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chapter fifteen;
mad or madly in love
James did as he told her. He took her for a fly only instead of playing Quidditch or racing like usual, Amaya just took off and James followed after her. He watched her as they raced the clouds, how her face got lighter with every field they passed by, every town they flew over.
He didn't know how long they'd been out, just flying without a destination by the glimmer of the moon, basking in each other's company and the silence of the night. But by the time they came back, they were already late for dinner.
As soon as they landed though, Amaya had a grin on her face and she sighed as she looked up at the sky. James's heart fluttered at the sight of her—he much preferred this version of her, the carefree version with flushed cheeks from the cold and smile that made her dimples show.
"We should do this more often," she said, her voice laced with joy as she looked at him again. "We should try and find a beach somewhere. I don't think I've been to a beach in years."
"We'll go then," James said, knowing full well he'd do just about anything for her. "Before it gets colder."
"It's already cold," she said with a smirk, feigning a shiver, even when he knew she didn't even feel a bit cold when they were high in the sky. "A hug might warm me up."
His lips raised into an involuntary smile and without hesitation he tugged her against him, and wrapped his arms around her, making her giggle as hugged him around his torso. She looked up at him, her chin resting on his chest.
"Thank you," she whispered.
He leaned down, kissing her softly. "Anytime."
A throat clearing had them jumping apart and they found Ninny by the door of the kitchen where they landed, narrowing her eyes at them, her tiny arms crossed in front of her. "Master James is late for supper. Supper is served."
Amaya seemed to be holding in a laugh as James gaped at Ninny, his arm thrown over the witch's shoulder, not being able to let go of her just yet. "Ninny! Amaya is late for dinner too."
Ninny rolled her eyes at him. "Miss Maya is being corrupted by Master James. Master James made Miss Maya late." She beamed at Amaya who, as he looked down at her, looked gleeful. "Ninny made special for Miss Maya! Miss Maya will love it!"
Amaya detangled herself from him and smiled at Ninny. "Thank you, Ninny, I'm sure I will." She crouched down and hugged Ninny, making the house elf squeak in excitement and hug her back. Amaya whispered something to Ninny and the latter giggled.
Then Amaya stood up again and winked at him before slipping inside the house, leaving James frowning at the interaction he didn't understand.
"Miss Maya said Master James wasn't late on purpose," Ninny said promptly as he walked closer.
James smirked. "She did?"
Ninny nodded. "Miss Maya said Master James was late because Master James is a slow flyer. Miss Maya had to slow down for Master James."
James gaped at the house elf and then gaped at the direction Amaya was in. "She's a little menace, she is—" James yelped when Ninny pinched his leg. "What was that for?"
"Calling Miss Maya names," she said sternly. "Master James must learn to not do so or Miss Maya won't be Master James' wife."
His jaw slackened and James felt his face grow scarlet, words lacking him. Ninny patted his leg and then ushered him to dinner, not even batting an eye that she just nonchalantly mentioned marriage. Was it that obvious he was head over heels for the witch?
At dinner they didn't sit together, instead, Amaya sat next to Sirius and James took his place next to Remus. No one mentioned the fact they couldn't stop staring at each other, even if he noticed the smiles through the table, and the only time someone broke down into laughter, was Sirius when James' foot bumped into his instead of Amaya's. He'd all but spit out his water as he started cackling and Amaya broke into giggles.
James was sure everyone knew he and Amaya were... something—hell, Ninny thought they were at the stage where they were thinking about marriage (which, rest assured, they were not...)—, and yet no one said anything.
Probably because Amaya was acting like there wasn't anything between them—not in the way she used to though, but in a way that made his heart flutter when she looked at him like no one was supposed to know and appeared oblivious even if everyone already did.
James understood it, she didn't want to ruin what they had and if that meant it was just them for a while, he was all right with staying out of labels—something they didn't even talk about yet and though he wanted to mention it, James didn't want to move too fast. For now, they could be friends that were not just friends.
