The smell of eggs and waffles permeated the air, it's a crisp fall air in Vermont. I look out the window to see the thinnest layer of frost on the blades of grass. I look out the window to see Simon walking back from his morning jog, both dogs following suit.
"Mornin' Love," Simon said as he entered the house walking over the cool rural air clinging to his skin. He wraps his arms around me and places a kiss on my cheeks.
"How can you go on a run so early in the morning?" I ask.
"It's only 5 am you used to get up at that time."
"Yeah, back in my early twenties!"
"You're still in your twenties." He corrected me, I was nearly 30, and my body was already crumbling. I look at him, the bags under my eyes say a lot.
"You act as young as I feel as old," I grumble handing his plate to him. He takes it and sits down, waiting for me.
"Do you want to go to old town?" He's back on leave and. It is a little hard to live by yourself with such a demanding dog who needs constant training and discipline. As a musician it's easy to bring your dog with you, it's hard to hold concerts with Poppy. I'm not sure why Simon named her Poppy, but the name grew on me. She's loyal to us, but far more loyal to me than him, exactly what Simon wants.
"Anything you want love," Simon said as I sat down next to him.
"Are you still thinking of retirement?" I ask him. He stops eating for a second and looks up. It's been a while, and he was considering retirement... I know it's for us.
"Yes, I don't want to die on you." I nod and take another bite of food. "Is there anything you want at Old Town?" He asks a small smile on his lips. I can tell Simon has a great fondness for doing regular daily tasks, such as trash, recycling, and walking the dog. He really likes holding my things, the books I get.
There's one thing Simon did pick up from me, book reading. His favorite genre is slice-of-life romances. I never thought he liked that, but it brings him great joy. Cheesy, lame, and frivolous... A way to distract himself.
He did read one of my dark romances, I have never been side-eyed so hard. He said nothing, he didn't have to say anything for me to understand, the disappointment in my eyes. It felt like catching your son watching porn.
ᔕᔕᔕ≼∴≽ᔕᔕᔕ
The night air was brisk and cold, today I could not sleep. I felt like shit and my emotions stir inside me. Even though I try not to dwell on it subconsciously my body never lets me sleep on his anniversary.
Creak!
I look over to see Simon walking out his bare chest glistening in the moonlight. He sat down next to me wrapping an arm around me. I lean against him. All these years and I still be haunted by my youth.
"Can't sleep?"
"Today is the day," I sigh. "How do you handle the day you lost everything?"
"I work out and try not to focus on it," he tells me honestly. We have very similar coping mechanisms and distractions, but there is no way I can forget about this. I turn skyward and let out a long sad sign.
"You can't run away forever..." I whisper out, I don't want to run from the truth forever that seems far more insulting than letting the pain bulldozer you over.
"I know... One day I will handle it."
"One day... I wish one day would pass me, let it be the pass and not drown me."
"Growth and recovery are not that nice." I nod to his words and crawl into his arms.
"You can't be healed from your trauma you can only survive and maybe one day thrive, but I don't think that's for me." I hate to be a killjoy, but I know it's the truth. I feel Simon's chest heaves against my back and his head resting on mine.
"Don't put yourself down before you try healing." He kisses the back of my head.
"... It's hard when your mind already goes to the negative."
"Live life one day at a time, if you think too far into the future you will lose the time you can live here."
"Tell me more about your family."
"I've told you everything that happened." He returns.
"Were you close to your brother?" He pauses and thinks.
"Not when we were younger but after I got him clean, I was his best man, what about you?"
"I don't really know my little brother... I don't know if I care for him. I know my older brother better but even then; we were pretty many strangers."
"He does extreme sports, right?" Simon's hands trail up and down my arms soothingly, it's an absentmindedly thing he does.
"Snowboarding, falling with style; Skydiving, and cave diving... honestly he got the audacity of a white man." He chuckles at my words.
"I've seen him a few times, he's pretty good." I nod. I feel no pride when he is brought up, it honestly be weird if I reached out to him and talked to him. I remember he was a pretty kind kid, but we aren't those people anymore.
"How old would your nephew be?"
"About 18."
"He could have been friend of my little brother..."
We talked till morning, and soon the sun was shining down on us, like a warm kiss. That day was slow.
ᔕᔕᔕ≼∴≽ᔕᔕᔕ
We did get into the habit of watching K-dramas together. We picked up a new one with 141 (they tend to visit when they all have leave time together) Marry My Husband... Soap got so animated, saying "Pop a bitch!" In all, they were rather ensnared by the show it was bad.
As a Joke, I made then watched the first few episodes of MLP.... It is tradition to at least watch five episodes when they drop by. They had favorites even Price as Favorite! Soap and Roach liked Pinkie Pie, Gaz Lies, and Twilight, Simon liked Fluttershy, and Price was Applejack. I have never seen a bunch of grown men get so involved in a kid's show.
"Pinkie Pie is better than Twilight!" Soap glares at Gaz.
"Is Pinkie Pie an alicorn?"
"Twilight Sucks," Everyone turns to Jess who stared blankly at the TV screen.
"Excuse me?" Gaz gets up.
"Luna is the best princess," Jess said.
"Indeed," I agree.
"Uh? Celestia?"
"Celestia ain't shit!" Jess snaps back at their boyfriend. We all silence down seeing Soap and Jess go off.
"Celestia is a good Princess!"
"Celestia is a shit sister!"
I looked over at Simon who was looking down at me. He arches a brown and I knew he wanted me to say something. I purse my lips and sigh getting up and silencing the two.
"... Chrysalis, best design." I said calmly, both of them turned to me and shut up.
"What about King Sombra?" Jess asks, the look of confusion on the others' faces said enough we were speaking of characters they don't know.
"He's kinda hot," I said Jess nodding along.
