Adriana Flores
📍Camperdown, St Andrew.
She's nothing like me. That's a thought that's been running in my head ever since i gave birth to my beautiful daughter, Adriana.
Since the first words, the first steps, down to the first award from school i realised she's just a better version of me.
I know she'll always carry a hatred for me, although it hurts to think about it, it's the same way i felt so i completely understand her.
My mother fucked me up physically and mentally, making me get diagnosed with unwanted disorders that many people would hate to have.
If it wasn't for my mother, Adriana, i could've had a great relationship with my two children, but that could only be a wish.
Yes people, the whole family pon the mother side name adriana.
Adrian. Adrian is my first love, my first child. But i always knew something would turn out bad with him.
I remember the day i caught him after a long day of work, putting bullets in a gun that i had no knowledge of.
He claimed and said "It was fake" But i knew it wasn't, he was following in his dad's footsteps.
Even though i'm more than 40 years old, i'm very immature and if i could take back how i treated them i would.
Now i have nobody, i broke up with ronald and my 2 kids left me, there's just no hope at all.
I've tried to contact them but they would only shut me out and leave me with no reply so i gave up.
I knew ronald was cheating, i knew he didn't love me and would always go to clubs to get away from my " unloveable body " But i had nobody and i haven't experienced love since my children's father died.
I just wish one day they'd all understand me, but that's impossible for the abuse i put them through and that's no reason for me to let it out all on them but they once said, " For a child to hate their mother, their mother had to hate them first."
Although i never hated them, the actions that i did towards them makes it seem that way and i am so sorry.
Heading out to go to the supermarket, being in public after a while all i could see was him, my baby father.
That's why i barely went outside, i barely did anything because it would only remind me of him.
Even though i'm a terrible person i knew he would always understand me and he'd always try to uplift me.
Flashback 21 years ago.
'The dons girl' Ah suh dem woulda call me, although i said " i hated the name" deep down i liked it.
Sitting down in the skating rink with him, i turned my head to him, smiling at his astonishing features that made me love him even more.
"Realise yuh love stare pon mi from when enuh, he said holding adrians little hands making it hit my face.
"Stop!" I said playfully, laughing.
Putting on the skate shoes we started skating , as raheem held adrian in his arms, being very careful not to drop him.
"Mek sure yuh nuh drop mi pitney enuh, cause a world war 3 if yuh dweet." I shouted, although people couldn't hear because of the loud reggae music playing.
~~~~~Other memory.
We were in the hospital, the same day i gave birth to Adriana, Raheem and Adrian were so excited it made me smile.
Squishing the baby's cheeks, i decided the name.
"Yes, Adriana mia name her." I said to the nurse.
"Seriously, not even a likkle 'Raheema' " Raheem said, literally being angry but i knew he was joking.
"Come on, it's a family tradition." I said , making him shrug.
Adrian fastly came to hold Adriana.
I knew he was going to love & protect her til death.
Adriana Rodes
📍Dung Ah Yaad.
Mi miss mommy, mi just nuh miss her ways.
I just wish daddy never died and i could continue loving her but it all turned into hate when he died and she started taking it out on us.
What made me hurt even more is that she went through worse than me, including daddy's death and i tried to make that make me understand it but it's just the way things go.
"Mommy alright sis, if she did care bout we she woulda call-" Adrian said, coming into the room and reading my mind.
"That's the fucking thing adrian! She has been calling, but mi choose fi nuh answer, Mia just wa terrible daughter." I said, being shocked at the tone i said it in.
"Oh. We a have wa likkle get together ina the backyard later." He said, his whole body language changing as he shut the door, coming out.
Bomboclaat.
Thinking back to the night jalen killed such person, i smiled at the memory.
Only thinking of him, makes me soften up.
As a yamhead gyal, him already show seh him nuh care.
Flashback, a few nights ago.
As jalen allowed me to come inside, i couldn't help but cry in his arms as he reassured me that everything would be okay.
"Mi just really confused right now." I said, while laying in his arms and watching my story animated on his phone like i'm a child.
"Don't worry, it go all be fine mi don." He said, with his low voice.
Getting up and looking in his eyes, trying to find any sign of him faking his gratitude for me, i found none.
"I'm sorry if i'm a burden to you or anything, or if i'm venting too much." I said, laughing.
"It gov man, everybody go through a likkle ting once in a while." He said, making me feel better.
Making me smile, we went on his bed and turned on a movie.
Bwoiii mi like him suh til.
Flashback over.
Getting out of my small nap, i realised the party was soon to start so i got ready.
Ronara and Ash were outside setting up, while the boys were cooking.
I showered earlier in the morning but i wanted to feel fresh so i showered again.
Getting out of the shower, i dried my body thoroughly with my towel, and moisturised my skin with my special lotion for my skin to be soft.
Putting on my lil outfit, i put on my deodorant and body perfume.
posting the picture on my story, i went to the backyard hearing music.
Sitting down with ron and ash, i awaited for the next problem to visit me in life.
How y'all feeling about this episode? state ur thoughts in the comments.
Mi alone feel bad fi Adriana mada?🌚
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