. * . * So My Darling . * . *
Courtlen's POV
May, 25th
Saturday, 11:50 pm
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' Remember the first day we met, it was you .
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Walking into my last class of the year and day. Off to be an adult. I see Notti sitting at the back of the class on his phone— like always. A young man I've been wanting to be friends with for a long while now. From what I've heard he's mean to others besides the people he loves or his close friends. In my eyes, people have reasons to be mean. I've never spoken to him before so I don't know how he would speak to me, I would hope he's not rude but I'll never know until I talk to him.
I take a seat in the middle row and get my notebook out since our teacher said on the board that we're taking notes today which is something we do almost every single day. She then starts talking about whatever she's teaching and we write down what she tells us. Once she's done we do our own thing— I get on my phone and scroll on Pinterest just to add to my boards for fun.
A few minutes later I then hear her talking someone's ear off. I turn around to see that it's Notti who looks about ready to disappear from his seat just because she's talking so much. His eyes then lead to mine making my heart drop to my stomach. He's not glaring at me like he does to other people— it looks like he's pleading with his eyes for help.
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' Talking to Miss and I came and saved you .
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I give him a small smile and get up to make my way towards him and our teacher who looks too oblivious to see that he's not interested in their conversation. I brush down my clothes for some reason while approaching them. I pull back a chair that's next to him and take a seat catching our teachers' attention. I give her a tight-lipped smile, "Excuse me miss, I need to talk to Notti for a second.." She nods and gives me a polite smile before walking away to her desk.
Notti let out a deep breath and a chuckle, "I appreciate you for doing that, her ass was talking too fucking much for me" His eyes met mine once again, and I feel my heart almost skip a beat at how pretty they are. I can see the brown in them and their sparkle. He doesn't even look or sound mean at all. I nod my head— shrugging it off. "It's fine, I could tell she was by your face" I giggle a bit at the memory of his expression.
"You're Courtlen right?" He asks, I nod my head once again with a beam. Does he pay attention to other people's names like mine? For some reason, his head shakes, "Naw. Just yours, your name is the only one I hear a lot in this class." My face heats up at the realization that I did ask that question out loud when it was supposed to be in my head. I guess he realized my flustered state and started to laugh a bit. Which only made me more flustered than I already was.
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' Then our friendship just suddenly grew .
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10 months later
Me and Notti have gotten closer over the months. We've been hanging out a lot ever since or we'd call and check up on each other or text while we're busy. We even make time for each other. We both go to the same college, he goes for writing music while I go for writing. I like to write books during my free time and decided to take it in college to become more involved with it. We've also been super supportive of one another as well. People often think that we're a couple when in reality we're just really good friends.
I've found myself slowly falling in love with him more and more every day. I've tried my best not to but trying to ignore how you feel towards someone and have already caught onto it is hard to ignore it. I won't tell him that of course— it'll ruin our friendship and I don't need or want that too happen for the both of us. He seems happy around me as I am with him. I know for a fact he doesn't feel the same way for me. How he acts is just in a friendly manner and I am okay with that as long as he's still friends with me.
Speaking of him. He's walking up to me right now with a bag that looks like it's filled with a couple of journals, books, pencils, pens, colored pencils, and markers. I also like to draw as well. I don't take that seriously though, it's not my passion to do— I just do it when something comes to my mind. I even drew Notti once but he doesn't know about that and he doesn't have to. I'm sitting outside on a bench on our campus surrounded by pretty flowers and trees. "I gotchu some things, beautiful." I get up and wrap my arms around his neck as he wraps around my waist. He started calling me that nickname after he found me crying in my dorm a few months ago because I was a bit insecure at the time.
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' Started talking and then it all blew .
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10 months later
I'm now in my second year of college. It's going well so far. Me and Notti started talking five months ago. He had confessed his feelings to me a month before we started, I then told him how I felt some time later and that led to us talking. It wasn't different from us being close friends at first— just we were doing more couple things all the time. He was more touchy, I would say things I wasn't able to say when we were just friends. We had already kissed for a month of us talking because of him. Well me too cause I couldn't resist him at the time.
A couple of months later he ended up taking my virginity which is something I'll never forget because he made sure it was special and romantic just for me. He then gave me a promise ring which had me ecstatic, filled with joy and love. Sometimes I think I shouldn't have gotten so attached to him the way I did. But who wouldn't when he was always charming, funny, thoughtful, and loving? I didn't regret anything I had with him.
A month before now we started falling apart— meaning he started distancing himself away from me which I didn't understand why. I still don't. I was always asking if he was okay. Did I do something wrong? Did he not like me anymore? Yet all he did was deny every single last question I asked him. I didn't want to seem annoying to him but I was worried and scared because we were falling apart— what we had was falling apart.
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' Then we went down our separate ways .
