Jahmir
"Shit, that hurts," Amir groans reaching for my hand as I try to pull the bullet out his leg with my tweezers. "Sorry," I tell him shakily trying to be gentler.
The face of Dimitri popping into my mind as I pause before continuing. "You good?" Amir questions me hissing as I finally remove the bullet. "Yeah," I tell him trying to cut the conversation, not wanting to talk about the situation any longer.
I barely wanted to think about it happening, but I couldn't stop because it did.
Shaq and Quez hadn't made it over yet either.
"Was that your uncle? You kept saying Unc," he asks. I nod my head slightly my mind couldn't process why Dimitri would try to kill me, and what had he meant one down two remained?
"You did what you had to do Pa, so don't blame yourself too much okay?" He tells me, and I paused on bandaging his wound staring up at him.
"I know but how come I feel so guilty? How come I can't help but feel like I'm at fault for all the shit that happened and is happening now?"
I tell him honestly continuing to wrap the white bandage around his leg. "We both read the same thing in that envelope, from the drug I created, to everything that happened after, wasn't it my fault?"
My voice is shaking, as I try to control my emotions swallowing my growing saliva. Trying to choke back a sob.
"You have to stop feeling guilty for other people's actions Jahmir. That's your problem right there, and that problem is you take the fault of everyone else's wrong doing on your shoulders. Nigga you have to stop that shit," He tells me as I put the items back into the first aid kit.
I shake my head at him trying to deny the claims. He just didn't understand, when August found out I was creating my own drugs, that nigga acknowledge me, and from that point on I was in his shadows helping him to succeed, but now I'm finding out that half the shit that went on was my fault it's fucking with me.
"Don't shake your head no at me Jahmir, especially when you know a nigga telling no lies," Amir says peeping into my thoughts as he puts his hand over mine closing the kit.
"Mir-
"Detach yourself from the shit that happened with some greedy ass niggas that wanted power," Amir tells me taking his hand off of mine putting his hand on his thigh.
"Would you say the same thing if you would've succeeded in your plan?" I question him from the irony of his statement.
"Yes and No." He tells me honestly his eyes looked hazel under the dim light. I look at him for more detail in his answer and he gives a small smirk, "You're too trusting for your own good. You get attach to people so easily Pa, and that right there is dangerous."
I couldn't argue with that, it was true.
Understand that you are in a gang my nigga, and you are the leader, you can't open your arms to every nigga that flashes you a smile." Amir plays with the bandages around his ankle.
"So basically, you're telling me not to trust snakes with smiles, so in general niggas like you," I mock the irony in his statement once more and he looks at me as though he's trying to see something.
Drawing his over his lips; he shrugs his shoulders, as he pours salt on the already open wound by saying, " I'm not the nigga you just had to put to bullets in his chest, but take it how you want to. Understand this though nigga a wolf in sheep's clothing isn't always someone you don't know, honestly its more painful when that someone is the one you least expect. "
I grunt standing up, shaking my head, walking over towards the kitchen counter, and placing the medical kit down.
"I wouldn't blame you if I had succeeded Jahmir because you didn't know. Even if you trusted me, In the end betrayal is not something you should be blamed for or blame yourself for. You never know what goes through a person's mind even if you try your best to be a good person to them." He tells me making me look back towards him. His head was tilted slightly as he stared up at me with lowly eyes.
Amir braces his hand on the ground trying to pull himself up, and I walk towards him; helping him to his feet. He hisses at the pressure. "You shouldn't try to put so much pressure on the wound, it's still fresh," I let him know trying to drop the conversation all together. I can feel his eyes on me as I move towards the kitchen.
"Thank you." I tell him as he limps over towards the sofa. "For what?" He questions me as I reach to help him when he stumbles. A groan escapes his lips as I look downwards at the bandage turning bright red with blood.
" You still haven't answered my question," he states sitting down on the sofa. He places his injured leg on the table. I frown up my face and he notices, "I'm injured Pa this helps it."
"You made me feel a bit better that's why I thanked you," I tell him before walking away towards the kitchen. Making my way towards the kitchen counter and faucet, I turn the handle on, letting the water flow.
