Jimin is furious, waddling towards the well familiar studio with ragged breathing. He knocks the door once before pulling it open to walk inside straight. He stands there dark yet comforting place of his, fisting his hands in his sides. " Is that about me? about us?" with heavy breathing he asks. Yoongi does turns yet, he expected this would happen but didn't know would be now. He stands there straight and still gulps. He isn't looking at jimin, how can he. "huh?" a questioning voice comes out of his mouth. "The song? was that about us?" Angrily growls.
Yoongi gulps before turning, he knows what is waiting for him. After all this isn't new to him. He turns but still not looking at the younger. "Yeah" more like a whisper says looking down. Few seconds later The door loudly slams shut. yoongi raises his head to find no one there. Huh! This isn't how it was supposed to go he thinks. Jimin was supposed to yell at him until yoongi breaks down again. Jimin was supposed to question him until yoongi's heart breaks again. This is how he imagined it all along. He's surprised now.
Yoongi locks his studio and rushes out to catch the younger. But Jimin isn't there, he looks form him in the dance studio when he doesn't find him he reaches to their shared apartment where the members live.
He knocks the door before entering "jimin?" Hoseok looks up at him "Hyung, Jimin didn't come here. He must be still in the studio practising." Yoongi looks at him wearily. With an okay he leaves. Yoongi stands in the balcony taking long breathes, running his hand in hair he sighs looking at the sides. There, sitting in one of the chairs near pool, Jimin. He finds him and quickly moves to get him.
Am I a fool? Am I a fool?
That still wants you
Knowing all well that you don't.
What was it? what was it?
That made you not love me the way I did.
I wanna know I wanna know
Was I a mistake or a regret,
That You thought you'd change.
Did it made you cry like it did to me?
Did it haunted your nights like it did mine?
Do you crave me like I crave you?
Do you even love me like I do?
Were you just pretending like it bothered?
When all you wished was nothing but the distance.
Am I a fool? Am I a fool?
Who still loves you
When you clearly don't.
As he gets there he's breathing heavily "Jimin?" The younger freezes as he hears. Yoongi moves to stand beside him with a little distance between them. He doesn't dares to get more close. He gulps before calling again "Jimin?" Jimin turns at him sharply with red rimmed eyes. Anger ragging in his face he has his hands fisted tightly in his lap and clenching his jaw. "Why?" Jimin yells. Yoongi can only look at him with no idea what's coming.
"Why Hyung? If being with me was torturing you, suffocating you to such extent where you terribly wanted to end it, why did you even chosed to be with me in the first place?" Jimin pushes yoongi away lightly but strong enough to make yoongi stumble a bit back before shouting. " Did I ever made you happy Hyung? I know I wasn't the perfect partner but did I never made you feel worth it? Was I that awful Hyung? That terrible that you made a song on how bad I made you feel? When you never made a song about us while we were still together despite me begging you. Did I pushed you to such extent Hyung? Was I that horrible?" Jimin breathes heavily before speaking again "did I ever made you feel loved Hyung?" He asks in a low voice. With that jimin leaves the place before yoongi says something.
Something in yoongi breaks after hearing what the younger said. No he didn't wanted this. He never wanted to make jimin feel in such a ugly way. No. With a defeated sigh he decides to go to his studio. So much in his mind he needs to clear it up. He looks himself inside the studio and lies down on the couch.
.............
A year and 2 months pre break up.
"Hyung!!!" Jimin enters the studio yelling and panting. "What happened jimin ah?" Yoongi asks him. Jimin surges forward pressing himself on the older kissing him fervently. Jimin pushes him to move and fall on the couch. Still kissing hardly. Yoongi tries to pull away and ask what happened to younger. But the younger had some other plans.
Jimin sits on his lap straddling him. He's breathing heavily yet still kissing him. It's passionate feels like jimin is trying to tell him something. Yoongi reluctantly pulls away and holds him "Wait wait what happened? I am not complaining but you should breathe properly first" He asks looking at jimin fondly.
