6-6-23
Eddie entered Bucks hospital room in the ICU, his heart aching and vision immediately being disfigured.
he could see the litchenberg figures peaking out of Bucks hospital gown and all the tubes coming from Bucks body were killing him too look at.
"Dios mío, Buck," he let out a pained laugh as he looked at Buck. he pulled a chair up close to Bucks bed. he traced the burns on Bucks neck before fisting his hand and pulling it away. Eddie began bringing up all their memories together, just talking to him for what felt like hours.
When a nurse came in to adjust Bucks pillow, Eddie stop and she smiled.
"boyfriend?" She asked softly. Eddie's head shot up at her and quickly shook his head.
"best friend. we work together, he's my partner," he tried to smile back. She side eyed him with a smile and nodded.
"we'll keep talking to him, i'm no expert but i've heard people in comas can steal hear when someone speaks to them. it helps them fight to get back to you," She offered one last apologetic smile before exiting Bucks room.
"i had to tell Chris where you were when you couldn't make it to movie might. i don't think i've ever seen him more upset, Buck," Eddie sighed.
"he had all the movies picked out and your favorite snacks ready. he sat on the couch patiently waiting with Carla and had the biggest smile on his face. as soon as i opened the door he yelled, 'Bucky?! is that you'" Eddie quoted his son with a small laugh at the memory of him being happier at the thought of Buck than his own father. It didn't bother Eddie in the slightest. They'd been co-parenting for the last 5 years.
"it's only been a day and i already miss you pestering me with your weird 'did you know' facts. i miss you and your little clipboard when we would be doing inventory. i miss you randomly walking in my house unannounced with pizza and ice cream. i miss our trips to the zoo with Chris. i miss your 3 am 'i cant sleep' texts when we get off the late shift and you keeping me up for hours more because talked about the dumbest things. i miss you showing up to my house in the middle of the night when you've had a rough night and can't sleep. its only been a day and i'm already going crazy without you. i'd give anything for this to just be a sick, twisted nightmare and you show up at my house right now. i can't parent without you, i can't be a firefighter without you, i can't sleep without you. i can barely breathe and eat properly knowing you have all the tubes inside of you helping you live your life, but i cannot live this life without you, i need you, i love you, Evan," Eddie cried out, not even acknowledging his own words, just letting them slip out.
he heard a knock at the door, seeing a distraught and broken-hearted Bobby at it and that's when he realized everything he had said.
"s-sorry, i'll give you two sometime," Eddie stumbled over his words as he stood up, letting go of Bucks hand that he didn't even realized he grabbed. Bobby shook his head.
"nonsense, sit down," He tried to smile at Eddie.
Eddie didn't have energy left to argue so he sat back down. "so, you love him?" Bobby teased, bumping him with his shoulder, trying to lighten the mood.
Eddie's chest tightened as he looked at Bobby, "w-what," he asked, feeling like he was a teenager, getting exposed to his family.
"c'mon, Eddie, we aren't blind. we see the looks exchanged between the two of you. y'all can talk without speaking. y'all are attached at the hip ninety-eight percent of the time, always finding ways to touch each other. y'all basically live together, he has more clothes at your house then he does at his, and y'all've raised the that kid of yours together for the last five years. it was only gonna be a certain amount of time before you owned up to it," Bobby smiled softly at him.
Eddie let out a sigh, "it doesn't matter how i feel, i've failed him to many times to want to be with me in the slightest," Eddie shook his head.
Bobby let out a chuckle, "i've failed that kid more times than i can count and i'm his only good father figure, but when you love someone, you don't stop trying," Bobby said wrapping an arm around Eddie's shoulders.
Eddie remembered the time after the tsunami, where Buck had questioned if Christopher was safe with him.
"you want me, to watch Christopher," a confused Buck asked as he slowly walked towards Eddie.
a half smile formed on Eddie's face, "it's easy, he's not very fast," he smiled, looking at his son.
"after everything that happened?" Bucks face scrunched up and his eyebrows were furrowed. he blamed himself, he always blames himself.
"a natural disaster happened, Buck." Eddie said in a soft tone.
"i lost him, Eddie!" Bucks voice broke.
"No, you saved him! that's how he remembers it" Eddie said, the same soft tone but this time it was more firm. he pointed at Christopher and they both looked at him, "and now it's his turn, to do the same for you," he stared Buck down, wanting him to understand that this was his fault. Buck had fought for him until he physically couldn't anymore.
