'Taking the leap' felt far more difficult in reality than it had sounded when it had come out of Hermione's mouth a whole two weeks before.
When she had encouraged me to 'take the leap', I had felt confident, self-assured, positive, even. And then I saw him. It was as if looking into those stupid, searching brown eyes made every ounce of self-esteem I had shrivel up and die, and whenever I considered making any kind of move, suddenly 'taking the leap' off the top of the astronomy tower seemed like the far kinder option.
The trouble was, it was impacting my entire life, and not in a good way. I could hardly sleep, or eat, and studying for the OWLs was the very last thing on my mind. The only thing in my life that was currently in a strong position, was my friendship with Hermione, which seemed to grow and strengthen every day.
"Has anyone ever told you, you're a gigantic chicken?" She had said to me, as we wandered aimlessly towards the Room of Requirement for a DA meeting, the butterflies in my tummy swirling as they inched ever closer to having to spend yet more time in relatively close proximity to Ron Weasley.
"That's just rude, actually," I shook my head, and she rolled her eyes.
"You know what I mean, Aoife! You two could have bumped uglies weeks ago if you'd just ask him out! You know he'll say yes," I felt my cheeks flush bright red at the concept of Ron and I 'bumping uglies', and wanted to die on the spot.
"I will not be bumping uglies with anyone, thank you very much!" I whispered angrily, looking around frantically in case anybody within our vicinity overheard. "And besides, I do not know he'll say yes, in my nightmares he laughs in my face and runs round the Great Hall taking the piss out of me with everyone who would possibly want to listen,"
"Oh my God, is that why you shot out of bed this morning in such a hurry?! I thought you were going to vomit," Hermione laughed.
"Kind of you to come and help hold my hair back, Mione," I rolled my eyes once more.
"Back to the topic! Of course he'll say yes, he is smitten," She reiterated.
"I will not be asking anybody out on a date, Hermione, I am a lady, I deserve to be swept off my feet. I shouldn't have to beg him for a bit of attention," Hermione scoffed at this.
"It is 1996! Of course a woman can ask a man out on a date!"
"Of course, a woman can ask a man out, I never said she couldn't! But this woman is not going to plead with a man!" I said, my voice high pitched due to how exasperated I was getting. "I have a bit of pride! Besides, I'm Irish,"
"What does you being Irish have to do with any of this?" Hermione asked, furrowing her brow.
"Nothing, really, I just feel like he should appreciate that more. I'm badass,"
"Badass you are, but still a chicken nonetheless," Hermione shrugged. "A badass chicken,"
"I am actually going to take that as a compliment, so thank you,"
We had arrived to the Room of Requirement by this point, and the pair of us snook into the room, confident we hadn't been seen. I tried to avoid anyone's eye, worried it might be Ron, and I just really wanted this one lesson to be about me, where I wasn't distracted by how attractive he looked with the sleeves of his jumper rolled up to his elbows, or the way he bit his lip when he was concentrating on learning the motion for a new spell.
For fucks sake, too late, I'm already distracted.
Besides, I was getting more nervous whenever I was in his presence, and I despised it. I swear, before my fifth year, I was a very reassured, confident woman who did not let any boy make me feel nervous. The Ron Weasley effect, I guess.
I was even more anxious knowing Hermione was just waiting in the wings to take the piss out of me, as well. Though I knew it was all in good humour, and I was eternally grateful for her friendship, it still made me feel more on edge.
"Today we're going to start learning the Patronus charm," Harry addressed the room, and there was a small whisper of excitement amongst the group, this was a spell they had been asking Harry to teach them for weeks, and finally they might get to see what form their Patronus takes.
"Please don't be disheartened if you can't conjure a Patronus today, it is very advanced magic, most NEWT students struggle with it and the majority of us here are barely OWL level," Harry explained, before proceeding to explain the hand motion, the incantation, and what the spell is used for. We all watched in awe as he conjured his own, and the large stag leaped amongst us. I couldn't help but be impressed.
"Now, the key aspect of the Patronus Charm is to think of your happiest memory, the most positive emotion you can conjure within yourself, and never lose sight of that memory for as long as you need the Patronus to protect you. The dementor will feed off the positive energy you emit, rather than your mind itself," I thought then, what my most positive memory was. It was hard to pick just one, when I thought back over my years on this planet, how many uplifting experiences I had. Yes, there had been negative ones, but I had so many people surrounding me that had a brilliant impact on me, it would be hard to say what was the best memory.