"He's a pony!" Soap yells.
"You like Nala." That shut him up, Gaz and Roach turn to him with cruel smiles knowing what the next thing they can bully him on.
I sat back and leaned into Simon, and we watched as those three (Roach, Gaz, and Jess) dragged Soap. "Dude Nala really?"
"Was it that look?" Jess asks smirking.
"You like Thranduil!" Soap snaps back. Jess froze and glared him.
The debate continued all night long, we all (except for Price) got dragged for the characters we liked or crushed upon.
ᔕᔕᔕ≼∴≽ᔕᔕᔕ
The day Simon retired was the day we all celebrated. I had never once eaten that much, slumming it with military folks— God I miss the antics of the military the dumbasses there, and the idiots we made along the way. Simon took his mask off a giant smile on his face as he gazed at me with such lovingness.
"Don't get too Americanized," Gaz teased walking over with a beer in his hand.
"I can't help it, the food there is great."
"So," I look at Soap who was mid-bite of this third plate of weird British food. "When are you returning for Jess." Jess turns to him expectingly, and I could tell Soap was shittin' himself in that moment.
"When Jess asked me to marry them," Soap finally said.
"Why me?" Jess panically asks.
"I want to feel pretty!" I laugh and inch away, away from that domestic.
"You cause chaos everywhere you go huh?" I froze and gave over to Price smiling at me.
"It's not my fault if they're easy to rile up." I shrug and Price only laughs and pats me on the shoulder.
I think I drank too much; I forgot what I was doing. I just remember waking up in Simon's arms.
"What happened?" I groan rolling over to see Simon looking down at me.
"You won a singing competition." Simon chuckles and props himself up in his elbow.
"Against?" My head pulsates in pain as I try to think properly.
"Soap and Gaz."
"Is that why I feel like shit?"
"You drank half your weight in alcohol..."
"Oh shit..."
Our stay in England wasn't long and soon we came back to the States, this was the last time he would come home from the military, one final goodbye in a sense. I almost cried... Almost.
If we hadn't been in public, I think I would have cried.
I have grown sentimental as I age.
ᔕᔕᔕ≼∴≽ᔕᔕᔕ
"C'mon Gisele," I look over at my producer and sigh. In the back of the room, I see Simon leaning against the wall. He wanted to know what I was doing, and here he was watching me getting yelled at and trying to sing.
Our eyes lock and I sigh. Why is this so hard where your partner was around?
Everyone thinks he's, my security.
I guess he is now.
We took a 30-minute break so I could rest my voice.
"So where did you find him?" The producer asks gesturing to my man.
My first thought was 'On the streets.' my second one was 'in the fields' as if he's a stray dog I found and took in. "Oh, you know...." I did not know.
"What agency did you hire him from?"
"He's ex-military," I said.
"Gisele, What agency."
"SAS?"
"I'm her boyfriend," Simon finally spoke up. The producer finally nods and looks slightly disappointed.
Besides the first few attempts everything else went fine, by the end I could not talk or rather I didn't want to talk.
"You have such a lovely voice," Simon smiles as we leave the production studio. "I can see why your fanbase is growing."
'Literally, there are those few waiting for me to rap again, it's not my forte,' I sign for him. Roach had long ago finished teaching him our sign.
"Either way if you decide to rap, I know you'll crush it."
'What do you want to eat?'
"There is this new restaurant that opened up around here, good reviews would you like a dinner date?" He asks as we get into our car.
'Sure.'
"What do you want love?" His accent was still pretty exotic sounding, it was rather lovely really. I see the way everyone looks at him and then me. I know the age gap is noticeable, but I didn't care.
We order.
"What's your next song going to be about?"
'About us... like the feeling of falling back into love.' I see him smile and he nods. 'I think it's important after Balam to have a more upbeat music.'
"It's good to show the depression and loss there is a way out."
'I wonder if I am wrong to be that person as I have money way out of their resources. Am I wrong to throw my life in their faces?' Sometimes I overthink other's feelings. Though I try not to, not to sympathize or empathize with others it's within my nature to do so.
It sucks ass most of the time.
"Most won't think about that, love." He comforts and I nod.
'What if they do?'
"Then how bad will it be? It's them complaining, no one can read you or be you, you're a cut above the rest." I smile at his words as our food is sat down before us.
"What do you want to do tomorrow?" Simon asks.
"Let's take life slowly," I smile. For all the things we have been through I think we deserve to take things slow.
"Like a hike?"
"What's too much work," I blanched at the thought. He only chuckled.
"I can't keep doing hikes on my own."
"You got the dogs—"
"The dogs aren't you." I slightly feel my cheeks flush. Of all the time he has to rizz me up, it's in public. I look out the window, the sunset is fresh, the orange seeping into the sky.
Life goes on, time never stops, but with someone you love you don't mind making time crawl, so you live in every moment. I found a new normal in the sorrow of loss.
I can't wait for tomorrow.
A new day.
A new dawn.
A new start.
Ending route: Day Break.
Ghost Song: Man without Love
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A/N:
I was confused/ disliked my original name for this ending route: two voids. This is a sad/ bittersweet ending route. I can see the two bounding over the loss of Charlie. (I didn't write it as it would be so long and this ending isn't about him sorry not sorry.) Ghosts also have experience of losing family so they end up gravitating to each other (for better or worse). I don't see them ever marrying or having kids, but they probably would date very long term maybe a commonwealth marriage.
Personally, as a writer, I am not good at writing songs (I can't get the hang of it) but if I was I would have written her most popular song simply referred to as Flaca. Her music is a Mix between XXXTentacion, Marina, Lana Del Ray, and Billie Eilish. She does learn to speak Spanish but it was a hard battle as she doesn't have a handle on languages.