Noelle.
"Lani, it's time to get up" I spoke sternly for the last time. My child was extremely annoyed that she had to get up early for this flight. I needed as much time as I could possibly get to prepare on such short notice for Ayva's wedding that was happening in two days. A Sunday. Our flight was set to leave at 10, and while I'd packed everything in advance and gotten myself ready, my child was the last thing to be taken care of.
I tidied the house up, made sure she had breakfast waiting for her and all, in high hopes that she wouldn't be upset and actually eat something. Logan had offered to take us to the airport so that I didn't have to spend extra money on parking and leaving my car at the airport like I did last time. I told him that he didn't need to but he insisted on it, and I figured it was better than paying for parking, but I was gonna make sure to slip him some cash for gas, it's like an unspoken black rule to give gas money if someone gives you a ride.
I tried waking Leilani up a total of four times already, this was my fifth attempt. I was gonna have to deal with her being upset and choosing not to eat because of it. It never lasted long though, after about an hour and a half, she'd be telling me that she was hungry, and like the great mother I am, I'd packed her favorite snack in my purse, prepared for her hissy fit.
"Leilani." I spoke, my voice booming to her, cause she sat up in her bed. "This is my last time telling you, it's time to wake up." I added. She whined, "That's enough, we have to go, or I'll leave you here by yourself." I asserted, as she threw her blanket off herself, arms folded like the child she is. I stood up and held out my hand for her and she ignored it, standing up to go to the bathroom. I smiled to myself, a small chuckle leaving my lips at her attitude.
I followed her to the bathroom, she made it there before me, and when seeing me walking nearer to the doorframe, she looked up at me and closed the door before I was in front of it. This child of mine, her moments like this made me wanna hem her up against the wall and revert to the old Noelle with the short temper so other peoples attitudes, but I had to remember that she was getting older, so her attitude was getting a little worse. I made a mental note to nip that in the bud as soon as possible.
"Leilani, don't get your ass whooped this morning" I spoke through the door, as I heard the bathroom water turn on. I folded my arms and sighed heavily, biting back wanting to yell at her, but I knew she'd only cry. I went to her room and made her bed, picking clothes out for her and cleaning up her few toys that she had sitting around. I grabbed both her and I's stuff when my Apple Watch dinged with a message from Logan, telling me he was outside then asking if I needed help bringing bags to the car.
I had half a mind to tell him no cause I hate feeling like I needed help from a man, but I needed to calm leilani down and see if she was even gonna attempt to eat her breakfast I slaved over this morning, though I knew she wouldn't. I texted him back and told him yes and told him to come up. I attempted at the door with Leilani for a few minutes before a knock sounded at the door.
I went to open it, a smiling Logan at the other side of the door. I heaved a sigh, moving over to leave room for him to come in. "Rough morning?" He asked. He's such a white man, I liked it for some reason. "Understatement" I replied, leading him over to the island at a bar stool. He held out a coffee and a bag from Dunkin', "I stopped and got this for you, I also got you and Leilani and donut" he smiled, causing me to smile as I grabbed both, "Thank you, that's really sweet" I replied, locking eyes with him.
I took a sip of the coffee, "I don't think Leilani will eat the donut, she goes on a hunger strike when she's mad" I informed, "...but if she doesn't eat it, I will" I smiled happily, turning on my heel, hearing the door of the bathroom open, my child standing in the doorway, a toothpaste ring around her mouth. "Ready to get dressed?" I asked as she peered around me to Logan, I looked back at him as he smiled down at her, "Good morning, Leilani" he smiled.
Her face scrunched, her favorite facial expression taking over her face, the top of her lip lifting in disgust and irritation, as Logan chuckled and Leilani walked to her bedroom ignoring him. I took a deep breath, my eyes rolling at the attitude of my child, before I turned back to my guest, "I'm sorry, leilani doesn't like waking up early. I promise her attitude will be gone as soon as she realizes she's hungry" I apologized.