After dinner, as soon as they got to the bedroom, James threw her over his shoulder, making Amaya shriek. He closed the door and raised the silencing wards wandlessly as he threw her on the bed, laughing when her hair fell over her face and she blew it away annoyed.
James didn't let to think about it though, and fell to his knees at the end of the bed, smirking when her annoyance faltered and her eyes coated in lust. Throwing both of her legs over his shoulders, James magically got rid of her clothes making Amaya yelp as she hit him in the back with her heel.
And then any of her sexy Spanish curse words faded into a moan when James started kissing his way to the place she wanted him most. He wanted to learn every crook of her body, know what made her react, what made her shiver or sigh in delight. He wanted to learn anything and everything he could about her, and he made sure she knew that.
He made her finish once on the bed, as she told him what worked for her and he obliged without another thought; he did it again against the counter of the bathroom; then in the shower when they were getting ready for bed and he died at her hands when Amaya had lowered herself to her knees in the bathroom and made him see stars as she showed him that she wanted to learn what worked for him as much as he did her—and those divine blowjobs she'd mentioned, weren't even close to the real thing.
Then, he'd given her one of his shirts as pajamas and put on his underwear and they settled into the bed, exhausted out of their minds.
Amaya kissed his jaw as she curled up next to him and whispered, "Just so you know, I could never hate you either."
"Yeah?"
She nodded with a hum, laying her head on his chest. "I like you too much."
And then she'd fallen asleep and James was left staring at the ceiling, going over the day that started so well and ended well despite the turmoil Moody put Amaya through.
How Amaya could still wake up every day and wish the better for everyone, actively fighting to help end this war was unthinkable to him, especially after what she went through. She was the strongest person he knew and he wanted to be better for her. He needed to be.
He had to make sure she knew she could count on him, that he wouldn't abandon her or throw her aside. He needed to fight and find his place in the war. He needed to be worthy of her, his amazing girl. Otherwise, he was afraid he wouldn't be enough.
After what felt like hours and still no sleep came to him, James untangled himself from Amaya, watching as she opened her eyes slightly as he did, frowning. He dropped a kiss to her head, "I'll be back, love."
Her nose twitched and she nodded as she hugged his pillow instead when he stood up, burrowing her face in it before she fell asleep again. That made him smile.
Putting on his sweatpants over his underwear and throwing on a shirt, he slipped out of the room. James found himself needing to move, just do anything so he could keep himself in line and not get on the International Floo and beat anyone who dared hurt his girl. His heart had shattered as she spoke, telling him all the horrors she had gone through with no one to help. No wonder she had trouble confiding in people, trusting people.
He was on his way outside when he found his father sitting in the living room, reading a book. Dad looked up at him and when their eyes met James swallowed hard before saying, "She told me everything."
Dad's face fell. "I reckon it's a lot more than we know?"
James nodded sat down next to him on the sofa, and buried his face in his hands a shaky breath leaving him. "It's fucked up, Dad."
His father sighed, laying his hand on his shoulder and James almost broke down there and then. It physically ached him the pain Amaya had gone through, it hurt not knowing what he could do to make it better to erase every bad thing in her past. He wanted to help he wanted to do something, but he was helpless. He wasn't enough.
How could he help her heal from wounds so deep? What could he do to never see the despair in her eyes again? He'd do just about anything to make sure the ghosts haunting her went back to their graves. She just needed to say the word.
His eyes were wet with tears and he was sure his shoulders were shaking because his father pulled him closer in a hug.
"I don't know how to help her," James croaked. "She's so strong, it's not fair what she went through."
"You just have to be there for her, James," Dad said in a whisper, "That's all we can do for her right now. Amaya is starting to trust and she's making progress but we can't force her to heal. She has to do that on her own, we just have to hold the pieces together until she can."
James pulled away, wiping his eyes on his shirt, feeling weak for crying when he wasn't the one suffering. Amaya was the one who'd gone through so much. He took a deep breath, his shoulders shaking and his eyes straying to the dying fire.