I grab a cup out the kitchen pantry, before rinsing it with the running water. I rinse the cup, walking over to the icebox, opening it to grab the icetrays.
I pop to ice cubes into the glass hearing them clank. I turn my head for a second seeing Amir with his head leaning on the back of the couch cushion staring up at the ceiling. I turn my head to back what I was doing, before dropping BC powder, and opening the drawer to take out some Tylenol.
"I'm sorry." My ears perk up as I turn towards Amir hearing his smooth voice speaking softly. "What are you apologizing for?" I question him not looking at him as I pour water into the already melted ice. I stir the powder into the water watching it go from clear to a grey color.
"I owe you an apology for the things I've done. The betrayal, kidnapping you, and more importantly trying to deceive you. I never once said sorry for the things I've done," he says this to me as I grab the cup and the two Tylenols walking towards him.
"I can't guarantee what's going to happen tomorrow, or what's in store for us in the future; but, hopefully once this is all over we can go on about our lives," His voice was sincere as I heard him let out a yawn.
I had no idea how to respond to his words, though I felt like he meant them only a little though.
"Take these for your pain, it's Tylenol with Bc powder in the water," I say to him placing the cup on the coaster. Amir stares at me before reaching for the glass and pills.
"Should I trust you enough to forgive you?" I say to him smiling. He lets out a chuckle, "We in the same boat now remember? We have no choice but to trust each other."
"Next time you brush a gun across my daughter's curls," I narrow my eyes at him, and my voice darkens, " I'll kill you, I promise, I will."
I accepted the apology, as I watch his face drops in guilt. "I'll never do that shit again, and honestly that was just to taunt you." He tells me throwing the pills in his mouth chasing it down with the medicated water. He scrunches his face at the disgusting taste.
"Well, you succeeded in that nigga, my daughter is my heart. Soul's the only thing that keeps me sane and whole. My motivation in knowing the life I'm living isn't in vain, that with all my closet skeletons my baby can grow to live a peaceful life."
I take a seat on the opposite couch. "You're a good mother Pa," Amir tells me and I was going to thank him until I realized what he said and frowned up at him. "Mother?" I mock him, "Shut up nigga." He laughs finishing off the water before shrugging his shoulders, "Might as well be both Pa, you are raising her alone, so why not?"
"I just do what I have to do as a parent it's nothing special really," I tell him as his smile softens. "So basically a mother and a father?"
I shake my head, "I'm saving that position for my wife nigga." Amir smile falters before smirking a bit, "Your wife?" Amir scoffs out mockingly as I scrunch up my face at him, before rolling my eyes. "Yes, my wife nigga." He hums at my answer. "Cash?"
"No ni-
Knock Knock!
The knocking coming from the door surprises me as I jump a bit. Looking at the clock on the wall it read 4:25am. "Jet open the door it's us!" I stand up walking towards the door as Shaq and Quez rushed in.
Amir looks up from the glass in his hand staring at them as they stared back towards him. I watch as Amir nods his head at them setting his cup down. "What's happening Fam," Quez asks Amir smiling as he pulls me towards the kitchen area.
"What took y'all so long to get here?" I question them both. "We stop by the trap, to make sure nobody was lurking around there." Shaq answers as Quez pulls me into the kitchen.
"You alright?" He asks me quietly; his eyes scrolling me up and down. "I can't even think of an excuse as to why he would even try-
" This what I was trying to explain to you Jet, as of now, we can't trust just anybody, and we only have each other." Shaq states shaking his head.
I reach into my pocket pulling out his chain. I lift it up letting it rest in the palm of my hand. In all our years of being friends, we ain't never apologized to each other. We had our fights some verbal others physical; but it was never one where we couldn't come back together in a couple of hours, and continue to be us.
"I'm sorry." I tell him softly feeling my self becoming emotional. The weight of me realizing I had killed one of the closest people to me had snuck up on me. My tears became heavy they slips even though I tried to hold them back.
"I'm sorry I ain't been the best leader, ya'll my family man; I want you niggas to feel appreciated." I feel a hand wrap around my extended one.
"When do we ever say sorry nigga? We brothers, we going to fight, make up, and fight again. There's no need for that sorry shit," Shaq tells me taking his chain out of my hand. I smile through tears watching him place it around his neck.
