I woke up to the sound of yelling coming from down stairs.
I carefully got out of bed and went to sit at the top of the stairs to listen in.
"No, I don't want you anywhere near this house!" Papa shouts.
"Please, just let me see the kids, they're my children too." I hear Dad plead.
Dad is here. My heart starts to race.
"You should have thought about that before you went and fucked your best friend." Papa sounded angry.
"You can't keep them from me!" He pleads.
"I own this house, my name is on the mortgage, you dont even have a bedroom for them to sleep in, who do you think the courts going to side with?" He asks.
"Please just let me see them." Dad sounded desperate.
I quietly start making my way down stairs. I see dad standing in the door way talking to papa. I could not control my self I missed him so much. I start running towards the door.
I crash into dad, wrapping my arms around him and start crying.
Dad and papa went silent.
"I miss you." I say through my tears.
"Oh, Stella, honey, I miss you too." Dad strokes my hair.
I cling to him tightly. "I dont want you to be gone."
"I'm sorry." He says quietly, "I've missed you so much, it's been killing me not being able to see you."
"Stella, sweet heart, your dad was just leaving." Papa places a hand on my shoulder.
"No!" I cry, "I dont want him to go!"
Jade cries could be heard over the baby monitor.
"Rian," dad states coldly, "Jade is crying, you should go check on her."
"Come on Stella." Papa says trying to gently pull me from Dad.
"No!" I cry as I clutch tighter to my father.
"Rian, the baby." Dad reminds.
"Yes, Alex, I know." Papa had venom lacing his tone.
"Go check on her." Dad instructs.
Papa sighs. I hear his foot steps retreating towards the stairs.
I pull away from the incredibly tight hug I was giving dad. "Please don't leave." I say with teary eyes, "I don't want you to go."
"I'm so sorry Stella," dad replies, "I promise to try to come see you more." He explains.
"I dont want you to go." I start sobbing , "please," I plead, "why can't we be happy like we used to be."
Dad looked broken, "I'm so sorry, it's all my fault."
"This isn't fair!" I cry, "I finally get a family and now its being torn apart."
"I'm so sorry." Dad replies as a tear falls from his eye, "I messed up."
"I want you gone." I hear papa's voice boom from behind me.
"Please," dad pleads, "let me see Jade."
"Get out." Papa states sternly.
"I just want to see my baby." He cries.
"Get out!" He yells.
Dad looks back at me, "I'm sorry." More tears start pouring from his eyes, "I love you." He pulls me into a hug.
"I love you too." I tell him before he releases from the hug. Papa closes the door before he has the chance to even walk away.
"No!" I scream as I reach for the knob.
Papa places the palm of his hand against the door, leaning his body weight on it to keep it shut. I try to pull his arm away from the door but to no avail, he is much stronger than me.
"Please." I plead as I pull on the door knob.
I run over to the livingroom window and pull the curtains away to see dad get in his car and drive away.
I break down into sobs, sinking down to the floor.
"I never want to see him again!" Papa yells.
"I do!" I yell back, "I want dad!"
"Tell his home wrecker boyfriend that!" Dad yells, "he's just a filthy little whore!" Papa winds his arm back and then punches the wall.
I gasp as I see the fist sized hole in the drywall of our "happy family photo wall". The hole was right next to the family drawing I made for dad and papa for Christmas.
I slowly get to my feet and start backing up to the stairs as dad walks into the kitchen, pulling open the fridge and pulling out a beer.
I run up the stairs and into my room. I pick up my phone, the time read 11:56 am.
I break down sobbing once again in my bed. I was scared. For the first time, I was scared of my father.
Papa would never hurt me, he loves me. Zack told me he would never intentionally hurt someone he loves.
He loves me.
He would never hurt me.
But I was still scared.
I have never seen him get that angry, let alone put a hole through the wall. Now he is day drinking. Not even day drinking, he's morning drinking.
I want dad.
I fell asleep crying in my bed.
After waking up from my much needed nap I checked the time, I had slept for five hours. I must have been pretty exhausted.
I still felt exhausted.
My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Jade crying. I quietly left my room to go check on her.
I pick her up put of her crib and bounce her in my arms trying to calm her down.
"Shh," I try to sooth her, "are you hungry maybe?" I quietly ask the crying infant.
I head down stairs with the unhappy baby in my arms and search for a bottle. I mix together some formula for her and warm it up in the microwave. I make sure it is not too hot before giving it to her. She drinks a little bit of it before continuing to cry.
Her diaper was dry, she didnt want food, I was already comforting her I did not know what she wanted and I was becoming stressed.
Papa was I'm the livingroom, the table completely covered in beer bottles. Some beer bottles scattered across the floor, and a fresh one in his hand.
"Papa," I say, catching his attention, "I don't know how to calm her down."
He looks over at me, "I dont know what she wants." He defends still seeming upset.
"Well can you do something?" I was distressed at this point, "I don't know what to do, you're her dad." I explain.
"I'm not her dad." He replies coldly.
"What?" I was shocked and about to start crying.
"I'm her papa, because I wasn't worthy of the title 'dad'." He replies before taking another drink of his beer.
"What are you talking about?" I ask confused and disheartened.
Jades crying does not cease.
"Just admit it!" He yells, "you've always liked Alex more than me!"
