3892 words
"are you sure you'll be okay tonight?"
tyler blinks at ashley, nodding slowly. "i think so."
he's been teetering back and forth into little space the entire day. josh hasn't left his side other than when he had to walk back to his dorm because he had forgotten his computer charger.
"i really can stay in if you want me to."
"it's okayyyy," tyler urges.
"okay, well, if you need me then just text me. or call if i don't answer. have fun tonight, okay?"
"okay!" the brunette grins. "you have fun, too!"
"i will. brendon and ryan are just at du if you need them."
"i knowwww..."
"okay, sorry, i'll go now. i'll see you later."
"bye!"
ashley reaches out and ruffles his hair before she leaves and shuts the door behind her. tyler's heart starts racing immediately at the thought of now being left alone with josh. he turns on his heels and heads back inside, finding josh enthralled by some show on tv.
"ashley left," he says softly, blushing a deep red as josh's head turns towards him.
"well, what does tyler want to do tonight?"
said boy grins and joins him on the couch, picking his feet up and resting them in josh's lap. "i dunno. what does josh want to do tonight?"
"i don't know," he echoes. "we could have a movie marathon."
"okay!"
"but what should we watch?"
"hmmm..." tyler frowns, his eyes wandering while he racks his brain for possible movie series they can watch. "frozen has two movies."
"frozen does have two movies. i don't know if that'd be considered a marathon, though."
"oh..."
"but we can watch them if that's what you're feeling."
"i like those movies," tyler gushes, smiling nervously.
"i've honestly only ever seen the first, so i'd be down for that."
tyler gasps in disbelief.
"yeah, i know. but hey, now i get to watch frozen two with you for the first time."
"true..."
"should we make popcorn?" josh suggests.
"cookies!"
"yeah, we could do that. do you guys have stuff to make cookies?"
"uhhhh..."
"let's go check."
tyler follows josh into the kitchen and the two start searching through the cupboards. they find a lot of the ingredients they'd need but lack a few important ones.
"well, i could drive us to the store. we could just get pre-made dough so we don't have to worry about it. what do you think?"
"hmm... i think that's fine."
"cool," josh smiles. "my car's parked in the leopard parking deck so it's not too far."
"mkay."
"mkay," josh repeats, laughing when tyler sticks his tongue out at him.
tyler makes sure to bring a house key with him and, after locking the door behind them, the two begin the walk to josh's car. the younger is just happy to be within josh's company and he's also curious to see what kind of car josh drives. vehicles reveal a lot about a person. the color, the type, if it's decorated at all, if there's an air freshener, how clean it is... these are all things tyler is curious to learn about josh.
"how was your day today?" josh asks, breaking the comfortable silence between them.
"it was good," tyler admits, offering josh a smile. "how was yours?"
"also good. i learned a lot about bluey. oh, and those wraps that ashley made for lunch were so good."
"she's a really good cook," tyler agrees. "i'm not so great."
"i learned to cook from my dad," josh shares. "he used to be a chef before he had kids so he taught me a lot. he's always loved cooking for us. it made me like cooking for people, too."
"maybe you can teach me some stuff."
"that would be fun. i'd definitely like that."
"me too," tyler nearly whispers. he's unsure how else to contribute to the conversation so it falls dead.
they walk in silence for a few minutes, the only sounds between them being their steps on the pavement and an occasional sniffle. as they approach the parking deck, tyler lets josh lead him to the lowest level and down a row of vehicles. they stop at a gray car decorated in two bumper stickers. one is maroon and reads the name of their college. the other says "please be patient" on top and "gay driver" on the bottom with a rainbow flag background.
"this one's mine."
tyler eyes it carefully, not saying anything about how the sticker makes his heart skip a beat but finding it quite funny. he also notices a small dent near the back bumper.
"oh, it was like that when i got it," josh shrugs, touching the dent. "i don't mind. i got it for cheap."
"oh."
"here."
josh jogs around to the passenger side of the car and opens the door for tyler. the boy's face turns a bright shade of red at josh's thoughtfulness but he quickly slides into the seat before josh can notice.
the first thing tyler notices is the sweet smell of the air fresheners clipped onto the car vents. he thinks they're vanilla scented. the second thing he notices is how astonishingly clean josh's car is. there's hardly even any dirt on the floor mat underneath him. tyler lifts his feet self consciously, afraid of dirtying the mat. a chapstick sits in the cupholder, surely having been melted from the august heat.
josh shuts the door for him and joins him inside. as they start down the road, he tells tyler that he can connect his phone to the bluetooth and play some music. after struggling to connect for a few moments because josh's phone was actually connected at first, tyler finally gets it to work. he's a bit intimidated, unsure of what to play. whatever he puts on is sure to reveal some part of himself to josh. just what part of himself is it that he's comfortable revealing?
after debating with himself for a bit, tyler ends up putting on his i'm on aux playlist that he so cleverly titled for times exactly like this. it's a bunch of generic feel-good songs that anybody would enjoy listening to. basically 2010s pop hits.
it ends up working out well because josh starts singing along and tyler even lets himself do the same. despite being slightly off-key and not always hitting quite the right notes, josh's voice is rather melodic and tyler finds himself listening more to josh than the actual song.
