You parked your car and got out of it - needless to say, whatever party Loona was at was fucking huge.
"Great!! More people, JUST what I need." You grumble under your breath, pulling out a cigarette and lighting the end. You deeply inhale, pull the cigar away from your lips, and let out a breath of smoke. "Time to go get fucked up."
You strut in awkwardly, swaying from side to side from the amount of alcohol you had just drunk at Asmodeus'. Looking around, you spot Loona talking with a bunch of bitchy looking hellhounds.
"Loona, babe!! How are you??" You slap a smile on your face and laugh.
"Who is this?? I didn't know they let sinners into these kinds of parties." One of the hellhounds says in a rather annoying voice, and an irk mark appears at your head.
"I'm Loona's friend, who the fuck are you?" You smirk and swing your arm around Loona's shoulders.
"None of your business." One of the other hellhounds cuts in, and you roll your eyes.
"Let's leave these losers behind, I wanna get drunk." You pull Loona away from the little clique.
"They're annoying, no??" You turn towards Loona, hoping you didn't just drag her away from people she liked.
"So fucking annoying." She laughs.
"So how'd ya get invited here?? It's like, big shit stuff." You ask, looking around and noticing how many people there are.
"Tex invited me." She responds.
"Oh, that's like the guy from Verosika's crew right??" You try to recall - you didn't have many interactions with him.
"Yeah yeah that one."
"That's fucking insane, I literally saw Verosika earlier today. I'm having all kind of reunions, I guess." You laugh.
You feel a tap on your shoulder, and you turn around to see none other than Tex himself.
"Speak of the devil and he shall arrive!! Hey Tex it's been a second." You laugh and nudge his shoulder.
"Oh hey there!! (Y/N), right??" He asks.
"The one and only!!" You beam proudly.
"Hey Tex!! Uhh, fancy seeing you here!! It's not like you invited me or anything, but, uh yeah, and I... I'm just gonna stop talking." Loona blurts, and you quite literally facepalm.
"We have got to work on your rizz, Loon." You sigh.
Tex looks like he's gonna awkwardly respond, but luckily for all three of you a loud voice sounds out from who knows where.
"HAHA!! How're my dirty bitches doing tonight?!" The voice yells out. The crowd cheers, and you grab some unknown alcohol from a random server and begin drinking. Quickly, you grab a second to offer to Loona.
"You gonna drink Loonaaaa~" You smirk and swirl the alcohol, and her face flushes.
"You... er... you wouldn't like me after one drink." She nervously chuckles.
"Preposterous, I'll love you either way." You giggle. "Your loss though." You proceed to drink Loona's share of the alcohol.
"Awooh, awooh! Ya'll ready to party with the Queen Bee of Glu-tto-ny? Come on!!" The mysterious voice appears as one of the cutest demons you have ever seen. You nearly choke on your drink as your face heats up quick.
"Holy shit I'm in love!!" You cough out, and Loona rolls her eyes to the back of her head.
"I think you fall in love with just about everybody you first lay eyes upon." She groans.
"You bet I sure do!! I even fell in looove with you Loona from the moment you first insulted me and tried to bite my head off." You tease and boop her nose.
"Watch it or I might just actually bite your head off this time." She growls.
"Oh please do!!" You tease, and she sighs.
"You're impossible." She mutters.
"And yet you still love me- wait everybody shut up the cutie's gonna sing."
You snap your attention towards the hellhound with your tali wagging back and forth.
God, you loved hot people and alcohol.
"Hell, yeah! 'Cuz the honey is flowin' tonight! And this bitch is about to get fuckin' wild! Let's get it started!" They screamed to which the entire crowd cheered - minus Loona. That fucking goofball.
They sing a lot - their voice is thick and sweet which you absolutely love. You sway side to side in a dancing motion, and pick up even more alcohol.
"Ya hungry?? TAKE A BITE!!" They magically goes over to a couple of hellhounds and makes their food grow largely in size. Then, they go over to you, Loona, and Tex. "Get fucked tonight!!" They touches your glass, and suddenly you have a shit ton of drink. They tip it toward your mouth and basically force feeds it to you but you don't really care all that much.
