𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐰𝐚𝐥𝐤 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 '𝐭𝐢𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞n
𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐞'𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭
'𝐂𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤, 𝐛𝐮𝐭
𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭, 𝐡𝐮𝐡?
Eddie
It's been a week or so since the thunderstorm passed. Buck still only talks to me when we're on calls. It's kind of immature and rude.
Cap bought me into his office a few days ago to see why we were fighting during the ferris wheel incident. I had no answer for him, only a shrug and I promise it won't happen again phrase came out of my mouth. I honestly wish that case went smoother.
"Sí, mamá, te ayudaré a mudarte de tu departamento." I hold the phone to my ear while packing Chris' lunch for school tomorrow. (Yes, mom, I'll help you move out of your apartment tomorrow.)
He's old enough to do it himself but I promised him 30 minutes of video games on school nights after homework.
I can't break that promise.
He's been missing Amelia a lot and every time he asks to see her I just tell him to go play computer games until dinner.
"I have to go Chris is getting hungry and I can't burn down the kitchen again." I say in English to my mother who is starting to talk to me in spanish about finding a partner.
I don't need a partner.
Chris and I are happy here.
I hang up on her before she can start rattling off names of spanish clubs to meet women.
"Chris, the mac and cheese is almost done!" I yell to him while I'm stirring it.
It's the one thing I can cook. Milk, shredded cheese, and noodles, that is all I need.
"Chris, I'm going to have to decrease your video game time!" I yell to him again.
Sometimes he can't hear me because his headphones are on loud.
I turn the stove off and go over to his room down the hall.
"Chris, are you in the bathroom?" I barge into his room and don't see him anywhere.
"Chris, do you need help?" I knock on his bathroom door but it opens wide and clear for me.
He's not here.
Shit.
Phone, phone, phone.
I need my phone.
Shit
I didn't leave it in the car did I?
I place my hand on his bed to see if it was warm, he's definitely been in here in the last few minutes.
I look around the room and see his crutches missing too.
I always put him on the bedside so they are accessible when he needs them.
All of a sudden my phone starts ringing somewhere. I don't know where it is but it's definitely mine.
I place my hand on his sheets again and find my phone hidden under his pillow.
Ah, that's where he hid it.
"Hello?" I hold the phone to my ear without seeing the caller ID.
I need Chris back, if he got kidnapped, I am in big trouble.
"Chris is here at my place, safe and sound." I hear Buck's voice on the other line.
For once, I am glad to hear his voice and glad that he is not a kidnapper.
"How did he get there? Oh my gosh, thank you for watching him. I owe you." I say without thinking.
"He says he found my contact in your phone and called an Uber. He's in the kitchen with Amelia now." Buck says calmly.
Okay, so maybe he wanted to see Amelia so badly.
"I could've driven him over there." I state.
"I think there's something he isn't telling me. Give it about 15 minutes before you drive over and make him overstimulated. He seems happy with Amelia. I'll pull him aside and talk to him." Buck says as if we aren't ignoring each other.
In my defense, he started ignoring me.
"Thanks," I sigh and hang up on him.
I can't believe we had a calm non-work conversation.
When I arrive at Buck's house, I sit in the car for a moment to take a breather.
What did I do wrong that made my son run away?
As I get out of my car to ring the doorbell, I hear sirens behind me, familiar 118 sirens.
What is the ambulance doing here?
Neither Buck or I have a shift today. I took the day off to spend time with Chris.
Sometimes it's nice not to take double shifts and to go home to your family.
"Excuse me Eddie, move out of the way please." I see my Captain with Hen and Chimney behind them rolling a gurney.
What did I miss in the matter of 17 minutes since Buck called? Did Chris fall? Hopefully, he's okay. I'm still mad that he ran away from home. I'm sure Buck will know why.
"What's going on?" I try to gather my thoughts and see the door fly open.
Buck is holding Amelia in his arms and she's unconscious.
What happened here?
"She ate a granola bar and I didn't get to her epipen fast enough. I was going to drive but I am also watching Chris for Eddie. I need her to be seen ASAP. " Buck says quickly while his hands are shaking.
Chris is right behind him looking guitly and sad.
"Don't worry Buckaroo, we'll take care of her." Hen helped him place her on the gurney for the ride in the ambulance.
"I wanna go too. It's my fault she ate it. She wanted to try the snack I brought from home." Chris blurted out before the ambulance doors could close.
"I can drive you to the hospital." Eddie offered to his son since they were on a time crunch.
Amelia was going into sever anaphylaxis shock, I could tell that Buck needed to get her ot the hospital soon.
"I wanna go with her though." Chris protested to me as Hen closed the ambulance doors shut.
"Chris, it's going to be okay. It was an accident. You didn't know that she was allergic to nuts before. Just don't give her food again, okay? Buck has to check the ingredients before she eats something." I kneel down at my son who has thrown his crutches onto the grass beside the sidewalk.
"I'm sorry, dad." Chris says while looking down.
I can't tell if he's sorry about the granola bar or for running away.
Either way, I hate seeing him sad. It makes me feel like I am doing something wrong.
The whole car ride to the hospital, I can hear Chris crying in the backseat.
