A/N: Make sure to read the A/N at the end!
The year was 2034, Y/N knew. He had made a calendar. A scribble mess of notes that were ten pages thick in the back of his journal. Days, weeks, months, even years. At first, he didn't care about that, keeping track of the days. It was just another waste of time for him.
But now? He had a reason to remember. A reason to exist.
Marks on a calendar had reminded him of what he had lost, the days of his life that were thrown away. Discarded and spent on surviving while the world bloomed and flourished under a blue sky. Yes, it was painful, but it was also worth it. He had to remember, not just for them, but for himself too.
Y/N had once asked himself what kind of person he wanted to be. Whether he wanted to trust, to be part of someone's life again, or wallow away in the depths of his own peril. He had made the choice, the decision, and as much as he had been influenced, he alone made the choice to live again.
He found that life was not worth living in the past, surrounded by ghosts. It was meant to be spent living in the now and what laid beyond the dawn, to the future.
Even with all the pain, it was worth it.
Trailing a finger along the scars of his left wrist that was settled in his lap, Y/N watched it with eyes that glowed with acceptance and willingness, before raising his head and turning to the backseat of the SUV.
Ellie, she sat there, her gaze focused on her own scars. The bite and infected mark that had been her sole purpose in life, was now but a whisper in the wind, gone forever.
Deep inside, Y/N felt the gutted churn of his stomach growl back at him, despite the fact that his mind fought against it. He had taken something from her, he and Joel both, had ripped out a part of what had made her life complete. A reason, a purpose, and they had killed it.
He found that most days, he could barely look at her. His guilt, his shame, his regret, it was something he had to come to terms with. He doubted he ever would, and that he'd never forgive himself for it, for hurting her in a way he could understand.
But, as Y/N pulled his new jacket sleeve and hid the scars, he found that there was one silver lining. If he had to do it all over again, he'd pray that he'd make the same choice again. If it meant she'd be able to live a life that she deserved, that they all deserved, he'd do it in a heartbeat.
Destroying Ellie's purpose, he wouldn't forgive himself for that.
But saving her, giving her a chance to really live a life, he wouldn't fight against that. That part of his consciousness was clean, wiped from his mind like an afterthought.
Grabbing his journal, Y/N began to flick through the dozen pages. Earliest ones from his time at the school, all the way to where they were now, here so close to Jackson.
The first one he ever drew. His parents looked back at him, the sketch of shadings and rivered edges, their faces were as real as they could be. The drawing reminded him, kept their memory fresh in his mind, even as the years that passed wiped it from his mind with each passing month. Soon, they'd become nothing but a blurred point of his past.
If only they could see him now, he wondered. His mother's smile, his father's laugh, both so full of life despite what hell this world had become. They were beacons of light in a terrifying world, the candle to the darkness, the hearth against the cold. They had sheltered him, protected him, and loved him.
He missed them every day, he confessed.
Pushing through the pages of landscapes, buildings, the great civilisations of life, Y/N stopped when his finger trailed at the familiar drawing of one he thought of day in and day out. A kindred soul, one that had natured him back to help, the one that had taught him, not just to survive, but to live.
Rachel stared back at him through the drawing, her beady eyes that shined like the ocean floor, and a smile in the shape of a rainbow, so full of colour and meaning. She had been a constant in his life for nearly 5 long years. Even long after she was dead, she still looked to him in the night, her shadow watching over him like an angel who had graced Death's hearth.
His nightmares had lessened, he found that he didn't dream of her in a dark light. No more taunting, no more doubt, no more insecurity that threatened his vulnerability. Instead he dreamed of better days, future days, full of life and beauty and people that he could trust beyond his wildest dreams.
She was right beside him, guiding him every step of the way. Her lessons, her teachings, they guided him to be better. She had taught him to shoot, to kill. But she had also taught him to heal, to nurse, to live a life that was not to be shackled by the cruel nature of this unforgiving world.
And he--
Well, what he wouldn't do to have her standing next to him, for just one more time...
Pushing down the tears that threatened to break, he passed the pages and pushed on, each drawing showcasing his life. Where he had been, what he had done, and most importantly what he wanted to become. He found the drawings of Pittsburgh, of Sam and Henry, the hydroelectric dam, the university and Salt Lake City, and much to Ellie's silence, the deer.
And yet, when he stopped at that deer, he bit at his lip and began flipping backwards, until he arrived at the midpoint between Pittsburgh and the two brothers, he found his finger stopping short at the page.
Once, Ellie had tried to worm her way into the journal, back at that office building, where he had the panic attack. She saw it out of the corner of her eye but couldn't grasp it fully. Until now, Ellie turned her head at the muttering musses of Y/N, her shoes digging into the dirt. She leant over, her gaze leaping over Y/N's shoulder, and her eyes settling on the page that Y/N trailed a gentle hand.
