When Elizabeth Solomon was seven years old, she'd decided that she wanted to be a doctor. Specifically, a medical examiner. Her mom loved watching NCIS, so after school, Esi would rush to do her homework and curl up on the couch with her mum to watch the show. It was the medical examiner, Ducky, that always fascinated her. Firstly, he sounded like her—British—surrounded by a plethora of American accents, but what caught her attention was how he spoke to the dead. How he spoke to the bodies—with care and concern. But, what she liked best was that they didn't speak back. They could only listen; they couldn't judge.
As she grew older, Esi realized that she liked to listen to people, she liked to understand—to know— the needs of others so that she could help them. That is why she pursued a career in Global Affairs, because they were people in the world who had to take whatever was handed to them—they weren't asked about their needs, people just assumed for them, and she hoped that someday, she could be a part of the force to change that.
Needless to say, being a medical examiner wasn't for her, because even if the dead couldn't speak back, they still had a story, a past, a reason for dying, and people left behind who were grieving and seeking answers.
~~~
It was a Tuesday evening, and she was at her parent's house for dinner. She arrived a bit early and offered to help her mum prepare dinner. It was pointless, her mom was in her domain, and wouldn't want to be deserved.
Esi groaned. She had a healthy appetite, but she knew that this meant there would be way too much food, and that she would be forced to sit under her mom's scrutinous eyes to make sure that she ate every bit. Her mum would be quick to allude to Esi's career by saying, "Think of your job, Elizabeth—it was always the legal first name when she wanted to hammer home her point—think of the people in need." As if it wasn't Esi's job—her life. As if she needed a reminder. But mums knew how to aim the guilt right where it would work, so she would eat everything.
As she sat in the living room texting a barrage of memes to her brother, she could hear her mum tinkering around in the kitchen. As loud as the pots and pans were, there was something soothing about listening to the cacophony. That, combined with the smell of the spices as the oxtail stewed—there was nowhere like her parent's home.
Esi's eyes ran over the wooden stand where the tv rested. The cubby holes were littered with items that held many memories. There were childhood pictures of her and her brother from primary school right up to college. A large picture of her parents at their wedding hung over the stand. She had seen that picture many times over the years, but the expressions in the photo never ceased to amaze her. Her dad looked directly at the camera, his face completely taken over by the smile on his face. A smile so wide that she could clearly see the slight chip on one of his right premolars. She smiled as she remembered him relating the story behind it. Greediness caused that break.
It was her mum's face that amazed her every time. She wasn't looking at the camera. Her gaze was turned to Esi's dad, and she looked at him like he was it. Like there was no one else at the celebration but him. Like he was all that she was there for. She knew that this photo was not an accurate depiction of her parent's marriage. It didn't mean that her mum was more in love with her dad than he was with her. But, she'd seen it so many times throughout her life, how her mum would constantly put her dad first. Put her whole family first. And it made Esi wonder, if by losing yourself so much in someone that you love could cause you to sacrifice some parts of yourself. The thought made her scared. She'd never spoken to her mum about why she left her accounting job, but knowing how proactive she was, it was hard for Esi to reconcile why her mum would give up after all the hard work and sacrifices made to earn her degree and get that job.
It was a scenario that Esi didn't want to ever experience. But still, Esi felt something in her chest as she looked at the pictures—some feeling. To love someone like that. To have someone look at her like that was her greatest desire and greatest fear.
The jingling of keys at the kitchen door distracted her from her thoughts. Her dad was home. She looked at the grandfather clock in the corner.
6:38pm.
She was pleased that he reached home that early. Maybe she would have enough time to eat with them then study before bed that night. As much as she loved her parents, these family dinners always threw a wrench in her schedule, and she would end up having to leave their home late. It was manipulation at its best. The dinners would always start with reminders of what she was missing out on, then they would lull her into a sense of happiness and nostalgia by reminiscing with funny stories from among their immediate and extended family. She fell for it everytime, but maybe that was because she missed her parents so much. The familiarity that they provided was incomparable.
Her dad would find it a convenient reason to ask her to stay the night instead of making the journey back to her apartment so late. Then, her mum would chime in with the suggestion of her moving back in with them so that they could have these dinners more often.
" Night," her father said wearily as he entered the house.
She heard her mother echo back greetings, and there was the slight smack of lips meeting skin. Esi smiled as she also heard the playful slap that her mum gave her father. She knew that he was probably looking into her pots to see what she was cooking.
Then, her father's voice increased dramatically.
