Honestly, this one just made me happy.
I remember as a kid I would write stories about anything and everything, A book I published in highschool I began writing in sixth grade.
Here are the things I think this author needs to work on, in order to have an amazing product.
1. Longer chapters where you know the story, and where you reread to pick out the mistakes you made while creating the draft.
2. Reading more books, or improving your vocabulary in order to create pictures in more fun ways.
3. Build on your sense of fun and adventure by really honing in on your concepts, and start by filling out these books with as many wacky ideas as possible, then honing it back down into manageable and challenging to write stories.
Writing is a process and takes time to get truly amazing at it. The story here is fun, uses many video games motifs, plays with the characters and has such soul behind it. I was smiling ear to ear as I went through. I saw so much improvement just between the start and ending chapters.
Its hard to go through and critique this book, because honestly, I didn't mind all the grammatical errors, or silly mistakes or character fluff. It was so pure and just joyful, it captures what it means to truly have fun while writing. Please continue, I thoroughly enjoyed this exploration in a land of games. I hope you had as much fun writing it as I did reading, and I know you've got a bright future ahead of you.
Grammar: 3/10
Plot: 6/10
Enjoyment reading: 10/10
Aesthetics: 10/10, loved the cover.
This is IfWeAllFell, signing off.
Onto the next one! 0.0//