Chan looked at me in shock, but I just nodded in reassurance. The bus doors opened before I could say anything more, and I took the first step down. He followed and then took over, leading us through the crowd. This time, we took our time with the fans. I was charismatic and kind. Chan stopped to talk and take selfies with them. Some fans asked to include me, so I smiled and played the part.
We had to be 100% perfect for JYP. The fan walk took five times as long as usual. When we got inside, my phone chimed. Fans had already recognized my sweater, and I showed the tweets to Chan. He smiled softly, but it faded as he walked us forward towards the stage for soundcheck. JYP wasn't there though.
Chan and the others readied themselves to do their mic checks and headed out onto the stage. I waited in the wings, scanning the arena for JYP who I was sure must be seated somewhere.
"You must be Ella."
I nearly jumped as I turned around. JYP was standing so close to me that my skin crawled. I wanted to shout criticisms at him for what he'd done and forced them to do. But that wasn't how we'd win. It wasn't how I'd get to stay.
I held my hand out to him. "Yes, that's me." I managed the most genuine smile I could muster, "It's a pleasure to meet you."
"It's such a shame that Chris didn't give me the chance to introduce myself sooner. I would hate for you to think I've been neglecting to do so on purpose."
"Chan," I emphasized, seizing the opportunity to best him in something, "has been quite busy with the tour. I'm sure he didn't mean to wait so long."
He noticed. His nostrils flared as he attempted to hide his discontent at my power play.
"How was your flight," I asked sweetly.
"It was great, thank you for asking."
"Of course," I gleamed. I was being perfectly polite. I stood tall and with confidence. I looked out to the stage. Chan had noticed us. He was making his way over quickly but without seeming rushed. He even stopped to hand his mic to Han.
I reached for his hand once I was close enough. I needed the comfortability of him.
"JYP," Chan bowed. "How was your flight?"
"It went well, thank you," he turned to look at me, "I was just getting to know Ella."
"I see that," Chan squeezed my hand. I could tell he was nervous.
"I think the three of us should have a chat."
Without waiting for a response, he started off down the hallway. Chan and I followed after him, and I glanced back to see the others huddled at the stage entrance. They whispered among each other as we disappeared from view. Lee Know gave us a thumbs up, wishing us luck.
He led us to a modest dressing room that was not unlike the others I'd been in. Chan and I sat on fold-out chairs across from him. JYP had his legs crossed to support a large binder that he had on his lap.
Chan and I remained united with our hands together. It was a non-verbal "fuck you" to JYP.
"How did you two meet?" he asked. I figured it would've been all over the media.
"The fan service," Chan answered. "She won but ran out on me, leaving her phone behind."
JYP turned to me in surprise. "You ran out on him? Was he not who you chose?"
"He was..." I began.
"Is it not every fan's wish to have a date with their bias?"
"I guess it could be most people's but..."
He interrupted me again. "Were you too nervous then?"
"No, I..."
"Did you get sick?" he cut me off for the third time.
"No."
"Were you..."
"I left," I interrupted him this time, "because I simply didn't want to be there."
JYP cocked an eyebrow at me. "And her aversion to you, that's why you pursued her?" he asked Chan.
"No, I actually was pretty frustrated and ran after her out of the hotel," Chan replied. I noticed JYP hadn't cut him off. "But she left her phone, so Felix invited her to the Boston show to retrieve it."
"Ahh. And that's when you began, whatever this is." JYP indicated between us.
"I actually saw her from the stage during one of our songs. I think it was then that I fell for her."
I recalled the Red Lights performance that night. I'd felt something, too. It was nice to have validation that it hadn't been one-sided even back then.
"Well," JYP sighed. "You sure have made a mess for me."
"I just wanted to be with her," Chan pleaded.
"I see that," JYP eyed the bracelet on my wrist. "And this has nothing to do with getting out of your idol duties, like the fan service?"
I stiffened, and Chan shook his head and mumbled a quick, "No."
"Then since the fans seem to be warming up to her, you two may continue to date." I breathed a sigh of relief. "I'd prefer if she lost a few pounds, but since she's not employed by me, there's nothing I can do about that."
I sucked in my stomach, suddenly feeling very self-conscious. Chan squeezed my hand, "I think she's perfect as is."
JYP ignored him and continued, speaking only to Chan but informing him about me, "We did a background check on Ella, there's nothing that could cause any major scandals. Her parents are quiet people in Mississippi who rarely post anything online besides recipes and vacation photos. Her grandparents have passed away. We did find in her college records that she graduated early. Very impressive," he complimented. It felt strange to receive praise from him. Even weirder that he had gotten access to so much information about me.
"Thank you," I smiled.
"There was a report turned into your school about an on-campus rape that you were the victim of. I assume that was taken care of."
My stomach churned, and I wanted to throw up. I could feel the blood rush from my face. I tried to speak but nothing came out.
"Yep, it's been handled," Chan answered for me. His voice was calm. I didn't risk a glance at him. I should've told him everything before JYP had the chance. I didn't know it was going to come up.
"And the police report for the other one a few years later? Says here the guy served three months," he ran his finger across the page and looked up at me with a smirk. "Is he going to be a problem?"
"No," I answered him. He'd known what he was doing. He'd known I wouldn't have shared this information with Chan yet.
"Okay then. Welcome to the family," he smiled heinously. We shook hands with him, and he headed back to the rest of the group.
Chan closed the door once JYP was out of sight and embraced me right away. I hid my face in his chest and cried. I was ashamed and embarrassed. I didn't know if he would feel mad or lied to but I needed the consolation before I risked looking at his face to find out.
"I'm so sorry," I cried.
"You're sorry?" he asked. "No, Ella. I'm sorry." He kissed my forehead and held me tighter. "Are you okay?"
"Shouldn't we be happy right now?" I looked up at him. He wiped my makeup that had smudged under my eyes. "We got what we wanted."
"I'll be happy once I know you're okay."
I took a deep, staggered breath. "I'm okay."
"Then yes, I'm happy that you get to stay." He hugged me again. "Care to tell me what you meant on the bus about wanting more?"
I laughed through my tears. "Don't you have questions about what you just heard?"
Chan shook his head, "If you'd wanted me to know, you would've told me. And when you want me to know, I'm sure that you will."
His trust in me made me feel so safe. So warm. It was all I'd ever wanted to feel with someone.
"Thank you," I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him.
"Please tell me what you meant, Ella. It's been eating at me the entire conversation."
"I don't know, maybe I changed my mind," I teased.
He groaned dramatically at my vagueness.
"Please tell me," he begged.
I held his face and pulled him close. "I want to try dating you," I confessed with a kiss.