Leilani is a very, very loving and respectful child; But, when she's upset, her attitude can be 10x the size of her little body, and I knew exactly where it came from, Ayva. Genes can really be a bitch sometimes, cause they both get their attitude from my great grandmother and my grandpa, and it completely skipped me. I try not to get on to her too much when she acts like this, I can't expect her to be perfect and cover up her emotions like I did, I know how exhausting that is. I taught her how to recognize her emotions early on, and when she's happy, she knows how to express that, we're working on sadness and then are gonna make our way to anger/irritation, but by the looks of it, anger is gonna have to come first.
She's always had her moments where she gets mad and goes on a hunger strike, but to be blatantly disrespectful to me and a guest is unacceptable, and her attitude is getting worse the older she gets. I leave her room to be her own person cause I never plan on putting pressure on her to be this perfect human with robot like emotions. She's going to feel things, it's unreasonable for me to expect her to know how to express that without coaching, it's my job to lead her and correct her with love, and that's exactly what I intend to do.
"It's okay, she'll talk to me when she's ready." Logan grinned, "I'm gonna start taking your bags down to my car" he added. I nodded my head at him with a smile as he nodded back, a smile of his own, and started lugging our carry on and suitcase with him out the door. I headed to Leilani's room, watching her as she sat on her bedroom floor attempting to put her socks on, one of them on backwards and the other she was putting on inside out.
I grabbed a wipe from her tv stand from the bag that was there and sat on the floor across from her silently. She never looked at me, never stopped moving, and kept her head locked on her socks, the rest of her clothes on. I gently grabbed her head, lifting it so I could wipe the ring of toothpaste from around her mouth, "You know, when you ignored Logan, you probably hurt his feelings" I spoke gently, as her dark brown eyes locked with mine, though I didn't look at hers. I continued wiping her face gently.
I took the wipe and wrapped it around my finger, digging out her eye boogers, "Do you remember when mommy taught you what it means to be happy?" I asked. She nodded her head in my hands. "What emotion are you feeling now?" I asked, finally looking into my child's eyes. She shrugged. "Are you mad? Irritated? Frustrated?" I asked. She stared at me, her eyes softening, still saying nothing.
"Why did you ignore Logan?" I asked in a soft, gentle voice, to assure her that I wasn't upset with her. She stayed silent for a moment then spoke, "Because you woke me up" she replied. "I woke you up, not Logan. Why did you ignore Logan?" I asked again, looking for a deeper answer, trying to get her to identify her emotion that she was feeling in that moment. "Because I was mad. I didn't want to wake up yet and you yelled at me." She responded.
Bingo.
I'm pretty damn good at this parenting thing, it takes some patience, but I'm damn good. "When I woke you up, did my voice go above an inside voice?" I asked, beginning to fix her socks as she sat there, her hands in her lap watching me, I could see her think, then shake her head no. "So do you feel like I yelled at you?" I asked. I saw her shoulders slump, then she shook her head no again. "It's okay if that's how you feel, and I'm sorry that you feel like I yelled at you, mommy didn't want you to think I was yelling. I spoke in a stern voice because I needed you to know that I was serious and that it was time to get up, do you understand me?" I asked, again, in a gentle tone so that she could understand me.
I held her head in my hand, caressing her cheek as she stared at me, she nodded her head yes. "I'm sorry that I made you mad, I never want to make you feel that way. How about next time, you just tell mommy that you're upset you and we can talk about it if you want to instead of you ignoring me, okay?" I asked, looking her in her eyes as she nodded her head again. I wasn't sure if I was getting through to her cause she wasn't using her words, but it seemed to put her at ease that we talked and I validated her feelings instead of her feelings festering and me ignoring the fact that she was upset.