In the quiet that settled in the room, James marveled at Amaya's strength. She was a force to be reckoned with, she was caring even when she liked to pretend she wasn't and most of all, she was brave—James had no doubt she would be a Gryffindor if she'd gone to Hogwarts, not when she went through such horrors and was stubborn enough to push through, to still come out winning.
At that moment, James realized that what he felt for her was overwhelming, it was as if he was drowning in the most blissful of ways. He didn't know when it'd happened exactly, when she became the reason his heart beat, when he couldn't spend a whole day without her without wanting to see her again or think about her. He didn't know when his feelings for substantially surpassed what he thought had been love before—like when he'd convinced himself he was in love with Lily.
And he was completely mad. Because he didn't know her for too long and up until a couple of days ago they were just friends. And yet, he remembered that earlier that night, when Ninny mentioned Amaya being his wife, he, for a mere moment, had allowed himself to hope they eventually would get to that point.
He realized he couldn't imagine his life with anyone else. He was fucking mental.
"I think I love her," James whispered into the room and heard his Dad chuckling. "Is that too soon?"
"Perhaps, then again you've always jumped head-in into things, son."
"I... I might be crazy, though." James grimaced. "It's too soon. I'm completely mad."
"You're not mad—Well maybe mad about her—"
"Not funny." James stood up, running a hand through his hair. "She'll freak out if I tell her."
"Then don't tell her."
James looked incredulously at his father. "Have you met me?"
Dad only smiled and shrugged. "Sometimes, love is better left unsaid. Just be there for her, James. That's what matters most. If you're afraid she'll freak out, then just show her you love her, son. I have met you, and I know despite being prone to dramatics, your love is quiet."
James pressed his lips into a thin line and nodded. Dad was right, telling Amaya wouldn't do any good. For now, until it wasn't too soon any more, he could only keep on showing her what she meant to him. As in, she meant the world to him.
"I need to go back," James said quietly, "I don't... I don't want her to wake up alone."
Dad didn't even bat an eye at the fact they were sleeping in the same bed, he only smiled sympathetically. "Do you know about your mission? Did Sirius tell you?"
James nodded, not wanting to think about it. Sirius had told him after dinner when he pulled him aside and James hadn't yet wrapped his head around the fact he would be apart from Amaya. And now that he thought about it, it was pathetic that he was worried about spending a few days away from her, but he wanted Amaya to be alright. He promised her she wouldn't go back to her nightmares, and he needed to keep that promise.
Still, he knew she was strong. "She'll be okay. Marlene is still here and you guys. I just, I don't want to be apart from her."
"But you have to. Amaya has to learn to be alone."
"She doesn't have to be," James said defensively and Dad's lips pressed into a straight line.
"No, she doesn't. But Merlin forbid something happens to you James, she—"
"Nothing will happen to me."
"You're not invincible, son."
"But I'm good enough to survive." James' jaw clenched. "I'm not leaving her."
Dad nodded as he stood up and clapped his shoulders. "Sometimes we can't choose, James. That is, I'm not saying something will happen, I just don't want Amaya to be dependent on you. Or vice versa. But I am glad you found each other, and that you're happy. Now go back up to Amaya, son, Potters don't leave their woman alone."
James nodded and he did as he was told. As soon as he got to his bedroom, James took off his sweatpants and shirt, leaving him only in underpants, and slipped inside the covers next to Amaya.
He snaked his arm around her waist, tugging her closer so her back was flush against his chest, and kissing her shoulder before laying his head against the pillow. And a smile made its way to his face when in her sleep she tangled their fingers together and held his hand to her heart.
He might not have been sure of what they were exactly, or whether he'd ever be enough for Amaya who deserved the whole world and then some. But he knew two things: they were most certainly not just friends; and he was certainly in love for Amaya Santoro, if he wasn't there already.
And no matter what, he'd be there to catch her if she chose to fall for him too.
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