Monday
He never wanted to get out of bed. Well, this bed specifically. Never had he ever slept with a woman and was reluctant to get out of bed. Every time he brought a woman to bed, he'd leave before dawn and he wouldn't actually feel remorse. This time though, he felt like there was a magnetic pull and he would never be able to leave this woman.
Skylar Smith was truly the most extraordinary woman in his life. Love swelled in his chest as he regarded the sleeping woman snuggled into his chest with adoration. He wanted to capture this image and imprint it in his mind forever. The peacefulness she exuded; the utter marvel that she was as a whole; how could he ever let her go?
Her eyelashes were fanned out against her cheek; her golden hair was spilled over the pillow and his arms, glinting under the beginnings of sunlight slanting through her window; her arms were curled up, pressed between their chests; her legs were tangled with his; she was quite a mess. But god, she was such a sight to be reckoned with.
Ethan lifted his arm from being draped over her hip and pulled the covers higher so it could protect them from the morning chill. And then he gently placed his palm over her cheek, tracing the sharp outlines of her cheekbone and stroking back stray strands of hair.
She must have sensed him touching her because as soon as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, she shifted slightly, her thigh grazing the appendage between his legs, which consequently hardened even more. But she stayed asleep.
He licked her lips, finding her more and more appealing and he just wanted her a lot, in every way possible. He would settle for this for now. Besides, he really had no idea how she would react when she woke up. Would she freak out? Would she regret it? Or would she take it in stride? Would they be able to work?
The logical part of him screamed no to the entire liaison. That part of him had been yelling in his head ever since she kissed him last night. He just made it a point to ignore that part of him because he didn't actually realize the actual levels of his want for her. He thirsted for her. And last night wasn't even enough to satiate that thirst.
His line of thoughts were interrupted when Skylar whimpered lowly, burying her head closer into his chest, basically conforming her entire body into his. He strained his ears to hear whatever she was mumbling in her sleep.
"...special boy, Aiden."
His jaw clicked as he stretched his facial skin tight against his skull. He pursed his lips as his brows met in an intense frown above his nose. He figured it was time for her to wake up from whatever dream she was having. When he saw the shimmer of tears coating her eyelashes, he was more insistent on waking her up. So he cupped the back of her head with his hand gently and tilted her head just slightly enough for her to be facing him.
"I'll never let go..."
He leaned forward to capture her lips, stopping her from mumbling any further. Her spurts of exhalation fanned against the top of his lip and he could feel her waking up by the pacing of her respiration. He pressed harder, allowing himself to relish in the touch of her lips against his, and slid his hand downward towards her hip to pull her closer into him. And when she gasped into the inner workings of his mouth, he knew she was awake.
It was a guarantee that he would be afraid, because he really was uncertain of what she would do about everything that had transpired between them last night and now. But he kept on kissing her, because she didn't push him away. He wanted to take as much as he could get before things could spiral downhill.
But then instead of things spiraling downhill...she kissed him back. It took her about ten seconds to gain her bearing but the thing was, she kissed him back! She pushed herself upward to return his insistent kissing, but then she probably thought it was too much work so she snaked an arm around his neck and pulled him down.
He would have laughed in delight but that would mean losing the taste of her lips and he really didn't want that. He let himself being pulled downward, supporting his weight with his elbows on either side of her as he deposited his upper body on top of her.
She tangled her fingers in his hair. Well, at least she tried to, but his hair was cropped close to his scalp so there really wasn't anything to grab. She groaned in complain and just pulled him closer, nipping him on his lower lip.
His chuckle was joined by a harsh hitch of his breath. This woman was going to be the death of him.
**
Skylar would have kept kissing him, or did something that was a whole lot more than kissing, if it wasn't for the damn alarm clock coming to life at the most inappropriate time. He jerked his mouth away from hers and she yelped when his teeth accidentally pulled at her lips. And then they glanced at the hateful clock blaring annoyingly on the bedside table, completely unaware of the fact that it had basically just cock-blocked them.
But then as she looked longer at it, she remembered that she had to pick up Emma at the airport in an hour. Oh god, Emma. So she heaved a regretful sigh and extended her left arm to shut it off.