Jimin sighs before putting his head on yoongi's shoulder. Yoongi rubs his back "jiminie?" Jimin looks at him and cradles his face. "Hyung" a sigh "you looked so hot today performing on the stage. I could barely hold myself." He sighs and puts his forehead against yoongi's.
Yoongi chuckles "you mean I don't look hot everyday?" Teases him. Jimin whines "Hyung you do. But today you looked like I-wanna-push-you-against-the-wall-hold-you-until-you-bruise-and-kiss-you-breathless kinda hot" he's pouting now. Yoongi snorts "You have your own way of explaining things huh?" He asks. Jimin scoffs "Hyung you won't get it. It was so hard to control myself there. I could barely keep my hands to myself." God he's so cute yoongi thinks.
"So what's stopping you now?" Yoongi asks. Jimin hugs him putting his head on his chest. "Hyung why can't I do it there?" Yoongi can't see him but knows there's a sad pout. Yoongi hugs him tight "You know why. Moreover wouldn't you like it to be exclusive only for us. Cause I don't think I would want anyone else to look at you just after our heavenly makeout. Bitten red plump lips, messy hair, flushed cheeks, dilated pupils looking away shyly, a whining adorable jimin isn't for everyone. I would rather keep you like a treasure hidden from everyone."
Jimin chuckles at this. "You surely have your own way of explaining things." He repeats yoongi's dialogue smiling and hugging close.
.............
Jimin rubs his eyes looking at the ceiling. It's past midnight he didn't even close his eyes. And now his eyes are burning because of all that crying and ofcourse the rage err. He was angry yes but that didn't justify the way he lash out at yoongi.
Although he knows yoongi must be right, he doesn't remember anything that he did for him aside from those awful fights. He sighs closing his eyes. Maybe yoongi did good leaving him after all he deserves the best. He thinks with a bitter heart.
He dares not to leave his room. He doesn't wanna see yoongi again not now atleast. He groans it's been this way since their breakup. A year has passed but jimin is still feeling the same a little worse now. It was difficult for both of them to atleast be normal around each other, but they had to they cannot ruin their group dynamics not at any cost.
It was yoongi who decided to end it but jimin knows he was the sole reason why he did that. He tried he tried to mend things again but yoongi didn't let him in.
And today he knows why, he hurt yoongi he never made him feel loved so it makes sense why yoongi chose to end things between them. Moreover yoongi deserves best, someone better than him.
Jimin feels like crying again. It hasn't changed even a bit. He has no idea how's yoongi coping up. What if he has moved on from jimin? What if he loves someone else? What if this song was a closure from his side? What if it's gonna end completely?
Jimin groans in his pillow. He wonders will this ever change. With a sigh he sits up deciding to get out of his room.
"Jimin ah you look like shit" tae yells at him from the couch. Jimin inhales and gets a mug to fill his coffee "Thanks I know" he replies tiredly. Tae comes behind him and wraps his arms around his stomach "What happened?" Jimin leans back " I confronted him about the song" tae doesn't need any more explanation about who and what song jimin is talking about.
If it isn't for tae jimin has no idea how would have he survived this painful shit. It was tae who distracted him as much he can. Jimin knows with tae he doesn't need to worry about being judged.
"What did he said?" Tae's question brings him back. Jimin turns around and hugs him putting his chin on his shoulder. "I didn't let him talk. I don't think he would have anything else to say. The song.... It was more like a closure from his side. I don't know anything anymore tae." Jimin's vision is getting blurred. He knows at this point he should have accepted it and move on but he couldn't and it's not even like he wants to.
Despite being aware there isn't a chance left anymore but his heart shatters at the thought of forgetting his Hyung. He loved him he loves him he knows very well. If not then atleast now he knows. And it truly feels good to love yoongi to adore him unconditionally in the true sense. It does hurts but it's okay. It's worth it.
"Jiminie" tae pulls back and holds his face. "you've to talk to him and let him talk as well you know that right. There has been so many misunderstanding since the last time and a year has passed now. You should tell him you didn't meant all those things."
