Saturday October 21, 9:29
As the morning sunlight brightens my room, I open my eyes dizzily. A strange feeling immediately tightens my stomach and the memory of last night's revelation rushes back. My latest crush turned out to be my stepsister? What are the chances?
I drag myself out of bed and stumble downstairs to the kitchen. I enter to find my mother busy preparing bacon and eggs for breakfast. "Good morning," she greets me, to which I tiredly reply before sitting down at the table. It's evident that my sleep was far from restful. "How was your evening?" my mother inquires curiously as she serves a portion of bacon and eggs. Hesitantly, I consider whether to share the news or not. "Well, I went for a drink at Bar Brul with some new friends," I begin, adding a hint of mystery. "There was someone special there too," I continue, trying to pique her interest. My mother looks at me with a questioning gaze. "Who?" she asks. Meeting her gaze, I respond, "Anaïs Davis." A hint of frustration lingers within me. Why does this kind of situations always have to happen to me? My mother, in the middle of taking a sip of coffee, chokes as she processes the information. "You met Anaïs?!" she asks for confirmation. I nod. "And do you like her?" she asks curiously. If only she knew... I nod again, keeping my response brief.
After breakfast, I go to my room to work on my new tracks. As I climb the stairs, I hear my mother calling Samuel to tell him the surprising news. They come up with the idea of all of us having lunch together tomorrow at the Davis' family home. I don't really know how to feel, in one way it gives me the opportunity to get to know Anaïs better, but on the other hand the whole situation is just so fucked up.
Sunday October 22, 12:35
It is a bright Sunday noon when my mother and I arrive at the home of Samuel and Anaïs. The sun casts a warm glow on the front of the house as my mother rings the doorbell. Moments later, Samuel swings open the door and greets us with a welcoming smile. "Hi, Anne-Marie and Bobbie. Come in and make yourselves at home," Samuel says as he leads us inside. While my mother openly admires the house, I decide to explore further and head into the living room. As I look around, I get a strange feeling of being watched. I look up and there she is... Anaïs is standing at the top of the stairs, looking at me. A spontaneous smile plays on my lips at the sight of her. She looks stunning, as always.
As my mother and Samuel team up in the kitchen, preparing lunch, I find myself in the living room with Anaïs. When she kindly hands me a glass of water, I thank her with a simple "Thanks". She settles beside me on the couch, but she is clearly not much in the mood for a conversation.
I decide to break the silence anyway, and raise my glass in a toast. "To unexpected meetings," I say with a hopeful grin. However, Anaïs remains resolute, refusing to join in. Her facial expression leaves no room for doubt, this is a clear no. All I can do is try, I think to myself. I take a sip of water to hide my disappointment, then pretend to be busy with my phone. But I'm really wondering what I can do to get in touch with Anaïs. She clearly doesn't like me, but 'giving up' is not in my vocabulary.
As if the situation wasn't bad enough, we suddenly hear our parents - who seem to be sharing a moment - giggling from the kitchen. Anaïs and I exchange glances, our expressions are a mixture of discomfort and disbelief. The realisation that my mother might find happiness in the company of someone other than my father is a bitter pill to swallow. I sense a similar struggle within Anaïs. Needing a moment of distraction, I divert my attention by exploring the room more intensely.
As I explore the room, a framed picture with a little girl holding a microphone catches my eye, a striking resemblance to Anaïs. Unable to control my curiosity, I start giggling and point to the picture, asking, "Is that you?". Anaïs confirms, "Yes, it is. What about it?" There's a defensive tone in her response, as if she's preparing for judgment. A spontaneous grin crosses my face. "So cute!" I remark, attempting to lighten the mood. Eager to engage her further, I inquire, "Do you sing?" Even though I already know from Hanne that she can sing very well, this is the perfect time to bring up the subject. "Not really anymore, but sometimes," she replies. Although I managed to get some words out of her, the enthusiasm I was hoping for remains absent, leaving me with the feeling that bonding with Anaïs will require much more time.