And then a bark at the foot of her bed caught their attention. They both looked from the now quiet clock to the foot of the bed, where Dog was perched upright with his paws on the edge of the bed as he stared at them with excitement. She swore she saw Ethan winking at him.
She squinted up at him for a second before proceeding to stretch by reaching her arms upwards and extending her legs downwards, only to stop when she felt the stiffness pressing against her thigh. She looked at up at him with slightly widened eyes. He had the look of a kid who had his hand caught in a cookie jar but did not feel guilty at all.
And then the gravity of the situation finally settled in. Her brain turned into a mental soup of conflicting instructions, one urging her to pull away and the other pushing her to accept this whole thing and go along with it. Her heart raced, beating against her very naked chest and she was sure that he could feel it against his very naked chest. The panic was building like an unstoppable snowball in the pit of her stomach.
Oh god, her inner voice whispered, brittle. She might as well crumple into pieces while she was at it.
As if sensing her looming panic and probable panic attack where she might run away and bury herself in the inches of snow conveniently outside, he rolled over, releasing her of his heavy but comfortable weight. She instantly sat upright, pulling the blanket up to her chest as she kept her eyes on her blanket covered knees. She plowed five fingers through her hair and let them linger at the base of her neck as she figured out her next action.
Was her lungs filling with water? Or something other than oxygen? She might be dying here. Oh god. Her chest felt so tight. Inflating her lungs felt like placing leaden weights over them. She sucked in air as if it were treacle, yet she was standing in a rose garden in a pristine winter day. If the birds outside could sing and fly, why couldn't she breathe?
She jumped when a hand touched her arm, in spite of how soft and safe it felt. She turned to see Ethan looking at her emphatically. There was something that resembled misery in his eyes and she just wanted to apologize because she honestly didn't mean to put it there.
He smiled at her, sad and understanding. "We'll talk about it later," he said. Christ, even his voice sounded miserable.
Why was she such a disastrous human being? She licked her lips and nodded.
"You have to pick your friend up at the airport, right?" A nod. "Do you want me to go with you? I can call in with John and tell him I'll be late." She shook her head. She just needed time to herself for a bit. His chest deflated, though he made no sound. He nodded. "Okay. Call me if you need anything." She nodded agreeably.
His head moved towards her but then he drew back when a wince registered on her face before she could hide it. He visibly clenched his jaw and looked away. When he managed to master his facial expression, he met her eyes again, this time with a forced smile. He slipped out of bed, picked up his discarded clothing and walked out the door.
**
She stood at the arrival gate, waiting for Emma's appearance. Hordes after hordes spilled out of the doors but there was no sign of Emma. But really, even if there was no one, Skylar wouldn't even be able to see Emma, because she was too busy thinking about last night.
She wanted to blame drunkenness but she knew damn well that she was the opposite of drunk. In fact, her mind was crystal clear. The memories of last night were all rolling by with clarity in her mind's eye like a film roll. She hung her head between her arms as she leaned forward against the barriers set up.
She slept with Ethan Boyd. No, she didn't just sleep with Ethan. They made love with one another. Not once, not twice, and definitely more than thrice. She was high off the unexpected passion and addiction she felt in her bone marrows and she just couldn't get enough of him. She relished in the power he gave her doubtlessly. And she had been more than delighted when he was willing to indulge her in more.
He had taught her the one thing she'd secretly wanted to learn: sensuality.
She blinked and swung back into the real world when a hand reached into her vision and the fingers snapped. She glanced up quickly and an inevitable smile took over her features when she saw her best friend standing in front of her over the barrier.
Emma mirrored her grin and hurried around the barrier to reach Skylar. She had her arms opened widely, ready for the collision. Emma did not disappoint her as she literally leaped into Skylar, knocking her back a few steps only to be stopped by the barrier. Skylar hugged her back with similar tightness and they swayed there for several moments, enjoying the feel of each other in the flesh.
"I missed you so much," Emma grumbled into Skylar's shoulder.