Jimin looks at him with tears in his eyes. "but it doesn't matter anymore right? Nothing will change. He won't care anyways." Jimin says. "Even if nothing changes. Even if he doesn't care. That doesn't matter jiminie. You should tell him. You've hurt him and I know it has passed but those things weren't even true and you didn't even mean it. You should tell him he should know it all. The truth. Don't you think he deserves that. What if he carries any guilt or he keeps blaming himself? You should tell him jimin. I would have told you to take your time but I honestly think this is the right time. If not now then you might never tell him." Tae says wiping his tears.
Jimin just nods at this hugging him back. He knows very well things didn't end right atleast he should rectify his mistakes.
...........
A year before breakup
"Hyung do you keep secrets from me?" Jimin asks turning sideways to look at him. "Like what?" Yoongi asks putting his chin on the younger shoulder, his arms around him. They both have been relaxing for a while in yoongi's room on his bed. The younger has been using his mobile all this while. "Like anything?" He asks.
"Not secrets but I do have things that I haven't told you yet and there are few that I don't wanna tell anyone anytime soon." Yoongi replies nonchalantly. Jimin offended turns properly to look at him "why? Why not? Don't you trust me?" Brows furrowed He questions a bit louder than intended.
Yoongi chuckles boping his nose "ayeee feisty baby. I do trust you. Don't ever doubt it. I don't wanna tell anyone because I like keeping some stuffs to myself. I don't wanna feel exposed." Yoongi says fondly. "Like what? Tell me atleast somee so that I can know what kind of creepy things you have been keeping to yourself." Jimin asks him making a face.
Yoongi hums before putting his face on the crook of jimin's neck. "I keep some feelings to myself." He looks at jimin before continuing "like how I feel having a naked flushed jimin underneath me on my very own bed in the dim lights during night." Yoongi feels jimin's body freezing. How he chokes on air. Jimin tries to push him defeatedly "Hyung!!!" Jimin whines with a red face. "You cannot say things like that."
Yoongi smiles "As far I remember it was you a minute ago asking for my secrets and the creepy things I keep to myself. How am I supposed to know what you wanna hear and what you don't." Jimin shrieks "Hyung. I was being serious." Oh that pouty lips are gonna be the death of min yoongi one day. Yoongi shakes his head in disappointment "Jiminie I was being serious too." Says with a poker face. Jimin huffs and gives up.
"Baby" yoongi calls pulling jimin into his chest. "You know even if I tell you every little thing about me until today. There will still be somethings that will be left unsaid tomorrow. No matter how much humans try there will always be stuff that they ll keep it to themselves. Not bad stuff specifically but it can be trivial as it. It has nothing to do with how much I trust you. The only thing you should always know is I love you. I trust you. I will choose you always. And I will stay by your side as long as you want. And if you think I ll leave you or fall out of love" jimin shakes his head meaning he does not think anything like that ,yoongi takes jimin's hand placing it on his own chest "as long this beats, it belongs to you." Yoongi's voice comes out breathy.
Jimin melts at this. It's overwhelming and his eyes are tearing up. He presses his lips against yoongi's. "I can never ever doubt you yoongi. Never" he shakes his head and presses another wet kiss "I love you" he mumbles against his lips.
............
It's been 2 days since jimin talked to yoongi. Correction he yelled at him and ran away. Yoongi knows he has to tell the younger it isn't what he meant in the song. He doubts if the younger even listened to the whole song. He sighs exhausted. He's been working on another song for their new album and his mind isn't even functioning properly. All he can think about is Jimin.
Since their very formal break up it has been very difficult for him. It took him hell a lot of time to even be normal. To eat sleep and work like usual. And the amount of courage it took him to see the younger everyday. They basically live together under the same roof but he tries as much to avoid any alone encounters with the younger.
In the beginning jimin tried to talk to him, but yoongi doesn't think there's anything left to say. And it was him who decided to let the younger go. For the sake of Jimin. He has been carrying his borken heart gracefully for the past year. As days passed he became used to it. The hurt the pain the longing isn't new to him anymore. He knows how to live with it.
