On paper, there were two lines, one black and the other blue, weaving through the cause and effect, love and hatred of the past lifetime, entangling the true and false past.
Song Yu bowed his head, staring blankly, his expression a mix of shock and confusion.
He was startled.
Xie Sui said, "Who is the author of 'Gentle Control,' and where did you read it, can you tell me, Yu Yu?"
Song Yu, barefoot on the blanket, felt a chill spreading through his body, his mind in chaos.
He bit his lip, grabbing his hair, and with determination, he decided to confess, "At first, I thought I wasn't from this world."
"I saw this book in another world, slept, and woke up here."
"There's something claiming to be a system, it told me a lot, roughly asking me to follow the plot, but I didn't listen. I chose to come to Jingcheng to find you, and then it got angry and disappeared. When it came back, it told me not to like you, but I still fell for you, and it got angry again and left."
Xie Sui nodded gently, his gaze affectionate.
Song Yu's emotions slowly stabilized, silent for a moment. He didn't plan to tell Xie Sui about the revenge and regret mentioned by 008, only spoke seriously and calmly, "Xie Sui, if one day I suddenly fall into a coma or sleep, don't be afraid. At that time, I should be meeting the system and the so-called main god. I will definitely destroy them and then wake up to find you."
Xie Sui held his cold hand, speaking softly, "Okay."
Song Yu raised his head, earnestly outlining his features under the lamplight. Eyebrows, nose bridge, lips, familiar and intimate. The chill in his heart was driven away by a warm flow, and he smiled again, "Finally, I've opened up."
Xie Sui also smiled, lowering his eyes to kiss the corner of his eye.
"Finally opened up."
Song Yu felt a bit puzzled about Xie Sui's thoughts.
But all the roots and crises were on him, and as his boyfriend, Xie Sui must also be feeling uneasy.
Song Yu reassured, "Don't worry. Since I woke up, I haven't followed a single word of what that system said, and it hasn't been able to do anything to me now."
"Amazing, Yuyu."
Xie Sui smiled, but his eyes were cold.
Song Yu felt a bit bitter; he knew mentioning 008 and the main god only added trouble. How to resolve two ideological entities was beyond him, and all he could offer Xie Sui in terms of security was this.
He changed the subject, "When you reincarnated and saw me at first, did you think I was foolish?"
"What?"
"...I think you probably did."
Thinking about this, Song Yu cursed inwardly.
Xie Sui said, "No, as I said, it was love at first sight. I love everything you do."
Song Yu was comforted, and his gaze fell on the diary beside him.
"Is that written by Aunt Xu?"
"Yes," Xie Sui opened the diary and said softly, "Do you want to read it?"
In the dim light of the desk lamp, the words led him into a woman's life devoted to love unto death.
Xie Sui spoke slowly, "When I was born, she cut ties with the Xu family, living in a villa in the mountains, devoted to painting. We had little to say to each other when I was a child; she lived in her own world, undisturbed by anyone."
"After her death, I harbored a deep resentment towards her. In the eyes of many, she was a beautiful yet foolish woman. No one sympathized with her, thinking everything was her own doing."
Xie Sui paused, calmly continuing, "In my eyes, it was the same before."
Song Yu quietly held his hand.
"She gave me indifference before her death, and torment after. She bestowed life upon me without asking whether I wanted to bear all this in this world."
"She ended her own life on my birthday," he stopped for a moment, Xie Sui said lightly, "Joy and sorrow in the same day."
He flipped the diary to a few pages in the middle. "This diary has been in the cabinet at the Jingcheng house, but I never read it. In the previous life, it was handed to me by Xie Sinian himself, asking me to take a look."
"As I started to understand her, I found that holding onto hatred was meaningless."
"She was just a failed mother."
"She was pampered since childhood, receiving countless favors from others. She didn't know how to love. Cutting ties with the Xu family, Xie Sinian was just one reason; what made her collapse was her family. The parents who had raised and spoiled her for over a decade started treating her like an auction item, pushing her towards those influential men in City A. Her marriage became a transaction. She was sad and broken, choosing to have a cold war with her family."
Song Yu looked at Xu Qiao's small handwriting in the diary. During the time in the mountain villa, every word revealed her care and anxiety, cautiously navigating her first time as a mother.
"Today, A'Sui was praised by the teacher again. He's such a smart child." "I want to do something for him, but it seems like I don't know how to do anything." "A'Sui drew a picture for me. I should praise him and encourage him by patting his head, but what have I done?" "My A'Sui is amazing, but I can't even ensure he goes to school normally." "Xie Sinian came, and we had a quarrel. A'Sui must have been scared. He cried so miserably during the day; I dared not see him. The nanny said he fell asleep, so I secretly went to check on him."
Xie Sui remained silent.
Song Yu held the diary and slowly flipped through it. Towards the end, Xu Qiao rarely mentioned Xie Sinian, focusing on every bit of Xie Sui's growth. Her character was lofty and solitary, unsure of how to connect with her own child, responding awkwardly. One page of the diary was heavily wrinkled, likely soaked in tears countless times. When she learned the truth, she broke down, unable to articulate anything. Why, those three words repeated continuously.
During the time she hid in Jingcheng after being framed by Qin Qiuyun, the diary had many blank days.
When she picked up the pen again, it was already the third day in Jingcheng. In Xie Sui's memory, his mother, confined in the room due to love driving her crazy, was sometimes calm and sometimes crazy. In her moments of calm, she thought about her future and Xie Sui's future. She thought about continuing to paint, raising her child to grow up healthy. In reality, she pushed the door open countless times, gazing at her child in the deep night while Xie Sui slept, crying silently throughout the night.