"Hell yeah, we ain't fucking kings for nothing fam!" He yells at both us throwing his arms around our necks pulling us towards him. I laugh watching them two bicker at each other.
"You too close nigga," Shaq spits at Quez who rolls his eyes.
I look over at Amir a small smile coming to my face. He doesn't return it though as he turns his attention back towards the tv screen.
"Now that we've made amends explain this shit," Shaq questions as he breaks away from Quez walking towards the living room sitting in the comfort chair.
"Damn your leg look bad," Quez gestures to Amir sitting next to him. "Captain mother fucking obvious." Amir states with a small smirk, and in the air the tension was still there but it wasn't as bad as before.
"So how can we even do this, just us alone?" I question them. "We not alone though, my gang already knows that we planned to merge remember?"
"Wait your gang knows about the merging of the gangs? When did you tell them this?" Shaq questions Amir leaving me to realize where he was getting at.
Amir shakes his head smiling a sickly green, "I know you ain't suggesting what I think you are? As if one of them niggas would ever try to rat-
"It's a possibility my nigga, if Dimitri could do it to Jet, then you ain't outta the water either," Quez speaks reaching into his pocket to pull out a bag full of weed.
"Not right now Quez," Shaq tells him taking the sack away from him. I look over towards Amir seeing him with a small smile on his face though it didn't reach his eyes. This nigga smiles a lot and I never know when the fuck it's genuine or not.
"Do yall remember that drug Repressed? The one that I created that resembled Meth?" I question them both before standing to grab the envelope off the counter. Shaq reaches for the envelope as I hand it to him along with the journal entries.
"You mean that powder shit?" Quez questions hunching a brow trying to grab his sack of weed out of Shaq's pocket. "I thought August shut that shit down; I mean he turned you away when you offered it to him." Quez as we watch Shaq's face switch in different emotions reading through the entries.
"August and Maverick were fucking?!" Quez hollers out shaking his head in disbelief. "Everybody gay!" His voices continuing to read as Shaq strokes his chin trying to focus.
"Is he always like this?" Amir questions me, and I look towards him seeing him stare at my homies. I notice his expression was back to normal. "Yea Quez is always overhyped; he believes in living everyday like it's his last," I say towards him.
"I'm trying to think on a nigga in my gang that would be some type of informative," he says lowly to himself, "Now that I think about it, I never told Slim to go over to the Trap day before yesterday, so it makes sense that's someone's posing. However it's hard because everyone has everyone's contact."
Amir eyes narrows, "Whoever told Slim to go to the trap were probably hoping Dimitri would attack earlier that day." My eyes widen in realization, "You're saying that their targets were not us but those three?"
"This shit is crazy! How did they even get the recipe to even reproduce that damn drug. We burnt that shit!" Quez states flipping through the pictures of the deceased, the drug, and plenty more.
"August was writing down the steps to make Jet's drugs which is why he documented everything." Shaq lets him know analyzing the entries. "So you saying niggas was trying to make the drug but fucked it up, and now the shits killing niggas. " Quez states taking the folder out of Shaq's hand.
"That shit doesn't make any sense though, how come none of us ever heard that drug was out on the streets until now?" Quez asks looking between us.
"I don't know how they manage to cover this shit up but they did," I tell them both watching Shaq stroke his goatee.
"They didn't stop them niggas though and now they back and for what reason we-
"They might be back for him." Amir finally speaks up as I turn my head seeing he's pointing towards me.
"Me?" I question him confused, "Why would they be after me Amir that doesn't make any sense. Why wouldn't they just go after me in the first place?" I was getting defensive it's bad enough I felt like all the shit that was happening was because of me! Now he's over here saying that I'm these niggas target.
"Jet, he could be on to something, I mean think about it, they used your drugs to start off their gang, so maybe it's your drugs that they are after," Shaq tells me as Amir hums in agreement .
Quez scoffs, "Why would they need to go around killing niggas and involving the Mobs? If they are only after Jet why not just take him?" I agreed with Quez it just didn't make any sense that if it was me this gang was after why involve the lives of others?
"If that's the case then what about Dimitri, huh? He tried to kill us Amir, and if he was affiliated with Nosotris then why would he try and kill me," I ask both of them and it's quiet for a moment and I relish in the fact that I might of made a point until I hear Amir say.