Skylar laughed, feeling the moisture sprang up in the horizon of her vision. "God, I missed you too," she whispered with a mirroring intensity. She turned her head slightly so she could plant a kiss on the side of Emma's head.
It felt like heaven to be able to hug her best friend again.
**
"Ah, the smell of rotting books and musty bookshelves never gets old," Emma commented once they stepped inside the bookstore.
Skylar scoffed, rolling her eyes at Emma's commentary. Every time she came here, she would say the same thing. "Stop," she warned, pulling off her coat.
Emma stuck her tongue out mischievously and followed Skylar's movement. "Well, hello, if it isn't Skylar's sister from another set of parents." They turned towards the counter where Adam was sitting, a pen twirling in his right hand.
"You got that right." Emma directed a forefinger in his direction. "Good morning, Adam."
He smirked. "Been a long time," he said.
She nodded. "Been busy."
"Ah yes," he made a face, "the life of a young billionaire."
Emma shrugged. "Perks of being a genius."
Skylar chuckled and punched Emma in the arm. "Shut up and get to work, Ems," she said and pushed Emma for good measure.
Emma glowered, shaking her head. "Unbelievable. I've just landed and my best friend's already making me do all the work," she grumbled.
Adam laughed. "It's not Skylar if she doesn't."
The brunette squinted as she considered his statement. "Well, you're not wrong."
"She is standing right here." Skylar jabbed two fingers into her chest to make her point.
They both chuckled. She rolled her eyes. She grabbed onto Emma's arm and pulled her down an aisle until they reached the back of the store where piles of books sat on the floor waiting for them. Emma whistled, impressed, before she sat down with her back against one wall and started arranging. Skylar joined her.
Emma had made it a habit to help out at the bookstore whenever she came to visit. She'd tried making Skylar to go out and explore New Zealand but Skylar had adamantly refused. And Emma wouldn't go anywhere without Skylar, saying that there wasn't a point if her best friend wasn't there. So she settled for volunteering here for free. She'd help out so many times that she naturally just knew what to do here.
"So, will I get a chance to meet this mysterious guest of yours?"
Skylar tensed at the mention of Ethan before she shook it all away. "Sure," she replied, avoiding Emma's burning gaze at her.
"Okay, what happened?"
Skylar looked up, trying to look as innocent as she could. "Nothing." Emma squinted her eyes, indicating that she did not believe her. "Seriously, Ems." God, even Skylar could hear the lie in her voice.
Emma squinted more and Skylar gulped, hoping that Emma wouldn't see through her. But when had things ever go her way? Emma's eyes widened as if she just came onto something and her jaw dropped, gaping at Skylar. Skylar blinked, gulping more.
"What?" she asked.
"You slept with him," Emma hissed in a low voice, keeping it between them.
Skylar's eyes went to the size of saucers and she shook her head vigorously. "What? No, I didn't. What are you talking about?" She scratched the edge of her brow and when she realized that she was performing her nervous habit, she quickly retracted her hand.
It was too late though, because Emma was grinning at her with the excitement of a toddler. "How was it? Was he good? How did it feel?"
"Ems!"
Emma sobered a little but then she shrugged. "It's time you got laid anyway."
"Ems!" Skylar was verging on desperation now.
Her best friend frowned at her, sensing her frustrations and anxiety. She scooted closer to Skylar who was gripping a plastic wrapped book hard. "What is it, Sky?"
Emma had sounded so wary and concerned that it broke through her fragile shell. She dropped the book and curled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. "I don't know what to do, Ems."
The brunette snaked an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close while the other hand grabbed onto Skylar's clasped ones. "Do you..." Emma hesitated. "Do you regret it?"
"I don't know, Ems," she whispered. "He was...I've never done anything like that before and last night was so...it was one of the best nights of my life and I'm just so scared of what's going to happen."
There was a long stretch of complete silence between them before Emma said, "You're scared that he will be the only one who can make you feel so good. You're scared that you'll get too attached to him that he'll have the opportunity to break your heart. You're scared of the feelings he awakened in you - feelings you don't even know you're capable to feel. Am I right?"