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10 months later
This is now my third year in college and we've separated from one another. We stopped talking and cut everything off that we had going on. I was hurt— still am but I had to move on at the time. I'm still trying to move on. I see him around campus sometimes laughing with the people he would usually hang out with. His friends would see me walking by and they'd wave but I didn't want a wave from them. I want a wave from him or even just a slight smile to me so I can know that there is no animosity towards one another. I'm sure there's not though.
He's changed over the past year. Appearance wise from what I've seen. He's grown at least two inches, his hair has gotten a bit longer— way longer actually. He let his slight mustache grow more, he's gotten tattoos and his muscles have grown. He looks healthy but miserable at the same time and I don't like it. When he was with me he wasn't miserable and looked even healthier. His smile isn't as bright as it used to be and the sparkle in his eyes has gotten smaller.
I hate it for him. It seems like he's going through something that he doesn't want to talk about. When we separated I told him he could always come back to talk if he wanted or needed to and he told me he wouldn't. I'm not going to lie and say that those words didn't break my heart more than they already were cause they did. No words left my mouth after he said that. I only looked him in his eyes and nodded my head before shutting my dorm room door.
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' Felt really empty and everything changed .
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That night I cried, and cried till I couldn't anymore which was until I fell asleep. Question after question was running through my mind. I was confused and sad. I was even questioning was I was not loveable like other young women, and was I not good-looking enough but that got off my mind as quick as it came because he would always tell me how beautiful and gorgeous I was and to never let myself think otherwise even if it was him. It wasn't even a thought anymore.
For a good month, I cried pretty much every day. I had tried contacting him on any and every social media, I tried calling his phone number no answer. He didn't block me though. I did try talking to him in person but only got ignored so I stopped— went on about my day feeling guilty and so unhappy for some reason. I thought I wasn't going to talk to him ever again. My mind was set on not seeing or speaking to him and getting college over with.
My love for him after we separated had gotten to the point where I started writing short stories about us to help me cope and get through the day when it was only holding me back from moving on. Eventually, I stopped due to being disappointed with the stories I was making. Even though I didn't move on I still went on with my days thinking about him. Wondering if he was okay, did he still love me? Did he miss me?, Did he think about me like I always did?
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' We reunited, it felt just the same .
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1 year later
We started being friends again after a while. I had asked him all the questions I had in mind and he answered every single one of them while wiping my tears. I was still sad and shocked that he had decided to sit down and talk to me. The sadness came from all the worry I had built inside of me. When he had knocked on my door that day I opened it then shut it as fast as it opened. My eyes were wide yet my mouth was sealed closed taking in the fact that he was on the other side of my door.
When he asked if we could be friends again I wanted to kiss and hug him like I used to but I wasn't too sure if he wanted to. It did take a while for me to get used to us being friends again. Although I did hate it— I also loved it cause we were back cool again meaning he still wanted to talk to me after a while of me thinking that he probably hated me. Turns out he didn't. He needed time to himself— something he couldn't tell me apparently and thought it was better to not be with me.
Some months after we started being friends again it looked like to me that he couldn't help but start to show the same affection he did when we were together. Yet again he was beginning to be more touchy with me and calling me all the names he would call me. He started by kissing my forehead a lot, then my cheek, and then my neck. Eventually, it led to my lips which took time because he didn't know if I still wanted him like that. I told him I did— never stopped.
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' Now we love differently, yeah .
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3 years later
Me and Notti have been out of college for a while now since we graduated at the same time. After we graduated we started looking for an apartment together. He had asked me to be his girlfriend at the end of our third year with a surprise. He had it all planned out just for me and it was special for the both of us. He told me that he was nervous about asking me— he thought was going to say no. We have been together for three years almost four. He writes his music while I write and publish books. I'm glad that we both succeeded at what we wanted to do.
I honestly thought that we wouldn't even talk after we separated from each other. I had already had a plan for what I was going to do after college but that soon changed after me and Notti talked about our plans together. Now we are both happy and healthy. We've grown as people mentally and physically so the way we love is different from how we used to. Our physical love is even changing us for the better, giving us something that we've always wanted.
A warm pair of arms wrap on top of my still-growing stomach as I stare out into the night sky, feeling the cool breeze rush over my skin, the smell of salt water filling my nostrils making me feel relaxed. His soft lips kiss softly along my shoulder and up my neck. "I'm glad we are starting our own little family" His voice coming out raspy yet soft. His hands rub against my stomach feeling our baby boy kick. I let out a giggle as I heard him gasp— it was his first time feeling him kick.
He turns me around my back now touching the cold balcony, a smile on his lips just like mine. His eyes showed love and adoration. "I love you Courtlen," he says placing a light kiss on my lips.
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' So my darling, so my darling, so my darling
When our hairs are turning grey
Won't even remember our younger days,
So my darling, so my darling .
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