Content Warning: Parental abandonment and neglect.
I can't leave you. I can't leave you. I...
Silentdawn sat alone in the cavern, staring out at the constellations in the darkness. The night was eerily silent, it seemed all the other rogues had gone to sleep by now, leaving her alone with her thoughts. Outwardly, she was staring blankly, yet within she was haunted by the words she'd heard just a few hours ago.
Stormray. She'd only felt their love for a few days, and yet it had tasted like sweet water droplets after the longest drought. Only recently she'd discovered this sweet water had been mixed with blood. In her deep loneliness, it seemed she'd enjoyed the taste of blood.
She dug her claws into the ground. Why must I be so pathetic? So afraid of being alone? The events of her life flowed through her mind, and she found her thoughts wandering back to her kithood.
Mother...
Her once lowered head immediately shot up.
"Clan life is simply barbaric, love. I feel I cannot take it much more."
The world slowed around her, she slowed. Her thoughts, her feelings, her heart. They all slowed. She found herself deafened by ringing.
"Goodbye," she said, as she walked away from her daughter. A day when all the butterflies hid away, a day when the yellow sun fled to somewhere behind the clouds. She'd left her feeling disconnected from the Clan, feeling as though she too was a rogue who wished to run away.
Father was a strange tom. He'd barely look at me, like I was just the disgusting spawn of the she-cat who'd abandoned him and the Clan. He died fighting for the Clan. It was like he was trying to be the opposite of mother.
Silentdawn quickly gasped for air, her chest burning with pain. A million thoughts raced through her head, a million voices screaming. Yet, through the chaos in her head, she found herself stricken by one realization. I am like father, in a way. I slowly killed my mind trying to avenge my Clan.
No, I cannot stay away from this tainted water. I'd die of thirst if I were to stay away.
Sitting up, staring at the ground, she began to feel tears flow through her eyes. She finally shunned her thoughts and allowed her mind to rest silent, as she lowered her head and wept. A sudden memory arose from one of her heart's many deep trenches.
The rogue. She was stricken by the image of the tomcat laying upon the ground, perfectly still and doused in maroon. Her stomach turned, heart pounding in guilt. How many must I have killed out of this fear of everything?
She stared at the darkness outside, at the flowers that stayed rotting despite the rise of spring. I wonder why my pain is so hideous.
I wonder why the world toys with me, wishing for me to hold malice. Perhaps I should just submit to it.
Submit to it just like they did.
"Like they did, huh?" a voice spoke, causing her head to rise.
"Continue on, Venus. Submit to your fear, just like they did."
-
It's strange, how shame about who you are can cause you to become a worse person, the tomcat pondered. Daisyfoot had been showing immense frustration from the way his directions hadn't brought them any closer to Pebblestar. Selenostar, despite his guilt, found it nearly amusing deliberately trying to lead her away from his brother. After all this, I just cannot bring myself to hurt him.
The two wandered through the cold silence of early dawn. Despite it being late into spring, the weather seemed frigid upon this sunrise, and every piece of prey in the wild had seemed to have run away and hid. The tom and she-cat were in desperate need of somewhere where they could cure their hunger.
"Hey," Daisyfoot spoke. "You smell that?"
"Smell what?" Selenostar replied.
The molly slowly stepped forward, ears perking as if she was interested by some noise. "There's...cats here!" she meowed. "Maybe we should try and see if they're friendly. We really need help right now."
Selenostar stepped forth as well, surprised by the scent of gathered cats. He turned to Daisyfoot and simply nodded. It'd be useful not only to find food, but to distract her further. Although he still felt he'd have to keep his claws unsheathed, knowing they were strangers.
Not knowing what to expect, they continued on to meet the strangers.
"Our names are Selenostar and Daisyfoot, we're wanderers asking for somewhere to stay," the tom meowed. The tabby she-cat stared at them with a strange suspicion which caused Selenostar to, internally, sigh.
"You may," the she-cat replied. "But do not expect us to fully trust you. We will allow you food and somewhere to stay, but we will do so with immense caution."
"It's something," Daisyfoot whispered, as the dark tabby turned her head and disappeared into her den. As he turned to the fresh-kill pile and padded over for a long-awaited meal, he was suddenly surprised by the feeling of another pair of eyes staring at him.
Selenostar turned, shocked by a familiar pair of blue eyes, and a familiar black pelt. He stiffened, his soul chilled by the black cat's piercing stare, only to gather himself and allow the familiarity to piece together in his mind.
"Stormpaw? You're alive?" he gasped.
-
Brother, how come I can sense that I'm close to finding you?
He found himself haunted by memories as he stared at the rising sun. In that time years ago, the way every cat in that unspeakable Clan seemed to shun and avoid them in fear. The way they'd neglect him...no, the way the'd cower when he was near. And yet throughout it, his pathetic brother had simply laid down and withered with shame and misery. Why would you allow yourself to be bellow them? They feared you, so why didn't you revel in the feeling? Why didn't you kill them?
"Didn't you feel misery? To be tormented, neglected?"
"No," he hissed. "Nobody hurt me. I was simply a heroic being, getting rid of those who shouldn't be alive."
"Then why are you full of rage and fear, all the time? So afraid of having someone be above you?"
"I'm not, damn you!" he hissed, rising to his paws in fury. Through the pain and anger swirling through his head, he suddenly caught the sound of a voice coming from somewhere he couldn't see.
"You're on the right path, you lead causality in the right direction," it spoke.
"Who...are you?" the tomcat asked.
"Do not ask about our identity, Clan cat," the stranger replied. "Simply continue on your goal. You bring Venus and Neptune closer to the beautiful abyss."
-
A/N
I had to rush this whole chapter out in 2 days for I shall embark upon an adventure overmorrow.
Ok I made that sound too cool, I'm just going on vacation. Gonna be in the car for a couple hours, then waiting in the airport, then the plane for another couple hours. I'm sorta nervous but it'll be fun as hell. Can't work on this thing by then though, but I really wanted to get the chapter finished because I'm really excited to get to the climax.
I've been starting to like Pebblestar more. I didn't really like him in Echoes of the Flame because I felt he was too simple and cliche, but he's more interesting in this book. Does anyone else like giving their characters theme songs? I feel like Pebblestar's theme song would be Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin, or Holy Diver by Dio. (mayhaps he's the cat in the blue coming after you)