'If you could be an animal, what animal would you want to be?'
I chuckle.
'What an excellent question, Dan.'
I take a look at the lions in front of us. They're fierce, of course, and beautiful. But I think the males just lie around all day while the females take care of everything so that's out of the question.
'I think I'd like to be some sort of bird,' I answer. 'So you can just go anywhere you want without any concerns.'
'It would be pretty cool to be able to fly,' Dan agrees. 'What kind of bird would you want to be?'
'Oh, I don't know,' I say, leaning on the little fence before me. 'A cool one? Like an eagle or an owl. Or maybe a tucan.'
'A tucan,' Dan chuckles.
'Yeah, you know, with the cool beaks and everything.'
'I know. You'd make a fine tucan.'
'What about you?'
'Hmm,' he says, taking a contemplative look at the lions as he leans on the fence beside me. 'That's difficult.'
'It was your question.'
'I know, but still...'
I laugh when I see the thoughts cross through his mind. Apparently, he takes which animal he'd like to be very serious.
'How 'bout a bear?' I suggest.
'A bear?' he repeats, thinking it over. 'Because I'm so big and powerful and strong?'
I snort when he raises himself up to his full length and tries to conjure up an intimidating look on his face.
'I was thinking more like a teddy bear. Because you're so sweet and protective and a good hugger.'
I shut my mouth quickly. Why did I say that? It's a bit much, isn't it? It just came out before I could help myself.
Dan turns to his side to look at me, but I keep my eyes on the lions. I hope my face doesn't turn red, but I can always blame it on the heat. Though I'm not looking at him, I can still see the smile on his face.
'Maybe you should be a bee. Because you're being sweet as honey today.'
'Shut up,' I tell him. 'Don't get used to it, I'm just thankful for last night. It will wear off.'
'Then you'll go back to being a wasp. Or a mosquito. Trying to sting me all the time.'
'I'm not a mosquito,' I say, offended.
Dan laughs loudly and turns away from the lions to walk to the next enclosure.
'They can fly too,' he says as I walk up beside him. 'Might be fun. You just get to fly around and annoy people all day.'
'Maybe you're a mosquito,' I say, affronted. 'You can be pretty annoying.'
'You just said I was so sweet.'
'Well, you ruined it. So, which animal do you choose?'
'I'll take the bear. I like bears. Though you should probably know, they're not as cuddly as they look. You know, if you ever see one in the wild.'
'Thanks for the warning, I'll be sure to keep my distance from you. Oh look, the giraffes! Your favorite, right?'
He grins at my obvious change of subject, but follows my gaze to look at the majestic giraffes. I finally dare to take a quick look at his face when he's looking the other way.
It was a good idea of him to get out of the house. Though it hasn't disappeared completely, the fresh air and bright sunlight have done wonders for my headache. And we haven't talked about Jack or Keith since this morning. The animals around us and casual chit-chat with Dan have been a welcome distraction and the anxiety and dark thoughts that have been going through my mind ever since we ran into Jack have finally sunk to a more shallow level.
The only thing I can't ignore anymore, is the way I feel about Dan. It baffles me that he went out of his way to find me yesterday and that he's not even angry about anything. Only concerned. And now he's taking me out to lift my spirits.
No guy I dated has ever done things like that for me. Probably my own fault. I always chose to date guys that I knew I wouldn't really fall in love with. Keeping things casual keeps things safe. But now I can't help but wonder what life would be like with someone like Dan. Someone who looks after you, gets concerned about you. Takes real interest and makes you laugh. And also happens to be undeniably handsome.
There's a smile on his face as he looks at the giraffes which brings out those cute dimples in his cheeks. He scratches absent-mindedly at the beard that he keeps trimmed short, but never shaves off all the way. I'm not even usually a big fan of facial hair, but somehow it looks so good on him. And am I weird to find even his hands attractive? It hurts to see them bruised like that from punching Keith. I still can't believe he did that either.
'Look, there's a baby,' he says, pointing into the habitat, entirely oblivious to my staring.
I follow his finger and find the adorable little thing, hiding behind its mother. It brings a smile to my face too. Though perhaps it is also just in response to Dan's enthusiasm. I must have dated too many toxic guys to be surprised by a man getting thrilled by the sight of adorable baby animals.
'Bree would have freaked out,' he says suddenly. 'She loved giraffes.'
The thought of his loss wipes the smile right off my face. I'm not great at talking about emotional things. Surprising, I know. But he did say he loves to talk about her. So it's the least I can do for him.
'She did?'
'Oh yeah. Whenever we took her to the zoo, we could have stayed right here for hours if it was up to her. Had to drag her away screaming one time because I wanted to see some penguins.'
I laugh at the mental image of Dan getting progressively grumpier about having to stay in the same spot for hours until finally hoisting the toddler up on his shoulders to see the penguins.
'It was alright by the time we got there. She liked penguins too,' he tells me with a reminiscent smile.
'You took her to the zoo often?' I ask. His eyes light up when he talks about his daughter. I still can't imagine the pain he must have gone through. It's really amazing how he's managed to work through it and be such a nice, positive person after suffering such a horrible loss.
'As often as I could. I could never get Jesse to come with me before we had her, but with Bree, I had a solid excuse.'
'I didn't realize you liked animals that much,' I say, chuckling lightly.
'What's not to like about them? Look at that, that's fucking adorable.'
I chuckle again as I look at the baby giraffe taking a few hesitant steps away from his mother on its spindly legs.