She stared back at herself. The eyes, the face, her short locks of hair and her ears, down to her neck. It was her, staring back at her, in full beauty. It made her feel something, something she couldn't describe. It lifted her broken heart, her aching mind, even as she dropped her eyes from the page and to the forest floor, as she pulled away, settling back into the backseat.
The subtle beauty, she had remarked on it that day. That day when they were mere strangers in a world of uncertainty, she had complimented his art, not knowing how much it had meant to him. And the wonder that had stared back at her, the widening eyes and parted lips, the shaking of his hands, it had meant so much in that moment and she had thought it to be just another day.
Looking back on it, she knew it wasn't just another day for him, it had been his whole year. The first time in years anyone had gotten close to that encased heart of gold that was frozen solid. She had warmed it, burnt it, broken it open, allowing Y/N to finally look outside the hourglass of his own making...
In time, she hoped the both of them could share that hourglass, to look beyond the cruelty of the world with glasses of coloured roses and bask in a world that was far from gone. One with blue sky, calm winds, and glistening sun.
A life that was meant to be enjoyed...
"Looks like we're walking."
Y/N raised his head and met the eyes of Joel that stared back, the older man having been out front, checking the hood of the SUV. The vehicle had broken down, and luckily for them, they were but a spitting distance from the town of Jackson.
"That's fine." Y/N smiled and placed away his journal in his bag before slinging it over his back, and stepping down from the passenger seat. "I can finally stretch my legs."
Ellie followed him, shutting the door behind her as she shuffled her backpack between her fingers, until she placed it on, her gaze switching between Joel and Y/N.
"Should be a straight shot through here." Joel approached the chicken wire fence ahead of them, and pressed his foot into the bottom, allowing the two teens to pass through it. "Actually kinda pretty, ain't it?"
"Yeah."
Ellie's response was far brighter than he had been since Salt Lake City, and yet it was but a single word.
"Now, watch your heads going through."
Y/N squeezed on through to the other side and held onto the wire with Ellie, allowing Joel to pass through, "There you go."
Joel came out on the other side, feeling kinks in his lower back ache, he rubbed there and led the two teens forward, "Oof. Feelin' my age now."
Chuckling, Y/N didn't say a word, but it made Joel glance it way to him, a smile of his own barring that ageing interior of his, "It's gonna happen to you too, kiddo. Besides, what are you now, 17?"
Tried as he did, Y/N couldn't help but grimace as they hiked through the forest, "Yeah, 17." He shook his head, and pressed a hand to his chin, only to remove it as the curls of growing facial hair tickled him. "Birthday was in--"
"May." Joel interrupted him, "May 21st."
Y/N slowled for a second, before he picked up, "Yeah, yeah it is."
He hadn't thought Joel would remember from their time between the hydro dam and Colorado, guess he was wrong.
"And Ellie." Ellie looked up at Joel, her attention brokened, "June?"
Nodding, Ellie spoke up in a soft tone, "12th of June." She couldn't believe it had been more than an entire year since Boston. "I'm... I'm 15."
"You're growing up." Joel smiled, and guided them further along the trees and open sky, and in the distance they could make out a clearing. "We'll have to celebrate it, at Jackson."
Neither of them responded, and instead raised an eyebrow of their own.
"Don't think I ever told you both, but uh... Sarah and I used to take hikes like this." Joel bit his lip, stuttering almost as he forced it out. "I think uh... I think the three of you would've been... Would've been good friends." He knew that deep in his bones. "I think you really would've liked her, I know would've liked you were."
Breathing in a gulp of the forest air, and feeling the sun glare down the warmth upon him, Y/N turned to Joel, and arched an eyebrow, before settling into a joking smile.
"Even me?"
"Especially you, Y/N."
The three of them made it to the end of the forest and climbed up, making their way to an open clearing that overlooked the valley, and then they saw it.
The town of Jackson.
Rows upon rows of houses and buildings littered the town, fields of crops and pens of cattle flourished in the light, surrounded by giant walls of wood and concrete, wrapped in wires that electrified the structure, holding back anything that tried to break into the town.
"Wow. Look down there."
And so, Y/N thought as a small, but joyful smile made its way to his lips, that maybe this life wasn't so bad after all.
"Just a little bit further now." Joel led them along a stream of water that led up to a hill of mud and greenery, they strolled to the wall of earth, and stopped at a fallen tree trunk. Joel climbed up first and grasped his hands to the surface and pulled himself up, only for the tree trunk to break and give way. "Shit."
"Okay." Y/N reached with his hands and grasped the tree, and climbed up onto the growing bark. Looking up, he grabbed Joel's hand and was pulled up. Now up on the hill, he looked back down and held his hand out for Ellie, who climbed up. "C'mon, I got you."