As I continue my exploration of the room, a book casually left on a book shelve catches my eye. "Yours?" I inquire, trying to strike up another conversation. "No, my father's. Definitely not my mother's. She didn't leave anything behind. Even all the cutlery she took with her," Anaïs responds with a tone that carries a hint of longing for understanding. I nod in empathy, expressing interest I say: "Cutlery? All the cutlery?". "We had to eat with Chinese chopsticks for a few days in the beginning," she reveals, and I can't help but burst into laughter. "I'm glad you can laugh about it," Anaïs remarks as I return to the couch beside her. Before we can delve deeper into the conversation, we are interrupted by her mobile phone with a sudden notification. Simultaneously, we hear kissing sounds emanating from the kitchen, and the atmosphere becomes increasingly awkward. I really can't handle this, so I decide to leave. "Bon, I'm really not in the mood for this. You'll think of an excuse?" I declare, standing up and indicating my readiness to leave. "What?" Anaïs asks, clearly shocked. "Or do you want to stay at this lovey-dovey party?" I add ironically. Anaïs tries to persuade me to stay, but I interrupt her and say, "There's no way those two are going to miss us. You'll think of something, ciao" and with that, I exit the room.
Sunday October 22, 15:21
As I walk along the banks of the Schelde on Linkeroever, I hear birds whistling and water flowing. This familiar environment brings me peace. After my father's death, he was scattered in the Schelde. Walking around here makes me feel close to him.
Lost in my thoughts, I light a joint. As I smoke it, I check my phone. I am shocked when I see nine missed calls from my mother. I press her phone number and expect to hear a raging voice. "Bobbie, where the hell are you? I've been calling you constantly! Why did you leave? That's rude huh! When are you going to learn to behave?", my mother answers the phone. And here we go again. My mother really doesn't trust me anymore since I screwed up a while ago. I take a deep breath and try to find the right words to explain my escape, "Mum, I needed some time alone. I'm at the Schelde, I'll be home soon," There is a moment of silence on the other end of the line. She probably realises now that I just couldn't handle seeing her and Samuel together. My mother's tone softens, "Oh, I understand. I only wish you had told me. We were worried to death," I hear guilt in her voice. "I'm sorry, Mum, don't worry, I'll come back right away," I say. Dropping off the phone, I finish smoking my joint and then leave for home.
Monday October 23, 10:13
I berate myself. Once again, my tendency to procrastinate has led me to neglect my homework. In a rush to save the situation, I struggle with the quadratic equations for my maths assignment on the playground.
In the midst of the calculations, my attention is distracted by the conversation of Hanne, Ada and Anaïs taking place a little further away. Judging by Anaïs' reaction, I know she is venting frustrations about me. A little later, when Finn walks past the group, I notice a suspicious exchange of glances between Finn and Anaïs. I feel a sense of disappointment and jealousy. I wish Anaïs looked at me that way, showing more interest.
Although I feel the need to find out if there is going on more between them, that investigation will have to wait for a little while. Right now, my primary focus is finishing my three-page homework assignment within the next two minutes.
Tuesday October 24, 9:11
As I walk the familiar path to school, I notice Mila crossing the street in my direction. "Hey, Bobbie!" Mila's enthusiastic greeting echoes through the air. I wait to continue walking until she reaches me. "How are you?" she asks. "Good, and you?" I reply. "Everything's fine! So, I came across your TikTok profile yesterday. Really cool what you're doing," Mila compliments me with a genuine smile. I blink in surprise, but feel a sense of honor. "Oh, really? Thanks," I reply, trying to keep a nonchalant tone. Mila continues, "By the way, I saw that you were the DJ at the party I went to with the gang last week. What a coincidence". I act clueless, as if I did not already know this information. "Really? You were there?" I ask. "'Yeah, it was really good. The new Charlotte de Witte, I would say," Mila adds, her expression reflecting her appreciation for the music. A broad smile spreads across my face. Mila's unexpected compliment brightened my morning. It feels good to have a supportive friend.
While Mila tells another funny anecdote from the party, we walk through the school gates. Not far away, Hanne and Anaïs are waiting for us and the others. As soon as we join them, Hanne immediately jumps into the conversation and asks Mila about the chlamydia situation. Mila seems a little annoyed that the subject has already been brought up. While Mila and Hanne are talking, I can't help but check on Anaïs. We haven't spoken since Sunday, and she still seems a little pissed off.