It breaks my heart to see him like this. I wish I had been a better dad.
"Hey Chris, do you want to go down to the gift shop first and pick something out for Amelia?," I help him out of the backseat and wipe the tears off his face.
"Is she gonna be okay?" Chris asks while placing his hand on his crutches.
"I'll call Buck and ask him what her status is. It's okay to be sad. It was an accident, bud." I try to get him to recognize that this is not something he needs to make a big deal about.
I don't even know if Buck will let me see him.
I talked to him on the phone because he had my son and he called me first.
Part of me thinks he's feeling different because Chris was there and not me.
"Okay, do you think she wants a ballon or teddy bear?" Chris says as we walk into the hospital towards the gift shop.
"I think she would love a teddy bear." I state as we walk into the gift shop.
The gift is from Chris not me so Buck has no reason not to accept it. It's for his daughter.
I don't want to ask him why he stole my phone and got an uber to Buck's place. It's not the place or time to yet.
"Dad, are you mad that I made Amelia sick?" Chris looks up at me while he's in the stuffed animal isle of the shop.
"Chris, I keep telling you it was an accident. It's alright bud, I'm not mad. You didn't know about her allergy." I place a hand on his back to let him know it's okay to be sad.
Chris nods his head and turns his crutches to face the stuffed animals again.
I check my phone while Chris is picking a gift out and see a text message from my captain.
He never messages me, that's odd.
Cap: How's Chris doing?
Eddie: Better than I am.
Cap: Don't be so hard on yourself, it was an accident from what Buck told me.
Eddie: That's easier said than done when Buck won't even talk to me, unless it's about Chris or Amelia.
"Dad, do you think Amelia will like this one or this one?" I see Chris holding up a stuffed giraffe with a bandage on his head and a penguin who is holding a lollipop.
"I think the giraffe is cute," I put my phone back in my pocket and help him put the other one away since he's on his crutches.
"Did Buck say anything about Amelia?" Chris looks up at me with sad eyes again.
I have to keep reminding him that it was an accident.
He didn't know about her nut allergy.
"Not yet, bud. I think he's still in a room with her." I sigh knowing that Buck won't even look me in the eye and I don't know what I did to hurt him.
Chris nods his head and goes over to the book and puzzle area.
"Can I get her a book? If she's gonna be laid up in bed, she might need a book. Hospitals have terrible entertainment." Chris says out of nowhere.
I love that he cares for her.
"Sure, pick one that is below your grade level. She's younger than you, she can't read big books like you can yet." I state while checking my phone and seeing a text from Hen not Buck.
Hen: Amelia is okay. Buck came out to tell us and went back to her room.
Eddie: Thank you for updating me. I didn't think Buck would text me ever.
Hen: Don't say that. He'll come around. He's got a lot on his mind since he's going through big changes outside of work.
Eddie: What do you mean?
Hen: Amelia's on floor 8 on the north wing. Chim and I stayed back since our shift's are over. Say hi to Chris for me.
"I want that one." Chris points to a book on a shelf right above his head.
It's a 'Babysitter's Club' Graphic Novel.
"That's a good pick. I'm sure Amelia will love it. Let's go check out." I steer him towards the cashier since two gifts is plenty.
Chris is gonna want to give her the gifts and I don't know how I'm gonna do that when I can't see Buck.
He won't see me.
On the 8th floor, I see Hen and Chimney eating vending machine powdered donuts in chairs.
"Hey guys," I let Chris take a seat next to Chim to rest his legs.
"Hey, what'cha got there buddy?" Chim says to Chris while I make small talk with Hen.
"I got Amelia some gifts." Chris holds the bag up to show him while Hen is telling me about her plans to go to Jamaica one day.
A few minutes later, Buck walks out of the emergency room doors as his mouth hangs wide open.
"Um hi Eddie, thanks for bringing Chris." Buck says closing his mouth in front of me.
I don't know what's so amusing.
"How's Amelia?" Hen breaks the awkward silence before I can.
"She's alright. I can tell she's having a rough time here. Her burns haven't fully healed yet and I think she has body self-consciousness. The doctor put her on some medicine, I already forgot the name and she's wearing a oxygen mask in case she has a cough fit again. It made her drossy. I had to step out to use the restroom." Buck sits down next to Hen and stares at the wall across the way.
"How are you doing? Do you need to take a break to get something to eat?" Chim states to him.
I don't want to talk to him and make him ignore me again.
"You know Eds, Chris actually called 9-1-1 on my home phone. If he hadn't have done that while I was on the phone with you, it would have been a lot worse.," Buck ignores the questions and looks up at me for the first time in forever outside of work.
Oh so now we're on nickname basis, he's calling me Eds.
"Oh, Chris, you didn't tell me that?" I look at my son who is patently waiting to give Amelia the bag.
"Because I was the one who gave her the granola bar," Chris doesn't look at me or Buck while talking.
He keeps blaming himself for this accident.
"Chris, you saved her life. I can't thank you enough for that. I should've ben in the kitchen with you guys," Buck looks at Chris and then me.
I smile at my son and finally realize that the only reason why Buck and I are connecting again is because of our kids.
What have I gotten my self into?