Ken, words manipulate.
Words threaten.
Words cripple and hurt.
Bottom line: words come from the heart. And whether that heart is gold or black is irrelevant.
So why did you have to marry this monster, Mom?
She never did give me an answer.
It's not until I'm driving down Emery Lane, passing each mansion inside this elite suburb, that I realize what the hell I'm doing.
I'm technically kidnapping my little sister.
Holy. Shit.
And I'm definitely stealing an easily recognizable car.
I take a deep breath.
I'll be forced to ditch the Mercedes eventually but that's Future Nataly's problem.
We pass Bernard, the security guard that oversees the entrance of the community. He doesn't bat an eye seeing Ken's car exit. Just waves us through as I accelerate on by, hoping to God the tinted windows don't give me away.
Nova starts humming behind me. Maybe she's feeling as free as I am right now. Ken might have provided a beautiful home for us, made sure we had dinner every night, and bought us expensive gifts. But prisoners are prisoners, even in gilded cages.
"Play my song, Natawee!"
I smile. "I had to leave my phone behind, bug. But I'll put on the radio." As soon as I turn it on, the middle of My Girl from the Temptations comes blasting into the speakers. Nova and I sing our hearts out, thinking of Mom. She had a soft spot for the oldies.
It shouldn't have shocked me as much as it did when Ken changed his mind about the whole college thing. As I finished packing this morning, he strolled into my room and casually announced, "You won't be going to college after all."
Every bit of hope within me shredded. Education is power. How can I ever be taken seriously without it? Fight for custody? Get a good paying job?
He made up some bullshit excuse that young girls are impressionable and can't discern what is good for them. He said he was afraid I'd sleep with all the college boys and "become the little slut he knows I'm dying to become."
Never mind the fact that I've only been with one person.
When I informed Ken that he was overreacting, he slapped me in the face. Fast like a whip. Hard as a punch. I wasn't expecting it. I still have the puff under my eye from his wedding band.
I'm ashamed to admit that I cried. I retreated to my bed to get as far away from him as possible.
"Who's overreacting now, Nataly?" Ken asked, eyeing me from the doorframe. "Oh, stop. You look just like your mother when you cry like that."
I swept some hair behind my ear, sitting up with a scowl.
Mom had the smoothest umber skin, accentuating afro curls, and a petite body. She was an angel he didn't deserve. And he made her cry all the time, even during her treatments.
Allegedly, I look more like my father, who I've never met. I'm biracial like Nova so we share soft brown skin and our mother's honey eyes but that's about it. Nova's curls are loose and silky while mine are crimped and frizzy with goldish highlights.
Ken sighed. "I want to trust you, Nataly, but I can't. You're not ready for the men of this world. The thoughts they will have about you...." He came into my room again and I immediately tensed. "I'm only doing this for your protection."
Have I mentioned Ken tries to be good at manipulation? It worked on my mom, but never on me.
"If not now, then when?" I asked with tears in my eyes. "I've already waited a whole damn year!"
Ken's expression darkened with anger. "This is a Christian household. You will refrain from cursing." The low volume in his tone assured me not to test him further. "And I'll be the judge of when you're ready for college. Not you." He drew in a breath. "To be perfectly honest, I think another Breakaway Camp is in order."
My heartbeat accelerated. I would never go back to that place. Never.
But if I protested, how long before he hit me again?
Or worse.
How long before touching my underwear wasn't enough for him?
The police would be no help. Religious leaders have proven to be completely useless in the past. Especially because many of them are on Ken's payroll. His company, VitaTekk, is one of the largest tech companies in the U.S.
But it was time to get the fuck out.
Enough was enough.
So, I waited for the man to take his nightly Xanax and stole the cash box in his office. From there I snuck out my packed bag for college, along with some snacks and water, into his G-Wagon Mercedes.
And the rest is history.
I look in the rearview mirror as the song My Girl comes to a close. Nova happily kicks her feet, watching the streetlights as we whiz on by.
It's been two years since Mom passed. Two years of allowing that man to slowly strip my entire world away. Two years of listening to him call me a wannabe slut and bastard daughter and no-good sinner. Because of him, I have no more friends. No one to help me get out from under his thumb.
But despite every attempt to keep me down, I'm finally here, reclaiming my freedom. I'll be damned if I let him do to Nova what he's done to me and Mom. I'm just sorry it took me this long to get out.
Maybe we'll make a new life in Phoenix or Los Angeles. Somewhere with a huge population. I'll rent a small apartment. Obtain false identities. We'll change our hair and backstory. We're on an adventure, I'll say to Nova. I'll sign up for community college, get a full time job as a waitress, and enroll Nova in preschool like Ken should've done a year ago.
It'll all work out because we'll be together.
They say we end up becoming our mothers. My mother had horrible taste in men and a tendency to pursue all things toxic for not just her, but for me as well since she was a packaged deal.
As I merge onto the freeway, I make a silent vow to never become her in any capacity. To never chase or fall for toxic men. To never let any man make me feel like a prisoner again.