"You sick fuck." My eyes were welling with tears already, heart broken in half. It felt as thought someone had literally taken it from my body, ripped it into a thousand tiny pieces and through it to the ground with a thud.
"Y/n, no that's-"
"Stop." I'm almost yelling. I'm almost screaming. And somehow he's right in front of me, trying to grab my arm as I back away in total despair and utter confusion.
"Wait, just listen to me-"
"Don't fucking touch me!" I yell and slap his hand away from my arm. He stills, he doesn't even move an inch. He stops walking towards me, he stills his movement completely. All I wanted to do was run away, and I'm already taking steps backward to get as far away from him as I can.
"You betrayed me." I cry out, tears starting to blur my vision. "You— fuck!" I scream, unable to even form a sentence. His eyes are wide with hurt, with disbelief, with confusion, and I'm so mad he thinks I'm stupid. I'm so furious he thinks I'm dumb enough to not see what was happening, what was going on.
"No, baby, you have to listen to me-"
"No, I'm not listening to you! This is done- we're done. I-" my throat feels clogged, my eyes are watery, my heart is thumping loudly, I can nearly hear it. My arms are shaking violently, my hands matching the same rhythm. My face feels flushed and the rest of my body has gone completely cold. I can't even form a sentence, there's a huge painful lump blocking any words from falling out of my mouth.
And I'm running, I'm running faster than I've ever ran. I'm sprinting down the halls, taking turns every which way and I don't know why and I don't know where I am anymore because I'm running running running. Finally I run into a pillar and slump down on it, my back sliding against the concrete of it as I cry out, louder than I ever have before.
I wish I had someone. I wish I could say I had someone to talk to, someone to confide within. I genuinely had no one, no one to see, no one to feel, no one to love.
Then Cal is in the room with me, looks at me, and immediately rushes to me.
ANAKINS POV
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Y/N's POV
"Whats wrong? Are you hurt? Fuck this is crazy." It's the first time I've heard him swear. I'm visibly not okay. I'm not okay at all as much as I wish I could say I was. This was the worst betrayal ever, the worst feeling in the world. I never thought Anakin would be disloyal. It was never in his character to be that way, and a part of me didn't believe it.
A part of me wanted to hear him out. A part of me wanted to talk to him and communicate with him. A part of me wanted his embrace, his touch, his warmth. The other part of me wanted nothing to do with him right now. I wanted nothing more than for his face just to leave my mind, his touch to stop haunting me just for a moment. Just for a single moment so that I could breathe.
I'm hyperventilating trying to come up with a response to Cal as he's knelt before me, looking into my eyes intently, and very concerned. I can't even look him in the eye I'm so embarrassed about how I'm reacting. I never liked to let people see my guard down. I hated to care. I hated how much I cared about this right now. I don't think I've ever felt pain like this before. Not when Ivan was gone, not when my parents were gone, not when I found out I had a brother taken by the order.
This was inexplicably the worst feeling I've ever felt in my life.
"Y/n, I need you to tell me what's wrong so I can help." He put his arm on my shoulder and I didn't even have the energy to move away from it. I didn't want to be touched right now, I hated being touched. The only time I liked to be touched was when Anakin did, and that just makes me think about him all the more.
"You can't help me." I whimper out, crying into my knees. I'm balled up against this pillar, face down, completely whimpering in front of him. He begins to rub my shoulder, and that's when I pull away.
"I can't handle this right now Cal- I- I just can't." I manage to choke out beneath my cries. I'm too hurt to talk, too upset to care about anything besides Anakin.
"Is it Vader?" He pulls his hand away and furrows his brows at me. I meet his gaze and give him a look, and he immediately bobs his head down. "Did he hurt you?"
And I'm immediately shaking my head. I'm immediately standing up for him, regardless of how I feel about him right now.
"Not in the way you're thinking." I reply, face rested upon my knees as I sniffle over and over. The hyperventilating has finally ceased, but my heart was still beating faster than it ever had. I was having a panic attack. I thought about how Cal was just walking around freely. How did Anakin allow this so easily?
He just nods his head with a look of understanding. I still to this day don't know how he understands my situation. The most known, evil man in the galaxy being my 'boyfriend'. I'm not even sure if I meant that much to him now, but I really thought I did. I really thought we were something, that we were meant to be.
God was I an idiot.
"You're not an idiot." The voice is all too familiar and my heart drops to my stomach all over again as I slowly look up and see him standing on the other side of the room. I immediately try to get up to run. To sprint away. To get out of this situation.
"Hey, why don't you give her some space-"
"She needs to hear this." He says calmly, staring at me. I'm standing up now on high alert. I almost run, I almost get out of this situation, but something about his eyes, his expression, his demeanor. Something about my gut was telling me to stay, to maybe even hear him out. So I stand still, staring at him, taking a deeper look at him.
His eyes are red, almost watery, but not noticeable with his hood draped over his head. Only I could notice something like this, Cal wouldn't be able to tell. But I could.
He had been crying.
He steps forward hesitantly, and I want so badly to take a step backward, to move away from him, but I don't. I physically can't no matter how hard I'm trying. Something is telling me to stay right where I am.
He notices I don't move, and walks forward some more. I watch him, my eyes not averting away from him, even as Cal slowly backs away and leaves the room, and if this situation weren't so serious, I probably would have laughed.
