The Four, it turned out, is a series of exercises meant to "unlock" four physical elements of romantic intimacy: affection, desire, vulnerability, and sensuality. A list that had Robin and my eyes bugging out in horror with each word. Our first choice as a class was vulnerability, and while the situation was not ideal, it was the very thing I needed to broach the conversation with Robin about the scandal.
Noise erupts throughout the room, and we follow along as the couples around us move to face each other. I lay on my back, and push my hands up, weaving my fingers with Robin as he leans his hips into my feet.
"Are you sure you don't want me to be on the bottom?" He eyes me hesitantly, hands gripping mine tightly as I start push him up into an airplane position.
His feet only leave the ground for a second before touching back down. I readjusted my grip on his hands and the position of my feet, then nodded for him to go again. This time when I lift him, it's steadier and I flex my thighs to push him entirely into the air. Then I laugh, both at the surprise on his face when I successfully lift him and at the opportunity to make an innuendo.
"Why? Is that where you're most comfortable, Robert?"
He flashes a disapproving look down at me and I grin cheekily in response. Robin rolls his eyes, but a faint smile pulls at his lips as he snorts, "Is that all you think about, Liza?"
"I don't know." Chuckling, I readjust my grip on his hands and try to steady him a bit more before cracking, "You could say my answer is up in the air."
This time Robin groans, and his arms start shaking like hearing a pun goes against his body's strength. Superman has kryptonite, and Robin, it seemed, has bad puns.
I snicker back at him shamelessly as he mutters something about me dropping him on his head to put him out of his misery.
Speaking of which, It's now or never. So, I lead into the conversation with the same light tone, "Alright, let me ask you a different question. A deep one. The kind you're so fond of asking me all the time."
"Alright," he says distractedly, too busy examining my arm when it starts to shake. I focus on locking the muscle and once it steadies, he looks relieved, gaze returning to me.
Okay, here we go... Just ask him, right out. Communication is key.
"Hypothetically," I start, trying to find my bearings, "If a generally untrustworthy person came to see you and revealed something personal, but factually incriminating, about somebody you worked with... How would you go about asking the person you worked with if it was accurate?"
Robin stares at me like I grew two more heads in the time it took to speak that sentence. The expression makes my fingers tense, and my toes dig into his hips. He glances down at them but doesn't ask me to relax. Instead, he focuses his attention on the question and observes me with a look I can't decipher.
I force myself to relax a bit when he finally responds with, "Um... I don't know?"
He scrunches up his face in consideration, "It depends on what was said, I guess. If the source is known to be untrustworthy, I don't know if it would be justified to pry into your co-worker's personal life. But if it was something that affected your work or morals the situation could change. Give me an example. What kind of accusation?"
"Oh, you know, anything." I scrunched my face and rolled my eyes as if I wasn't investing my heart and entire career in the answer.
My heart starts to race, and I know that my palms are sweating, but Robin doesn't baulk. He keeps calm, observing me as I watch the hazel in his eyes glimmer with interest. With each flick of his gaze, my stomach flips and I know he's trying to figure it out before I can tell him.
"But as a random, non-specific example, say it was... the scandal between you and Delynn Crawley is true, and it turns out you might be an evil cunning sociopath."
I say it quickly so no one else hears.
"What?"
The effect of my words ripples over his features, and I watch the dip between his eyebrows widen significantly. The surprise makes him jolt and his body falls too far forward. I rush to catch him before he drops, but the weight is disproportioned, and his top is too heavy to balance on my own as it dips quickly toward my face.
We both shout in panic, one second away from smashing heads, before Robin throws his legs down and balances out. His feet hit the ground and Robin yanks his fingers from my grip. I dropped my head onto the mat and exhaled, relieved that I didn't drop him on his face. It was one thing to be punched unexpectedly at a spook alley, but I didn't want to explain to Drew how his movie star client got a second black eye from doing airplane with me in a couples intimacy course.
There were just some things that should be left unexplained, and frankly, unexperienced.
My relief is short lived when I catch Robin's baffled expression from the bottom of my vision. I sit up to look at him, and the air between us grows awkward with every beat of silence. After an exceedingly long, and torturous second, he's crouching down to my level.
"Where did that come from?" He whispers emphatically, lines forming between his eyebrows as he furrows them at me in confusion.
I swallow the ball forming in my throat at his expression and focus on searching his eyes carefully for signs of fear or deception. All I saw was a genuine surprise, but that didn't mean much. Not when I had Maizy's words ringing in my head. He's an excellent liar, Leah... Anything that feels real to you is orchestrated by him to make you feel that way.
"Just, you know... an example" I draw nonchalantly, as if it was a fleeting instance that happened to cross my mind.
My words sink in, and the surprised expression promptly shifts into a skeptically arched eyebrow. Irritation seeps into his tone as he replies, "Really? You just came up with that randomly? Completely unprovoked?"