Leave it to Emma to manage to voice out all her doubts and fears. Skylar took her hand from Emma's and ran it across her face with a nod.
"Well, I think that's a good thing." Skylar turned to her with incredulity written all over her face. "It's high time for you to feel something like this, Skylar. You're twenty-four already. You can't run away forever."
**
He didn't think it was possible to choke on vacuum until now, as he watched his friend and the girl he loved chatting like old pals as they shed their winter wear. He gawped at them as they entered through the screen door and the brunette finally turned her head to look at him. He would have laughed at the way she just froze if it wasn't for the shock overtaking him.
"Emma?"
"Ethan?"
They both gasped simultaneously. Skylar was currently blocked by Emma at the screen door and she looked between them with curiosity. Ethan shifted his gaze from Emma to the woman over her shoulder, locking eyes with her. Emma stepped forward, allowing Skylar space to walk through. They just gaped at her as she stood in the vast space between them.
"What?" Skylar asked, completely in the unknown. She looked between them again and then lingered on Emma. He watched as Emma widened her eyes comically at Skylar and glanced at him before looking back to Skylar. "You're kidding, right?" Skylar then mused as if she finally got something. Emma shook her head vigorously. He watched as Skylar's jaw dropped from her side profile and met her eyes when she turned to him. "Oh my god."
"I guess coincidences do happen," Emma murmured as she stared at him.
He slowly stood up and shoved his hands in his sweatpants pockets. "Can someone tell me what the hell is going on?"
Skylar blinked and drew back a little before awkwardly gesturing at Emma. "This is the best friend I told you about," she said meekly. "But I guess you two already know each other." She looked downwards at her socked feet and pursed her lips.
"Wait." He and Skylar turned to Emma who had her eyes closed and her palms facing outwards in the air. Emma opened them again, a new kind of animosity in her eyes as she pointed a finger at Ethan but looked at Skylar. "This is the guy?" Skylar nodded nervously. "You..." She stopped and took a deep breath. "You slept with him?"
Oh shit. Hell was going to rain upon him. He could feel it. He took slow steps back, trying to get as far away from the ladies as possible. Emma may be considerably tiny compared to him but she had a lot saved up in that tiny body of hers and he really didn't want to be on the other end of her anger.
Skylar seemed to have gotten the hint that Emma was quite displeased right now because she winced and shifted as if to block him from Emma. He murmured a word of gratitude in his mind at that. "Emma, can you please just...not do that?"
"Do what?" Emma growled.
Skylar pointed at her. "That. I can see that you're angry and you wanna punch him and I really don't want any violence to happen because of me."
"Sky, he made you sleep with him!"
Ethan paused in his backtracking as he took offense at Emma's words. He was about to defend himself when Skylar went ahead of him. "It was consensual," she said rapidly. "He didn't make me sleep with him. In fact, if anything, I was the one who made him sleep with me." Well, that wasn't true either. He opened his mouth again but shut it when Skylar continued, "Ethan has been on his best attitude since he's been here. He has been nothing but kind to me and I would really appreciate it if you don't knock out the one guy I'm actually attracted to."
He closed his mouth and flickered his eyelids. He stared at the back of her head. "What?" he said.
"You can't sleep with him," Emma persisted before Skylar could even get a chance to respond. Emma was seething and he totally understood why. He had a reputation with women, after all. But he really wished she would hear him out as well. "He's...He's not the kind of guy for you."
"Emma," he snapped, genuinely offended.
She cocked her head as she closed her eyes. Emma exhaled roughly and met his eyes. "I'm sorry, Ethan, but she's my best friend and I can't...I can't let you do this to her."
"Do what?" he asked, affronted.
She squinted at him. "Do you have any idea how many broken heart you've left at your tail?" she almost hissed.
"I'm not...Skylar is different," Ethan stammered, motioning at Skylar. He looked away when Skylar did a ninety degree turn so she could look at both of him and Emma. "She's different," he breathed.
"Yeah, I bet you say that to everyone."
"You know me better than that!" his volume was growing with each syllable. He curled his fingers inwards to form fists as he clenched his jaw. "I understand you're protective over Skylar. She's your best friend. But I am your friend too."