" I wonder if my only daughter is here yet. It's been at least a month—"
She rolled her eyes as she listened to him. She knew exactly where he was headed with that sentence. It hadn't even been two weeks.
"Since she's seen me. Now that she's getting her Master's, she's too busy to spend time with her old parents," he mused. Her mom scoffed, "Speak for yourself and please don't age me. Do you see any greys in my hair?"
She could imagine her mum's coy expression, and couldn't help but grin.
"Ha. That's only because you dye them."
Slap.
"Owww."
She was full blown laughing now, but in the back of her mind, she felt slight guilt at her earlier train of thought about her parents' relationship.
"Maybe you should stop laughing in there and come help set the table." Her mum's voice drifted through the arched doorway connecting the kitchen and the living room, and Esi knew that it was her cue to join them in the kitchen.
~~~~
When she stepped through the doorway, she saw her dad, dressed in his button up shirt and tie, leaning against the counter, eating a handful of nuts.
"Good Night, Dad," she acknowledged.
He looked at her then turned to her mom.
"Do you hear that, Nic? After all these months, that's all I get from her." He was being terribly dramatic and both Esi and her mum knew it.
He still continued, "Not even a hug or an 'I've missed you, Dad." He shook his head disappointedly, and as much as she knew that he was joking, a part of her knew that she would be slightly irritated at his next words.
"That's why I miss your brother, even though he's...he's a lot. He's so open" It's true that Kofi was unnaturally affectionate for someone born into their family. It was a bit unusual. But wasn't it a bit hypocritical of her dad to expect that when it wasn't something that they were accustomed to.
She remembered her parents showing them affection as children, but as they grew into teenagers and even adults, it just wasn't shown as much. Esi wasn't sure if that was a cultural thing or if it was just localized to her family, but she knew that it didn't mean that they didn't love each other.
She sidled up to her father and gave him a quick hug while he patted her back affectionately. She felt awkward and not just with her immediate family. Even when her cousins, Afi and Bri, tried to be physically affectionate with her, sometimes she felt off. It made her think that maybe she was the problem.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She was still eating when she heard her dad lean back against his chair and sigh. The man was a ridiculously fast eater. Esi groaned internally. Her dad loved to pry into her life in what seems at first to a teasing way, but it was always laced with undertones of seriousness. He was going to mention three topics in close succession—her studies, her love life (or lack thereof), and why they don't see her often enough. Then, they would all culminate in how successful her brother's career was.
Her eyes glanced up to meet his, and she could see the amusement lining his eyes.
"So.."he began, leaning forward and resting his arms against the table. "You've given up on John, ah?"
Esi's head flew up. "What?"
Talk about left field. That was not how she was expecting the conversation to start.
"What do you mean I've given up on William?" Her father started to respond, but her mother cut him off.
"Really, Joseph?" she said dryly with narrowed eyes. "Was that the best way to start this conversation?"
Her head turned swiftly between her parents. "What conversation? What are you two on about?"
Conveniently, her dad had nothing else to say , and she watched her mum slowly put her utensils down and dab the corners of her mouth with her napkin. Esi could feel her right leg anxiously jumping as she waited to hear what her parents had to say. Her mum was deliberately torturing her, and she struggled to make herself seem not as eager as she was.
"I don't know what your father is talking about with John," she started. John was the ghanaian guy that Esi's father was forever trying to set her up with.
"But..there have been some... rumours of you, let's say." Her mum pursed her lips as she tried to search for the right words.
Rumours?
If Esi wasn't baffled before, she definitely was now. The suspense was grating on her nerves, but she knew that she wouldn't say anything to hurry it along. It was so her, to accept what was thrown her way instead of speaking up.
Her mum looked her in the eye, and an unreadable expression crossed her face. Something that she had seen on Esi's face caused her to stop teasing. A flicker of remorse ran through her eyes, and Esi saw the exact moment that she tried to school her expression. It has always been like that between her and her mum. Nicola Solomon was the best mother that Esi could ever ask for. Yes, there were times of disagreement and disapproval, but she wouldn't trade her mother for anything. However, there was always that emotional barrier–or lack thereof. It was one that they could never seem to cross. Other people's emotions were easy to talk about, but it was hard for them to open up about theirs. She could always feel when they were almost there, when that final layer was about to be unveiled, but then they would pull back. Esi supposed that it was a familial thing. On both sides of her family, there would be fits of anger and the occasional shouting, but rarely tears. Growing up in England had caused some changes. The diverse environment in London opened them up to a world of emotions. She believed that was why her brother Kofi turned out that way–more emotionally mature than any other male in their family. Esi envied his openness–his willingness to be so open.