"It's simple really," Amir says peaking into my thoughts as he continues, " Killing you wasn't his original plan, and maybe I was the one he was trying to kill, which is why he waited until those three left." I look at him still confused as I say, "But why would Nosotris even involve Gorilla Mob?"
"Maybe because of the treaty, and of August and Maverick relationship. See they're like lost puppies waiting for our every move, just as they did to those two. You realize they only attack after we make a move, and it's only a bad moves we've been making, and that's what's giving them leverage," He tells me and to be honest it started to become clearer though I still didn't want to believe that they were after me, cause if they were, then why?
More importantly who would they try to hurt next in order to have me?
"We can't deal with them until we deal with the rats in our gangs first though, we took out one, but there is one in yours Amir. Have you thought who that nigga should be yet?" Quez asks Amir who kisses his teeth, tilting his head.
"There's only one recent nigga to join my gang, and I've had my suspicions, but he hadn't done anything so I brushed it off." Amir tells us letting his injure leg fall to the floor softly, as he kneels forward. His eyes illuminate under the dim living room light, as he tells us, "His name is Rhazi."
Quez
Somebody tell this nigga to say Sike right now? There's no way Rhazi was a traitor. He told me he been apart of the Mobs ever since he was young. I tried my best to hide the shock expression on my face. I didn't want to give out any hints that I knew this guy.
"Rhazi?" I hear Shaq mumble under his breath and I look over towards him, somehow he said it as though he heard the name before. I guess he feels my eyes on him cause he gives me a side eye. An expression on his face that was unreadable, as he speaks to Amir, "How long ago did this nigga join your gang?"
Shaq was now looking towards Amir waiting on him to answer, "Around three weeks ago. To be honest I didn't know until he introduced himself at the trap. My lil brother introduced him into the gang."
Four weeks ago? That doesn't make any sense, because I've been dealing with Rhazi for over a year. He just joined the Mobs, that means he lied right? My head hurts as I listen some more.
"Four weeks ago? That's around the time that both Lorenzo, and Marcello were shot and killed . Not to mention the day that Marcello was killed I saw that nigga in the store, meaning he was around that area." I hear Jet tell us as Amir looks at him and I can't help but feel sick to my stomach.
If this nigga was apart of Nosotirs then everything I ever told him, he using that shit to take us down!
I bite back a sob. "Quez you okay?" I feel Shaq's hand squeeze my shoulders as I look up towards him. I fix a small smile on my face hoping he doesn't see the guilt behind it.
"I'm just trying to figure out how we can catch this nigh slipping that's all," This was a half way truth, but it was more than enough to convince them. Well just those two Shaq can always tell when I'm not being truthful.
His brown eyes narrowed and I knew I had to answer to him later on.
"We have to talk to Lorenzo, now that we know what we know he has no choice but to tell us the truth now," Jet tells us all as he reaches in his pocket pulling out his phone.
We al watch as he stand a up after making a call placing the phone to his ear. We all hear the voicemail of a woman come through the line.
"Cash call me back, I'm tryna holler at Soul before she go to bed," Jet speaks walking towards the kitchen. Leaving me and Shaq with Amir. I notice Amir staring at Jet's back as he walks away.
"How did Jet manage to get involved with you?" I ask Amir as his eyes draw back towards us. "I had a plan that backfired so now we're here," he tells us plainly. "You mean your plan included taking him out on dates," I hear Shaq question making me choke back my spit.
Amir eyes narrow as a hearty chuckle escapes his lips. The laughter was dry though as he tells Shaq, "Observing nigga, don't worry I'm not here to snatch your baby boy up anymore. I'm just trying to get this shit over with."
Amir
These two really cared about Jahmir. I observe them both and their relationship with Jet . They were truly like family, and to be honest I would be caping if that didn't make me jealous. I mean I had a brother, but we weren't all that close, in fact I only called him my brother because of Marcello. I lost my younger sister, Naylani when I was 8 and she was 3 due to neglect by my mother.
My uncle never had access or gained custody over my sister, mainly because the state didn't grant it to him. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't win the courts favor. Not even when Nay was born with drugs in her system.