"Your Queen Bee brings the sweet stuff, so keep making me that motherfucking honey! Yeah, keep it comin'!" They makes a punch bowl huge, and four demons jump in without hesitation.
"Holy fuck I'm so jealous, I wish I could do that!!" You pout - a smile on your face is still evident however. You had no idea who this was but they sure as hell could throw a party.
The demon - presumably the "Queen Bee of Gluttony" - finishes off their song, and you happily clap and cheer feeling drunk as hell.
"Yayyyy~" You slur as the demon comes over to the three of you.
"Awooh awooh!! Vortex!! The party is buzzin' now!!" They exclaim with a laugh, and your jaw drops at the sheer gorgeousness of the Queen. Loona grabs your chin and shuts your mouth.
"Fuck! I feel like I went a little too hard on the confetti this time, though. I have like, a rainbow in my vagina right now." The demon laughs, and you get a smirk on your face.
"You want something else in your vagina right no-" You start saying, and Loona quickly grabs you and slaps a hand over your mouth.
"Oh hey;" The demon starts, noticing Loona. "Is this the sweet pup you were telling me about??" They ask (you assume the question is directed towards Vortex). Loona gasps and growls - severely offended that anyone would call her sweet.
"Excuse me??" She says with a bite in her voice.
"Oh my god, the two of you are fucking cuties!! Where y'all been hiding??" The hot hellhound asks, and hearts fill your eyes.
"Oh my god no you're a fucking cutie!!" You exclaim and giggle. "Are you single?? You wanna go out??"
"You askin' to fuck?? Babe - I don't know if you could keep up with me~" The hellhound smirks and grabs your chin lightly, gently brushing her tail against your leg.
On satan, you'd let this demon top you.
"Oh try me~" You lick your lips, and Loona quickly pushes you behind her. You let out a little whine.
"Sorry about them - they're drunk as hell." Loona shoots you a glare.
"I'm always like this!!" You don't see the problem.
"You're always drunk as hell." Loona shoots back - and you can't really argue with her. Charlie would be disappointed. The bee hellhound demon chuckles at the two of your interactions.
"Is there something funny?" Loona snarls.
"Nah, I'm just really high on all this tasty energy right now. Tex says you don't get invited out much. I hope this itty-bitty get-together can serve as a fun first time." She smiles and Loona seems overall less than thrilled.
"Mmhmmm..." Loona looks around awkwardly. You squint your eyes at her, trying to think in your drunken state. Loona was pissed. You automatically went into caring lover mode and grabbed her face.
"Are you... uhh... what's the fucking word?? Feeling shitty??" You ask, trying to piece together a sentence.
"You're too drunk for this." Loona sighs - and you see a slight smile on her face. You make grabby hands at her and she picks you up (lol the helluva boss gravity logic is fucked up so it don't matter if you taller).
"Are you not having fun?? Shit, I'm sorry. I would've thrown a bigger one, but I couldn't convince Belphegor to let me break into her stash of party drugs. So fucking lame! I mean, I usually just steal them, but Bel changed the locks." The demon goes on and on, you're listening to every word like it's gospel while Loona looks around bored. "She says I'm a total jackass for trying. But, hey... I'm proud to be a total jackass."
"Slay bitch." You cheer.
"Heh. Anyway, yeah, Bee, this is Loona - she/they. Next to her is (Y/N) - (YOUR/PRONOUNS). And, Loona, (Y/N), this is my girlfriend, Bee - she/they."
"Nice to meet ya, bitches." Bee does a cute little peace-sign with her fingers.
"Wait... y'all fucking dating?? Shit, sorry for hitting on you Bee. Unless y'all down for a threesome - cause I so am if y'all are." You laugh in Loona's arms.
"They don't mean that." Loona sighs.
"Yes I doooo~" You whisper-sing.
"Shit, Tex, you didn't tell me they were fucking hilarious!!" Bee snickers.
"Right." Loona says through gritted teeth.
"I love how the two of you have this dynamic going. Y'all don't care how freaky you come off, and that's fucking beautiful. You guys are my new favorite people." Bee happily moves next to Loona and you.
"Are we though...?" Loona just has a deadpanned face on, and you giggle slightly.