He groans and turns around the desktop. His eyes are burning. He moves to lie on the couch. Maybe a nap can help. He thinks.
...........
A random day before breakup
Yoongi has been working tirelessly. As for the hardwork he finally made the melody. With a satisfied smile he getsup from his rolling chair.
There the love of his life slumped on the couch lazily scrolling through his mobile. Jimin barged into his studio 3 hours ago, with packed lunch for both of them. He seemed so excited to eat together. When yoongi told him he cannot afford to move away from his seat without finishing the melody jimin volunteered to stay and wait for him.
Yoongi smiles at the sight. Before he used to be alone. Ofcourse the members loved each other a lot but they will all be busy with some of their works. After they got together jimin always made sure he atleast ate properly everyday and he also makes him sleep for minimum 4-5 hours. He knows the younger must be tired and hungry yet he's still waiting for yoongi patiently.
Yoongi strides towards him with a happy heart and falls almost on top of jimin. He immediately starts peppering kisses on the younger's cheek and neck. Jimin giggles "Hyung are you done with the song?" Yoongi just hums focusing on leaving pecks everywhere. Jimin nudges him "hyunggg. Come on let's eat I am hungry. " He whines.
Yoongi cradles his cheek making him turn around and kisses him languidly. Soft gentle unhurried full kiss. Jimin reciprocates with the same love. Yoongi keeps kissing and nipping those lips. Jimin slightly pulls away. "Hyung what's gotten into youu" he asks teasingly. "Am I not allowed to show my love?" Yoongi asks still kissing.
At this Jimin let's him kiss again and again. After sometime jimin pulls away forcefully. "Hyung I am hungry" with a pout he says. Yoongi is still holding his cheek with one hand, looking at his eyes "I am hungry too" his other hand slowly rubbing the soft skin inside jimin's sweatshirt. Yoongi leans forward rubbing his thumb in the corner of jimin's mouth "can I?" He asks with a low voice. Jimin hums closing his eyes and letting himself get devoured.
Yoongi makes him lie down hovering over him. Jimin's hand around his neck while yoongi's one hand still rubbing his waist skin and the other is holding him up with the finger running in jimin's hair caressing it. They both look at each other. Eerie silence still so many words are being exchanged. Yoongi dips in kissing him again. He abuses his neck nipping and bruising it. "You don't wanna eat?" Jimin asks with his eyes closed enjoying the moment. "I do but not the food." Yoongi says still his face on his neck mouth trailing wet kisses there.
Jimin chuckles at this. "Well I had my doubts from the beginning how can someone as grumpy as you be a homo sapien. Mmm looks like I was right. " He laughs a bit " I eat regular food I don't know what would strange species like you eat other than food." Jimin knows very well what is about to come but he still anticipates it. Yoongi isn't really vocal about such things. Ofcourse he is romantic but Yoongi doesn't initiate such things often. jimin makes sure to get everything out of it when yoongi turns into some romantic romeo. Yoongi stops his ministrations at this and looks at the younger with wet lust filled eyes "You. I wanna eat you." He let's his gaze linger for a moment before moving to the other side of the neck.
Jimin hits him "Hyung don't say such things." He huffs still feeling giddy inside. "You know You can if you want." He whispers biting his lips. Yoongi surprised, looks at him back. Before smiling and kissing his lips again. When he pulls away jimin pushes him "Hyung seriously we should eat. I am hungry I've been waiting here for hours. C'mon let's eat." He says with puppy eyes. Yoongi now sitting between his legs on his knees puts his fingers on jimin's chin to pull him forward and leans down a bit locking his lips in a very soft kiss. "Okay. first food then you. " He says ruffling jimin's hair. "Ha very funny." Jimin replies and before anything he digs in and starts eating. He doubts his heart might combust with all these feelings. Yoongi notices how he fastly unwrapped the packs and started eating. He chuckles and pecks his cheek lightly whispering an I love you on his skin.
...........