Eddie's eyes followed Bucks everywhere as Buck tripped over his words, "i was- i was supposed to look after him," Buck said, the shane hiding behind his voice as he looked at Eddie. Eddie still never broke eye contact.
"and what? you think you failed? i've failed that kid more times than i care to count and i'm his father," Eddie paused and the corner of his mouth ticked into another half smile, "but i love him enough to never stop trying and i know you do too," he said.
Buck looked away, the eye contact scaring him. he felt Eddies firm hand on his shoulder, making Buck look at him. , "Buck, there's nobody in this world that i trust with my son more than you," Eddie reassured, still holding that soft tone in his voice and in his eyes.
Buck realized something in that moment, he wouldn't trade this family for the world and neither would Eddie.
they sat there in silence, Eddie resting his head on Bobby's shoulder. he took a deep breath, letting it out, "i'm scared, Bobby," he admitted, breaking away from Bobby's touch.
"i know you are, Eddie. i am too, but he's gonna make it," Bobby reassured him. Eddie sighed and nodded.
he moved out of his seat, letting Bobby take it over and sat on the visitors couch that was in Bucks room. He heard Bobby talking to Buck, but he couldn't quite put the words together. to lost in his thoughts.
three minutes and seventeen seconds.
that's how long Buck was dead.
dead.
he died.
how does one explain that to their best friend? to their kid? Eddie watched him die and he couldn't save him, until he did.
Eddie shut his eyes, leaning his head on the wall. he felt sleep overtake him for the first time in 30 hours, he slept through everyone's visits to Buck, going in and out of sleep as they walked in.
Everyone just let him him. he slept through visiting hours, the nurses not bothering to keep trying to wake him up, but finally he did.
it was around 3 am and they were outside while it was raining. Eddie looked down at his hands, seeing the turnout gear on his body. his eyebrows furrowed and he looked up, seeing Buck at the tip top of the ladder.
"w-what," he stumbled, his head hurting, and the unsettling feeling in his stomach. this already happened.
There was a loud rumble and a while flash in front of Eddie's eyes. he felt himself being thrown Back from the ladder and hit the ground. he groaned, rolling over to attempt to get up. he succeeded and looked up to make sure Buck was okay, but his stomach dropped.
what's going on? this already happened!
his brain shouted at him and forced him to move up the ladder to go help a dangling Buck, but as soon as Eddie reached him and put a hand on the slack, it broke, causing Buck to fall.
his chest tightened and his throat let out a panicked yell, "Buck!" he screamed, watching Buck hit the ground below the ladder.
Eddie's head was spinning, he was sweating. he couldn't breathe. his chest ever so tight and he realized he was panicking.
"Buck!" he yelled, causing nurses to join in Bucks hospital room, but Eddie never noticed. his head was stuck in a loop of watching Buck plummet, except the final time, there was another white flash and Eddie didn't get back up.
they saw and shaking, sweaty and pale Eddie as he continued to yell for Buck, but it suddenly stopped, just hearing labored breaths.
"Mr. Díaz, i need you to wake up," Nurse Joe shook him softly, Eddie's breaths were shallowed and he swore his heart started to beat out of his chest.
Bucks heart monitor began to beep rapidly as they tried to get Eddie to wake up.
all of the nurses looked at each other in worry, they had no clue what was happening. a couple of doctors rushing in and over to Eddie as a couple more went of to Buck, getting him to stabilize and as they did, Eddie began to breathe properly again.
his eyes snapped open, looking at each and every nurse and doctor in the room.
his panic set in again, "Mr. Díaz, calm down, you're okay," Dr. Stark said softly, kneeling before Eddie.
"B-Buck," Eddie whispered, looking at his bed, seeing Buck laying there, breathing and his breathing slowly calmed. Eddies eyebrows furrowed as he began to look back and forth between the nurses and doctors again, seeing the confused and concerned looks on their faces.
"Mr. Buckley is okay and stable, we're more concerned with you," Dr. Stark sat on the couch next to Eddie.
"why? he's the one in a coma," Eddie's eyebrows raised, looking at Bucks doctor.
"that very well may be, but you had a very bad panic attack and when that was going on, his heart began to beat rapidly, at a concerning rate.
Eddie sighed, thinking of the nightmare he had. he couldn't imagine a life without Buck.
"Everything okay, Mr. Díaz," Dr. Stark asked, raising his eyebrows.
Eddie smiled and nodded, his gaze falling back over Buck, "Everything's just fine," his whispered.
the doctor was still confused but didn't press any further, going to leave the two boys alone.
"how long was i out," Eddie asked, stopping him at the door.
"about 15 hours,"