Armida paused in the calm of early morning, alert for signs of wakefulness from her parents. She had only a fitful sleep since Paolo's disappearance. She rechecked his room, denial fueling hope that he had returned, but he had not.
A few errant bream had squeezed through the outer net and nibbled at algae on the floor. A poor choice, coming here, my friends. You may find yourselves on the wrong end of breakfast in a few hours.
A compulsion to leave without a trace drove her, though she could not identify the source of that urge. It was a vague apprehension about her precarious confidence and whether her hastiness was a mistake.
Leaving her mother meant little; in fact, it lifted a burden. Armida had lived through enough disregard to last a lifetime. Her mother would be too distraught over Paolo to care about Armida's absence. Her reason for avoiding Isabetta and Rinaldo was entirely different. They would realize her determination to swim out beyond the safety of Marea into the unknown might not succeed. Her doubt would be reflected in their eyes and that was unbearable.
So, she would leave unannounced on this journey she knew she must take alone. She shut her mind against doubt. She was unskilled in the farther reaches of the sea, but she could learn. She would have to.
And still, a tight, nagging sensation caused Armida to linger in the passage. She closed her eyes, relaxed for a moment, and waited for the uneasiness to clear. Instead, it intensified.
Father.
It had been only a few hours since she understood the depth of her father's despair over Paolo's disappearance. In her heart, Armida knew her father would be devastated if she left without saying goodbye. She couldn't shake the idea that she might never see him again.
≈There you are, finally. I expected you to choose this path and to glide away without a farewell.≈ Faro's smile warmed his face. ≈You must know, you are not a mystery to me. I gave birth to you, helped raise you.≈ Faro drew her into the gathering room.
Armida put her hands on either side of her father's face and kissed his forehead as a mother might do with a child. ≈You will be in my heart as I travel to Thalassa. I worry I have been a disappointment or, at the very least, ungrateful. I want you to know, even when I protested your authority, I loved you. I still do.≈
≈I know, my dear, I know. It is ever so between parent and child. Our struggles never lacked love. I am proud of your bravery. I trust only you to bring Paolo back to us. Only you have the strength required. Not even your mother is suited for this purpose. We need her to guide us as we meet the challenges here.≈
≈I will bring him back. I promise.≈
If I can't, I won't return.
≈If you can't, promise me you will come back. I can't bear to lose you both.≈
Armida hugged her father as she wondered how she could leave behind anyone who knew her so well.
✧✧✧
At war with herself, Armida sank into one emotion after another, propelled from one to the next in an inescapable whooshing whirlpool. And the greatest of these was sadness. She grasped a notch in the doorway to steady herself as she swam to the Ceremonial Grotto.
Am I drowning? How can that be?
She remembered Torquato's abovewater advice: Breathe. Underwater, it was impossible. She focused her thoughts on the breathing process. Deep in her mind, slowly in, slowly out. And again. By the third imagined breath, Armida's mental flailing calmed.
And yet, Paolo was still missing.
Her grim, wistful uncertainty about her decision yielded to determination. More strongly than ever, Armida felt a duty to the sea, but Paolo was her priority.
Armida required little for her journey but advice. She swam through the tunnels and caves until she reached the access to Isolotto di Nuovi.
≈Uncle? Are you there?≈
≈Join me abovewater.≈
≈Is the transition quite easy now? To decide and to do it?≈
Close to the surface, Armida saw Torquato peering down at her. The image rippled, sending silver flashes across his face. He thrust his arm into the water. Armida seized his hand and he pulled.
In a single, painful spasm, Armida inhaled. She stared, expecting her fishtail, but the familiar scales were gone.
"Not as bad?" Torquato said, although concern was evident in his eyes.
Armida challenged her voice and stretched her legs. "No, not like the first, but nevertheless taxing."
"What have you come for at sunbreak?"
"Knowledge." The muscles in her face sagged, unable to hold her determination in place. "Permission."
"The first I have plenty of, but permission? It is Boop-boop who needs permission, not the Armida who is in front of me."
Her tears came with a sob of release. "Am I strong enough to bring Paolo back? What will I face? My ignorance threatens my success. What if Erastus didn't abduct him? How could he control Delfina and Paolo?"
"Walk with me to the Initiate Green. Let us sit and think about your many questions and share our thoughts."
The last time Armida had been on the Green had been when the Rites were nearly over. She had been sure of herself. No longer. She questioned every resolution she'd ever made. She sighed as she sat next to her uncle.
Torquato waited, and when Armida did not speak, he said, "Something yet unspoken is churning you this day of your departure."
Armida hated her Terran tears. "I cannot foresee what game the Thalassans are playing. I am scared."
"Fear is useful in the overcoming."
"That makes no sense to me." Turning her face to the sky, Armida absorbed the warmth of the rising sun.
"It means you swim as hard as you can, directly at the fear, until you discover yourself on the other side of it. To the place where you respect what the fear is telling you. You don't deny its existence. All of us, including me, have fears. The most important thing is that you don't let being afraid stop you."