"Fuck yeah, bitches." Bee points towards you. "You remind me of that time I saw Satan without a shirt on." All faces turn towards her in confusion. "Cause I was all like 'Oof boy, you hot as hell.'" You blush.
You reminded them of satan without a shirt?? You didn't even know a Satan - but considering the comment after you took that as a compliment.
"But, then I wanted to die, 'cause it was so awkward. 'Cause he's more like a brother to me. You know, but not my brother. So, I guess... it was fine. I could hit that..." You laugh at her antics.
...
Wait did she just call you awkward??
"Anyway, girl, you have a good time tonight. Get some sweets, get some eats. Drink it, tear it, fuck it up! Whoo!" Bee waves goodbye and Tex, Loona, and you were left alone.
"I like her." You comment with a small smile on your face.
"Yeah I think we should get going." Loona sets you back on your feet and grabs your hand so you don't wander off.
"Wait what?? Y'all haven't been here for that long - don'tcha want a drink??" Tex tilts his head.
"YES PLEASE!!" You jump excitedly. "Loona can I please have another drink??" You give her puppy-dog eyes, to which she ignores.
"(Y/N)'s drunk enough for the two of us combined already." Loona promptly says, turning around and walking straight towards the door with you in haul.
"Well... uhhh... see you later I guess??" Tex waves, and you give him a quick little way back.
"So fucking stupid. I shouldn't have come." Loona angrily marches out onto the front lawn and the two of you sit in the grass. You expected her to look a little sad - but she mostly just looks pissed.
"Hey Loonie... I know you like Tex and all... sorry it's not really working out." You rub her palm with your thumb in circles.
"What?!" She looks towards you, shocked.
"You do like Tex... right??" You thought you'd read all the signs correctly.
"Oh GOD no!!" Loona looks disgusted. "That is not it I promise." You squint your eyes at her.
"Hmmm..." You stick your face close to theirs - shocked they move back a little with an ever-so-slight blush on her face. "So you have a crush on Bee??" You tilt her head.
"You are so fucking stupid." She groans.
You flop onto your back and look at the sky - your eyes feeling droopy.
"Hey Loonie?" You ask.
"Yeah?" She responds.
"Don't you ever think about how weird age gaps are here?? You and I - we're the closest in age. But I flirt with your dad." You begin.
"Go on." She sighs.
"Does that make him a pedophile??" You ask, genuinely wanting an answer.
"That's what you wanted to ask me??" You're still looking at the sky but you can practically hear her eye roll.
"I guess I am of legal age..." You mumble.
Awkward silence ensues.
"Hey Loonie??" You ask again.
"What??" She responds... again.
"I fucked up my life so bad. I work at a porn studio and an assassination business - and I fucking stay at a hotel that is supposed to help me get to heaven. I'm basically addicted to drugs and sex." You start.
"Is that so??" You hear Loona's voice.
"I just... it's supposed to suck. It sounds like shit." You say. "But for some reason... it's like the happiest I've ever been. There's so many people down here that I just love with all my heart. Is it wrong to prefer hell to actual living??"
"I don't think so. Don't take it from me because I've never lived on earth - but... life doesn't suck too bad down here." She says.
"Yeah... yeah. You're smart, Loona."
It's silent for another moment.
"Hey Loonie??" You speak, and Loona chuckles.
"Yeah??"
"Your dad's dick is huge - it was up my ass once and I swear on Lucifer that it almost got stuck." You say.
"OH MY FUCKING GOD I DID NOT NEED TO HEAR THAT!!" Loona screams and covers her ears.
"Oh my bad." You don't really have a filter right now, you take a glance at Loona and she looks a lot happier than she was in Bee's party.
The quiet fills the air - it's comfortable this time but let's be honest you can't keep your mouth shut.
"Hey Loonie??" You pipe up.
"This better be nothing like the last one." Loona growls.
"On God it's not." You cross your heart.
"Go on then."
"On a scale of 1-10, how horny are you?? Cause I'm a solid 11, I think alcohol makes me crave sex."
"W h a t." Loona sounds concerned.