"Yes?" I answer weakly, drawing out the word, feeling too guilty to admit the real reason.
His chin dips down, and Robin's face grows more cynical and judgmental by the second, "You expect me to buy that?"
I wasn't ashamed of having doubts about him, that was something I had come to terms with when we started working together. But saying I was here because of Maizy Barker, was effectively telling him I saw an article in a tabloid at the grocery store and believed it word for word. Which... wasn't too far off from the truth. While I didn't believe her account, I had been swayed enough by the details to question him.
Be honest, remember. Full honesty.
"Maizy Barker came to see me yesterday," I admit. "She told me... a version of what happened. A bad one."
Robin swallows something down and rolls his lips into his mouth, nodding in acknowledgement. Then his expression grows incredibly pensive, and I can all but hear the gears in his head turning as he thinks.
"Alright! Well done, everyone." Jack's voice cuts the tension, drawing my attention toward the front of the class where he's standing.
Lifting his hands, he gestures for the couples still in position to drop back to the mat and pay attention. As the room quiets the flute music that is playing in the background gets a little louder. Robin passes me a look I can't decipher before we both turn toward the front.
"While vulnerability can be uncomfortable," Jack articulates, pacing back and forth at the front of the room, "It is the foundation of all intimacy. Let's build upon it with the next natural step: affection."
He then walks over to a couple at the front and asks them to demonstrate the arrangement.
You have got to be kidding me. I think. Glaringly watching the couple assume a similar position to the scandal picture: one partner holding the other in their lap while the two embrace intimately.
My eyes bolt to Robin, who is still staring pensively toward the front of the room, his jaw flexing as he watches. My soul crunches in my chest and I cringe at my own insanity.
Do an escape room. She thought. It's the most efficient solution. She thought. What could go wrong? She thought. It's not like you'll have to reenact the scandal while locked in a room with forty strangers and an intimacy guru. Nah... no chance. Great idea, Leah! The secrets are really flowing now!
Jack finishes his instructions by adding placidly, "Let's remain quiet for this next exercise, as the deepest affection speaks for itself. I will let you know when time is up."
Of course. I take a deep breath, dropping my head in my hands in total defeat.
Robin clears his throat and I peek through my fingers to find him watching me. Every drop of blood in my body surges toward my face when he arches his eyebrow again. This time there is no doubt whatsoever, just pure judgement.
Sarcasm drips from each word when he says, "Here's a hypothetical for you: Say a woman needed to speak to her business partner on a delicate matter. However, instead of initiating an honest conversation she manipulates him into a locked room scenario, under the pretense of work. Except it goes horribly wrong and both end up stuck with an old man forcing a bunch of people to cuddle each other... What would you say to that person?"
"Oops?" I winced guiltily, then wanted to smack my face into the floor. Oops? That's your response!?
Robin scowls at me pointedly, folding his arms.
"I will projectile vomit us right out of here if you want." I say earnestly, meeting his eyes with the utmost repentance. "I am more than nauseous enough and would totally deserve it. Just say the word."
"That would make me feel better..." Robin clicks his tongue as if he's thinking it over and I hope he doesn't really ask me to vomit in front of all these people no matter how justified it would be.
I'm flooded with relief when he answers by letting his shoulders deflate and waving me over to him, "Just-- come here so we can get this over with."
"You aren't mad?"
A reproachful expression filters over his face, "I would have appreciated talking about this in a more conventional, non-cultic setting. Maybe over coffee like a normal person."
Yeah, I should have gone with my original scenario. Hindsight is 20/20 when you're simultaneously ruled by emotions and an overthinker. Like a dial up computer from the early nineties: my mind works... just not until it's screeched and buffered for a while... or if it's under a tight deadline, or if it's cold, or if there's a bad signal, or... Okay, there are many circumstances. Point remains, the paradox that is my brain never ceases to amaze me.
Jack edges closer to us, so I rise to my knees and wobble over to Robin as he gestured to the couples around us, "Regardless, things are about to get super weird because of you, so you officially owe me. Big time."
It's more than fair, so I nod. Robin nods once in return as well, but the awkwardness doesn't subside as the two of us take another gander about the room. His eyes halt when they catch mine and I, still reeling from the first awkward hurdle, have no idea what to do.
"So," He clears his throat. "Top or bottom?"
—-
We get through the affection exercise without too much suffering. Despite dreading the not talking rule at first, spending the next five minutes perched on Robin's lap while we hugged made not talking a blessing. There wasn't a single thing I could have said to him during that time that wouldn't have made me want to shrivel into a ball.