When Mila mentions that she's still having trouble urinating, I'm worried. "How long has it been?" I ask. "About a week," she answers, "maybe a bit longer." Hanne, Anaïs and I share a collective worry. "That's not good," Hanne remarks. "I think it could be a false alarm; chlamydia usually shows symptoms much later," Mila defends herself. "Yes, okay, but you can also get other things," Anaïs rightly points out. Mila looks surprised, "Really?" she asks. "Of course, it's real," Hanne states as if it's a no-brainer. "But why didn't you use a condom?" Anaïs asks. "Yes, Anaïs, rub it in, neither of us had one, OK? Yeah, it's pretty stupid," Mila replies. Her disappointment with herself is very visible. Trying to offer some comfort, I say, "It's not your fault. Condoms have an image problem, they are seen as unsexy fiddling." Everyone agrees. Hanne cannot resist lightening the conversation with a joke. She teases: "You need practice, that's why it's important to have lots of sex". "Says the one with all the experience," Anaïs laughs ironically. "Says the one who knows," Hanne replies in self-defence, suggesting that Anaïs may also lack some experience.
Anaïs seems a little uncomfortable with Hanne's response. I have to admit that I find her reaction quite cute. However, my thoughts are quickly interrupted by Mila, who self-reproaches: "Sexy or not, I should have had a condom". "That's nonsense, the guy could have had one too," I offer supportively. Mila isn't the only one responsible for this situation; it takes two to tango. "Have you ever done it without a condom?" Mila asks. I take a moment to consider my answer. Although I'm not proud of it, admitting it might show Mila that she's not alone. "Yes, once. I let someone convince me, but afterwards I was really angry with myself," Mila seems to completely understand.
"Anger is good, but saying no is better!" Hanne summarises, adding: "If it's without a condom". We encourage Mila to take the STI test. "We don't want a ChlaMila," Hanne jokes. We burst out laughing. "Way too soon, Hanne" Mila says, finding the joke a little less amusing.
Wednesday October 25, 10:13
On the way to my locker, I spot Otis, Mila, Hanne and Anaïs chatting in the hallway. I decide to join them for a moment. As I approach the group, Otis greets me with a warm smile, he tells me that Mila is hesitant about having an STI test, Hanne jumps in to assure Mila that it is a routine procedure for doctors and says, "Guys, doctors do STI tests all the time, so it's really fine." Mila, however, worries that the test will be permanently recorded in her medical history and that her parents will see it, "Yeah, okay, but it will be in my medical record forever," she defends her concerns. Eager to help, I suggest: "You can have it done anonymously." Mila and Hanne exchange surprised glances. "Really?", Mila asks. "Yes, at a testing centre. Wait, I'll send you a link." I say, taking my phone out of my pocket. "That's great Bobbie, you're a hero," Mila replies full of gratitude. I ask for Mila's number to forward the link. As I forward the link, I also politely offer to accompany her to the test centre.
As Mila praises me as a hero, I see in my peripheral vision that Anaïs is leaving. I feel a stab of disappointment; it seems I have missed all chances to connect with her. Deep down, I just want to get to know Anaïs more personally. Yet, winning her trust proves to be a challenging task. Determined not to be discouraged by this setback, I remind myself that perseverance is the key. Anaïs may be unreachable now, but I refuse to give up. I believe that with time and effort, I can break down the walls she has built. The challenge only fuels my drive to win Anaïs over.
Wednesday October 25, 12:46
Wednesday afternoon, school is done for the day. Mila has invited me to the coffee bar to join the group for lunch. The smell of freshly brewed coffee welcomes me as I enter the bar. I see Otis and Mila already seated at the table, I greet them. I notice that Anaïs is still standing at the counter, clearly struggling to decide what to order. Approaching her, I inquire, "Indecisive much?" as I put my hand on her shoulder. Anaïs reacts defensively to my comment and replies with a strict "Excuse me?". "Yes, you and these buns," I explain. "No, I know what I want," Anaïs denies. But she doesn't specify her choice, which makes me pretty sure it was a little white lie. "Yes, me too. The chocolate ones, twice," I decide for Anaïs, while Hanne, who is working at the coffee bar, overhears the order. "Oh, those are really delicious," Hanne replies spontaneously. I smirk, at least someone is enthusiastic. I notice that Anaïs looks much less pleased. "Not good?" I confront her. "Oh, it's fine," she says, shrugging her shoulders. She pretends not to care that she didn't have a choice.