"Yeah... I should probably check that out - it's probably not good to be horny all the time." Loona just blinks. "On the other hand... that'd be so fucking awkward. Like imagine going to your doctor and being like 'hey so I'm horny all the time, you wanna hear about my sex life??' Nuh uh. I'd die."
"I'm so fucking done with you. I'm calling Blitz-o to pick us up." Loona takes out her phone.
"You know you love me~" You giggle.
"...yeah."
Blitz-o pulls up in I.M.P.'s van, screeching down the street and hitting a child.
"Hey bitc- holy fuck you look like shit." You go to sit in the back seat, and are met with the horrifying sight of a not horny Blitz-o.
"You look like shit too." He says.
"Awwh thanks." You and Loona get in the car - her in shotgun next to him and you taking up the second row of seats by lying down.
"Hey, Loonie, you alright??" Blitz-o asks, and you coo at the adorable father-daughter relationship they have going on.
"Yeah, I just wanna go home."
"Hey man, that sounds like Blitzo!!" A random imp shouts out and walks up to the car.
"The 'o' is silent, asshole!!" Blitz-o grumbles.
"Hey, I knew it was you! Fuck, man, where've you been? Are you here for the party?" The imp smiles and leans against the car.
"No I'm just here to pick up my daughter and this bitch we found on the streets." Blitz-o goes to roll up the window.
"Oh shit, you have a daughter now?! Who's the other parent?? Is it the hot demon in the back??" The demon continues talking, and when you hear yourself being mentioned you wave at them.
"I'm adopted - besides the demon in the back is the same fucking age as me." Loona says with an annoyed voice.
"Aw, shit, you're already leaving? Things just got started. Come in and show us all up again." The imp says to Blitz-o.
"No, no, thank you. I think Loonie wants to head back." The imp says as a (rather cute) hellhound walks up to the van.
"Fuck, the two hotties with you wanna leave Blitz-o?? That's unfortunate." The hellhound says, and Loona immediately perks up tail wagging.
"Watch it!!" Blitz-o.
"I mean... we could stay a little longer." Loona smiles at Blitz-o.
"I think we need to go, m'kay? I think it's been a long night for all of us. Plus, (Y/N) looks like they're gonna pass out." Blitz-o puts the car in reverse.
"Nuh uh!! I'm gonna live forever!!" You pump your fist in the air.
"Well, these people seem to know you. Come on! I think I wanna give this another try." Loona makes the CUTEST puppy dog eyes ever, and Blitz-o rubs his temples.
Who can say no to that??
"Fine, maybe one drink and THEN we'll get going." Blitz-o gives in.
Fast forward too many drinks to count later, you and Blitz-o are being circled by a crowd as the two of you chug a barrel of beer.
You're so drunk you can hardly think - let alone think straight.
"BLITZ-O!! (Y/N)!! BLITZ-O!! (Y/N)!!" The crowd (along with Loona surprisingly) chants.
"FuCK YEAH!!" You and Blitz-o yell when finishing, knocking heads together with ginormous smiles on your faces. The hellhounds howl - you and Blitz-o taking notice that Loona joins along. The two of you look at each other with even bigger smiles on your faces.
"THAT WAS NOTHING!! C'MON, GIVE ME A REAL CHALLENGE!!" Blitz-o yells and picks you up over his head.
How he did that you had no idea - being drunk and short and all.
Bee walks up behind the two of you, smirking.
"Oh, yeah? Wanna fuck with the big bitch, imp boy? Sinner? I got a challenge for the two of ya." The crowd vibrates with anticipation.
"They are so dead." A voice sounds out from the crowd. Blitz-o puts you back down and the two of you raise your index fingers at each other.
"HUEHEHEHEHEHE!!" The two of you 'demonically' laugh.
"Aaaaalright, let's do this! From Bee's personal supply, the hardest shit there is." Vortex comes out with three massive kegs.
"Bring it, barky! I will drink you under this fucking table, you have no idea what kind of night I've had!" Blitz-o yells at Bee, while you just sit there with a cat-like grin on your face.
"All right, shit talker, but there hasn't been a soul yet who can beat me at my own game. So, you better bring the fire, baby." Bee laughs, and Blitz-o stretches.