Xie Sui recalled a past incident in Jingcheng, "Do you know why the Zhu family hates me so much?"
Song Yu paused, "What?"
"She actually tried to work, but on the first night, Zhu Zhihang's father followed her upstairs. He coerced her at the door. I rushed out from the room, pushed him down the stairs, and broke his leg."
Song Yu's throat went dry.
For a moment, he didn't know what to say.
Xu Qiao had been too well protected. She seemed like a delicate and precious flower, easily shattered with even the slightest touch. The Xu family raised her with the hope that she would live gracefully and beautifully in a splendid cage, being a canary. She was utterly helpless against the world's dangers, and her beauty was deemed a sin.
Such a proud person, living every day in the malicious words of gossiping women.
Later, Song Yu slowly pieced together traces of her death from the entries toward the end of the diary.
"Sorry, I haven't been a qualified mother since you were born, didn't give you a brilliant childhood, didn't fulfill any obligation related to the term 'mother.' I had to learn how to communicate with you bit by bit, and I didn't even hold you before you turned one."
"You were born during my worst time, so I gave you my most embarrassed and worst side."
As she wrote these lines, she seemed genuinely heartbroken, her handwriting trembling. She was so sad that she couldn't even hold the pen, unable to write another word.
There were no tear stains on the paper, but it felt more despairing than any previous breakdown.
"At that time, she already knew Xie Sinian's identity, couldn't face it herself, and felt that her existence was destined to burden me."
"Before she died, she wrote a letter to Xie Sinian. Calls didn't go through, so she sent messages and emails, and also contacted the Xu family."
"She believed she was the sinner causing all my hardships, wanting to use her death to exchange for Xie Sinian's guilt or forgiveness from the Xu family, to give me a better future. But it was too naive. On the Xie family's side, there was Qin Qiuyun, and on the Xu family's side, there was Xu Shien. How could they let her have her way? And this birthday gift, I didn't like it at all."
Song Yu's eyes showed a hint of sorrow. He glanced up, but only saw Xie Sui with an expression devoid of joy or sorrow.
Xie Sui softly said to him, "It's all in the past."
Song Yu nodded slowly.
The diary flipped to the first page, and on the title page, there was a line written in pen. It seemed to be a line of dialogue heard by Xu Qiao when she first arrived in Jingcheng, perhaps from an old TV show or softly spoken by Granny Chen. The strokes became more urgent, as if venting all the anger and despair in her heart. Towards the end, the pace slowed down for the last two words, pausing for a long time, the ink seeping into the paper. "He taught me to let go of resentment, avoid coquetry, renew myself, change my temperament, refrain from clinging to the fleeting, turn away from the bitter sea, and understand the essence of orchids." It was as if, at the end of the snowy time, she saw that tearful woman.
She didn't understand the essence of orchids early on.
Instead, she was trapped in a bitter sea, alone in swallowing bitter fruits.
Ending it with death.
For some reason, reading these words made Song Yu's heart tighten, unsure of what he had done in forgotten memories.
Xie Sui said, "Are you tired?"
Song Yu shook his head, still alert. Closing the diary, he whispered, "You didn't ask about Zhao Ziyu."
Xie Sui ruffled his hair, "He also remembered things from the past life, I know."
Song Yu widened his eyes slightly, "You heard everything?"
Xie Sui smiled, "Yes." Not only did he discover, but perhaps he also found the clues to unravel the chaos in these messy affairs.
Song Yu sighed, cursing the system and the main god in his heart once again. Weren't things going fine in this life? Why did they bring so many troublesome people and events?
Thinking about this, Song Yu said, "After the New Year, you...?"
Xie Sui said, "You promised to accompany me through the three years of high school. You won't go back on your word, right?"
Song Yu replied, "That was before I knew you reincarnated!"
Xie Sui chuckled, "I'll go wherever you go."
After discussing so many heavy topics, Song Yu's feet were freezing cold, shivering all over. Xie Sui raised an eyebrow, bent down, warmed his icy ankles with his hand, and then unceremoniously urged him to get into bed.
Even lying in bed, Song Yu couldn't sleep. He opened his phone and saw the explosive messages he hadn't finished reading.
The forum thread about "Xie God as a Boyfriend" was reaching new heights.
Song Yu received a questioning message from Ma Xiaoding.
Heartache and annoyance.
[Zhenzi Does Not Forget the Well-Digger: Brother Yu, you've been lying to me all this time! It's too much! What's the relationship between you and Xie God!]
Song Yu paused for a moment, thinking about how to explain. After all, the heartfelt talk about love being inferior to studying in the psychological lecture was still fresh, and he couldn't let himself facepalm.
What relationship?
A sleeping-in-the-same-bed relationship.
[Your Husband Brother Yu: A serious relationship.]
[Zhenzi Does Not Forget the Well-Digger: ??? You only reply now. I already figured it out! I not only guessed it, but I also want to go out and spread it!]
The farther away, the more Emperor-like he became. He really felt itchy all over.
Song Yu gritted his teeth.
[Your Husband Brother Yu: Then you can calculate your fortune first. If the score doesn't exceed six, it's a bad omen.]
Xie Sui asked, "Why didn't you tell him?"
Song Yu quickly put away his phone, stuttering, "Well, we're still too young."
Xie Sui smiled with a twinkle in his eyes, leaned down, and embraced him. The warmth of his lips brushed against Song Yu's ear as he whispered, "But in our previous life, we did everything we were supposed to do."