Now that the order has been placed, it's my moment to find out if there's anything going on between Anaïs and Finn. "So how's it going at the sandwich bar? Does it pay well?" I ask, trying to start a conversation. "You won't get rich doing it. And there are risks if you're not careful," she says, showing me her hand with the patch on her finger. While I laugh at the remark, Hanne hands us the sandwiches. "It's nice that Finn got you this job. He seems like a nice guy. Not bad looking either," I say, analysing Anaïs' reaction as best I can. "Oh, okay," Anaïs replies with a grin. She seems surprised by my words, but she doesn't seem to mind. "What? Do you want him for yourself?" I ask, trying to get another reaction. "Yeah right, well, it's been a while since things ended with Ada, so he's available," Anaïs tells. I think I can conclude that there's nothing going on between Finn and Anaïs, what a relief. "Oh my God, I'm glad you told me, I'll text him right away," I joke with an ironic tone. Anaïs laughs along with me. Did I just make Anaïs smile? Well... perseverance really does pay off!
Anaïs and I take our seats next to Otis and Mila and eat our sandwiches. The situation quickly becomes awkward when Mila notices the chlamydia guy. He's about to leave and walks past our table. All he can manage to say is a simple "hey". I quickly get annoyed at this rude behaviour and say to him, "Is that all? Maybe you could apologise? And promise to take responsibility next time?" When the guy's friend opens the door of the coffee bar, the guy looks at us in embarrassment. As he goes through the door, I quickly call after him, "There are YouTube tutorials on how to use condoms, you know." Anaïs, Otis and Mila burst out laughing. "Did you see his face?" Mila says, still laughing. Otis thinks it's crazy that I dared to say it, but this guy didn't deserve any better, so I just had to.
Thursday October 26, 16:24
After school I walk home, I missed my bus for the second time this week, really shitty. A little further on I see Anaïs walking, she probably missed her bus too. I decide to join her and speed up my pace to catch up with her. She is on the phone with her mother, who cannot pick her up, and this seems to frustrate her immensely. With a deep sigh, she hangs up. "Missed the bus too?" I ask. She blinks in confirmation. "Stupid driver," I say softly, slightly irritated. "Stupid driver, stupid everything," Anaïs replies in frustration. I grin, "But hé, if you hate the bus so much, why don't you just cycle?" The solution to not taking the bus seems obvious. "My bike was stolen," Anaïs explains disappointed. "Ouch, that sucks," I respond understandingly. "Yeah, but it's like it's the week of mysterious disappearances or something," Anaïs snarks, referring to my disappearance on Sunday. "Auwtch," I say, surprised at her statement."
"Well, honestly, hilarious. I really wish I could have seen my mother's face," I say, chuckling. "That is so not funny," she replies. I roll my eyes in amusement. I find it at least a little funny. "I sat there, your mother angry and my father disappointed. It was just freaking awkward," Anaïs continues. She is clearly not over the situation yet. I burst out laughing. "Yes, sorry, I should be the one who is angry with my mother. Three months ago it was 'from now on it's you and me, Bobbie' and then she meets your father and all reasonableness goes out the window. Soon she will want to move in together. I know how it goes," I explain my frustrations. Anaïs is puzzled, "Really?", referring to the part about living together. "Yes, every time," I confirm, "so if your father starts talking about cohabitation, shut it down right away," I add as advice. "Because imagine the two of us in one room," I tease. I know she wouldn't want that; she's made that clear enough.
"Then you will have to write your songs in the basement," she replies. Wait, how does she know about my songs? "Have you seen those TikToks?" I ask, looking for an explanation. Anaïs' facial expression changes immediately. Clearly, she didn't want me to know. "Otis sent them to me," she covers quickly. I nod, "Hmm," Anaïs taking the time to look at my TikToks is a good sign, right? Maybe she's more interested in getting to know me than she is showing? "Actually, it's still pretty cool what you're doing, with those vocal loops and stuff," Anaïs compliments me. "It's just a bit of fiddling," I say modestly.
Suddenly, Anaïs stops walking and stares at a cyclist passing by. "Damn, for a moment I thought that was my bike. I miss my bike so much." You know, if that girl wants a bike so badly, I'll help her a little. "Are you sure that's not your bike?" I say as I grab a random bike from the bike rack on the side of the street. "No, that's not mine," she says. "But yes, it is. Watch out," I say as I pull the bike backwards. Anaïs looks at me in disbelief: "What are you doing?" When I break the lock, she exclaims overwhelmed: "What the hell, Bobbie, did you hit your head?" She seems a little angry. I find her reaction quite funny. "It's yours now," I say smirking as I try to hand her the bike. "No, I'm not taking that. Just put it back. I mean it," she absolutely refuses. Clearly a girl with principles. One of my favourite kinds. However, I have no intention of obediently putting the bike back, that seems a bit boring. So I decide to take the bike myself. "Okay, then. See you tomorrow," I say as I jump on the bike and ride home.