"Oh, is Queen Bee too scared to lose to a little imp like me?" Blitz-o coos, and the crowd 'ooh's. (I'm literally doctor seuss holy fuck).
"Alright ya little bastard. Let's get this shit started!!" Bee raises the three kegs into the air, and you wobble in place. All three of you begin furiously drinking.
"C'MON BLITZ-O!! (Y/N)!! FUCK HER UP!! YOU GUYS CAN DO IT!!" Loona's voice cuts over the yells of the crowd. You and Blitz-o on the same braincell rip the straw off and chug that bitch like there's no tomorrow. Blitz-o finishes a couple seconds before you, slamming the keg on the ground. You repeat the same action right after.
"FUCK YEAH!! WHO'S THE QUEEN NOW?!"
"YEAH!! THAT'S MY DAD!!" Loona cheers, as you and Blitz-o momentarily pass out and get carried off by the crowd.
You weren't sure how you got there - one second you had just entered the party and now here you were with your shirt and pants/dress taken off french-kissing Blitz-o. Your tongues intertwine, your hands traveling up and down each other's bodies.
"BLITZ-O!! BLITZ-O!! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU YA SHITHEA-" You hear Loona faintly when you're suddenly ripped apart from Blitz-o. "Piss on a dick- what the fuck are you doing Blitz-o??" Blitz-o smirks and points towards you.
"(Y/N)." He giggles, reaching towards you.
"Stop, you look like you're in the middle of a goddamn orgy!! Did you even ask for consent??" Loona scolds.
"He's welcome to fuck me any time~" You purr and give a seductive face in Blitz-o's direction.
"Ook, I didn't expect you to come in here and see any of this, Loonie. I'm so sorry, but it's a party, I'm just havin' fun!!" Loona looks at him doubtingly.
"No one else should have to suck your drunk-ass face Blitz-o." Loona scolds (you wonder who the parent really is between those two).
"No one else?? Well, don't mind if (Y/N) continues~" The two of you lean towards each other, and Loona has to forcibly hold the two of you apart.
"Y'all need to drink something other than Beelzejuice." Loona throws the two of you over her shoulder - we love a muscly woman.
"Ugh, nohhh~" Blitz-o slurs. She walks the two of you out to the van and gently places you guys in the back seat, sitting herself in the driver's seat.
"Do you need to throw up?" Loona asks you two.
"No..." Blitz-o responds.
"Throwing up is for... pussies." You slowly say.
"Yeah you do." Loona just laughs.
The three of you make it to their apartment, and Loona wraps you and Blitz-o up in blankets on the couch.
"I had a shitty day." Blitz-o says, and you cuddle into him - too drunk to try piecing together a sentence.
"Oh, yeah? Is that why you drank like five gallons worth of who-knows-what?" Loona smirks down at the two of you.
"Fuck, Fizz was right. I'm gonna die alone, aren't I? Just a wrinkly, old, withered waste. Will you be there, Loonie? (N/N)?" Blitz-o mumbles.
"For what??" Loona tilts her head.
"I dunno... just... lonely... die alone..." Blitz-o grumbles.
"I'll be there, Dad." Loona pats his head.
"I like hot moms too." You smile, not being able to process anything they're saying.
"(Y/N) will be there too... now go the fuck to sleep." Loona turns off the lights.
"(Y/N)... Millie... Moxxie... Stolas..." Blitz-o mutters under his breath.
"Boobs... tits... dick... I'm fucking horny." You also mutter under your breath.
Blitz-o leans over the couch and pukes.
"Fuck I did need to throw up." Blitz-o laughs.
"P..." You start saying.
"Huh??" Blitz-o questions.
"Pussy." Right after you say that, you also lean over the couch and puke your guts out.
Heyyy, your parent has provided thy meal for tonight. Eat up children!! <3
Hazbin Hotel officially has its first season, so I can finally expand on that!! FUCK YESSS!! It was soooo good!!
I can't wait to start writing some yandere for this... it's coming up soon!! The slowburn has been slow enough, time to commit arson in this bitch.
Y'all need sleep.
With love, your crackhead parental.
WORD COUNT : 3831