That's how fucked this system was and is, because I was given over without hesitation, but I guess it's because of the literal signs of abuse that showed on my body from my mom and her sick ass boyfriend at the time.
However when it came to Nay, that woman knew how to fake motherly love for the system and Cps didn't care enough to look past the facade.
I find out she was sick when she chosen those drugs over my own sister life. When my baby sister drugged, wandered into the street where a car hit her head on, my mother was too busy stuffing her nose with powder and shooting heroine into her veins to notice.
This is probably why I grew an attachment to Soul so quickly and why I regret my actions, because I don't want to be considered in the same category as that monster.
"Why she ain't answering her phone?" I hear Pa speaking as he walks back and forth. He was still trying to get in contact with that girl. The sunlight peaks through the curtains as I look up at the clock it was 7:00am. I yawned feeling sleepiness sneak onto me, but my adrenaline wouldn't allow me to relax.
"You can't get in contact with your babysitter," I hear Quez say to Pa as Pa shakes his head no. "I told her I was going to call her sometime in the morning and let her know I was on my way over there to see her before Cash drops her off to daycare." Pa says to us before trying to call her on FaceTime.
"Hello?" A males voice comes through the phone. I stand up the wound in my leg still hurting as I walk over to Pa, "Who's this? Where's Cash at? Where my daughter?"
"This is Quavo and by Cash I think you mean Kenya," he says as I can see the frustration on Pa's face grow deeper. The sound of voices in the background ain't make it no better either.
"Who the fuck-
"Say man where Soul at?" I take the phone out Pa's hand seeing him stricken with panic as he wasted no time going to the door slipping into his slides.
Quez and Shaq were right behind him as we hear the guy say, " Kenya was found beaten and shot in her apartment yesterday night, and as for this little girl you're talking about. She wasn't there."
The door to the apartment slams close as all three of us follow in suit. I follow right behind Pa still listening to the guy.
"Kenya suffered blunt force trauma injuries and is lying unconscious at St Elizabeth emergency center. Do you guys want me to contact authorities on the missing child?" The male speaks over the phone.
Of course stupid bitch," Pa screams into the phone as we hop in the car. My leg throbs from running so much. "Look call the fucking cops will be down there in a second," I turn my attention to Pa who was banging on the wheel as we were speeding through the road.
"Why the fuck did I leave her alone?! Im such a bad father my baby is missing my baby girl is missing!" I reach over hearing his breathing picking up by minute. "Don't fucking touch me!" He screams at me picking up speed as I look in the review mirror to see Quez and Shaq right behind us.
Pa this isn't your fault," I tell him and he looks towards me. "Shut the fuck up! Whose fault is it huh? That little girl is my responsibility, no one else but mines, that's my daughter now she's missing!" He screams at me laughing through his tears as we pull into the emergency room parking lot.
We wasted no time getting out the car, running into the emergency department. Cops were already waiting by the room as we approached the door.
Jahmir
There were so many officers, my mind initially traveled to the worst thoughts. Where was my baby was she dead? Where is she? "Hello Mr Jackson, we were just about to get in contact with you, Ms Kenya has awoken and she's been in a very emotional state. We are on the case to find your daughter. We will do our best to try and find her," The detective gives me a smile of pity and sorrowfulness.
I almost fall to my knees feeling myself being caught. I couldn't speak or think as I felt my breathing getting heavier. Feeling strong arms wrap themselves around me.
"What happened?" I hear Amir rough voice as I cry into his shoulder. "Investigators went by the scene and it was an ambush. The door to the apartment was broken down, and a vicious assault and battery took place. The woman was left with lots of defensive wounds, an it seem s though whoever did this target was the child. We do know the suspect was a woman, and We were able to recover three DNA samples and one was from Kenya and the other two another from an unknown source."
Was my daughter bleeding? "I wanna speak to Cash now," I say stepping out of Amir's arms waking past the woman done talking to her. I stepped into the room as Cash slowly looked up at me tears filing her eyes as she reaches for me.
Face beaten and bruised and covered in bandages from her head to a part on her stomach she cries even harder.
