So, Eddie was gone. Eds. Eddie, my love. I wish I could've told him that I loved him before he killed himself. But I didn't. I couldn't, either. He said he loved me, but I didn't say it back. And now I live with this burden for the rest of my life. Every day I think about him, and I wish I could be with him. But his death has already impacted the kids so much and Robin wouldn't know what to do. I can't leave them. Wayne came to me and sobbed to me, and also threw a punch at me. What if I accepted his apology? Would he still be here? Would I be living with him, together and happy? Would we have a life together? What if? What if I didn't leave him? What if I just got there 5 minutes early. 5 minutes earlier I could've saved him. I made him feel like he wasn't loved, like he had nothing left and he thought there was nothing else. All of him was gone, HE was gone. His body, his soul, his eyes, his hair, his goddamn beautiful personality. All gone in a second. I made him feel like he should die because I was so angry that day. I cry every night since that day, and I've been taken to the psych ward for attempted suicide. Robin's drained of me and I can feel her distancing herself away. I've destroyed myself completely. I'd destroy myself for him, I truly would. His addictive scent and personality drove me crazy as is, but I was now that was all gone. The day I saw his body go underground was the day I died. The screams from beside me haunt me every night. His eyes once so vibrant and hypnotic, now eyeless.
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