Jennie joined me in my room that evening. I turned on a movie, turned off the lights, and we kissed our way through at least the first part, until an onscreen machine gun fire distracted us long enough to cool us off.
I cuddled up next to Jennie, an arm on her stomach, and rested my hand against her heart, counting the beats until i fell asleep.
When I woke up the next morning, she was gone. I went downstairs to have breakfast with my dad, who told me, "Chahee and I are going out to a movie tonight. You're welcome to come along if you'd like. You can come with Jennie."
I considered accepting, but then a better idea occured to me, and I shook my head. "That's okay. I'll stay in. I need a chill night."
"Chill night, huh?" He arched an eyebrow at me. "Alright, well, let me know if you change your mind."
"I will." I forced a smile as he moved to clear his plate off the table. When I finished, myself, i went back upstairs and immediately messaged Jennie: "No dad at home tonight."
I didn't get a response immediately, so i took a shower while I waited, then exclaimed myself in the mirror, self-concious.
I took another showed that night, right before she came over. Just in case.
"I am so not ready for this," I mumbled aloud to my reflection.
"Get it together. She hasn't done this before, either." I paused. Had she? She'd never said she hadn't , but I'd assumed it'd come up at some point If she'd had. What if she had tons of experience and I had none? What if she'd just kept it quiet so that I didn't feel embarrassed?
My phone buzzes and I jumped surprised, I closed my eyes and let out a sigh as my heartbeat came back down. After a short pause, i went to go check jennie's message.
"Should I come over?"
I hesitated, and not for the reasons I'd talked to Haneul about. I was surprised at myself, because when it came right down to it, my biggest reservations stemmed from my own insecurities about my body and lack of experience. Which were things entirely odd for people my age to worried about. That didn't exactly make me feel any better, however.
"If you want," I sent back. This time I got a message instantly. "Do you?"
I stared at the phone for a few seconds. I imagined her waiting with her phone on the other end. I wondered if she was anywhere near as nervous about this as I was. "I think so," I started to type out, but then deleted it and instead send "Yes."
Her response was instantaneous. "What time?"
_________
I went on a run that day for much longer than I should've and wound up with achy legs by the time I got back home in the afternoon. It felt silly, but i couldn't help by spend the day quibbling at every little thing i wanted to fix about myself.
Dad and his girlfriend left just after nine o'clock, right on schedule, and i made myself to look clean. Jennie was too confident to do that, and i felt like I'd look lame if i did it and she didn't.
When the doorbell rang ten minutes later than expected, I was surprised to see Jennie breathing hard and looking a little disheveled. She grinned at the sight of me and caught her breath enough to explain.
"Your dad told my parents he'd be out for the night, so they wouldn't let me come over. Had to sneak out. Gosh they're treating us like teenagers."
"Oh my god." I marveled, moving aside to let her past me.
"Are you gonna get into trouble?"
"Not if they don't know I'm gone," she told me. "Besides, I don't actually care if they figure it out in the morning." She smiled. "I just care that we get to have some time alone before they figure it out."
I nodded, feeling more than a little out of my element, but Jennie just laughed at my expression and took my by the hand, leading me upstairs to my bathroom.
"Give me like two seconds to stop looking like monster?" She requested, and when I nodded, she closed the bathroom door behind herself. I stood, blinking at the door, as I heard the sink begin to run. Then I realized I was being awkward and stepped away to head to my room.
I hadn't really altered it in any way, which I hoped was the right decision. It felt cheesy to light candles or put on music.
I hesitated for a moment, glancing back towards the bathroom door, and then crossed to my bed, sitting on it with my hands in my lap. The sink in the bathroom stopped running, and a few seconds later, Jennie emerged and crossed the hall into my bedroom, pausing in my doorway.
We stared at each other for a moment, and she visibly took in a deep breath, then shook her head and let out a soft laugh. "So, i guess we just do this Well, I think once we're making out and everything it should be pretty easy from there."
"Exactly. Totally easy." I joked back, and she smiled, leaning against the door frame with her eyes on me.
"It felt easy the last couple of times, anyway. Last night at my house. Would've been easy to go from there." She paused. "This probably works better when it isn't planned, huh?"
I nodded emphatically. "Yes."
"So...maybe we shouldn't plan it? Sure, your dad isn't here, and this might be like the only time we get a chance to do this anytime soon, but we don't have to."
"Right."
"I mean, we'll probably want to, but if something feels wrong, we can always wait."
"Ri-....uh." i paused, thinking that one through for a moment. "No." I said instead, eyebrows furrowed.
Jennie looked caught between surprise and uncertainty. "No?"
I shook my head, mentally thanking Haneul for knocking some sense into me yesterday. Jennie wasn't going to be around forever. I wasn't about to stop this because of some slight jitters.
"Mm-mm." I stood abruptly before I could lose my nerve, took Jennie by the hand, and tugged her towards my bed. Then i crawled onto it, turned myself over , and sat down cross-legged, as she stood at the foot of it, watching me.
"So you don't want to wait?" She clarified. "Are you sure?"
"You were the one who said you never wanted to have any regrets," i pointed out. "We don't know what'll happen tomorrow. I don't want to wait."
"That's.....moridly romantic," she decided. "But are you-?"
"Jennie, stop talking." I told her with a laugh, and then reached out to take her hand. She crawled onto the bed and over top of me as i resituated myself to rest my head on my pillow. Then she looked down at me, biting her lips.
"Okay," she sighed out. "I guess I'll come clean. I'm...kind of still a virgin. In a way."
I stared at her, taken aback. "In a way?" I echoed.
Her cheeks turned a little pink as she explained, "I was fifteen, and there was, like, three minutes of fumbling around at a sleepover. I don't think that actually counts."
"That makes me feel so much better," I breathed out, and felt some of the tention dissipate as she hung her head and i chuckled. "Like, a hundred times better."
She raised her head to sigh at me. "But you're still nervous, right?"
I stopped smiling and nodded. "Yeah."
"Good. Because I am, too."
"Okay." I reached up to cup her cheek, chewing on the inside of my cheek for a moment, and then suggested. "Just kiss me?"
"Okay," she echoed, and leaned down to do just that.
And once we'd started kissing, the rest was surprisingly easy. There was an awkward moment where my pants got stuck around my ankles and another when i couldn't unhook Jennie's bra as fast as expected, but that was okay. We laughed it off and it wasn't an issue.
We laughed it off and it wasn't an issue. Sex was hyped as this massive, life-changing experience, but i didn't feel any differently afterward. Just more attached to Jennie, if that was even possible, and maybe a little more prone to let an 'i love you' slip out any day now.
And just more scared to lose her.
________
Virginity is the best gift you can give to your husband/wife.