"wow! you're a great singer," josh says, suddenly. "did you know that?"
"i guess so," tyler blushes. "i sang at my high school and my church."
"yeah, that makes sense. you're really good."
"thanks," tyler utters, wiping his sweaty palms against his shirt.
the whirlwind of the way josh makes him feel is impossible for him to even try to begin to understand. on one side, tyler always feels nervous and on edge. on the other, he feels safe enough to be small and open up. tyler isn't sure how both of those things can be true at the same time.
they go back to singing along for the rest of the ride until they finally get to target. tyler knows he's playing a dangerous game here—target is possibly the best store on the face of this planet. he's never once left without buying something he absolutely did not need.
once inside, tyler immediately notices they already have started putting out halloween decorations. he gasps at the sight of a little kid figurine dressed up like a black cat.
"what?" josh asks.
tyler points.
"oh my gosh, that's so cute."
they spend the next few minutes checking out the halloween decorations even though it completely distracts from the whole reason they came in the first place. somehow, within just a few minutes, josh is carrying a basket with at least five different halloween-themed figurines in it. tyler claimed that he just needed all of them. they make their way to the cookie dough eventually.
"what kind are we thinking?" josh asks.
"hmm... chocolate chip, obviously."
"oh, obviously?"
"mhm!" tyler grabs a pillsbury dough and plops it into josh's basket. "it's my favorite."
"well obviously we have to get it, then."
"exactly."
"do you need anything else?" josh asks. "might as well get it while we're here."
tyler doesn't need anything, but he sure wants to look around. he tells josh this and they decide tyler can spend a few minutes wandering the aisles and seeing if he finds anything that he "needs."
conveniently, tyler just so happens to seek out the candy aisle first. there's a lot of halloween candy on display and tyler is sure to grab a few different kinds. they start to walk down another aisle littered with various halloween items.
"what're you gonna be for halloween?" josh asks, probably just trying to make conversation.
"dunno yet," tyler shrugs, rubbing a fuzzy blanket between his fingers. "haven't thought about it."
"me neither."
the brunette gasps, suddenly, running over to a specific little stuffed animal he's spotted. it's a black cat wearing a candy corn costume. the size of it isn't any bigger than that of an actual kitten.
"look at how cute this is!" he squeaks, thrusting the stuffed animal into josh's hands.
the older takes it eagerly and looks it over. "it is really cute. i think you definitely need it."
"i think so too!" tyler exclaims, trying to conceal his giggles as josh sets the stuffed animal in the basket.
"think you're ready to head out now?"
"uh-huh!"
"okay," josh chuckles.
they head to the self-checkout together and tyler has to practically beg josh not to pay for everything. in the end, josh only lets him pay for the three things of candy he grabbed. despite tyler's best protests, he insists on paying for everything else. tyler feels a bit guilty and tells himself he needs to figure out what josh's venmo is so he can pay him back.
back in the car, tyler happily holds his new stuffie in his lap while the two sing along to a katy perry song. he's very excited to show his friends all of the stuff they bought tomorrow. he's also excited to make cookies with josh and to watch movies and maybe they'll even cuddle again!
once parked back at the college, josh refuses to let tyler carry anything other than the stuffie back to tyler's house. the younger tries saying that he's perfectly capable but josh isn't having any of it. back inside, tyler happily starts putting his new figures in various places throughout the house while josh starts getting the oven ready for the cookies.
once tyler is satisfied with the new home he gives each of the decorations, he tells josh he's going to go to his room to get himself comfy. he's unsure what exactly would be appropriate for him to wear at the moment. he really wants to wear his halloween footed pajamas because now he's really in the mood for halloween, but would that be weird? would josh think it was strange of him to wear footed pajamas?
he pulls out his phone.
is it weird if i put on my halloween footed pjs
ash 🍯:
i personally don't think so
but unsure of what josh would think
we went to target and he bought me stuff
ash 🍯:
oh yeah?
yeah and opened the car door for me and wouldn't let me carry any of the bags back to the house
ash 🍯:
such a gentleman!
i really like him OH GOD
ash 🍯:
haha that's ok
don't let it freak you out
just go with the flow
if you wanna wear them then do it and if he thinks it's weird then screw him
you're right
thanks
have fun
ash 🍯:
of course i am
you have fun too!
let me know if you need anything else
tyler sends a heart emoji before tossing his phone on his bed and changing into the pajamas. he also grabs his biggest, softest blanket he owns and carries it in his arms (along with pablo and his new stuffie) downstairs. josh is waiting for him on the couch and he can't hide the grin on his face when he sees tyler.