Emma visibly gritted her teeth behind closed mouth. "That -"
"Can you guys stop acting like I'm not here?" Skylar exploded, yelling at them. Dog whimpered and scampered away but they barely noticed. "I think that since this is my life you guys are arguing about, I deserve a say in it!" Emma looked sheepish. He drew back, looking to his left to gather his composure. "Ems, I know what's bound to happen, okay?" Skylar sighed. "This is as temporary as it is gonna get. Ethan is going to leave, I know that. Why do you think I panicked after remembering that I slept with him?"
Ethan closed his eyes and flattened his lips. God, how could he ever forget that?
"I just...I need time to think, okay?" This time, she was addressing both of them. "And I need you guys to at least be civil to one another. You're leaving on Wednesday, Ems. I don't want to argue or fight on the rare days that you're here."
It didn't take Emma long to nod in agreement.
"And Ethan," he opened his eyes to see her staring at him regretfully, "I didn't mean to do that to you this morning."
"Hey," he said softly and smiled at her, "I get it."
She nodded and forced a smile. "I'm just gonna...I'm gonna go change and I'm gonna make dinner and we're gonna have dinner like normal people, alright?" They agreed. "Ems, I've already set up your room for you. You can just bring your bags up."
"Okay."
Emma shot him a look before she did as Skylar instructed, leaving the two of them in the living room. Ethan nicked his thumbnail to the skin of his forefinger repeatedly as he stared at the woman before him.
"Skylar," he breathed, "I want you to know that I don't regret anything."
She sighed, nodding. "I'm afraid I can't say the same, Ethan."
**
Skylar had had many dinners alone before. She'd always eat alone at the table with Dog lying loyally by her side. It was always quiet and slightly lonely, but one couldn't have something without a price. In her face, she could have freedom all to herself but she had to accept that she'd feel lonely at times. So yeah, she was used to utter silence during dinners.
But if one had asked her, she'd say she'd never heard silence quite this loud. Apparently, Ethan and Emma's version of civility was to be tense and quiet and send each other not-very-subtle looks across the table. It put her on edge. It was eerily unnatural, like a dawn devoid of birdsong. She would give her left arm for them to say something. She nearly launched herself across the table just to make some sort of noise.
When they were done with dinner, Ethan automatically picked up their dirty dishes and loaded them in the dishwasher. Emma was at a loss for words when he picked hers up. Skylar really couldn't see what the big deal was with dish washing, honestly.
"Sky, can I talk to Ethan alone?" Emma asked as Skylar stood up and Ethan was staring at her with that unreadable look of his.
Oh, yes. "You know what, I was just about to say that," she spoke, gesturing at the two of them. "You guys obviously need to talk. I'm gonna go walk Dog. When I come back, I expect to see two good friends talking and laughing or whatever the hell you two usually do with each other."
"She makes fun of me in front of me at my expense," Ethan responded with a good natured smirk.
Emma rolled her eyes. "It wouldn't be me if I don't, Boyd."
Skylar raised her brow and made a quick motion, indicating that she was heading out. "I am so out of here," she muttered and left the room, leaving the two of them in the kitchen. She smiled gladly when Dog padded after her. At least she didn't have to go back to the kitchen to get him. "Come on, Dog," she ushered once she'd retrieved his leash and clipped it on his collar. "Oh thank god." Even the noise of the winter wind was better than the freezing silence she'd experienced inside. And then she walked along the trail, having stuff to figure out herself.
**
"So you wash dirty dishes," Emma broke the silence, turning in her chair to look at him over the counter.
He shrugged, the machine whirring behind him. "What's the big deal about it?"
She smirked and shrugged her shoulders. "I've just never seen you do anything as domestic as washing dishes before. I have to admit, there was a time when I wonder if you even know how to make your own bed."
"Just because I have maids at home doesn't mean I can't take care of myself," he shot off in annoyance at her presumption of him.
She nodded. "I can see that now." And then another blanket of silence pursued them. The big elephant was trumpeting in the room so loudly that it almost drove them deaf, but neither of them really knew how to breach the subject nicely. "I need you to stay away from Skylar." See? No nice way at all.