I walk towards her kneeling down to give her a hug, rocking back and forth knowing it was my fault she was in this state. "Cash I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, " I tell her as she shakes her head. Her voice hoarse as she says, "I'm sorry Jet, I didn't protect her well enough I don't know where she came from! She broke in the house, with two other niggas I tried my best to fight them off but they shot at me."
She cries hard into my shoulder as I run my hands through her hair. Two niggas and one woman, I look at Amir seeing him take in all the information.
"Cash, this is selfish of me to is but I need you to recall everything what they look like to the things you heard them say to their voices if you could please," I beg her as she nods scrunching up her brows.
The lady was dark skin pretty and petite and had a sit of Brooklyn accent. The dudes with her one of them was brown-skin with some dreads, he's the one who shot me," She grabs at her head as I rub the top of it trying to so the her so she could tell me more information.
"Did they ever say names?" I questioned calmly even though on the inside I was far from calm.
"No but the woman kept repeating the same shit to Soul and it confused me cause she made it seem like she knew Soul," Cash tells me looking up at me before looking at my face.
"Souls a splitting image on you just darker so I don't know why the woman kept saying we're going to go see your real daddy."
My breath hitches and I feel myself jerk up and away from Cash.
"What? You know that woman don't you?" Cash question as I turn towards Amir. "Tyasha." I say to myself as me and Amir exit the room leaving Cash calling out my name.
"Babymother?" I turn my attention towards Amir as we run towards the car. I look around for any sign of Shaq and Quez but they weren't around anymore. "Yeah, I don't know what he's trying to prove taking my daughter and beating up on Cash but I'm about to make sure the bitch don't breath," I say towards him puling out the parking lot.
"You don't have to come, I don't want you to get involved with this. I can drop you off to your trap," I say to him and he looks at me.
We stare at each other for a while before Amir, "I wanna be there nigga. I wanna help you get her back from her hoe ass mother. I wanna save her cause I couldn't save my own."
My heart beat skips hearing him say this, though that last part left me with questions.
"What did that girl mean by Soul meeting her real daddy?" Amir questions and I grit my teeth smacking my lips.
It wasn't the first time Tyasha claimed Slick was the father of his child, but he figured she just said that shit to be spiteful.
"She always says that been claiming that since she started cheating on me for them x pills," I tell him turning down Gladys street. "You never once questioned the shit to be true," Amir asks me, "I mean if a woman says it repeatedly any man would start to believe it."
Of course when she would constantly say the shit I would get angry. I threaten for a DNA test and everything, but when Soul was born and I looked into those chocolate eyes, knowing her mama was going to turn out the way she was who was I to deny the child to live a good life. Even if it was a possibility she wasn't mine.
"I guess I just was a fool for love," I tell him halfway truth. We pull up to the parking lot of the house. The neighborhood it was in was in the deep trenches, but the house was fairly decent reminded me of the house I grew up in when I was younger.
I walk up the steps Amir behind me as I kick the door down stepping in the smell of decaying flesh hits my nose. The smell of death didn't bother me to much since I been around it most my life.
"Smell like ass, shit, garbage juice, all types of nasty in this bitch," I hear Amir says as we step in the house. I try to turn on the lights but the powers doesn't work.
"I on think they hear Pa ain't no way," Amir says trying to hold his nostrils and his eyes close. I walk down the hall with him following me. I could hear the scratch sound of a record player, as I get closer to the bed room door. The smell becoming more powerful.
I open the door and what I see doesn't surprise me but it's who I see. It was Slick tied up in a chair dead, His fleshed was decayed and maggots and flies swarmed his body. He had been tortured, stabbed, then shot a few times.
"My nostrils is burning yo," Amir says as I pull away from the scene walking towards the front room.
"Let's see if we can find anything Amir, maybe there a clue around here," I say to him hearing him cough.
"Baby whatever clue you trying to find that shit has burned away with the poison in the air," Amir says waving his hand making me chuckle.
"Come on Baby you strong," I mock him looking through the drawers. We spend some time looking around before finally coming up with nothing.
"Let's go check back in the room right quick," I say towards Amir who shakes his head at me. "I ain't going back up in there, seeing that body once was enough." He says to me and I can't help but turn around to tease.
