When you lived next door to a boy with the exact same interests as you it was almost impossible to not immediately become best friends. Gerard Way and I met in the 5th grade when his family moved here in the middle of the summer vacation.
To me, he was the coolest guy I'd ever met in my entire short lived life. We were attached at the hip from our first interaction when his mom brought him and his kid brother Mikey over for a playdate. As we grew up, our interests evolved but they always stayed similar.
We'd spend our summers together riding our bikes through vast fields, going as far as we could before sundown, swimming in the lake behind the forest and eating ice pops in the front yard.
We'd spend our winters cooped up in Gerard's basement room playing video games, watching movies (usually star wars) and drinking a ridiculous amount of hot cocoa.
Throughout the year we spent every friday night at one of our houses for a sleepover.
And that had been it for the past 7 years. I'd never felt as alone as I did now. I wasn't used to such cruel solitude.
On our first sleepover of the summer, Gerard had left in the middle of the night.
It started off as usual, we played some video games, read comics and then watched a movie. But as 'The Empire Strikes Back' drew a near end, I grew more and more exhausted and began to lean into my friend. His body tensed up.
His breathing became shallow and fast, he woke me immediately as he shoved me harshly off him. Something was clearly wrong, he was so frantic, so frightened and rushed out of my room and into the night.
He didn't respond to my calls or my texts, ignoring my every attempt to contact him.After 2 days I decided to simply call round for him, being that his own home was 5 steps from my own. His brother Mikey opened the door which was unusual enough.
I love Mikey like he's my own brother but i'd never been as close with him as I'd been with Gerard, it was just different. He looked exhausted like he hadn't slept in days and opened the door very hesitantly.
"Frank, hey man, what are you doing here?" He asks with much hesitation and concern in his voice looking back through the door with an attempted sense of discretion.His question irked me, whenever I came by I was let in instantly. Donna (The Way brother's mom) insisted I should just let myself in but my own mom had instilled many values in me when I was little it felt criminal to do so.
"I came to check on Gerard" I explained "Is he around?" I asked hopefully
"Nah sorry he just went out" He lied
"His car is still in the drive" I tell him jerking my head to Gerard's transam only a few inches from where I stood.
"He walked" He lied again
"Where to? I'll meet him halfway" I say refusing to let this go and accept Mikey's lies
"I-"
"Mikey let me see him" I hear an all too familiar voice call from the stairwell. Gerard was very clearly at home.
I give Mikey a confused look, my brow furrowed as I try to understand why this guy just lied to my face.
"Give him some time Frank. Trust me, this is for the best" And with that he slams the door, a lock clicking soon after.
I didn't see Gerard for the rest of summer, until I did about 3 weeks before the start of the semester.I'd been trying to find something to do now that I'd been discarded by the Way's. After moping around for 2 weeks, i snuck out around 2:30am. I thought a walk to clear my mind would help me relax a bit, I should just have stayed at home.I took extra care to close the front door as quietly as I could, if my mom heard me going out at this hour I'd surely be scolded for an eternity upon my return.
I made my way down the front yard and headed down the block passing his house.I stopped for a moment, looking up at the building. Curiosity flooded my mind as my eye caught sight of his window and I wondered what could possibly be going on for him to just disappear on me like this.I kept walking for a while, ending up in the cemetery where we used to hang out. The gate creaked open as I pushed it with little force, I hadn't been here this late in some time. The cobblestone pathway was only visible due to the antiquated iodine streetlights dotted sparsely along the paths. My hand trailed along the rough headstones as I made my way to the mausoleum where I usually sat with Gerard.
But when I got there my stomach turned as I saw him hanging out with a whole new group of guys. My replacements. I recognized each of them Andy Biersack, Pete Wentz, Brendon Urie and Ray Toro. Andy had just graduated, and thank god for that. He truly was the antichrist, he was a bully and a snark with no respect for others whatsoever. Pete and Brendon were similar to Andy but much much more harmless, they were in the same grade as Gerard and I. I'd only met Ray once but he seemed to be the nicest guy ever, he was in the grade below with Mikey.
What an odd arrangement of people.
I stared at the group of them for a few moments as they smoked cigarettes and pass what seemed to be a wine bottle around. An weird choice for a group of teenagers. Then again this was a very strange situation.
"Gerard?" I whispered in disbelief, taking extreme measures to make sure my voice didn't waver. He spun round, it was miraculous he could hear me from that distance.
His eyes locked on mine, he looked different. Not bad different but different nonetheless. He had changed. His mouth twitched into a smile and nodded to me as if he was really happy to see me. I dont know why it hurt so much, I hadn't seen or heard from him in weeks and that's what I get?
Andy hopped off the headstone he'd turned into his throne and prowled towards me without the notice of his friends, they each continued to talk and laugh and talk and laugh and I felt ill.
"Frank! Haven't seen you in months man how have things been with you?" He asks pretending to actually give a shit with a false smile. "Still following your little boyfriend around as usual?"
His breath smelt metallic and his eyes were crazed and wild.
"Oh I'm fantastic! But have you joined the workforce yet or are you still freeloading?" I retort with a heap of intentional sarcasm
"Play nice Frankie" Gerard interrupts outstretching his arm over Andy's shoulder and giving me a wicked grin, a genuineness behind his voice but an evil in his smile.
"Where have you been?" I question my face wrinkling in disbelief at his nonchalant demeanor.
"Around" He laughs drunkenly turning to Andy like its some kind of inside joke.
My jaw drops by his apathetical words "Around? What the fuck's going on with you?" I demand, stepping forward and looking up at him, the wind blaring into my back.
Gerard's face drops. He stares at me, no emotion behind his eyes and no readable expression on his face. He didn't care one bit and simply snatches the wine from his new leader's hand and takes a long gulp of the poison.
"Well fuck you then" I spit before giving Andy a final glare and turning on my heel to go.
I walked briskly home, sick to my stomach, a stubborn refusal to cry over this instilled in me. Things would be back to normal soon.Things will be fine.
"Hey Frank wait up!" I heard a voice yell.
I heard fast steps getting louder by the second, I stopped and turned round to find Ray Toro sprinting towards me.
"What do you want Ray?" I ask not rudely but exasperated. I just wanted to go home and rot in bed.
"Look dude, don't be mad at Gerard" He implores placing both his hands on my shoulders.
"I'm not" I lie very unbelievably
He gives me a look and raises his brows "You'd be inhuman if you weren't"
I roll my eyes and try to walk away only to be held in place by him.
"Just give him some-"
"Time?" I finish "Yeah no offence Ray but don't start on that 'give him time' crap. It's been 2 weeks. Mikey already told me all of that time bullshit. Just tell me what's going on"
"I can't" He says quietly with a subtle sadness
"Have a good night Ray" I say before continuing the walk back to my house without learning a thing.
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A few weeks later
On the first day of our senior year, Gerard was absent from homeroom and missed morning registration.
I sat in a different seat than usual, wanting to stay far away before I got my hopes up. I moved next to Ryan Ross and Patrick Stump, i'd been friends with the both of them since before I could remember but we were never as close as I had been with Gerard. The two of us would eat with them sometimes, or do our group projects with them, even hang out from time to time.
"Has anyone seen Gerard, Pete or Brendon today?" My homeroom teacher Mr Anderson asked us all.
A few turned to me expecting me to explain Gerard's whereabouts as I usually did if he were absent but I had no explanation today, and I probably wouldn't for a very long time. I sunk my head down, resting it against my hand and blocked out whatever it was Ryan was saying about The Beatles now.