Eventually we are relieved from our embrace, and I jump off him the minute Jack calls time. Neither of us can look at one another, but my guess is Robin's completely fine. After all, he is an actor. Faking intimacy genuinely was a Tuesday afternoon for him on set. Meanwhile I was redder than every mental stop sign I actively ignored while getting us in this situation.
Ignoring the buzzing emanating from my skin, and the sudden lack of overwhelming warmth upon leaving the hug, I focused on Jack's voice. He directed us to the third movement, voice waving over the crowd pleasantly, "A natural product of healthy romantic affection is, of course, forming a desire for one another. So, let's explore that together now. Please stand facing your partner."
We stood collectively, causing a swoosh as people stood from their mats. I reluctantly turned to face Robin, who, surprisingly, was a little pink in the cheeks too.
A third pair of socked feet join us, and my attention snaps up to find Jack staring at me, "Liza." Then he looks at Robin and says, "Robert. Will you be our example couple for this exercise?"
Our jaws drop. What?!
Before we can answer Jack smiles warmly at us and says loudly into the microphone, "Wonderful! Thank you for volunteering."
"This really is a beautiful couple, friends. A great example for today's exercise." My chest bumps into Robin's as Jacks drives us together firmly but not forcefully. "I can see that your partnership is new, is that right?"
I sputter, "Well, technically, yes but--"
"Wonderful, so you two are in the throes of early desire. How exciting! This is when relationships are most passionate." He then pats my shoulder encouragingly, "Why don't you share one physical thing you find attractive about Robert for us, Liza? Not too intimate, you understand, but something the class will learn from."
My eyes flash to Robin's face just as he masks a self-satisfied smile, and my stomach pitches for the millionth time today. Every aspect of his expression twinkles with delight and he presses his lips together. As if that did anything to hide the way his cheeks were rising with laughter and crinkling the skin around his eyes.
Time passes by in silence as I strain to think of an answer. When I look at Robin for some kind of help, he folds his arms stubbornly and heaves a sigh like he could wait forever for me to come up for something. Jack chuckles at the action and coaxes me out playfully, asking me not to be so shy.
My mortification is palpable, but it converts rapidly into competitiveness the moment Robin leans in teasingly and whispers, "How does it feel to be forced into a confession?"
"I would hardly call this moment a confession." My eyes narrow, but it does nothing to ward off the blaze conquering my face. "It's no secret that you are...handsome."
I don't mean to grit the last word out, but I do, forcing me to rapidly cover with. "It's a fact. I deal with facts. I have nothing to confess."
Robin is inspired to smirk a little, "Then why are you blushing?"
Jack snickers from beside us, clasping his hands like there should be a bucket of popcorn between them. "He's got you there, dear."
I see how it's going to be.
"Fine, I confess." With a piercing look at Robin, whose smile pulls down in amusement, I turn to Jack, and say loud enough for his mic to catch my words, "Robert gets a certain tone in his voice that's very attractive."
Jack looks pleased but unsurprised at my reply, "And what about this tone unveils your desire?"
I glance at Robin, internally simpering with the knowledge of a thousand romance novels under my belt. I may be under-experienced in terms of writing romance, even in living it, but I had researched the genre enough to figure out a combination or words required for this moment.
He wants a confession. Robin waits cockily for my response, convinced he's got me pinned, but only I know he's completely unprepared for what I'm about to say. I'll give him a confession.
"Well, let's just say I'm among a select few who know exactly how to bring it out."
I watch in utter satisfaction as Robin's smirk shifts into gaping surprise. I command every second of his attention, smiling devilishly when the class erupts into chuckles and wolf whistles. His ears go red, and the tinge of pink that was on his cheeks flush crimson. It seeps out onto his cheeks and heats the base of his neck. Gotcha.
"Well!" Jack laughs proudly, "Can I pick an example or what!"
Everyone laughs and Jack thanks us before asking everyone to start their own exercises. The volume rises as everyone starts talking, but Robin and I remain silently staring at one another.
He's managed to get enough of a grip to say, "Well played."
But his voice is a little gravelly and tense, which feels like icing on the cake.
------
Hello lovelies!
So, I have been traveling, tired, and blocked. However, the wonderful thing about writing this book one chapter at a time has me remembering this: the first draft isn't meant to be perfect.
When I decided to write Research: Romance, I really wanted to challenge my nit-picking side and let myself have fun. Instead of crushing my brain with years of endless edits and worrying about it being "perfect" before sharing, I wanted to show myself that imperfect things can be good for me too. So, technically yes, I am writing this bad boy on the fly ahahah! However, there is always time to go back and edit if I so desire.
So, that being said, here is the newest update. I'll publish pt. 2 directly :)
This chapter is dedicated to @HappyGoLuckyKitty for spreading kindness on Wattpad and wishing me a happy V-Day today along with sending me a digital box of chocolates. That was so sweet!!
Happy Valentines Day my friends and see you soon~~
With love,
e.g.