Harry asked us to practice the best we could, to see what would happen. I pondered for a moment, trying to remember a happy memory from back home in Ireland. I glanced across the room and noticed Seamus, who was working hard on perfecting the incantation, which always proved difficult for both of us with our thick Irish accents. I remembered one Christmas we had when we were young, when our Mam and Dad had bought us both bikes, and we raced them round the neighbourhood. It was a time before Hogwarts, before drama, before romance, before You-Know-Who returned. Just a lovely, innocent memory with my big brother.
"Expecto Patronum!" I called, but nothing happened. Not even a small whisp. I tried not to let myself be disheartened, it was complicated magic. But still, it was difficult.
I looked around once again, and laid eyes on Neville. My best friend from the first moment I set foot onto the Hogwarts Express, the boy who had lost his toad, the boy nobody ever believed in, the boy with more trauma in his past than anybody knew or understood. The boy who was always there for me, even in moments when my own brother wasn't. I allowed myself to fill up with emotion, remembering all the times I had sat in the Great Hall beside Neville and laughed until the tears rolled down our cheeks, until our tummies ached.
"Expecto patronum!" I could hardly believe what I was seeing in front of me. I had to work hard to maintain concentration, but there it was. A little white light, coming out of my wand. I had done it. It wasn't corporeal, but it was something. It was a start. The white light remained, growing lighter and lighter, until a little otter jumped through it, shattering my concentration.
"I've done it! Look, Aoife!" It was Hermione, and her Patronus, a tiny little otter, was swimming in invisible water around the room.
"Oh! That is so cute! Well done," I grinned at her, and she looked positively beaming.
"Merlin's beard... Harry, look!" A little Jack Russell terrior was skipping around the room, chasing after Hermione's otter, and I looked up in shock to find that it was coming from Ron's wand. He had produced a Patronus, and I couldn't take my eyes off him.
His eyes were wide, and bright, and his mouth was agape as he stared at the little dog. And then, he caught my eye, his face still full of confidence, more confident than I had ever seen him before. His chest was heaving as he lost his concentration, and his Patronus vanished. He continued to stare at me, and for once I didn't feel the urge to look away, I held his vision, pride swelling within me as I realised he was finally seeing what I saw, how incredible he was.
The way he was staring at me, as though he was almost challenging me to try it for myself, it made me feel as though I could have taken on You-Know-Who there and then, in that very room, and blown him to pieces.
I thought back to every moment I had with Ron these past months, the way he protected me, cared for me, made me laugh, made me feel that I was worth something. I remembered how it felt that night when he had almost kissed me, how exhilarating it was to be flying through the air with him in the pouring rain.
"Expecto patronum!" The light was brighter this time, and the brighter it got, the more clear the little animal within it became, until it was skipping around the room, and the very sight of it made my heart stop. Not because I had managed to conjure one, though I was thrilled to have done so. No, it was the animal that made my heart stop. For it was a little weasel, and I could hardly believe it.
I gasped, and I think time stood still as I saw him walking towards me. He had purpose within his stride, and I knew what he was doing before he even got to me. He was taking the leap.
His hands were on my hips before I could say a word, and his lips were on mine before I could realise what was happening.
It felt right. It felt wonderful. It felt like everything I had dreamed it would be, and for a second, I felt like the luckiest girl in the world.
But only for a second. After that second, chaos ensued.
There was a pop, and Ron pulled away with surprise. There was a house elf stood in the room, its eyes wide as it looked around the room, looking for someone in particular.
"Dobby!" Harry was on cloud nine, having just witnessed his best friend grabbing life by the balls, and a grin was plastered on his face. "What are you doing here?"
"Harry Potter, sir..." squeaked the elf, trembling from head tofoot, "Harry Potter, sir... Dobby has come to warn you... but thehouse-elves have been warned not to tell..."
"What's happened, Dobby?" Harry crouched down to the elf's level, though this didn't seem to calm the elf any, who continued to shake violently.
"She... she..." Dobby stuttered, and Harry gazed at him for a moment, before his eyes widened with realisation.
"Umbridge?" Harry asked, horrified. "Is she coming?"
Dobby looked panic stricken, as though he had no choice but to tell. But house-elves could not disobey their masters, and Dobby clearly felt that Umbridge held authority over him. It was painful to watch him battle with himself in such a way.
"Yes, Harry Potter! She is coming," Dobby shrieked then, before hitting himself furiously in the head. Harry ran a hand through his hair, before looking at the students before him.
"What are you all standing there for?" Harry asked. "RUN!"
And with that one word, run we did. As if we were running for our lives. And all and any 'taking the leap' was placed on pause for the time being.