She pulled herself back to the present as her mum spoke.
"Will you tell us about him?"
It was the slight plea in her mother's voice that restrained her negative attitude at this impromptu interrogation. It felt as if she was trying to reach out to her, like she wanted to genuinely know about Esi's life. The thought warmed her and scared her at the same time. She knew that her mum loved and cared for her, and she learned not to compare her methods to other mothers. She learned to be content. But this moment reminded her of when Sabine died and how much it had changed them all. Esi had never been a fan of opening up before, and the death–she struggled to even think about it now–had made it worse.
************************************
"Him who?" she asked her mum.
Her dad scoffed from where he sat. "Don't play smart with us."
Esi protested. "I'm not...I genuinely don't know what you're talking about."
Her dad sighed and turned to her mum. "Nic, talk to your daughter please." He proceeded to dramatically rub his temples and was probably thinking that it was so much easier to deal with Kofi.
"Elizabeth, tell us about...wait, what was his name again?" She turned to her husband. "It was something weird. Honestly, what are people naming their children nowadays."
"I was leaving this part of the conversation to you, love. For the life of me, I could not remember his name. I just know that he's not Ghanaian." Her father stressed that part deliberately. Esi knew that he was joking, but sometimes she wondered about the undertones.
Her mum mused. "It had something to do with water, I'm sure. Lemme think."
"You're right, but it was a little bouvier too."
She sat there watching her parents take the piss out of the whole situation."
"Ocean, maybe?"
Her dad shook his head. "No... I think it was something like Coast, actually."
"Hmm. That name actually isn't that terrible, but I think it was more like Arbor."
Esi groaned. That didn't even have anything to do with the sea.
Her mum continued, while looking directly at Esi. "No, I think arbor has to do with trees. I was actually thinking about harbour."
That guess was definitely deliberate.
She knew for sure that they remembered his name. Her mum was an accountant—wicked with numbers, and her dad was an African studies Professor. They did not forget easily.
The sly look on her father's face gave way to that.
"I do remember his last name though."He started and Esi held her breath in anticipation. "French origins perhaps." She rolled her eyes. Of course, he would know that.
"D'anvers"
Esi decided to interject. "It's actually Danvers..but you knew that already. And...his name is Porte, which I happen to think that it's a nice name." Well, to be honest, that wasn't her first impression of the name, but from the little interaction that she'd had with him—it fit him. It was unique and different. He seemed different.
"Well, I'm sorry if we got his name wrong, but we haven't really heard about him before." Her mum threw that pointed dig.
Esi retorted. "You haven't heard about him because there's nothing to say. I literally just met him the other day." It had actually been over a month, but they didn't need to know that.
"We're not even friends really. I just happened to run into him again." Her parents sat there smugly observing her ramblings.
"Wait....who told you about him?" As far as she knew, the only person that knew about Porte was Lena.
Her father, probably, following her train of thought, stopped her. "It wasn't Lena."
Esi narrowed her eyes at them. Who could've told them?
Her mum's right eye twitched under her stare.
"Nooo. Mrs. Chandler....really, mum?" That matchmaking woman.
"I can neither confirm nor deny that accusation," her mum replied.
Esi's head fell back against the head of the chair, and her eyes briefly fluttered to a close. She took a deep breath, then sat up properly.
"It is nothing serious. I just met him. That's all I have to say about it." Her tone had an air of finality, and she could see the slight disappointment on her parents' faces.
Her mum leaned forward. "I hope you don't think that we're prying." She gestured between her and Esi's dad.
"We're just concerned after the last time, and still excited for you."
She now understood why they were concerned.
Andrew.
They didn't know everything, but they'd guessed that something was wrong then no matter how much she had tried to hide it.
Call it parental intuition.
Maybe they thought that she hadn't had a successful relationship since him. They didn't know about Remi. She hadn't made the mistake of telling them about him, only to have the rug swept from under her feet. Experience had taught her well, but it seemed as if things had already started to get out of her control. She had to rein it in.
So, she did.
Esi looked at both of her parents, and uttered what she thought to be the truth with the firmest voice possible.
She disliked being put on the spot like this. Disliked being cornered.
"I understand your concerns, but you have nothing at all to worry about. I probably won't see him again—lie, and I am not, by any means, interested or looking for a relationship." She looked pointedly at her father with his constant remarks about John.
"I'm fine. I'm focusing on school and my career for now. Okay?"
They acquiesced with the most disbelieving looks on their faces because they knew as much as she did that her truth might have been a lie.