"now i see what you meant by getting comfy. i didn't bring any cozy pajamas with me, unfortunately."
"i have some you can borrow," tyler offers, taking a seat beside him and spreading the blanket out across both of their laps.
"i think they'd be a bit too small. it's okay, what i'm wearing is already comfy enough." josh says, referring to his gym shorts and t-shirt. he points at the cat stuffed animal. "did you decide on a name yet?"
"her name is mittens," tyler answers without giving it a second thought.
"cute. i like it. i think it really suits her."
"me too," the brunette giggles, holding her and pablo against his chest. "are you making the cookies?"
"yes, they're in the oven baking as we speak."
"good," tyler murmurs, shifting in his seat while josh searches for frozen in disney+. the younger steals glances out of the corner of his eye, wondering if josh is wanting him to scoot closer or lean on him or do something.
if he does, josh doesn't voice this. he plays the movie and tyler smiles when he checks if the subtitles are turned on without needing to be asked. he genuinely can't watch anything without the subtitles. he wonders if josh is the same way or if he'd just caught on from the several shows they'd watched earlier today where tyler had begged him to turn the subtitles on.
as the movie plays, the two sing along with the songs and tyler quotes most of the dialogue. they haven't got too far in before the oven starts beeping and they're rushing to check on the cookies. josh pulls them out carefully, deciding they're ready but that they need to cool down. tyler whines in protest feeling like he's going to die if he has to wait any longer.
"they're way too hot," josh argues. "they'll fall apart."
"don't care. smells so good. want some now."
"doesn't matter. they're too hot."
"no they're not."
"yes they are."
"no."
"yes."
"no."
"yes."
"please?"
josh sighs softly, eyeing the brunette quietly while he juts out his lower lip and bats his eye lashes. eventually, josh ends up grinning and playfully pushing tyler's shoulder.
"fine! you win. but if they fall apart then i don't want to hear it."
"okay!" tyler agrees excitedly, watching josh get ready to transport the cookies to a plate with a spatula. "and milk?"
"sure, good idea. where are your cups?"
josh starts searching through their cupboards before tyler remembers that he has a not-so-hidden sippy cup in one of them. he quickly stops josh.
"i can get them."
"okay, ill take a glass too."
tyler nods and carefully opens up the cupboard just enough to be able to grab two cups for them. he smiles triumphantly and sets them on the counter. it's probably not a good idea for him to have his own cup but he doesn't know how to voice this to josh so he just doesn't.
josh puts two cookies on two plates and fills both of their cups halfway with milk. the cookies stay mostly in tact, surprisingly, but there are a couple that fall apart. tyler doesn't care at all and that seems to make josh not mind either.
once back on the couch with the movie resumed, tyler is very careful about dipping his cookies and keeping an eye on his cup so it doesn't spill. he is shockingly successful in keeping the cup upright and pats his satisfied tummy when both cookies have been eaten.
"s'yummy."
"it was, huh?" josh chuckles. he puts both their plates and empty cups on the coffee table and leans back, extending his left arm out behind tyler.
it rests more on the back of the couch than on tyler himself, so the brunette is unsure of what to think. is josh just trying to get comfy? is it an invitation? is tyler reading too much into it? is he crazy?
his thoughts cloud even more when josh's arm lowers to rest more around his shoulders. his hand rests at the top of tyler's bicep, index finger slowly drawing random shapes over the pajama-covered skin. despite the layer between the contact, tyler gets goosebumps. he shoots a curious glance at josh who returns it with a smile.
"is this okay?" josh asks, nodding in the direction of his arm.
"mhm."
tyler pulls his stuffies tighter against his chest. he wants more—wants to be held and cuddled and baby-talked. he wants to let himself fully regress more than he's ever wanted anything in this entire world but he's far too afraid of the consequences. tyler sits as still as a brick, too afraid to even breathe.
"are you sure?" josh frowns slightly as he starts to move his arm away. tyler quickly reaches up and holds it in place.
they lock eyes.
tyler searches for any hint of a suggestion that josh is uncomfortable or that tyler is reading the signals wrong. josh seems to be searching, too, but for what tyler is unsure of.
they hold each other's gaze in silence for what feels like an eternity before josh asks, "do you want to totally platonically and not in an at all meaningful way cuddle?"
a giggle escapes tyler. he captures his lower lip between his teeth and nods furiously.