I cover Jade's ears as best as I can so that the volume of his voice does not harm them.
"What are you talking about?" I defend, "that's not true." I feel tears fall from my eyes as he just takes another swig of his drink.
"Yes it is, isn't it?" He asks, "that's why you call him 'dad' and me 'papa's." He sounded angry, "that's why you caused such a big scene earlier, because you love him more than me!" He was yelling.
"No that's not true!" I cry, "I love you!"
He drinks the last of his beer, "not as much as you love Alex."
Suddenly he winds his arm back and throws his beer bottle at me. I see the bottle flying through the air towards my face and I duck, while still holding jade in my arms. The bottle goes over my head and shatters against the wall.
I start hyper ventilating. I stare at papa in fear as his face drops from anger to concern.
"I'm- I'm so sorry." He takes a step towards me.
I take a step back, holding Jade tightly in my arms. "Don't," I say warningly, "don't touch me."
"Stella, I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me." He tries to reason.
"Don't come near me." Tears were pouring out of my eyes as I ran up the stairs, crying baby in my arms.
I frantically pick up my phone and try to find dad's contact. It was difficult to navigate my phone amidst my panic but eventually I was able to call dad.
The phone only rings once before he picks up, "Dad, please come pick me up I'm scared." My voice was high pitched and squeaky.
"What happened?" I hear the sound of car keys jingling in the background.
"Please come pick me up, I can't be here anymore," I cry, "daddy I'm scared."
Jade had yet to stop crying.
"I'm on my way pack a bag for you and your sister." He instructs, "I will be there soon to get you, I love you."
"I love you too," I reply, my voice breaking as I pull an empty back pack from my closet.
I hang up the call so I can focus on packing. I haphazardly shove clothes into my bag not paying to much attention to what it is. I pack up my sketchbook and some pens before going to the bathroom and grabbing my tooth brush and hair brush.
I zip up my bag and leave it by my bedroom door before making my way over to Jade's nursery. I restock her diaper bag and grab a few changes of clothes for her.
I take a deep breath and wipe my tears away, trying to think clearly and make sure I had what I needed.
I picked up both bags and slowly walked down the stairs. I stopped about half way when I saw papa on the couch with his head in his hands.
Suddenly the door bell rang. Papa looked surprised before getting up to answer it.
Papa opens the door and immediately realizes what's happening. "No, please," he pleads.
Jades finally calms down in my arms.
"Are you drunk?" Dad asks in shock, "you smell like the floor of a bar." He scoffs.
"Please, don't take them from me!" He cries.
"What did you do Rian?" He demands, "Why was our daughter calling me crying asking to come pick her up?" Dad was angry.
"It was an accident!" Papa defends in hysterics.
I finish making my way down the stairs. I place Jade in the bassinet in the living room.
"An accident?" Dad asks, "I can see a fist sized hole in the wall from here."
I wheel the bassinet towards the door. I knew dad did not have a crib for Jade at home and this was the most portable sized one we had.
"Get yourself some help, preferably before the court date if you want to be able to see your kids again." Dad pokes papa in the chest.
"Stella," Dad notices me, "are you alright sweet heart?" He asks as he turns his attention away from Papa.
I nod my head as tears keep falling from my eyes.
"Stella," papa says desperately, "please don't leave me," he pleads, "you two are all I have."
My heart was breaking into a million pieces but I do not speak.
He tries to block me from leaving, "please, I love you."
Jade starts crying again.
"Rian, move." Dad states sternly.
"Please." He begs but he moves aside.
Dad picks up Jade as I step outside.
"Oh, my sweet baby." Dad coos at the infant in his arms.
Jade calms down quickly in Dad's arms.
"Stella go put your things in my car I'll be there in a second." Dad instructs.
Without a word I walk over to dad's car and start putting the bags and bassinet in.
"You better have a good lawyer Rian." I hear dad whisper shout at papa.
"Please," he pleads, "don't take them from me."
"I'm going to fight for full custody," dad was still whisper shouting, "you better get your self sober, turn this shit around, if you want a chance at seeing them again."
"'Lex please." He begs.
"Don't," dad breathes, "don't call me 'Lex."
"Why don't you love me?" Papa was crying.
"Goodbye, Rian." Dad states coldly before turning on his heel.
Dad sighs as he buckles Jade into her car seat. I get into the passenger seat of the car. Dad gets in the front seat and rests his head against the steering wheel.
He takes a deep breath before looking up at me. "Are you okay?" He reaches over and tucks my hair behind my ear.
I look down at my lap.
"Did he hurt you?" He asks before putting the key into the ignition and starting the car.
"He tried." I say quietly.
I glance up to see dad's death grip on the steering wheel and eyes glued to the road, a tear falls from his eye. "You're safe now." He says quietly.
"Thanks for picking me up." I look back down at my lap.
"Of course, you can always call me if you don't feel safe, no matter what's happening." He replies.
The rest of the drive to Jack's house was silent.
"Jack doesn't really have any extra rooms so you'll have to sleep on the couch for now." Dad explains, "I'm working on getting a place with more bedrooms for you and Jade.
I set my bag down next to the couch as dad places Jade in the bassinet we brought.
After Jade finishes putting the sleeping baby in her bassinet I pull him into a tight hug.
"I love you." I tell him.
"I love you too." He replies as he wraps his arms around me.