Ellie's eyes stared into his face, had it always been so full of life and joy? No, she knew, but as she faced it again in this new light, she found that she wanted it to stay that way forever.
She liked the older him...
But she loved the newer him, even more.
"Thanks."
Ellie grabbed his hand and was pulled up, soon settling into the hill beside them, overlooking the town that sat down in the crest of the valley of this beautiful land they found themselves in.
And while Y/N and Joel marched forward, Ellie was rooted into the ground, her left hand clutching at her abdomen and her other at her left, caressing it.
"Hey, wait." Ellie steadied her heartbeat as the two of them turned back, their focus on her. It made her shy, she ducked her head, walking to the side before she settled in front of them, nervous, "Back in Boston -- Back when I was bitten. I wasn't alone. My best friend was there. And she got bit too."
Y/N remembered, she had told him how it had happened, and Reilly, her best friend, his heart ached for Ellie, as he stared at her, a soft look on his face that had been as rare as a smile.
Ellie shrugged her shoulders, her eyes pitching between Joel and Y/N, both sadness and shame rushing through them, "We didn't know what to do. So... she says, 'Let's wait it out. Y'know, we can be all poetic and just lose our minds together,' I'm still waiting for my turn..."
Y/N found it hard to keep it inside him, after all these years, and waiting for his turn, he was done waiting. He wasn't going to wait. He was going to forget it, and try to move on, for those he couldn't save, for those he loved more than life itself.
"Ellie--"
Ellie interrupted her best friend, shaking her head, "Her name was Reilly, and she was the first to die." They had lost so many people, all three of them suffered from loss, and guilt, and regret, and all they had left was each other. "And then it was Tess... And Sam."
"None of that is on you." Joel insisted.
"No," Ellie's face hardened, shaking head. "You don't understand--"
Joel crossed his arms, and opened himself up to them, "I struggled for a long time with survivin'." Y/N felt something deep inside him resonate with the words that left him. "You -- No matter what, you keep finding something to fight for."
Y/N felt it in his bones, in his heart and soul, and the mind that spoke back to him everyday. He had needed a reason, a purpose, to keep fighting, to keep living in the world. To stop him from ending it at the slit of a wrist.
And he had found it.
Ellie, he confessed.
She was his reason, his purpose, and he had killed hers to keep his' alive.
Joel nodded, "Now, I know that's not what you want to hear right now, but it's--"
"Swear to me." Ellie pleaded with them, balling her hands at her side as her eyes searched theirs. "Swear to me, that everything you said about the Fireflies is true."
Joel fought to keep his face strong, his hands from shaking, and ultimately answered as he felt his soul crack, "I swear."
Turning away from Joel, Ellie settled her gaze on Y/N, and found his eyes staring deep into her own, "Y/N?"
What could he say, after everything. Everything they had been through together, he couldn't lose her, he wouldn't allow her to die. Not for some cure, not for the Fireflies, not for the world, or anyone else for that matter. What he did, it was selfish, undeniably selfish.
He had done it for her.
But most of all, he had done it for himself. He couldn't allow it. Not after she had come into his life and made him whole. She couldn't come into his life, make him care, and then decide to opt out after everything.
So, Y/N stared deep into her emerald eyes, his hands shaking at his side as he worked to steady them, digging his fingers into his palms to prevent his eyes from dropping, before he nodded, and gulped away the not in his throat.
"It's true. All of it."
Ellie stared back at him, her eyes searching him, and she noticed they dropped as he exhaled.
Deep in her heart, she knew that it wasn't the whole truth, and despite that.
She breathed out and nodded at the boy she called her best friend, and whispered out an answer that would define them for years to come.
"Okay..."
A/N: First I have to say, holy shit thank you so much for all the support these last 3 years. Through the hard times, you all have helped me in a way I still don't fully understand but I'm grateful. Writing here has been a great outlet and hobby of mine and the fact you enjoy my work, really means a lot to me.
Now, with the story, I will be adding in the events of the Left Behind as interlude chapters but ultimately I'll be marking this as complete. But now that's it over, what does that mean?
I'll tell ya, in the coming weeks, maybe months, I'll be publishing the sequel: TLOU - Future Days. It's set during the 4 years at Jackson and will mainly be a fluff piece, lots of one shots and bigger chapters, etc, perhaps some angst, eh?
Originally I was gonna make it darker but decided against it.
Like I said, it won't be for a while since I want to focus on my Resident Evil book, but also since it's a lot less strain inducing (less work for me to do for it) I'll be thinking about creating another book.
They'll be a vote on my Updates and Covers 101 book some point this week, so make sure to check it out.
Oh! And we made it to 120k views, thank you so much! Again, to all of you who've read this story!
Now... I'll see you all in the next book! Bye!