He eyed her for a moment and heaved a sigh. "Emma," he pronounced contritely, "I've tried." He did. He had stopped himself from kissing her every single day. He had avoided from touching her until several nights ago when she asked him to hold her. He did everything to prevent his unwanted feelings from growing. Yet, all of those efforts were to no avail.
"There are a ton of women out there. Not that I'm encouraging you to trench through the whole town with your sexual whatever, but why can't you go after them instead of Sky?" she said.
He tightened his hands into fists on top of the counter and glared at her. "Skylar is different," he reiterated his sentiment from this afternoon. "She's not just a typical girl that I'll just sleep with and then abandon. I think today has proven enough of that."
Emma stared back at him for a moment, struggling with her thoughts, before she shook her head firmly, saying, "I've seen too much back in New York. I just can't trust her with you."
He banged his fists on the table roughly, ignoring the pain seeping through his bones. "Damn it, Emma! I'm in love with her!" he exclaimed angrily.
He stared down at the reddening skin of his clenched fists, a vein throbbing in his forehead and the pacing of his breathing mad. Why couldn't Emma just understand? He may have been a player back home but he was always careful. He always warned the women he took out that he didn't want anything serious or permanent. He was never as careless as random outbursts in the bedroom. He'd never disrespect a woman's feelings like that.
Nevertheless, Skylar was an entirely different subject. He was unavoidably drawn to her. The way she held herself so confidently; how she was never afraid to talk back to him; the way she never wavered from her principles; they were all signs of an extraordinary woman. Every time he looked at her, he would always be struck by protuberant her green eyes were and the prominence of her carefully sculpted cheekbones. Her laughter always rang like the beautiful Christmas carols. Her smiling eyes were like gems glinting in the dark, dark night. And god, he was so irrevocably in love with her.
He had expected to see the shock painted across Emma's face, but he hadn't expected the softening in her eyes and the moisture gathering there. He gulped and stood upright. The dishwasher beeped behind him, indicating its job done, but he ignored it.
"I didn't expect to be able to...sleep with her." He cringed at the phrase. "I didn't even expect to be able to kiss her. Last night took me by a turn too. And Skylar has a whole bag of secrets that I know it's not wise to start a relationship with her. But she's just..." He sighed. "She's different."
"Have you told her?"
He shook his head. "She's panicking by the mere fact that we went to bed together. I don't think she'll take it well if I tell her I love her."
She nodded, agreeing to his words. And then she laughed, empty of humor, as she brushed her hair and let her hand stay there. "Of all people that could change her, it's you."
"I'm not trying to change her," he said immediately. When she looked to him curiously, he continued, "I'm trying to understand her."
"From what she's told me, I think you understand better than most men who tried to pursue her."
He smiled, glad to hear that Skylar's talked to her best friend about him.
She dropped her hand and stood up. "You know what, I'm tired. We'll have plenty of time to talk about this tomorrow."
He squinted. John had told him to take the day off tomorrow without giving him any reason and now Emma was telling him this. "What's tomorrow?"
She glanced at him and then sighed, smiling bitterly. "You'll definitely starve tomorrow."
What the hell did that mean?
**
The tension did not dissipate completely, but at least it was gone by half when she came back with Dog in tow. She'd stared at them for a moment before she gave up and just bade them goodnight.
She fully intended on sleeping, but then she couldn't. She was very clear on the reason of her being unable to sleep tonight, but she was adamant at not seeing him tonight. She just needed more time to get ahold of everything that's happened.
So she grabbed her blankets and went downstairs with Dog, turned on the TV to a terrible sitcom rerun and snuggled into the couch.
A/N: typical Skylar. whew, longest chapter i've ever written, that's for sure.
by the way, why don't you guys ever comment? don't be shy! i would really really love to hear whatever it is that you have to say about this book. i swear, i'm open to all comments and criticisms. i can handle it. so please, comment more! and vote while you're at it :)
oh and hey, congrats to all Americans! 50 States of Gay! #lovewins #equalityforall