"use your words."
tyler's jaw actually drops a bit. he quickly purses his lips suppress the huge smile fighting its way onto his face. he stares at josh, dumbfounded, his cheeks burning hot. every part of him is screaming daddy, daddy, daddy and it takes everything in him to remind himself that josh is not his daddy and they are just friends and there's nothing else going on between them.
"i wanna cuddle," he finally manages to choke out.
a smile tugs at josh's lips as he pulls the brunette in closer. the outside of their thighs touch while tyler shrinks under josh's arm. he lets his head fall to rest on josh, still clutching onto his stuffed animals for dear life. josh goes back to drawing random shapes on tyler while the latter swears his heart is beating so fast there's no way it's not going to explode with an impact so massive that it would kill them both.
did josh actually mean this is platonic and in no way meaningful or was he joking? obviously, tyler knew they were extending into boundaries beyond platonic, but did josh not want to acknowledge that because of something to do with himself or because he knows tyler well enough to know how he'd feel if he hadn't said something about it?
it's all so confusing.
boys are confusing.
josh is confusing...
two frozen movies later, tyler is unable to keep his eyes open. he actually thinks he might have dozed off a few times here and there. he's also feeling rather small, but forces himself to start doing his times tables in his head to age back up.
2 times 3 is 6...
3 times 4 is 12...
4 times 5 is 20...
he continues all the way up until he can't find the answer off the top of his head. it ages him up quite a bit, but not fully. he hopes he just comes across to josh as a childish grown-up, but fears the stuffies in his arm indicate otherwise.
the man in question kept tyler in his arms throughout both movies despite how uncomfortable tyler thinks he had to have gotten eventually. josh hadn't said anything about it, though.
"it's pretty late," josh voices, checking the time on his phone. tyler looks at the screen. it was nearing two in the morning. he yawns.
"tired?"
tyler nods, letting his eyes close as he relaxes against josh. "mhm."
"want me to tuck you in?" tyler can hear the smile behind his voice. he lazily gazes at josh, unable to tell if he's being serious or not.
"sleepover?" tyler suggests.
"oooo good idea. come on. let's go, sleepyhead."
tyler giggles softly as josh stands and pulls him to his feet. he trudges upstairs, following josh, mittens under one arm and pablo under the other.
thankfully, tyler's room isn't a total mess. there's a few articles of clothing scattered around and his bed isn't made but it's generally clean. eyes half-closed, the brunette lifts himself into his bed. josh pulls the covers over top of him, making him frown.
"josh?"
"don't worry, i'll take the floor. do you have an extra pillow and blanket?"
tyler scoots to the furthest edge of the bed until his back is against the wall. he lifts the covers, patting the empty spot beside him. josh raises an eyebrow.
"that's not a very josh-sized space. twin beds aren't that big, you know..."
"s'okay," tyler urges, patting the spot again.
"like... i'd be on top of you practically."
"mhmmm..."
tyler is too tired to care if he's coming across too strong. he wants to cuddle josh and fall asleep surrounded in his warmth. he wants to wake up to him in the morning and then cuddle him again.
"is that what you want?" josh asks.
"uh-huh."
"well, of course then."
josh carefully slides into the spot beside tyler, immediately making the latter blush. even with both of them on their sides, there's no way for them not to touch in some way. tyler almost wishes he'd changed out of the footie pajamas so he was able to feel josh's skin against his own.
they're facing each other so closely that tyler can feel josh's hot breath spread across his face every time he exhales. it would be so easy for them to kiss right now. tyler wonders if josh is thinking about this while they lay in silence in the dark. even in the cover of darkness, tyler can make out josh's features enough to tell that he's looking at him.
"tyler?"
"mhm?"
"we still haven't read our notes from each other."
a snort escapes the brunette. that was not what he expected to hear. "i know."
"okay, i was just reminding you. i'm going to go to sleep now."
"mkay," tyler whispers, afraid his voice would waver. did josh not want to kiss him?
"mkay," he echoes, pausing for a moment before asking, "do you want to cuddle? i mean, we might as well. we practically are already."
"yes."
josh rolls onto his back, snaking one arm under tyler so he's able to rest his head over josh's heart. hesitantly, tyler lets his arm drop to rest across josh's torso. slowly, testing out the waters, the two intertwine their legs together.
tyler can hear josh's heart racing. his own heart is racing. josh is so warm. he smells so good, like a mix of teakwood and mahogany. this is much more intimate than tyler is used to. it definitely crosses whatever unspoken boundary they had previously.
"goodnight, ty," josh whispers.
"night."