"It's a good plan," I argued while we ate McDonald's on my bed as a random TV station played quietly in the background. "I don't see where there's anything wrong with it. I mean, we are staying at the hotel already."
"Yeah, but I'm paying for two rooms. I don't have endless money. I'm coming close to finding the end of it. We wouldn't have been able to keep staying here for too much longer." He shoved fries into his mouth. "Plus," he said once he'd swallowed most of them, "I feel like you're plan relies on using me and my degree to have money."
I paused with my burger halfway to my mouth. He had me on that one. I knew that I probably wouldn't be able to find much with my experience and education. As it stood, I would be lost without a second income. The fact of the matter was that I needed to use him. "I can't deny that, but you would have help. It's not like I wouldn't work. I've learned the value of hard work. You're not going to be supporting me and you with just your income."
He gave me a long look before setting down his burger. "So you're talking about living together. I have to admit, I never saw that coming. You never struck me as the type to be that forward."
I blushed heavily. "I don't mean it that way. As something convenient, I meant. Honestly, I hadn't thought of anything else."
He gave me a gentle smile tinged with sadness. His hand wrapped around mine and his expression morphed into something serious. "Jen, you're the first person I've ever fallen for this hard. I don't know what I'm doing or what I should do. I just know that I feel like if I let you go now, I may never see you again."
My heart squeezed at his earnest words. What was I going to do with all of these emotions? I wanted to cry, but I knew that if I did that, he'd work his way deeper into my heart and I would go back to that place with him. This was the time to be strong - not the time to turn into mush. Was this love? I wasn't sure I liked it if it was.
He made a good point, though. If we both walked away from here, this moment, whatever was between us, then he probably wouldn't. I had no intention on ever going back to Rapid Falls unless I had to testify against my father. Which, I had to admit, would likely be the case. But I was the first person he'd fallen for?
"I don't know what to do either," I admitted. "Maybe we should think more about it. Both of us."
"Do you know the first time I think I fell for you?" I shook my head. "It was during last summer." My eyes widened. That long? "You were trying to carry too much and refused to let anyone help you. I'd been watching you for a while at that point, but I think that was when I finally understood that you were doing your best to be independent. You didn't want to rely on help from other people, and to keep it that way, you did everything yourself. Did you know that your smiles never really touched your eyes either? The only time before this trip that it did was when you and I went to the prom together."
Did I really not give people genuine smiles? I gave it a moment of thought and realized he was probably right. "You should have spoken up then," I said, turning my head slightly away.
He shook his head firmly. "You weren't ready. I wasn't either, quite frankly. I think we had some growing to do, and I want to keep growing with you by my side." His eyes were almost pleading with me. A finger gently turned my head to face him. "Will you?" His voice was so quiet, so gentle, that it was barely above a whisper. It sounded vulnerable.
Was love something that made you show those parts to your partner? I wasn't sure I wanted to let him see the tender spots just yet. Especially not right now. How did I tell him what I was thinking? "Brayden, I..." My voice trailed off. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "I want to explore whatever this is, but I need you to accept something." I opened my eyes and pulled back, forcing him to drop his hand. "This is where I'm free."
He looked at me for a long moment before sighing. "I never said you have to go back to that old apartment. We have a guest house. You could make it into a nice little place to live, I'm sure. We have someone there right now, but I doubt he's going to be staying much longer. Could you at least think about it?"
I frowned. "Rapid Falls is nothing more than a cage to me. Do you really want me to go back into captivity after finally tasting a little bit of freedom?"
His eyes turned sad and he slid down on the bed until he was on his back. "I don't want to fight with you, and I don't want to force you into anything."
I reached over and timidly touched his hair. "You do know that me rejecting Rapid Falls isn't me rejecting you, right?"
He sighed. "I know. It's just kind of hard to remind myself." He rolled onto his side and propped his head up on his arm. "What if we make a compromise? You come back for a little while, and then we move out here together? I want to do things properly. If you'll let me."
I cocked my head. "What do you mean properly?"
"I want to marry you first." Those words were not in any kind of way what I was expecting. They took my breath away. Wasn't it the girl that normally spoke of marriage first? Wasn't that my thing? "I want us to get married and then move wherever you want to go. But you'll have to come home to my parents' house first. You can take time to get to know the real me. You'd be free to leave anytime if you think we won't work." His hand closed around the one in his hair and he brought it to his mouth, giving it a gentle kiss on the back.
I swallowed. What was I supposed to do now? What should I do? Before I could stop myself, I felt my lip trembling as tears welled up. He sat up quickly and pulled me to his chest. For probably the first time in years I let someone hold me while I cried. Someone made me feel wanted. Needed. I couldn't help but let my heart run over and spill through my eyes in the form of tears. Somehow, he made the idea of going back for a little while sound not so bad.
Even so, I still couldn't bring myself to be okay with the thought of going back.
Wrapped in his warmth, his hand gently cradling the back of my head, calmed me down faster than anything else ever had before. I breathed in his scent. It was intoxicating. I could easily get hooked on it.
I let myself stay there in his arms long after I had stopped crying, and he didn't seem to mind. It felt so good to be held. Eventually, though, I pulled away and looked at him. There was concern in his eyes. "I don't think I can go back right now, but eventually, maybe, I can," I told him. Deep inside, I knew that was my genuine feelings. "I want you to stay with me."
His eyes grew slightly sad. "Jenny, I just told you what I want for us. We know I can't stay here. I have to go back. Dad needs me." He rubbed my arm and sighed. "I don't want to just up and leave you here without anywhere to stay or a job or anything."
There was one place he could take me. I didn't really want to go there, but as a last resort, I was open to it. "Mom," I said quietly, looking down at his chest.
"What?"
I took a breath and said a little louder, "My mom. She lives between Denver and Boulder." His brow furrowed, as if he was trying to figure out something. "Before you say it, no, I didn't come here to see her. It's just how things worked out." I sighed and pushed my face into his chest. "I don't know what to say to her."
"How about starting with 'hello?' You can't go wrong with that." I smiled and closed my eyes. He had a point.
"I'll do that."
His arms briefly wrapped around me before gently pushing me away. "Staying like this only makes goodbye harder, you know."
I smiled weakly at him. "Parting is always such sweet sorrow." I knew it sounded incredibly cheesy to quote that, especially in this situation, but it just felt right somehow.
He chuckled. "Okay, Juliet." His eyes roamed my face for a moment before he leaned in close. I squeezed my eyes shut, preparing for another kiss. Instead, I felt lips graze my forehead, temples, and then trail down my cheek. My lips parted slightly, expecting them to be next, but the sensation never came. I opened an eye and saw his face was super close to mine still, but he was just looking at me.
"What?" I asked quietly.
"You're so beautiful," he said, a trace of awe in his voice. "I never thought I'd see you up close like this." The back of his fingers trailed my face. "Your skin is perfect. Your lashes are long. Even the tinge of red to your cheeks is beautiful."
I was sure the red deepened when he said that. He was the only one that had ever called me that. No one had ever said I was pretty - let alone beautiful - before. His thumb passed under my eye.
"Don't cry," he whispered. "It hurts me to see you cry."
"I'm not sad," I whispered back, which took everything in me to get out.
He smiled sadly and swiped more tears away. "You're beautiful even now." I pushed forward and nuzzled my face back in his chest. This time, his arms wrapped around me and didn't leave as my frame shook. He just held me, surrounding me with his presence and his intoxicating scent until I was all out of tears.