Leilani is a smart child, and she knows that I understand that when she's upset, she doesn't want to talk, just like when she's sad, and that's okay. I knew that when she felt like it, we'd talk, and I'd listen to her. That's been the most rewarding thing about our relationship, me being able to give her the freedom to feel what she feels, to acknowledge it, and to explain, and sometimes apologize. That's something I didn't have growing up. I wanted to creat a safe environment for her, a place where she felt like it was okay to tell mama everything she was feeling.
I slid her shoes on her, and left her hair in the two French braids that I'd done the night before in her head, and helped her to stand up in comfortable silence, and she hugged my legs, "I'm sorry I ignored you" she spoke clearly. "I rubbed the top of her head, "I accept your apology" I replied, a small smile on my face as she slid on her jacket and we headed out of her room into the dining room where Logan was sitting, a smile on his face as he looked down at his phone, "We're ready" I beamed at him.
He stood up, stretching out his lean body, long arms in the air, as Leilani stood in front of him, looking up at him, "I'm sorry I ignored you" she spoke. I looked at her, taken aback. I wasn't going to tell her to apologize to him, but she did it on her own, as Logan beamed down at her, "Good, cause I bought you a donut and I was gonna give it to your mom" he smiled down at her, kneeling and holding the bag in between them as she grinned at him, "I hope you like chocolate" he added, handing her the bag as she grabbed it, "Thank you" she replied.
I smiled at their interaction, as she grabbed my hand, holding it as we all headed to the door together, Logan nudging my shoulder in a flirty manner, making me smile and nudge him back. We all walked down together then got into his car, buckling Leilani into the back seat, "Can I eat my donut?" Leilani asked as Logan looked at me for permission and I nodded my head to him, letting them talk to each other.
If he plans on being in my life, even if it's just as friends, they'd have to get familiar with each other, I was leaving them room to communicate with each other cause me and Leilani are a package deal. If you get her, you get me. And if you get me, you get her. "Of course you can. I'm glad you decided to eat." He smiled back at her before turning his car on and pulling off.
I smiled to myself at the softness in his voice when he spoke to her as I heard her Ipad playing an educational video. Logan and I talked more about our lives, where we grew up, how we grew up, family, all types of things. It was as if it was a continuation of our conversation that we'd had last week when we went out for coffee and talked for what felt like hours.
—————
The entire car ride was filled with comfortable conversation, soft music playing, Leilani's iPad playing her learning videos on kid's Tube, and laughter from me and Logan both. When he pulled up to the airport, I was a little sad to have to leave and end our talk, he was someone I could feel myself wanting to talk to more and more with each conversation we had.
"Thank you for the ride" I spoke, a grin on my face, "Of course, let me know when your flight is near, I'll be back to come pick you up in a few days." He nodded his head, matching my grin. I tore my eyes from him and looked back to my daughter, "You ready?" I asked her as she looked up from her iPad and nodded her head. I got out the car followed by Logan and got Lani out of the car as Logan grabbed our bags from his trunk.
He sat them in front of me then wrapped me in a warm hug, as I tucked money into his back pocket, he released then knelt down in front of Lani, "I didn't say it earlier, but I accent your apology. I understand that sometimes people just don't wanna talk" he smiled, causing Lani to give him a smile and a side hug. I looked down at her, "Ready?" I asked, holding my hand out to her. She grabbed it gently and I grabbed our suitcase, the duffel bag sitting on top of it, "Noelle" Logan spoke, causing me to turn around and look at him, a huge smile on his face as he held the money up that I tucked into his pocket, "Bye, Logan" I laughed in response, not giving him a chance to deny the money, as he laughed back, "Bye, Noelle. Bye, Leilani" he replied, getting back in his car as we went through the doors of the airport.
It took no time for us to get through TSA and head to our gate, I'm excited for this wedding, everything was moving according to plan and I was gonna be able to meet my sisters fiancé. Something in the pit of my stomach wouldn't allow me to fully relax, it was as if I was gonna be the one getting married, not my sister. I couldn't place my finger on it, but I planned on taking whatever comes in stride.