"Aww baby don't be scared I'll protect you," I coo but he doesn't find it at all amusing. "I ain't scared nigga I just don't like seeing old dead bodies. Not since I seen my sisters and my uncles."
That caught me off guard, of course I knew about his Uncle but a sister. I'll ask about it later I nod my head walking towards the room once again.
I open the door watching rats scurry around the room as I step in walking by the dead body. I look around the room, through the draws, coming up with nothing.
I sigh to myself what a waste of time, but I couldn't help but wonder why was Slick dead? How did he die and if Tyasha knew, and if she did? Did she have something to do with it?
I almost gave up until I hear something fall. I jump because it scared me for a bit but, it was a book and it had fallen out of this dead man lap.
I pick it up dusting it off realizing it was a notebook, like a diary instead of a book.
"Appreciate it," I say before walking out of the room closing the door behind me.
I make my way back to the front noticing the front door was open as I come out of the house closing the door. Seeing Amir sitting in the car, I walk towards the vehicle getting in.
"You okay?" I question checking up on him and he nods his head, "I'm fine." I show him the notebook and he reaches for it. "What's this? It smells like ass," he scrunches up his face flipping through the pages.
"It has Journal Entries, This from ole dude?" He questions me and I shrug my shoulders. I had more questions then him, and somehow I felt more easy knowing Soul was with Tyasha not because she had her but because Tyasha knew that if she harmed a single hair on my daughters head I'll bring the wrath of hell onto her.
June 6, 2012
I met a guy today at school, he's handsome, kind, and sexy. Only thing is he doesn't have that much money, but I've never been materialistic anyway. He has yet to tell me his name hopefully I'll be able to talk to him again sometime.
"I think this might be ole girls Journals, I'm a skip through the boring stuff let's get towards the juicy stuff." Amir tells me making me roll my eyes at him.
February 14 2014
I think Jahmir is changing, he joined a gang now and now he barely talks to me. I mean he talks to me but it's always about what he wants to do with his life, and I just don't feel like he includes me in any of his plans. I don't know if we're going to last.
February 27 2019
I took a pregnancy test today, it turned out positive, but I don't know how to tell Jahmir. Plus it doesn't help that I've been hiding something from him or rather someone. I haven't been the most faithful woman, and I'm afraid to loose him.
"Pa baby she ain't deserve you this bitch a hoe," Amir says before flipping the page to read the journal entry.
November 27 2019
I had the little girl Jahmir decided to name her Soul. Such a pretty name for a beautiful girl, however he keeps trying to get in contact with me. I don't know why he wants, but it stressing me out, because I don't want him to ruin my family.
March 16, 2021
I lost everything, Jah, Soul, and myself to these drugs all because of that man. No I'm to blame I put those pills to my mouth and now I'm hooked. Jahmir turned hi back on me constantly making me feel like I'm at fault as if I don't know that already! I'm not all at fault though it's that man's fault also!
"Why does she keep mentioning that man! If this girl doesn't tell us who this man is I'm a snap," Amir says as he flips through pages until he stops.
I look at him watching his eyes narrow a he lets out a heavy sigh, "What's wrong?" I questioned.
August 16 2021
I've been in Rehab, for a couple of months now. I'm recovering quick, as soon as I get out of here I'm going back to Jahmir. I want my family back I want my little girl!
January 1 2022
It all went wrong everything went wrong he came for me! How he find me? Why does he torture me, abuse me, and then claim to love me ! He says he's the father of my child and he killed Slick! Slick didn't deserve that. He says he wants Jahmir only Jahmir! Why does he want him? Did he use me to try and get closer to Jahmir? Did I endanger Jahmir while dealing with this man?
Is it my fault?
ITS MY FAULT
ITS MY FAULT
ITS MY FAULT
ITS MY FAULT
I HATE MYSELF
I HATE YOU
I HATE YOU
I HATE YOU JAHMIR IF I WOULD'VE NEVER MET YOU!
no
I LOVE YOU JAHMIR
IM SORRY
ITS O FAULT
it's Oquil fault.
"Yo she lost it at the end," Amir states closing the journal. We sat there in silence as I tried my best to take in all the information. A lot of stuff weighed heavy on my mind, but only one word or more over the name Oquil.
Talk to me 💅🏾