"Are you walking away from me, Hadley?"
His question pierces straight through to my heart.
Max has turned my world upside down. Every moment with him is a roller coaster of excitement, an igniting of passions I didn't know were in me just waiting to be unleashed. And at the same time he's made me feel cherished and protected in a way no man ever has before. In a way I never imagined was even possible.
He's also capable of far more violence than I ever imagined. And his forays outside the law aren't just mere technicalities. I realize now that it goes way deeper than the money-laundering scheme he followed through on because his father had already made the deal.
As much as he says no, Max did have a choice. And he chose to carry on his family's legacy of criminal enterprises, and the violence that goes hand-in-hand with that sort of life.
The choice Max made goes against everything I believe in.
I've been staring down at the table, and I look up at him now as he waits for my answer, his face, as usual, unreadable.
"Yes," I say, and he nods. I almost add that I don't have a choice, but that wouldn't be true. We all have choices. Max made his, and now I've made mine.
There are so many things I want to say to him right now, but my throat seems to have closed up and I can't get the words out.
I want to tell him how much I hate this, and that I really want to be with him.
But I suppose he knows that.
Max stands up. And when I look into his eyes I see the same heartbreak reflected in my own. But only for a moment, and then the mask snaps down again.
"I understand," Max says.
Somehow that makes it even worse. Part of me wants desperately for him to argue with me, to say something that would change my mind. To at least try.
But the logical part of my brain is reminding me that nothing he said could really make a difference. I can't accept the things he does. And I can't just close my eyes to them and pretend they don't exist.
"Max, I'm sorry." I manage to choke out the words, and he comes around the table, takes my chin between his fingers in that so familiar gesture, tilting my head up.
I think for a moment that he might lean down and kiss me and if he does I don't know how I'll stop myself from taking back my words, from telling him I don't care about any of this, I just want us to be together. Even though I know I'd regret it.
But he doesn't kiss me, and the moment passes.
"If you need anything - ever - text me or Gabe."
I nod. For someone who pretty much talks for a living - in court, in my office, advising clients - I have surprisingly little to say right now.
He's made no move to go out the door, and I'm wondering what happens next. I'm trying to hold back my emotions as long as I can, when what I really feel like doing is curling up in a ball under my covers and crying myself to sleep. Pushing Max away is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I know it's the right thing.
My eye catches the bracelet on my wrist, and I wonder if should take it off right now and give it back to him. But it's too much to think about. And that seems so . . . final.
"Before I leave tonight," Max says, "I need you to tell me about the man who was following you. And what happened when he tried to force you into a car earlier today."
His words hit me with a jolt. I can't believe I forgot all about that. A shiver runs through me and the hand holding my wine glass shakes slightly as I set it down on the table. Until that moment, I didn't every realize it was still in my hand.
What could have happened today seems even more terrifying now that I understand things about Max's business that I was just closing my eyes to before.
"Come on," he says, pulling me out of the chair. "We'll sit in here."
We walk into the living area of the open concept apartment, and Max sits at the end of the couch, pulling me down to sit beside him. I sit stiffly, conscious of the sides of our arms touching.
"Relax, Hadley," Max says, and when I turn to look at him there's the barest hint of a smile on his face. "I'm not going to seduce you, or try to change your mind. I just want you to tell me everything you can remember. That's the only way I'll be able to protect you."
"You still want to protect me?"
I don't know why this surprises me. I guess I expected him to be angry that I'm breaking up with him. Instead, it's almost like he expected it.
"My feelings for you haven't changed just because you aren't willing or able to accept certain aspects of my business and my life. And it's because of me that you are in danger." His voice takes on a determined tone. "I will never let anything bad happen to you because of who and what I am."
He shifts in his seat slightly so he's facing me.
"But Hadley, whether we are together or not, you need to tell me immediately if you even suspect that you are being followed or watched. Do you understand me?"
And there it is, the flash of anger in his eyes that I was expecting. Not because I'm breaking up with him, but because I didn't tell him about the man who looked suspicious the first time I noticed him.
I should have told him. But it's easy in retrospect to wish you'd handled things differently. Part of me also wonders what Max might have done if I had told him. Would the man who was following me be lying in swamp in the everglades right now with a bullet in the back of his head?
I can't control what Max does, but I realize that even without knowing what Max might do, I'm not willing to risk someone forcing me into a car claiming they just want to "talk" to me, when it might be something much worse.
I look into Max's eyes and nod slowly. "Yes. Yes, I will."
He nods. "Good. Now tell me everything you remember from the first time you had even a feeling that someone was following you.
So I do, starting with the time he dropped me off and I saw the man who appeared to be lurking across the street, then disappeared when I got inside. I tell him about seeing someone I believe was the same man on the bench in the park with the folded newspaper, and, finally, the incident at the courthouse leading up to him accosting me and trying to get me into a black sedan.
Max is unrelenting in questioning me about every detail, and I know from the way his jaw clenches and his expression hardens that he's angry. But not at me. He's angry at whoever is behind this.
When we've gone over every possible detail, he leans back in his chair and tells me he'll take care of the situation.
"What situation?" I ask. "Does this mean you know who's following me?"
"I have a good idea," Max says.
"Well?"
He shakes his head. "Hadley, I think the less you know the better."
"How am I supposed to protect myself if I don't know where the threat is coming from?"
"It's my job to protect you. Just don't do anything stupid."
"Well, I won't be wandering down any dark alleys at night, if that's what you mean."
I wish he would tell me more, but there's nothing I can do to convince him. And since I'm ending our personal relationship, he's even less likely to confide in me now about what's going on.
I can't think what anyone has to gain from following me - or harming me - unless they just see me as a way to pressure Max for some reason. Like, maybe what they wanted was for me to tell Max, and his focus to shift to my personal safety. I think back to a conversation we had where Max mentioned that he learned very young that people he cared about could be at risk, and I wonder again what he might be involved in now that would cause someone to threaten me just because Max cares about me.
There's really no point speculating. He isn't going to tell me, and I'm certainly not going to walk up to that man and ask him if I ever see him again.
I'm thinking, though, that once it becomes obvious that I'm not seeing Max anymore, whoever was behind this may just stop. Why would anyone try to hurt me to get to Max if Max and I are no longer involved? So at this point, it may be a nonissue.
I point this out to Max, and he frowns.
"What do you mean, obvious?"
"You know, I won't be at restaurants with you, going on trips together, going up to your apartment over the club." As I say it, I realized I've never even been to his house, where supposedly he lives. It just reminds me that although my heart feels like I've known him forever, it really has been a short time since we met.
Max leans back, studies me.
"I don't think you get it, Hadley. Now more than ever it needs to be clear that you are under my protection. Regardless of whether you no longer choose to be in my bed, we're connected."
The brilliant blue of his eyes deepens with intensity.
"Make no mistake, Hadley, you will be going to New York with me next weekend. And at least in front of Gino and Joey D, you will conduct yourself as if this conversation never happened.