'Did you know that my mom hates swearing?' I ask him. 'How the hell does that work out between the two of you?'
'Oh, I know,' he grins. 'But she thinks I'm very cute, so she forgives me.'
He gives me one of his adorable smiles and winks at me. Well, at least Mom's right about one thing in her life.
'Lucky you.'
'By the way...' He clears his throat and looks a little uncomfortable all of a sudden. I raise my eyebrows as I wonder what it's about.
'I didn't tell Lainey that we were going to the zoo. Mind keeping it between us?'
'Why?' I ask, confused. 'She has a problem with a lot of things but I don't think zoos are in the list.'
'Well, no, but if I told her, she'd probably wonder why I took a day off just to take you to the zoo. And since I didn't tell her about last night, I'd have to make something up. And I hate lying.'
A sharp pang of guilt makes me lower my eyes. He's so genuine, of course he hates not being able to tell Mom about what happened. But he's doing it for me.
'It's okay,' he tells me, noticing the change in my face. 'I totally understand. But you know, it just means we should probably keep this a secret too.'
'No, of course,' I tell him. 'It wasn't like I was gonna call her to tell her about my day anyway.'
He frowns at me a little when I say that.
'Have you had any contact with her at all since she left for her project?' he asks me curiously.
I take a look at him. I don't really want to talk about it again. About how sad it is that we don't really have much of a bond and how we should maybe improve that. I feel stupid for even bringing her up. So since I don't feel as badly about lying as Dan does, I give him a little white lie.
'We text now and then,' I say, shrugging a little.
'Hm,' he replies. I get a nasty feeling that he doesn't believe me. So I decide to change the subject.
'So, how long do you like to look at giraffes? Are you ready to move on, or should I drag you away?'
'You could try,' he grins. 'I will scream, though.'
For a second, I want to try him out. Grab his broad shoulders to try and drag him with me to see what he'll do. I'm sure he'd be stronger than me. Those big hands would hold me at bay without even trying too hard. But those are the exact kind of thoughts that I should not be having about my mother's boyfriend.
'Let's save ourselves the embarrassment,' I say, getting ready to walk away. 'I want to see some monkeys.'
'Funny, I feel like I've been dealing with a monkey all day.'
'Ha ha,' I say, rolling my eyes at the dumb joke. 'I thought I was a mosquito, which is it?'
'Nah, I think I'll stick with bee, after all. I can use some sweetness in my life.'
When he smiles at me, I can feel my heart flutter. This is insane. I can't feel this way about him.
But for now, I'm just glad to get my mind off of everything. To look at some animals with this guy. Only two more days until Mom gets back. It will wear off again.
'Fine, I'm a bee. Just be careful Pooh Bear, even bees sting when you try to steal their honey.'
'I wouldn't dare.'
---
That evening, I'm sitting at Mel's small kitchen table enjoying the lovely pasta she made. Dan has gone over to Yuki's to meet up with the rest of the band and discuss what they're going to do now that they kicked Keith out. See if it will work out to have Jamal as their temporary drummer. He asked me if I wanted him to stay home, but I feel so much better after our day at the zoo. It was fun. Careless. It was great.
So I stuck to my plans with Mel and told him I'd see him later tonight. I still have to give her her gift, after all. I want to give it to her after we finish dinner, but then she surprises me.
'Guess what,' she says with a twinkle in her eyes. 'Since we just figured out that we've been friends for 10 years, I... got you a gift!'
Smiling hard, she hands me an envelope that she pulls out from a hiding place.
'No way,' I exclaim, feeling completely dumbfounded that she had the same idea. 'You shouldn't have!'
'I'm just happy to have a friend like you,' she shrugs.
'Well,' I say dramatically, reaching for my back. 'It just so happens that I'm happy to have a friend like you too!'
Her mouth falls open in surprise when I hand her present to her too.
'No way!'
'Open at the same time?'
'Yes, let's go.'
Laughing, we both dive into our presents. I open the envelope and find an adorable card of two cats sitting on a windowsill together. Mel has written a touching message on the back that almost makes me cry again. And then I see what the gift is.
'Oh my God,' I laugh. 'A cooking workshop?'
'I just thought it was so much fun to cook together the other night,' Mel says with a grin on her face. 'I thought we could do it together. And it's not a boring workshop. It's a sushi and cocktails workshop.'
'Sushi and cocktails? I love it! Thank you, Mel. We're doing this as soon as my stupid rules are lifted.'
I get up from my chair to give her a hug, but she's still opening my gift, so she holds me off.
When she opens the gift, her jaw drops again. She looks at me with wide eyes, then back at the book without saying anything.
'Um, don't you like it?' I ask, a little dumbfounded by her reaction.
'Bitch, I have been dying to read this!' she calls out. 'How did you know?'
'Oh,' I laugh, relieved. These silly book nerds. 'I asked Dan to help me pick something out.'
'Tell him he's a genius.'
Now she gets up to hug me back. I smile broadly, happy that she likes it so much. Dan will be thrilled to hear about her reaction. Ugh, Dan. I gotta stop thinking about him so much. He'll drive me crazy.
Mel smiles too when she draws away from our hug, but then when she takes a look at my face, her eyebrows furrow.
'What's wrong?'
I contemplate for a moment. I'm afraid to say it out loud, because I'm afraid that will make it real. But I just can't hold it in anymore.
'I think I'm in love with Dan.'