Before I know it, he's right in front of me and I'm breathing so hard. No, I can't even breathe anymore. He just stands there for a moment, staring into my eyes before he finally speaks.
"Whatever your thinking happened is far from what this is." He spoke so intently, so seriously, so gently. I was trying so hard not to cry, so so hard not to let another tear fall from my eye, especially with him this close to me, staring at me, looking hurt that he hurt me.
"How can I believe you?" I ask quietly, looking down to his chest, wanting to rest my head on it more than anything. To be within his embrace.
"I would never be disloyal to you. You're my everything. You— god, I don't even know how to make you understand how obsessed I am with you. How in love I am with you— even I can't understand sometimes." He was desperately trying to convince me that he didn't do it. That he is loyal. I wanted so badly to believe him, but how?
"Then who is that girl? Who is that? Why did you look at her like- why did she look at you- I'm just so confused." Im a stuttering mess, my voice still shaking, my cheeks feeling hot and red. He pinches the bridge of his nose like he's in pain to even say it.
"She was one of the women I slept with. Before I met you." He explained, and just that fact alone sent a dagger through my heart. I hated to think he had been with other woman and probably enjoyed it- I couldn't even think about it. "It was once, and I forced her to leave because I couldn't enjoy it— I just— she became obsessed with me when I wanted nothing to do with her. There was nothing there. So I left and went to the death-star to avoid her. I should have just killed her, but I couldn't- I don't know why—-Then I met you." His eyes are so serious, and he hadn't looked away from me once.
All the sudden, the force kicks in. It's almost as if it was talking to me, telling me this was all the truth. I sensed it, he was telling the full truth.
"So you- didn't?"
"No. God no Y/n I—" My eyes are watering again. I'm still so confused about everything. There was still so much I didn't know, so much I wanted to know. That's when he grabs my face with both his hands, and I instantly want to melt into him. The warmth of his hand and the cold chill of his gloved one.
He's staring at me, searching my face for my expression. He's reading me like a map, probably sensing my emotions, maybe even my strong thoughts. I know he knows I want him. I'm not sure I can live without him anymore.
"Marry me." He whispers, looking into my eyes and searching for anything there. My heart drops. Sinks. Leaves my body.
"What?" I whisper back in shock. I don't think I'm hearing things right, I think I'm going insane. He brings his face closer to mine, our lips brushing against each others.
"Marry me." He says against my lips as he moves his hand to the crook of my neck and massages it back and forth. It's now that I know I wasn't just hearing things. Suddenly, I just want to forget everything. I want to say yes, so so badly, but how will this ever work. I'm not even sure if this is real or if I'm dreaming.
"Y/n, there's no one else for me. You're the only one. The only one."
And he's kissing me.
Kissing me.
I'm flooded, completely ran over with feeling and emotion. My head is spinning in circles, questions, thoughts as he presses the hard line of his body against mine. I can't save myself from myself with this happening, I can't stop the way I feel when I'm with him. I'm completely lost, lost in the taste of him, lost in the warmth of his body pressed against mine, wrapped up in his arms.
Marry me he said. Marry me
And I still cant believe it as he continues the kiss with a deeper urgency, a deeper meaning. His hand is behind my neck, the other wrapped around my back, pulling me into him harder. This kiss was one I hadn't seen from him before.
He was kissing me like it would be the last time.
And it feels like nothing I've ever known. It's unknowable, it's impossible to decipher, it's different, it's new, it's undeniably restoring.
Fire could catch from this kiss. Its wave after wave of a heat I can't explain, his mouth against my lips. His strong arms pulling me tighter to him. Time has frozen. I feel so protected as our bodies merge together, our souls seeming to intertwine.
I could live and die all at once right here against his lips and not care either way. I can feel his heart beating rapidly, I can hear his occasional gasps for air and feel the heat of them against my skin.
I feel dumb for giving in this easily. For forgiving him this easily, but what was there to forgive? I know he wasn't lying, and I was dumb enough to believe he would. Today was a day of dumb choices. I couldn't even decipher what choice was stupider.
Believing he would ever do something like that to me, or running away from him without any chance at an explanation.
Both were stupid.
I broke the kiss quickly, really basking in what he had asked of me. Marry me. And I still can believe it, I can't fathom it. The 3 syllables were echoing in my head. His gentle voice was sounding throughout my ears over and over. It's something I would have never expected, something I would have never thought could ever happen. His chest is rising and falling quickly, his lips parted, out of breath and weary.
"You want me? To marry you?" I ask slowly, looking down and grabbing his hands with a feeling of uncertainty. I seriously couldn't tell if I was dreaming or not.
"Please."
I can't even form words. I can't even imagine what the outcome of this could possibly be. I had so many questions. So many things I desperately needed to ask.
"How would we? A secret? I mean I can't live like that-"
"Everyone will know. You'll be my empress, you'll rule with me— we will be unstoppable. We'll have a public announcement of it, I've already been trying to figure out the details, that is if you say yes."
I suddenly can't breathe once again. All of this is so much. To much. Way too much.
But undeniably in a good way.
He's waiting for my answer. He's looking at me, nearly begging me to say yes with his eyes alone. I remember this feeling. This moment feels all too familiar. It's just like when we first met. I'm reminiscing on the first time I took his hand within my own, the first time I accepted his offer. From enemy, to assistant, to apprentice, to girlfriend, to-
"Yes." I answer quietly.
Yes.
A/n: 🤭