Friday October 27, 20:15
Leaning against an advertising pole outside Bar Brul, I enjoy a quiet moment with a joint, the smoke curling in the fresh evening air. Although the rest of the gang is already inside, I stay outside waiting for Anaïs. I think back to the argument I had with my mother earlier. 'I thought a change of environment would help, but you seem to be stuck in old habits' my mother had said when she had noticed the stolen bike. Her words haunt my mind, I have once again broken trust.
I don't have much time to think as I see Anaïs approaching in my peripheral vision. I extinguish my joint and greet her. "Make sure to lock your new bike properly," Anaïs says as she looks down at the bike. I burst out laughing. It's strange that I can accept such comments from Anaïs, but when my mother says the same thing, I get angry and defensive. "That's life, right? Take it or be taken," I reply a little defiantly. "I really couldn't sleep from it," Anaïs admits. I'm taken aback. That's definitely not the intention. "Seriously?" I ask in confirmation. Anaïs nods and I say, "Okay, sorry about that. I just wanted to help". "Thanks, but tomorrow I'll just go to the thrift shop like normal people with a moral compass," Anaïs says teasingly. She is clearly trying to make me realise I was wrong. Another person. "Alright, you win. You're a better person than me," I say as we approach the door. "After you," I add, extending my arm to indicate that she can go in first.
When we enter the bar and take our seats, Mila is telling us the details of her STD test. Hanne can't resist making the conversation awkward by listing every possible synonym for the word 'vagina'. I chuckle. Typical Hanne. Otis changes the subject by asking about Mila's medication: "And what is that?". "It's something for a urinary tract infection. Apparently it works really well," Mila explains as she drops an effervescent tablet into her glass of water. "And now I have to wait a week for the results." She takes a sip. Judging by her facial expression, it does not seem to be a tasty product. "I'm not allowed to have unprotected sex either," she continues. "Of course, slettenbak," Hanne says with a wink.
Mila seems to find the joke a little inappropriate, but Otis finds it amusing. "It's a joke, we don't do slut-shaming," Hanne explains to me. I nod. "Except for that girl Miro hooked up with," Mila remarks. "Well, she was just dark," Otis adds. "Miro?" I ask myself. I've never heard that name before. "Her ex, that was really painful," Anaïs explains. "I'm over it though," Mila says. "Basically, we're all happy singles," she notes. "Except Hanne," Anaïs says teasingly, "She's frustrated." I can't help but laugh, although she doesn't deny it.
"And you, Otis, happy or frustrated?" asks Mila. "Yes, frustrated that there are no last-minute holiday cottages," he replies. Despite not being entirely on board with the need for a holiday cottage, I listen on. "No mid-week trips, no freaking birthday parties," Hanne says, "Just a dead boring November 1st," she jokes, "Get it? Dead boring, November 1st..." She is really proud of her joke. Although I have my reasons for not finding it so funny. November 1st is the day I lost my father. When Hanne mentions the date, I realise it has been almost two years. I hesitate if I should share it with the group or not, but I feel like I should. "1st November is the day my father passed away," I say.
Everyone reacts a little shocked. Hanne immediately apologises, even though there is no need. Mila squeezes my hand briefly to comfort me. It gets quiet at the table. No one knows how to revive the conversation, so I take up the task. "Can't you have the party at someone else's place?" I suggest. "No, no one is home alone," Hanne says. Suddenly I remember that my mother is going away with Anaïs' father for a few days next week. "Wait, Anaïs, isn't your dad away with my mum from Monday to Wednesday or something?", I ask but actually I remember it well, because I have been mad about it. The fact that my mother is going on a trip with Samuel right around November 1st, which is my father's memorial, made me angry. "Oh, really? Who says that?", Hanne immediately jumps in enthusiastically. "My mother, that has been planned for a while, hasn't it?", I look at Anaïs questioningly. Anaïs was clearly aware of this, but she doesn't seem to want the party to take place at her house. "Oh, a birthday party at Anaïs'," says Hanne super excitedly. Anaïs looks at me with a 'Did you really have to tell?' expression. I immediately regret saying it. If I had known she would have a problem with it, I wouldn't have brought it up. Fortunately, the group's excitement helps Anaïs smile again. Maybe it's not so bad after all.