"But what if it does stop me? What if it kills me? There are surely monstrous creatures you yet have no idea of."
"Is that the worst thing you can imagine? Encountering unfamiliar life? You, who have friends like Nudger and Warbler?
"They are not sea monsters."
"There will be many strange things you will meet on your journey. Acknowledge me with honesty, is a battle with a jellyfish what you fear? No, you fear the unexplained, the unknown, not any creature you might chance upon."
Armida closed her eyes and thought of what might be worse than death. "Yes, Uncle, you are right. It would be terrible to live out my days knowing I was too afraid to try."
Torquato stood. "Ah, my little Boop-boop. There is more though, isn't there?"
"I am terrified about Paolo. What if Erastus did not take him? What if—"
"He is dead? You cannot concern yourself with what-ifs. You can only decide based on what is. There is but one choice. You must follow Erastus to a conclusion. None of us can live with not knowing. Your love of Paolo will be a great strength on this journey. You are young, yes, but you are stronger than many who are older. You are like your mother in that regard." A fierce anguish lingered in his eyes. "I shall miss you."
"And I you." Armida shivered as the sun momentarily hid among the fishscale clouds and she wondered what he hadn't shared.
✧✧✧
Torquato and Armida walked across the Green. As they neared his hut, Torquato stopped. "You are not alone in seeking me out today. Rinaldo is here, inside. I did not want you to suspect I was tricking you."
"I suppose I shouldn't let anything surprise me anymore." Armida had not fully gained the skill of laughter and the honking noise caused her to cover her mouth.
"You and Rinaldo need to talk. He has something he wants to tell you."
Armida narrowed her eyes. "Wants to tell me or is being made to tell me?"
Torquato's laugh eased into the air, quite the opposite of Armida's attempt. He leaned in the door of his hut. "It is safe to come out, Rinaldo." He paused. "I think." Another laugh rippled around Armida.
Having accepted she would never see Rinaldo again, the gift of speaking with him gladdened her. Yet, too many last times threatened to break her.
Rinaldo joined her on the stone steps.
As Torquato closed the door, he said, "Fair Currents to you both."
"I'm sorry about Paolo. You must be shattered." Rinaldo shuffled his feet. His gaze was beyond Armida, as if he had spotted something captivating on the horizon.
Silent, Armida focused on one thought.
Rinaldo jerked his attention to Armida. With a sigh that seemed to never end, he said, "I love you, too."
It was Armida's turn to be startled; she hadn't controlled her mindpath. Aloud she said, "It doesn't matter though."
Rinaldo took her hand. "It matters to me."
"You know what I mean—it changes nothing. You will follow your life on Terra and I will follow my destiny to the seas beyond Marea."
"Yes, that is true. But our love still matters. Wherever we are."
"Let us not promise anything. Much is uncertain."
Shaking his head, Rinaldo said, "I head to Venice because I believe that's where my mother is. I will stay however long it takes to find her or learn where to search next. I must uncover why she deserted me. And I must serve Marea and learn what I can from Terrans regarding the failing sea."
"I hope you find answers that are a balm for your heart. My path is less sure. I go south to follow Paolo. My departure cannot wait longer, or he might be lost to us forever. Walk with me to the water."
Armida and Rinaldo clambered over an outcropping of boulders beyond the thorned hedge, Rinaldo with agility as always. At the point of the breakwater, Armida leaped into the surf beating against the rocks.
She had jumped without saying goodbye. The return to mer form would distract her from the pain of a farewell. And it did. One pain exchanged for another.
The water surrounding her soothed her, and she rose to the surface for a last look. She spotted Rinaldo's face searching the water. He stood where she'd left him.
Rinaldo waved. Armida could not bear it; his expression forlorn, and his arm extended as if he might catch her hand.
With a swift, forceful thrust of her tail, Armida hurtled back to Rinaldo.
She broke the surface to find him returning to his Terran fate, climbing the craggy gray rocks, this time without his usual grace. Head abovewater, fighting the tide, she attempted to shout his name, but without air in her lungs, there was no sound. Rinaldo stumbled once, then dropped from view down the other side. Hoping her mindpath might be strong enough, she sent his name out with all the intensity she had.
≈Come back! I need to touch you once again. I need to say goodbye.≈
But Armida sensed her words had not reached him. She hated that Rinaldo had closed his mindpath, choosing land as firmly and completely as she had chosen the sea.
She dove into a crashing wave and let the surf tumble her much as an empty shell. A shell gradually reduced, as it scrapes along the seafloor, into grains of sand among millions of other grains.
Without glancing back, she shot deep, as deeply as she could go, past the coral reefs, sponges, and sea anemones, skirting the world of her childhood until she heard the Watcher Station no longer.
The sea would serve as her tears until the day she and Rinaldo would be close again.
If that day ever came.